Forum posts made by freakycactus

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 08 Feb 2017 06:22

Note to self: You are worth more than someone who leaves you feeling like this.

Take some time and wallow but don't let it consume you. Just because he broke his promises doesn't make you worthless. Just because thing didn't work out the way you hoped doesn't mean they never will.

Sometimes life is shit. Things will get better and you will come out of this stronger.

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 04 Feb 2017 14:06

I'm hurt and angry. I want to call you and message you and ask you why. I want to tell you that it's not ok and you are a knob just like the rest. There's no point. You told me all of that and I just said, 'No worries.'

You're young and immature, you're stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. The simple fact is that you need a bomb up your arse and can't even see it. You're shutting down and hiding where it's safe. You're not happy but you're too comfortable to burst that little bubble you live in.

You've just ruined the best thing that ever happened to you. You'll realise in a few years and then you'll start telling me how much of an idiot you've been. It's what they all do. Everyone realises how fucking awesome I am eventually, but they all leave it too late.

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 04 Feb 2017 14:02

I was scared to let you in. I was scared for us to be more than friends because I knew I'd let my guard down and be open and vulnerable with you. You told me not to worry. You told me that I was only scared because I'd only ever been with knobs and you weren't one. I believed you. I let you in and I let my guard down. For the first time in two years, I let my guard down. You told me it would be ok.

Now you tell me you're losing interest and don't know why.

Guess what? IT'S NOT OK!

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 04 Feb 2017 12:50

What is so very wrong with me? Why am I not enough? Why am I never enough?

How is it that the people I want to be with so badly find it so easy to lose interest in me? Less than two months.

What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me?

I think it's time to accept that I'll never have a family of my own like I wanted. I'm just not good enough.

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 23 Dec 2015 04:26

This rant has served it's purpose

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 02 Dec 2015 11:37

I'm so tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of missing you, of having small pieces of you, having you call me your soul mate but short changing me on time and attention, I'm tired of making more of an effort than you, I'm tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of being alone when all I want is some affection, I'm tired of having simple wants and needs and not having someone to fulfill them, I'm tired of crying and missing you and being left with a t-shirt. A fucking t-shirt.

It's so exhausting living my life around yours, constantly making allowances and putting myself second, just to try and avoid putting any extra pressure on you.

I'm tired of her and the constant excuses, this shitty one sided friendship that has to happen on her terms. The neediness, moodiness and bitchiness. Just for once I wish she'd have the balls to be honest with me and tell me what the fuck is actually going on. It would be better than being treated like a pathetic and stupid hanger on. I'm sick of the temper tantrums and mood swings. Like I don't know what's going through her mind. When I call her on it, she either fobs me off or just gives me some vaguely worded bullshit to gloss over it and move on.

I'm pissed off that men just seem to be interested in satisfying their wants and needs but never mine. I don't even mean sexually, emotionally I don't matter. Even when I'm promised that things can happen on my terms and at a pace I feel comfortable with, that lasts until they decide they want something now. Don't make me cuddle if I don't want to. Don't spend 8 bastard hours with me and never once check in to see how I'm feeling. Learn to consider someone else's feelings, especially when you know they're vulnerable and learn to ask some fucking questions to see where I'm at emotionally and if I'm comfortable with what's happening. Don't assume it's ok to spend all fucking day in my house then look upset when I suggest it's time to go.

Don't tell me you're not surprised when I say I don't want to see you anymore then keep messaging me just so you can whine about how crap you feel. You want to feel crap? Have a bloke invite himself over for the day and never bastard leave. Have him make you cuddle into him when you don't want to, have him make you feel so uncomfortable that you fake sleep just to avoid him pushing things further. I'll tell you what, have him desperately try to cuddle up to you do much you have to move seats so you don't have to sit on his lap. Have him try to kiss you when you say goodbye and work out exactly which way to angle your face so he can only get your cheek while he squeezes you so tightly you can barely breathe.

Even better, get rid of one desperate and clingy fuckwit, and have another one, the 'friend' who is always there, try to take his place immediately after learning you've just fucked someone off.

Try listening to blokes telling you about their sexual 'conquests' and not throw up when you realise what evil bastards they are. Targeting and bullying girls just over legal age, just because they can.

I wish this evil fucking world would disappear. I know just how to make it happen, if you could just come over and hold me. With your arms around me I can breathe, the world disappears, we both relax and we know that everything will be ok.

That won't happen. I'm not a priority. I don't think I ever will be.

I don't know if I hate you or me more for that.

I'm just so fucking bastard tired.

I'm so fucking tired of the world right now. I want everything and everyone to leave me the fuck alone.

Topic My woman wants to clone my willy....PLEASE HELP
Posted 21 Jun 2015 11:38

I'm about to do this with someone, I was planning the same as Metilda, something nice and intense to get him hard then playing with myself to keep him that way while the mould sets

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 29 Jan 2015 13:51

You nasty, horrible, evil, lying, cheating bastard!

After everything you've ever said to me, all the things you've accused me of and everything you've ever promised me and told me, saying how loyal you are and how much you loved me. You went to your auntie's funeral, didn't invite me, stayed out all day and night while I worried about you and fucked another woman!

Even now we've split up I've been bending over backwards to make life easier for you because I felt so guilty for breaking up with you.

I'm done worrying, I'm done with the guilt. You're a pathetic piece of shit and the sooner you're out of my life for good the better!

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 15 Jan 2015 14:49

Just when I think I'm getting my head back to where it should be everything has to go tits up! I'm sick to fucking death of being the one who puts a brave face on and makes everything ok for everyone else. Is it really so hard to expect others to take responsibility for their own actions and to be a fucking grown up?


Topic what is the sexiest thing a Dom/sub has ever done/said to you?
Posted 09 Jan 2014 15:26

I've never had a BDSM or dom/sub experience but if a guy did to me what you describe I think I would lose my mind.

It is an incredible feeling and I'd love to feel it all again

Topic Emotional vs Physical Cheating - what upsets you more?
Posted 04 Jan 2014 16:13

I think they'd both upset me to the same capacity, but for different reasons.

The first scenario would hurt me as well as offend me. The second one would hurt me and make me doubt myself. It'd be a huge blow to my self-esteem.

The first scenario means that he thought so little of our relationship that he wasted it on a fling.

The second scenario meant time was invested. Time that he could have spent with me, but didn't want to. He was fully aware of what he was doing and how it would hurt if/when I found out. But he went through with it anyway. Instead of discussing any issues in our relationship with me and giving me my say and a chance to work things out, he sought satisfaction elsewhere. It was done deliberately. And he lived a double life. Furthermore, he robbed me of the right to opt out of this situation. So it's something he decided for the both of us. He was selfish, and skeevy and a bunch of other names I don't feel like typing.

I couldn't forgive either scenario, as they both indicate he is no longer worthy of my commitment and faithfulness.

Slipperywhenwet has perfectly described my response.

Topic Do you want/have children?
Posted 25 Oct 2013 14:11

Right now? No. In the future? Absolutely. I've never doubted my desire to have children. I have amazing twin nieces and since they came along I've been even more certain that not only do I want to be a mum, but when I finally become one, I'm going to be awesome at it.

Topic Why do you masturbate?
Posted 23 Sep 2013 12:01

I seem to have stopped recently. Which I hadn't even realised until someone made a comment about their lack of masturbation. I'm sure normal service will resume shortly

Topic Dirty Talk - Interrogation (?)
Posted 23 Sep 2013 11:21

It depends who it is and what the circumstances are. Personally, dirty talk is always fun, name calling can be a little odd with a new partner, once you get to know each other though it's lots of fun. I enjoy being called bitch, whore, slut, etc. as long as those names are just sex related.

Topic does anyone here have a favorite musical?
Posted 13 Aug 2013 15:56

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Rock of Ages

If you made me choose one favourite in particular I think it would have to be Wicked, but it's a tough choice to make.

Topic Realization that you are more than Vanilla
Posted 13 Aug 2013 04:27

An ex and I would take it in turns spanking each other and tying each other up. I always preferred to be the one who was spanked and tied up. I realise now that he was a sub too. He started pulling away from doing those things to me and the less he did them the more I craved them.

After him I met someone who was capable of taking charge during sex, once I'd been with him I was incapable of gaining sexual pleasure from any act where I had to take charge. From there I found a love of BDSM and started exploring it.

Topic sex machines
Posted 03 Aug 2013 07:41

I've yet to try one but like Belle says, nothing beats a real man. The machine may be on call but it won't cuddle me afterwards.

Sod spending £2k on sex, I'd have a holiday!

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 30 Jul 2013 01:19

This want has served it's purpose and doesn't need to be up anymore

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 29 Jul 2013 03:08

This rant has served it's purpose

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 25 Jul 2013 15:17

Edited because its done its job and doesn't need to be up anymore

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 25 Jul 2013 01:59

When I said 'rape porn' i should have been clearer. I meant sexual videos where at least one of the participants have not given consent. BDSM porn however is totally legal since it is between two, or more consenting adults

So you're against rape and people recording it and other people watching it knowing what they are seeing? Good. So is the law.

The law around BDSM is shady and in many cases is against it despite the acts being consensual.

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 24 Jul 2013 08:05

But I haven't actually expressed any opinion on that whatsoever. I apologise if I have somehow given you the impression that I am against the improvement of women's reproductive rights around the world; it was never my intention.

The problem is, Clum, you're a sensible person who is capable of acting like an adult sensitive to the feelings of others. If everyone was the same it would make the world a better and simpler place. Unfortunately, you know what sort of a world we live in and things are messy and complicated.

In an ideal world people would be able to find a compromise that works for both of them. The reality is that too many people have tried for too long to control women and our bodies. People, mainly men, are still trying and we have to listen to people like Jeremy Hunt tell us the abortion limit should be 12 weeks, in Texas they want to make it 6 weeks.

We have to fight so hard to maintain our rights over our reproductive health and the fact is that we are the ones who grow and give birth to children. That's a wonderful thing is the child is wanted but if they aren't then you are left with a woman giving her body to a growing parasite. It's little wonder that final say falls to the woman. Is it fair? Maybe not but neither is life.

I know that you're more than aware of that Clum and most of what I've said isn't aimed at you, so I hope I haven't offended you :)

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 23 Jul 2013 23:25

Well, yes and no. If a woman feels she is no more than an incubator, and she's bearing the child completely against her will, of course I don't support that.

What if it were the other way around, and she wanted to keep the child while he did not? She could decide to do that and either force him into fatherhood or choose to be a single parent. My point is that he does not have that choice.

I just don't think the woman's preference should take precedence over the man's. There should be a dialogue until they come to a decision they are both happy (or at least not unhappy) with, but the father's opinion should not simply be dismissed when it is at odds with the mother's.

As I see it, two adults get themselves into this situation (putting aside rape) and they should be able to decide between them, on completely equal terms, what to do about it.

Am I idealistic? Perhaps.

It would be nice if that could happen and yes it is possible to force a man into fatherhood.

Having said that, if I found myself pregnant and wanting to keep the baby when the father didn't, if I felt I could manage as a single parent then I would probably have the baby against his wishes and would repeatedly tell him, 'tough', and I would even tell him that as I would be the one growing the child he could fuck off telling me what to do with my body. A contradiction, I know but it's a very difficult and emotive subject.

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:47

I only have one thing to say on the issue of abortion:

I wish, when the decision on whether to abort a pregnancy or not is being made, that the father had just as much a say in it as the mother (in the cases where the father is around and not some deadbeat asshole, obviously).

"But it's her body!" I know. I get that, but saying that it's ultimately up to her, whatever he thinks, is punishing a man for being male. We can't carry children; that's not our choice. You're both equally parents of that unborn child/foetus. You would (hopefully) play an equal role in raising the child, so I (strongly) believe this part should be the same.

If I had slept with a woman, whether wife or one-night stand, and she got pregnant then decided she was going to have an abortion, I would be devastated/heartbroken/irate. I would beg her to keep it, even if it meant me raising it on my own. As it stands, if she is resolved to have an abortion, there's not really anything I can do to stop her. That makes me sad and angry.

That's pretty much my only opinion on the issue of abortion.

(If there's a health risk to the mother, it's a different scenario, of course. I'm working on the assumption of a "typical" pregnancy.)

It's something that is incredibly difficult and if circumstances allow then I agree, the guy should be involved in the decision. But, and I'm not suggesting you're saying this at all, it is unreasonable to expect a woman to act as an incubator for a child she doesn't want just so the dad can raise it.

I am pro choice, abortion is something that should be accessible to all and I believe there are some circumstances where I would have an abortion and I accept they are personal to me, the decisions of others are their own and not for me to judge.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:42

Rape Porn should be illegal we've accepted that.

Why should it be? If its rape porn then it is role play and involves consenting adults. If it is a video of abuse then that is something totally different and it should already be illegal.

Rape role play isn't something I understand or ever want to participate in but there are people who enjoy it, why shouldn't they be able to watch a video of consenting adults acting out a scene?

Cameron is, and always will be an ignorant twat

Couldn't agree with you more.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:37

I was merely offering a solution in case it does happen. I don't agree with what the UK government is doing. They shouldn't be allowed to censor whatever parts of the internet they deem inappropriate. People should be free to connect to whatever web address they want to. I hope you guys fight this, maybe if enough people write letters to their MP's they might stop this ban from taking place. dontknow

I'm not familiar with how the system works but wouldn't they need to pass a bill to make this legal? Or have the politicians quietly swept the bill under the rug until the bill passed without any media talking about it?

It's something they're discussing at the moment so definitely not law. Actually, they're effectively rebranding something that most Internet companies are already doing but adding some extras into it and calling it protection of children. The trouble is that if they get this into law it then becomes a slippery slope of what other freedoms do they go after next.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 02:48

Please click here to sign the official petition against this ridiculous law

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 01:19

Can't say I'm surprised by this since they've already started censoring the internet in the UK before this new development. As for people who are worried about not being able to access lush, just subscribe to a VPN service.

Better hope the government doesn't start blocking access to VPN services. I wouldn't be surprised if they did seeing how the UK government have been censoring the internet.

This isn't just about people worried about connecting to lush, what about the non lush users who want access to other adult sites?

What about those who can't do this, either because they can't afford to or because it would raise too many questions at home?

It isn't a viable solution to this issue. The government who ranted and raved about labour turning this country into a nanny state are telling us that in order to 'protect children' no one can be trusted to access adult sites without first opting in. Never mind thinking about what happens when adults do opt in but they have children, so they have to find a different way to 'protect' their children from adult sites. Yes, kids need protecting but this isn't the way to do it,

I switched the protective filters off my aol account, back in the days of dial up, because it wouldn't let me use the lycos search engine. I think it was lycos, does that even still exist?

To find an effective solution to these issues they might just have to give some real thought to what they're doing.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 01:10

I think you've got it down, Cactus. I can't really talk about the wrongs of reluctance porn (which I still feel guilty and have a whole bunch of issues about), but I do see the point. I watched porn from a young-ish age, thinking it was ok and normal and I've still got a warped idea of sex. Not warped as in, "Oooh, let's go do all this freaky shit to kids!" but warped as in "Yeah, I love being slapped/spanked/really rough sex, it's normal to me, YAY sexual issues."

There needs to be a sex ed lesson at school about porn, just making the point that not all porn is bad, explaining the difference between erotica and porn, explaining normal sexual boundaries, etc. All you're told in school is that porn is bad, evil, wrong and that in itself is wrong in that school is to educate, to teach BOTH sides of a situation.

I have issues with rape porn too, I also have issues with rape play. In truth, I can't stand it and the thought of it makes me feel ill, which is why it's something I won't try but I do accept that those involved are consenting adults doing something they enjoy. It's not my place to judge.

I love to be slapped and spanked too, I'm disappointed if I'm not left with marks and bruises after. I love sex to be so rough that I ache for days after, as well as being called names and made to do degrading and humiliating things. There's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make me a freak, I'm a consenting adult making a choice to be involved in those sorts of activities. They say consent is enthusiastic and I most definitely consent enthusiastically.

That is part of who I am, it is totally unrelated to watching porn before I should. I actually grew bored of porn and moved onto sex stories very quickly. It's also totally unrelated to abuses I have suffered. This has been a part of me since before any of that happened.

I once read an article where someone said that fetishes can be as much a part of someone's sexuality as their sexual orientation and I fully agree. No, I don't always need to be slapped and spanked, but I do always need to be the submissive, I always need to be with a man who takes charge.

Back to your point, I fully agree with you, we need to introduce these issues into the education system and teach children about the things they may see and how completely unrealistic they are. We need to teach them about healthy relationships, consent and that 'no (or its equivalent) means no'.