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Sexless marriages - Is it ok to cheat? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 10:17:38 AM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
LittleBambi wrote:
'Split amicably'? Do you live in a different world to the one I do?

Yes, some people manage it but the reality is *most don't*. If you know your partner will not 'split amicably' then what do you do??


Clearly the answer is to stay in a miserable marriage, keep fighting and being passive-aggressve with your "evil" spouse, and fucking around with your mistresses while trying to hide the evidence. That sets a far better example for the kids. At least they won't be the product of divorce... just of two immature, angry parents who eventually sleep in separate bedrooms. geek

Again... "amicable" divorce is what you make of it and how you handle it. I'd rather risk a non-amicable divorce than endure a non-amicable marriage.

Kids learn about marriage, love, responsibility and manipulation from their primary family unit. And yes, it will scar them for future relationships to have to watch the circus dynamics of a miserable cheating family household while growing up. I'd rather take my lumps in a divorce. Once things settle, two people that didn't cheat/violate trust are usually able to come around to some kind of understanding in raising the kids separately but intelligently. If not, then it seems you didn't pick your spouse very wisely.

Running the risk of getting caught cheating by an already angry spouse? Heh. That's like playing russian roulette with a potential split. It's just not something I'd want to leave to chance.

Oh but I forgot... "smart" people don't get caught cheating. 588-rolleyes





You know, you can state your opinions and make your points without resorting to childish taunts 'Oh but I forgot... "smart" people don't get caught cheating.'

'Once things settle'....it doesn't settle in a matter of days or weeks, it can take years, and, by that time the kids are not only going to have had to be involved in years of spats, but will also, obviously, be a few years older...and kids, don't stay kids for very long.

You appear to be twisting my words intentionally or not 'Clearly the answer is to stay in a miserable marriage, keep fighting and being passive-aggressve with your "evil" spouse, and fucking around with your mistresses while trying to hide the evidence. That sets a far better example for the kids. At least they won't be the product of divorce... just of two immature, angry parents who eventually sleep in separate bedrooms'

...I believe what I actually said was that if parents are able to cope in a marriage then it would be more beneficial for their children (who they should consider to be more important then themselves...and if they don't consider that to be the case then why on earth did they have kids?) to remain in said marriage.

Amicable divorces are rare things, it isn't a case of having a 50/50 chance.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 10:38:54 AM

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LittleBambi wrote:



You know, you can state your opinions and make your points without resorting to childish taunts 'Oh but I forgot... "smart" people don't get caught cheating.'

'Once things settle'....it doesn't settle in a matter of days or weeks, it can take years, and, by that time the kids are not only going to have had to be involved in years of spats, but will also, obviously, be a few years older...and kids, don't stay kids for very long.

You appear to be twisting my words intentionally or not 'Clearly the answer is to stay in a miserable marriage, keep fighting and being passive-aggressve with your "evil" spouse, and fucking around with your mistresses while trying to hide the evidence. That sets a far better example for the kids. At least they won't be the product of divorce... just of two immature, angry parents who eventually sleep in separate bedrooms'

...I believe what I actually said was that if parents are able to cope in a marriage then it would be more beneficial for their children (who they should consider to be more important then themselves...and if they don't consider that to be the case then why on earth did they have kids?) to remain in said marriage.

Amicable divorces are rare things, it isn't a case of having a 50/50 chance.


I wasn't taunting you. I was making a general statement. Obviously I have hit a raw nerve with you. I assume that most people that cheat think that they are being "smart" about covering their tracks and yet most of the time the infidelity is uncovered or the spouse turns the other way but still knows its going on and it festers and makes the relationship worse. People get caught... all the time. Is that a statistic that is in dispute?

I think if two people want to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of their children (I can't believe I'm even making that statement since the concept of it is so outdated), then why not work on the marriage, go to marital counselling, or hey.. I'm even in favour of two people sitting down, discussing the situation and agreeing to a co-parenting roommate situation where they both are free to seek sex/romance outside the marriage, but stay together for parenting/financial reasons.

That may sound like a crazy idea, but so is the idea that cheating and enduring decades of unhappiness is a better choice for themselves, or for their children.

I just don't understand the concept of an unhappy marriage creating happy children. I have yet to see any examples of this in the real world. As well, it's a heavy burden of guilt for the kids to bear later in life when they realize that their parents stuck it out 'for them' like martyrs and made themselves miserable in the process.

FYI. The non-amicable, permanently hostile divorces that I have seen go down are the ones where one (or both) spouses were cheating.



lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 11:01:16 AM

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There are sometimes just too many emotions involved for two people to work things out on a co=parenting roommate theme. The concept of staying in a marriage for the children may seem outdated, but it is still alive and well.
When we discuss bad marriage in this context, I'm not referring to the kind of marriage where both spouses are having knock down/drag out fights all day everyday. A bad marriage where two people have grown apart doesn't mean that both are living a totally miserable existence. Many marriages are beyond repair but are still able to run like a fine oiled machine.

Sometimes one spouse is unwilling to go to counseling. Also, just because a couple goes to counseling doesn't mean that anything will change. Old habits die hard. And I know PLENTY of happy people who came from unhappy parents. That is a very broad generalization.

Again, it's not about being martyrs. In the 50's divorce was rare. Why? Because women chose to stay in marriage to assholes rather than lose everything. They were usually housewives and had little recourse and the courts were often skewed in the favor of the husbands. So, many wives dealt with it to stay with their kids. All I'm saying is that any divorce should be viewed upon equally and fairly without any preconceived notions. I know I have no chance of getting custody if I get divorced. And yes, I'd suffer a lifetime of misery if it meant I could stay with my kids and raise them to be good people.

And I've seen many non-amicable divorces that had nothing to do with cheating. One or both party sees divorce as a way to punish the other for whatever slight was perceived.







When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 11:50:01 AM

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lafayettemister wrote:
There are sometimes just too many emotions involved for two people to work things out on a co=parenting roommate theme. The concept of staying in a marriage for the children may seem outdated, but it is still alive and well.
When we discuss bad marriage in this context, I'm not referring to the kind of marriage where both spouses are having knock down/drag out fights all day everyday. A bad marriage where two people have grown apart doesn't mean that both are living a totally miserable existence. Many marriages are beyond repair but are still able to run like a fine oiled machine.

Sometimes one spouse is unwilling to go to counseling. Also, just because a couple goes to counseling doesn't mean that anything will change. Old habits die hard. And I know PLENTY of happy people who came from unhappy parents. That is a very broad generalization.

Again, it's not about being martyrs. In the 50's divorce was rare. Why? Because women chose to stay in marriage to assholes rather than lose everything. They were usually housewives and had little recourse and the courts were often skewed in the favor of the husbands. So, many wives dealt with it to stay with their kids. All I'm saying is that any divorce should be viewed upon equally and fairly without any preconceived notions. I know I have no chance of getting custody if I get divorced. And yes, I'd suffer a lifetime of misery if it meant I could stay with my kids and raise them to be good people.

And I've seen many non-amicable divorces that had nothing to do with cheating. One or both party sees divorce as a way to punish the other for whatever slight was perceived.



I've seen far more amicable divorces than hostile (personally) in cases where cheating was not a factor.
Betrayal, on the other hand, is a difficult thing to fully overcome.
I've seen many marriages where there was no knock-down drag out fights but two unhappy people staying together. An affair on the side is often the last straw to cause a spouse to become totally unglued. In the case of one my friends recently, the betrayal and anger tipped her over the edge and she chose to end her life, leaving behind a toddler and a 10 month old. Had he handled it maturely and said "it's just not working out between us, we've grown apart... etc" instead of playing her for a fool, it might have been a different story.
It's not the 'sticking it out' thing that is the factor. It can work like a well-oiled machine with two intelligent, mature parents that are willing to put their sex lives on hiatus. But it's the cheating/betrayal thing that usually snowballs the situation into disaster. Personally if I was in this situation, it just isn't a risk I'd be willing to take.


lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 12:02:55 PM

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Joined: 10/4/2010
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Dancing_Doll wrote:
lafayettemister wrote:
There are sometimes just too many emotions involved for two people to work things out on a co=parenting roommate theme. The concept of staying in a marriage for the children may seem outdated, but it is still alive and well.
When we discuss bad marriage in this context, I'm not referring to the kind of marriage where both spouses are having knock down/drag out fights all day everyday. A bad marriage where two people have grown apart doesn't mean that both are living a totally miserable existence. Many marriages are beyond repair but are still able to run like a fine oiled machine.

Sometimes one spouse is unwilling to go to counseling. Also, just because a couple goes to counseling doesn't mean that anything will change. Old habits die hard. And I know PLENTY of happy people who came from unhappy parents. That is a very broad generalization.

Again, it's not about being martyrs. In the 50's divorce was rare. Why? Because women chose to stay in marriage to assholes rather than lose everything. They were usually housewives and had little recourse and the courts were often skewed in the favor of the husbands. So, many wives dealt with it to stay with their kids. All I'm saying is that any divorce should be viewed upon equally and fairly without any preconceived notions. I know I have no chance of getting custody if I get divorced. And yes, I'd suffer a lifetime of misery if it meant I could stay with my kids and raise them to be good people.

And I've seen many non-amicable divorces that had nothing to do with cheating. One or both party sees divorce as a way to punish the other for whatever slight was perceived.



I've seen far more amicable divorces than hostile (personally) in cases where cheating was not a factor.
Betrayal, on the other hand, is a difficult thing to fully overcome.
I've seen many marriages where there was no knock-down drag out fights but two unhappy people staying together. An affair on the side is often the last straw to cause a spouse to become totally unglued. In the case of one my friends recently, the betrayal and anger tipped her over the edge and she chose to end her life, leaving behind a toddler and a 10 month old. Had he handled it maturely and said "it's just not working out between us, we've grown apart... etc" instead of playing her for a fool, it might have been a different story.
It's not the 'sticking it out' thing that is the factor. It can work like a well-oiled machine with two intelligent, mature parents. But it's the cheating/betrayal thing that usually snowballs the situation into disaster. Personally if I was in this situation, it just isn't a risk I'd be willing to take.


I'm very very sorry to hear that baout your friend. Losing a loved one in such a manner is hard to deal with. I've lost two friends to suicide and an uncle. Whatever unfolded between your friend and her hubby, there were other underlying issues. Many people deal with cheating spouses in other ways. I'm sure he feels incredibly guilty. As my aunt said of her husband when he took his own life, "it is teh most selfish thing he ever did".

I'm certainly not condoning cheating. My actions are my own. What I have done in my life are my responsiblity. I would never tell any of my friends that what I'm doing is the "way to go". It isn't. Infidelity is horribly disrespectful. I entered into a marriage and promised to remain faithful. I have faltered. My mere existence on Lush is cheating. I don't think it is, but she would. So, it is. I have exhausted all other avenues. And I'm left with two choices. Accept being in a sexless marriage and enjoy seeing my children grow, knowing I'll rarely get any sort of release. Cheat by enjoying the pleasures of Lush. Or, be "grown up" about it, move out of my home.. fuck like a wildman, but miss out on the development of my children. I choose to be the asshole and see my kids grow.

The end of my union is inevitable. I know and she knows it. Until that day comes, I'll be who I am now. If I knew me, I'd dislike me. So I don't blame any of you who think similarly.







When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 3:59:28 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
Dancing_Doll wrote:
LittleBambi wrote:
'Split amicably'? Do you live in a different world to the one I do?

Yes, some people manage it but the reality is *most don't*. If you know your partner will not 'split amicably' then what do you do??


Clearly the answer is to stay in a miserable marriage, keep fighting and being passive-aggressve with your "evil" spouse, and fucking around with your mistresses while trying to hide the evidence. That sets a far better example for the kids. At least they won't be the product of divorce... just of two immature, angry parents who eventually sleep in separate bedrooms. geek

Kids learn about marriage, love, responsibility and manipulation from their primary family unit. And yes, it will scar them for future relationships to have to watch the circus dynamics of a miserable cheating family household while growing up. I'd rather take my lumps in a divorce. Once things settle, two people that didn't cheat/violate trust are usually able to come around to some kind of understanding in raising the kids separately but intelligently. If not, then it seems you didn't pick your spouse very wisely.

Running the risk of getting caught cheating by an already angry spouse? Heh. That's like playing russian roulette with a potential split. It's just not something I'd want to leave to chance.

Oh but I forgot... "smart" people don't get caught cheating. 588-rolleyes



I so agree with you DD.. if you stay together in a lousy marriage for the sake of your kids alone you must think again...Kids pick up on everything.. If you think they don't pick up on things, or that you can cover up your differences, fights and cheating, you don't take them seriously. I grew up in a marriage with constant irritation,separate bedrooms, high levels of stress and I wished to god they would have gotten a divorce when I was little and were able to each built a life of their own.. instead they stayed together with all the consequences..Even though we never talked about it I knew that one of my parents cheated and I have thought that the other was doing it too...

Of course everybody tries to protect their children and keep their kids out of it.. but again raising up in a loveless/ cheating marriage is not the example/ and life you want to give your kids....

I think the real issue here is that people put their own needs in front of their children. Yes all children want their parents together but I think it is healthier for them to learn at an early age that sometimes things don't work out and that it is a person own responsibly to be happy. One can only make another person happy if he/she is happy.

Kids feel guilty if they are happy and parents are not.... I know I have felt guilty for a long long time. How I could be happy knowing that they weren't! It just didn't feel right!!..Ofcourse my parents never knew this and thought they were playing the happy couple! I think it is a wrong example to give your kids. Wouldn't you want your kids to go for the real love and happiness? How can they do that if they learned otherwise?

Of course there are pro's and cons to each situation and each marriage has their own dynamics.. But If you look at your marriage and the only binding factor left is the kids... think again before staying together.. I just want to say that staying is not "Always" the better solution!!!!
My 2 cents
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 4:19:57 PM

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I guess this is the part that I struggle with. Me leaving the marriage for whatever reason is like me saying that my kids are better off without me in their lives on a daily basis. I cannot agree to that. For me to say that me leaving would make their development better is just not something that works in my head. It is illogical to me. I try to be open minded about most issues. Being told my kids are better off seeing me 4 days a month is a bitter pill.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 4:25:36 PM

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You should be with your kids! That time that they are kids they need you to teach them to be a woman and man. I think we think about ourself so much, and think that if we do what is expediant that it is somehow best? No what is best is to be a parent to your kids. They will thank you by knowing the world as you teach it to them.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 4:26:19 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:
I guess this is the part that I struggle with. Me leaving the marriage for whatever reason is like me saying that my kids are better off without me in their lives on a daily basis. I cannot agree to that. For me to say that me leaving would make their development better is just not something that works in my head. It is illogical to me. I try to be open minded about most issues. Being told my kids are better off seeing me 4 days a month is a bitter pill.


I understand 4 days a month is unbearable.. and therefore impossible to do.. if that where in fact the only solution once separated .....
AngelHeart01
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 4:44:15 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:
I guess this is the part that I struggle with. Me leaving the marriage for whatever reason is like me saying that my kids are better off without me in their lives on a daily basis. I cannot agree to that. For me to say that me leaving would make their development better is just not something that works in my head. It is illogical to me. I try to be open minded about most issues. Being told my kids are better off seeing me 4 days a month is a bitter pill.


In answer to the question: Is it okay to cheat? No. I don't think it's really okay to cheat anytime. I'm not saying it doesn't happen all the time and people can forgive. I personally think, you have choices (always). If you want something else .. get out of what you're in. I wouldn't judge anyone for it ... I'm not in their shoes. I may be someone who makes the wrong choice (according to me) one day, you never know.

As far as your situation .... you have to do what you feel is best. But just remember ... it may be the wrong thing in the long run. Working with youth, and having conversations with those from broken families .. it's never easy. Sometimes there is resentment at the time (blaming one parent, more then the other).. but it seems the people I have spoken to, and who have actually experienced it .. all say it was horrible when the parents stayed together for the sake of them. We all were kids once .. think of yourself. Didn't you know what was going down with your parents? I am fortunate to have parents who love each other .. and actually like one another as well. My friends think it is more rare then the norm... I don't know, but my parents fight too. I remember fights, but I remember the respect (mutual) and genuine love even during those times.

Don't under estimate your kids. Plus, it does influence them in their own relationships to come. Its better for them to see two parents who love one another .. and if you can't give them that .. how about parents who respect each other enough to care about the whole picture.

I know your situation .. and you have a few obstacles that do affect the whole situation .. and it's not so cut and dry. Something worth thinking about though.
scooter
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:12:59 PM

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AngelHeart01 wrote:
lafayettemister wrote:
I guess this is the part that I struggle with. Me leaving the marriage for whatever reason is like me saying that my kids are better off without me in their lives on a daily basis. I cannot agree to that. For me to say that me leaving would make their development better is just not something that works in my head. It is illogical to me. I try to be open minded about most issues. Being told my kids are better off seeing me 4 days a month is a bitter pill.


In answer to the question: Is it okay to cheat? No. I don't think it's really okay to cheat anytime. I'm not saying it doesn't happen all the time and people can forgive. I personally think, you have choices (always). If you want something else .. get out of what you're in. I wouldn't judge anyone for it ... I'm not in their shoes. I may be someone who makes the wrong choice (according to me) one day, you never know.

As far as your situation .... you have to do what you feel is best. But just remember ... it may be the wrong thing in the long run. Working with youth, and having conversations with those from broken families .. it's never easy. Sometimes there is resentment at the time (blaming one parent, more then the other).. but it seems the people I have spoken to, and who have actually experienced it .. all say it was horrible when the parents stayed together for the sake of them. We all were kids once .. think of yourself. Didn't you know what was going down with your parents? I am fortunate to have parents who love each other .. and actually like one another as well. My friends think it is more rare then the norm... I don't know, but my parents fight too. I remember fights, but I remember the respect (mutual) and genuine love even during those times.

Don't under estimate your kids. Plus, it does influence them in their own relationships to come. Its better for them to see two parents who love one another .. and if you can't give them that .. how about parents who respect each other enough to care about the whole picture.

I know your situation .. and you have a few obstacles that do affect the whole situation .. and it's not so cut and dry. Something worth thinking about though.


Angel,
your speaking in a toung nobody else understands....
cept me!
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:31:38 PM

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I would have to say that it depends on the situation.

I've been married 35+ years. My wife and I had sex an average of three times per day the first three years of our marriage. We started swinging in the late seventies and that actually increased to four or five times a day (with each other!).

The frequency gradually decreased when we stopped swinging (1988) to once a week by our twentieth anniversary (she was afraid of AIDS, had migraines, etc.). The last five years, it's been something like once every six to eight weeks. After having a hysterectomy and going through menopause, she just isn't interested any more.

I've consider going outside, but haven't yet.
Sw33tAng3l
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 10:28:58 PM

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So this is in response to the whole unhappy marriage creating happy kids...

Ok, I'm taking this from my inlaws. None of the sisters sleep with their husbands. One of them has kids at the age of 5 and 7, and the other has 11 and 12. The older kids think nothing of it, as far as I'm concerned they could care less. The younger kids? I'm not really sure. We had this conversation at dinner one time, cuz the brother's wife was asking us about birth control. They all said they have sex maybe once a month & she thought it was pretty sad. I know the sisters stay with their husbands for the kids. They want their children to have their father in their lives. Its a lot easier than going through a divorce and making arrangements for the dads to see their kids. Why not just stay together in the marriage, sleep in separate rooms and put up with each other? That's pretty much what I had done. Baby's daddy and I slept in separate rooms from the day the baby was born, we rarely had sex, rarely spent time together, and we argued everytime we talked. then, we just got fed up with each other and stopped talking when we didn't have to. in the end, the only reason why i left was because he got fed up with me over something stupid and kicked me out...

and whether its ok to cheat or not, everyone has their own opinions... i think its harder when kids are involved. sure kids do pick up on the negativity in a relationship, but if both parents love their kids, that's really what matters. i see my niece and nephew growing up beautifully and their parents rarely talk to each other. Both my niece and nephew are well wise beyond their years...

idk just my two cents, sorry if it didn't make sense i'm running on 3 hours of sleep and a sinus headache.
cherryrebel
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 2:30:06 AM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
LittleBambi wrote:



You know, you can state your opinions and make your points without resorting to childish taunts 'Oh but I forgot... "smart" people don't get caught cheating.'

'Once things settle'....it doesn't settle in a matter of days or weeks, it can take years, and, by that time the kids are not only going to have had to be involved in years of spats, but will also, obviously, be a few years older...and kids, don't stay kids for very long.

You appear to be twisting my words intentionally or not 'Clearly the answer is to stay in a miserable marriage, keep fighting and being passive-aggressve with your "evil" spouse, and fucking around with your mistresses while trying to hide the evidence. That sets a far better example for the kids. At least they won't be the product of divorce... just of two immature, angry parents who eventually sleep in separate bedrooms'

...I believe what I actually said was that if parents are able to cope in a marriage then it would be more beneficial for their children (who they should consider to be more important then themselves...and if they don't consider that to be the case then why on earth did they have kids?) to remain in said marriage.

Amicable divorces are rare things, it isn't a case of having a 50/50 chance.


I wasn't taunting you. I was making a general statement. Obviously I have hit a raw nerve with you. I assume that most people that cheat think that they are being "smart" about covering their tracks and yet most of the time the infidelity is uncovered or the spouse turns the other way but still knows its going on and it festers and makes the relationship worse. People get caught... all the time. Is that a statistic that is in dispute?

I think if two people want to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of their children (I can't believe I'm even making that statement since the concept of it is so outdated), then why not work on the marriage, go to marital counselling, or hey.. I'm even in favour of two people sitting down, discussing the situation and agreeing to a co-parenting roommate situation where they both are free to seek sex/romance outside the marriage, but stay together for parenting/financial reasons.

That may sound like a crazy idea, but so is the idea that cheating and enduring decades of unhappiness is a better choice for themselves, or for their children.

I just don't understand the concept of an unhappy marriage creating happy children. I have yet to see any examples of this in the real world. As well, it's a heavy burden of guilt for the kids to bear later in life when they realize that their parents stuck it out 'for them' like martyrs and made themselves miserable in the process.

FYI. The non-amicable, permanently hostile divorces that I have seen go down are the ones where one (or both) spouses were cheating.


HEAR HEAR DD! x
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 11:35:19 AM

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well if u love him/her then u cant cheat but if not then better to leave
Nikki703
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 3:02:09 PM

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I was in a sexless marriage for the last 5 years of it. I never cheated because it was something I didnt believe in and divorce wasnt an option at the time. I see a lot of people have said the you should never cheat and should just split up, but that is easier to say than actually do sometimes. My confidence and self esteem were at all time lows and I also had 3 kids to worry about. If the same thing was to happen today, I might cheat, I dont know. It is a very hard thing to say if you are not in the situation. And I truly feel for anyone who is in that type of marriage.
PoorLittleGirl
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 8:20:41 PM

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I say that it is still not okay to cheat. First try everything you can to rekindle your sex life, then and only then would I not judge you harshly. If nothing works, I would discuss making your marriage into an open relationship, so that both of you can get sex elsewhere. Once an open relationship is established, certainly go for it. I can't imagine being married to a person for the rest of my life and not have sex with them...I mean shit...it is about time for divorce then!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 9:08:13 PM

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I do not believe that cheating is right in any circumstance. A marriage is should not be based on sex alone, although it is a very important part. The couple should seek counseling to try or some other type of therapy or see a doctor if a medical condition is present. If the member does not want to do either, and sex is a must for the other, find a good lawyer.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 1, 2011 9:22:35 PM

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Cheating, says more about you, than it does about the marriage. There can be a lot of collateral damage. It's not worth it.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 3:45:44 AM

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Under absalootly no cirumstances. Having lived with a father who cheated on my mother left right and centre growing up ive seen the damage. If the marriage isn't working, take time apart, move out, maybe locally if theres kids involved, but don't give someone a false sense of hope and then cheat, because quite often the reason the two people are still together is because one wants to move on and the other doesn't.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 4:46:45 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
They say marriage is like a bridge game; if you haven't got a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!!

"For better or for worse," is what was promised when the marriage was performed/officiated - just saying ...and if that means that your oath only last until the sex does - well; so be it.

Trying to justify your wanting to mate with another on here is hardly sufficient ammo to go out looking for "tail" ...but as I said; "just saying" 588-rolleyes
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 4:52:35 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
Conny-sure wrote:
They say marriage is like a bridge game; if you haven't got a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!!

"For better or for worse," is what was promised when the marriage was performed/officiated - just saying ...and if that means that your oath only last until the sex does - well; so be it.

Trying to justify your wanting to mate with another on here is hardly sufficient ammo to go out looking for "tail" ...but as I said; "just saying" 588-rolleyes


what about emotional fulfillment..sans the sex? is it ok to seek that out in an loveless marriage?
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 6:39:08 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
LittleMissBitch wrote:
Conny-sure wrote:
They say marriage is like a bridge game; if you haven't got a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!!

"For better or for worse," is what was promised when the marriage was performed/officiated - just saying ...and if that means that your oath only last until the sex does - well; so be it.

Trying to justify your wanting to mate with another on here is hardly sufficient ammo to go out looking for "tail" ...but as I said; "just saying" 588-rolleyes


what about emotional fulfillment..sans the sex? is it ok to seek that out in an loveless marriage?


cheating is cheating. I don't believe there is a right reason to cheat. When you cheat, you cheat yourself, not your partner
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 10:30:37 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,858
Location: Cakeland, United States
LittleBambi wrote:
'Split amicably'? Do you live in a different world to the one I do?

Yes, some people manage it but the reality is *most don't*. If you know your partner will not 'split amicably' then what do you do??


You don't marry the non-rational, crazy bastard in the first place.

What the hell are you doing? Isn't the person you are marrying, supposed to be that person who you gel with better than anyone else on the planet (at the time of your choosing?) Unless you're batshit crazy yourself, you shouldn't be marrying someone who has the propensity to become a monster at the drop of a hat.

If you find yourself stuck in a marriage of convenience where any sexual compatibility has long since evaporated, and you're good with that, but your partner is not...aren't you guilty of holding that person hostage? You're denying her or him full happiness. That might turn you on, but that also makes you a bit of a sadist. Probably not something you wanted to reveal at any time before you were proposed to or did the proposing yourself.

If you married the wrong person, that shit is on you.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 8:30:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
LittleMissBitch wrote:
Conny-sure wrote:
They say marriage is like a bridge game; if you haven't got a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!!

"For better or for worse," is what was promised when the marriage was performed/officiated - just saying ...and if that means that your oath only last until the sex does - well; so be it.

Trying to justify your wanting to mate with another on here is hardly sufficient ammo to go out looking for "tail" ...but as I said; "just saying" 588-rolleyes


what about emotional fulfillment..sans the sex? is it ok to seek that out in an loveless marriage?



If you're in a relationship that has no emotional value, no sex ...etc - why even bother to cheat?
Just get out!!
So much better for both parties ...don't you think?
CountryCutie101
Posted: Monday, November 14, 2011 1:41:32 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/7/2011
Posts: 26
Location: United States
Cheating = HELL NO. If you're married. You made a commitment. If you truly love the person you married, you wouldnt even consider getting sex elsewhere. Maybe there has been a period of time with no sex. So what. Marriage and life isn't 100% about sex. use other methods and talk to your other. Don't just jump to conclusions. You could be wrong. DO NOT CHEAT!!!!

Love Always,
Country Cutie
DLizze
Posted: Monday, November 14, 2011 11:59:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,569
I think this entire discussion is asking the wrong question. The question should be, "What constitutes cheating?" and as a follow up, "Is cheating ever justifiable?" My answer to the latter is not only no, but Hell no. My answer to the first is, anything that hs to be hidden from your partner is cheating.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
CaliGurl77
Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 2011 12:43:07 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/3/2011
Posts: 146
Location: San Diego, United States
I believe one should never cheat in a relationship. Never. If you truly loved your husband/wife, why not initiate sex with them? Instead of going out and finding a prostitute, etc. I don't think cheating is necessary. If one doesn't want to be with their spouse that badly, then he/she shouldn't be committed in a relationship and should do one night stands.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 2011 1:40:09 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There is never a good reason to cheat. If you're not happy in the relationship, it's simple... Leave and find someone who will give you all the sex you want.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 2011 2:31:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
No no and no again.
If a marriage is sexless then you need to work on why.
Have you fallen into a lack of sex routine? Do you need to take time togther to work things out or has the love gone?

If you marry a person you have the obligation and hopefully heart to make sure you work out all your issues as a couple. Marriage, I assume, has good times and times where things may be strained but if you love your partner, you have to try everything to make it work.

If you love your partner then why would you even consider hurting them by cheating? I know sex is a big part of a marriage but love comes before sex imo and if you love that person then the sexual side can wait whilst the fractures in your relationship are dealt with and healed, then you can start to work on the sexual sie of things again.
If you don't love your partner, you need to do the right thing and tell them.

I have cheated on past gf's and I look back and really wish I hadn't been so selfish. Too busy trying to look jack-the-lad in front of my friends caused me to really hurt a girl and I still feel bad about it to this day. Nobody wins when you cheat, more often than not, everybody gets hurt.
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