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Humor

In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

6

Naked Cleaner Wanted - II

My first-ever spit-roasting

In no time at all I'd settled into my new job at Sir Algernon Hardcastle's mansion, as his resident Naked Cleaner. The other members of the staff at The Grange were his haughty butler Corbyn; Roland, the taciturn chauffeur; and his redoubtable housekeeper Condoleezza. The flame-haired Romanian and I were at daggers drawn from our very first meeting, but it was only after hearing some ...Read On

2
davedax97
online

A cry for Help

Why don't you reply to my emails?

""My new young wife was really excited when she came home from her first day at what she laughingly called, the film studio. “They’ve given me a part already darling, it’s the female lead, I’m going to be a star.” “Hey that’s great,” I patted her sexy little bottom and said that I was proud of her. “I even met my co-star Errol, he was really nice, he took me to his flat so we could study...Read On

17
Recommended Read

Rooftop Dreams

The concrete is colder than I thought it’d be. More abrasive. Like sandpaper and those small, painfully annoying pebbles that squirm their way into your shoes back when you’re a kid drunk off sugared drinks and running like a bat outta hell around the playground. Worry free. Innocent. Happy. The fucking good old days of pop tarts, staying up late eating jellybeans and watching Power...Read On

17

The Dog Did It!

When boredom invades the mind, body, & soul of a retired gentleman...

Once upon a day, there lived a libidinous retired seafaring salt named, Mr. Peter Johnson. PJ was an older man, mid-to-late sixties, they guessed, but it did not matter. They didn’t care. Nor were they mindful of his marriage. Neither was he. Playing with Mr. Johnson’s peter was their sole affection. Yes, PJ was early on, assigned an unfortunate name, but through the years, it served him well....Read On

3

As Advertised

Naughty Girl responds to a Spanking Advertisement.

“You and I both know you’ve been a naughty girl. Drop me a line and I’ll soon turn you “bottom up” and bare-bottom spank you to tears.” I close my computer then open it again for the hundredth time. Over and over I’m drawn back words in the ad. Then, quickly, before I can change my mind I send an email. "Hi, I am a fifty-five year old woman that requires regular discipline.” I jump, as...Read On

15

Closer Than Brothers

My brother accused me of making his wife pregnant; in a way, he was right.

I’ve always had this thing for my little brother’s wife; young, attractive, intellectual, and I suppose, coquettish would be a good adjective for her. Sure, I love my wife and wouldn’t want to change her for anyone. But every time I see those two little dimples in the small of my sister-in-law’s back, my mind turns to the ovaries that lay somewhere behind them, and I just so want to...Read On

10
Recommended Read

Al's Add-In and the Enchanted Phone

If you encounter a buxom purple genie, be careful what you wish for

Most people thought old McNamara's electronics store was a disorganised heap of junk.  But to me, it was a cave full of secret treasure.  I used to spend ages searching through his random collection of second hand gear, computer parts and old-school electronics kits.  It’s fair to say that most guys my age were probably happier chasing women, but computers, electronics and science made a...Read On

1

Servants

A new arrival causes consternation

“Shush, Be quiet, its opening” “We know, we can all see the light, do you think we are stupid or something, you always tell us to be quiet, it is exactly like the other week when the great portal opened you told us to be quiet then as well and…..” “Will you just shut up, for crying out loud let’s see what she wants.” “Do you think she will choose me? it has been ages since I was...Read On

12

Traffic Tease

Watch the road, baby....

“Hope you’ve done as I asked or you won’t get your surprise,” John said with a smirk as he gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. I was sitting in the passenger seat with my legs and arms crossed, pretending to ignore him as I looked out the window, watching the traffic slowly move by. “Are you going to even give me a hint of what this surprise of yours is?” I finally huffed. ...Read On

6

Our First Time

A truthful account of our first swingers meet, names have been changed to protect the guilty

We are used to reading the stories on here about couples first times at clubs or meeting others and they always seem to have been the perfect meet. Here is our story of our first meet. We had discussed for many years, our fantasies about swinging and having sex with other people, but had never felt ready to make the next step. On a lovely Sunday morning in August we decided to take a...Read On

21

My Wife Gives Me A Wet Surprise

She got her wet revenge.

My wife and I had been out to a neighbor’s pool party. There was lots of BBQ and even more liquid refreshment there. We were feeling no pain as it got later and we decided to head home. Luckily, we only live a street over from the neighbors. There is a small stand of woods between the houses; and from years of visiting each other we had a nice clear path to follow to get home. We said...Read On

46
Recommended Read

A Laundry List, and Other Sins: A Porn Parody

Flora fucks and sucks her boyfriend’s daddy

Flora was a very sexy girl who was always distracted by naughty thoughts. Often, when she was distracted, she would slip a finger into her shaved pussy and play with herself. It didn’t matter where she was. Once she even did it in church because she thought the minister was looking extra sexy that Sunday. She always kept her tight pink pussy shaved bare because it made her feel super naughty....Read On

15

Interview – With The Wife

Asking all those questions, after nine years of being together, seemed unreal!

We were sitting in the lounge, the TV was on and the contestants of The Voice were vying for attention of the red chairs in front of them. I wasn’t taking much notice and was also reading while watching the TV at the same time. I looked up from my book and caught a glimpse of the girl during her obligatory pre-audition interview. I perked up and started to watch over the edge of my glasses....Read On

1

You've Got to Pay the Price

He asked a demon for a lass to dip his wick in. But could he pay the demon's price?

The demon appeared in the middle of the pentagram, coughing.  “It worked! The spell worked!  I summoned a demon!” I said.  I looked at the short guy in the middle of the pentagram.  It looked like a small version of a middle-aged man, a little bit like my astrology teacher.  His skin was regular skin color, not red, and he was dressed in ordinary robes. “You are a demon, aren’t you?” I asked....Read On

34

Wilbur The Traveling Dildo Salesman

Do we have a dildo for you!

I always knock three times, not two, not four, but three. If they didn’t answer, I then rang the door bell. When they do answer, I apologize for knocking, saying I didn’t see the button. Beginning with an apology immediately reduces any anxiety they may have toward the stranger at their front door. With the apology, and a warm smile, I have also shown them respect. That opens the prospect...Read On

It Don't Rain In Arizona

slippery_fingers: "What do you do for fun, and could you spread your pussy open?" Taffy: "Like this!" slippery_fingers: "That's nice."     Taffy: "Happy it meets your approval." * I was whoring myself out on the webcam to help pay for my university tuition. I thought of myself as an exhibitionist and not a prostitute, because I wasn't being touched or drooled on, just ogled. I had...Read On

4

Toby's Sexual Journey - Chapter 1 - 'Still a Wanker'

Toby was still a wanker, maybe Amber would change that

Toby was new at the paper, straight from his journalism degree. It was a local paper, a rag in all honesty, but it was a start. Most of his new colleagues were hacks, but worse than that they were fat, old and ugly. This was normally not a problem for Toby who was partial to storing a mature plumper in the wank bank in his college days. But this collection of co-workers were so foul the...Read On

35

The Lady of the House

When the lady of the house is not happy, then ain't nobody happy

Ray and I started dating shortly after my divorce. I’d been working for Victoria’s Secret Catalog so not only did I have an amazing forty percent discount on purchases, but I was also privileged to have first choice on new lines of merchandise before the catalog had been placed in mailboxes across the country.  For this particular evening, I’d selected a very sheer black lace baby doll...Read On

4

Date Night

A Hollywood star on a blind date finds his secret love life catching up with him

He’s doing it again! CeeCee thought, before saying aloud, “Is something wrong?” “Huh?” CeeCee rolled her eyes, repeating the question as she pointed towards her companion’s knife, still tapping away at the side of his wineglass.   “Look, if I’m boring you, just say so.” “No, I was just...” His voice trailed off under her glare.  “I’m sorry, I was being rude.  My mind was just...Read On

35
Recommended Read

Cockshock, Chapter 1

Blowjobs, boobs and a breakfast in ruins

Reginald Woodrow Buttress felt the deep throb before he opened his eyes. It was the same every goddamn morning and lasted all day, every day. A boner so big and hard you could club an elephant with it. Why, God, why? Why me? Perpetual wood. Permanent hard on. Eleven fucking inches of purple, throbbing stone. There was so much blood in his dick, he sometimes fainted. Even then his dick...Read On

5

Dirty Derek and the Nymph Next Door

All Derek wants to do is get his paws and a teenage girl's body.

Derek Matthews was standing at the counter of his local cafe, tapping his fingers impatiently and looking around at the room full of empty tables and chairs. A young foreign guy appeared behind the counter. “Yeah, what can I get you?” said the foreigner in a strong Eastern European accent. “About bloody time, an’ all,” Derek grumbled under his breath, then replied, “Bacon butty and a cup...Read On

20

If Dildos Could Talk

What her dildo knows that you don't...

Psst. Pssst! Yah, you. Down here. That’s right, in the drawer next to the lube. There ya go little fella! Well hello there! I’m Dilbert, Becky’s dildo. Well, that’s my given name, but depending on the night, I’m also, Big Boy , as in "Come here, Big Boy," or, "How’s my Big Boy doing?" On those special nights, and a special condom, I’m her Big Black Cock . What? You didn’t know she...Read On

6

Chatters Anonymous

Chatting can have consequences

I started chatting back in the early nineties. My wife and I had been married almost twenty years at the time. I was forty-six and she was forty-five years old. We had a nice house in a nice neighborhood in Sacramento, California, USA. We both worked and were happy in our jobs. We socialized with friends going out with them from time to time. Life was pretty normal and mundane. My...Read On

6

The Best Chef She Ever Had

Dear Molly, I can’t believe I’m writing to you, after all these years of reading your column. I would never have thought that my wife and I would have problems at the table. We have always had a great dining life, despite sticking to relatively vanilla foods. I’m usually the one pushing for us to try delving into some more exotic meals together or going for that fourth course, but Jane...Read On

Asphalt And Fescue

I didn't even know her name, but she would hustle and fuck suitors on top of a picnic table. She would ride cocks like Annie Oakley. In those days, you would deliver her a pizza and give her a wink. She was well known around Indian Springs trailer park. Ample in the chest, with shapely legs, she wore her Daisy Dukes well. When you stood up to leave and zippered your trousers, your cock...Read On

20

Anal Play For Backwoods Folks

Some toys should come with instructions...

The curtain swung open and in walked a tall, young man in a white lab coat. His name badge said Dr. Stewart, ER Physician, among the cluster of other letter groupings. His shiny stethoscope swung back and forth as he closed the curtain behind him. “So, what brings the two of you to Emergency today?” The woman spoke first. “I don’t know why we are even here, but my husband insisted I bring...Read On

6

Lushie Christmas

The night Santa delivered gifts to Naughty Girls.....

All the elves are worried when Vixen returns alone while Santa is out on his deliveries. Later in the night his sleigh is spotted, but is flying erratically with only the seven reindeer. Santa lands the sleigh hard. One of the runners collapses and the sleigh smashes it into a snowbank. The elves rush to sleigh and roll it off the old elf. Santa slowly tries to stand up. He looks like...Read On

10

Tut

Sometimes there's more to a name than the obvious

I watched the dark colored BMW pull up to the gas pumps.  A young man got out, slid his credit card into the slot, punched some keys and started filling his car. He was surprised when Benny came out and started to clean his windshield. He and Benny started talking to each other, and in a couple minutes Benny nodded in my direction.   The young guy looked to be about thirty, tall and...Read On

12

The Wrong Truck at the Right Time

Truth is Stranger than Fiction

I am thirty five and consider myself a pretty good looking gal. I try to stay in shape and work out every other day. My boyfriend, Sam and I love to have sex and we are always looking for new adventures. About a month ago, we were invited to a wedding for one of his friends. I love weddings and I love getting dressed up. As I got ready, I noticed Sam was unusually horny. We were running...Read On

15

The Layby

I would bet that you couldn’t imagine what I have been through recently.

I have been here, in this spot, for a very long time. I wasn’t always in the state I am in now. I have changed over time, and time has treated me, shall we say, inconsistently. Inconsistently may be a strange word to explain time, but bear with me. I have witnessed many things in all my states of being. In the good old days, when I was something other than I am now, I only knew of birds...Read On