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Humor

In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

1

Another Notch On His Bedpost -Chapter 1

John is just a guy whose ex-girlfriend comes to visit him one afternoon and they nearly get caught

Seriously I don’t know how it happened. It wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t encourage her. Sorry, let me start at the beginning. I’d had dated Trudy on an off for a few years. We had finally split up a few weeks ago. She was a lovely lady, but there were just some things about her that were hard work. She wanted to spend time with her friends and time with me. That is not such a bad thing...Read On

5

Haven't You Ever Seen A Girl's Pussy?

Bare-ass in the lady's room at the Museum of Modern Art

I mentioned in my previous story that I carry Mace. I just say that. I carry pepper spray, but “Mace” has a nice ring for those who enjoyed the “Medieval Weapons” chapter in seventh grade. How mankind has advanced. A mace was a club with a round metal head bristling with sharp spikes. You could crush your opponent’s skull. With Mace, you burn out his brain, leaving the skull intact....Read On

3

On Call (Part 2) - The Follow Up

The adventures in scrubs continue

A distant cheer of the crowd was resonating as the camera zoomed in from different angles. The tension was palpable and the crowd egged on. In one corner, people started to sing. Fists were pumped into the air; high-fives and screams were shared in excitement. His heart was racing and beads of sweat flowered on his skin. Suddenly the noise dropped down as they changed positions and...Read On

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Recommended Read

On Call

And finally his day took a turn for good

Stupid! Idiot! Knuckle dragging, sloth blooded … His round of profanities towards the slow walking gentleman blocking his way in the crowded passage stopped when he tried pushing his way ahead. He noticed the hunched stature, white wisps on the shining head, withered skin, quad cane and a urine bag in his hand. Although the unflattering moon behind the hospital robe was proudly...Read On

15
Recommended Read

God forgive me for teasing your cock, Bruce Knickerbocker

tinandra, tineroa, tinatheon

Do you realize that I, one of the classiest girls you know—if not exactly a sex bomb—was once a Gestapo-class cock-teaser? Ellen, what the FUCK does the “Gestapo” have to do with this? Do you have the faintest idea what you are saying, girl? I was 16 years old and every school day I wore a navy blue skirt, white blouse, cream knee socks, a wilted red scarf, and a perky hat that I think...Read On

11

Anal Sex For Backwoods Folk

Experimenting with sex toys can be very confusing for some...

The curtain swung open and in walked a tall, young man in a white lab coat. His name badge said Dr. Stewart, ER Physician, among the cluster of other letter groupings. His shiny stethoscope swung back and forth as he closed the curtain behind him. “So, what brings you folks to Emergency today?” The woman spoke first. “I don’t know why we are even here, but my husband insisted I bring him...Read On

5

The Comma

What fun you can have with punctuation!

“Hi Mr Comma.” “Hello, anybody there?” “Please Mr Comma, come out to play.” “No.” “Please Mr Comma, or should that be Ms Comma?” “Just Comma will do. And the answer is still no.” “Meany.” “Yes, why don’t you use Full Stop or Quotation Marks? You are always using them.” “Well, this is a job that only you can do for me.” “Oh yes.” “Yes, I promise you are perfect for what I...Read On

19

If Your Dildo Could Talk

What your dildo would say to the guys you want to break up with...

Psst. Psst! Ya, you. Down here. That’s right, in the drawer next to the lube. There ya go! Well hello there!  I’m Dilbert, Becky’s dildo.  Well, that’s my given name, but depending on the night, I’m also, “Big Boy,” as in “Come here Big Boy,” or, “How’s my Big Boy doing?” On those special nights, I’m her “Big Black Buddy.” What, you didn’t know she likes her cocks black? ...Read On

5

No, But The Last Guy Was

A friendly competition to see who gets to sleep with the lovely lady...

The bartender placed their beers on the table, nodded, then said, “She’ll wait, but don’t take too long, got it?” We all understood what he meant. “Okay boys, our wonderful bartender has confirmed that the sweet young gash at the end of the bar is a hooker.” They all took a swig of their beers. “Put your money on the table and the best joke gets treated to some quality time with...Read On

9

A Pallor Of Gray

Talk wordy to me Hurley.

You might recall, the last escapade when the Gooch's were returning home to Goose. Now she in her skin tight'ner and I in my truss had just returned to Savannah from a visit with her dwindling kinfolk in Arkadelphia. "Its Philadelphia, Hurley." A lot of things have happen in the passing few months. A parrot pecking off an ear. A alligator biting off two fingers and a piranha chewing my...Read On

38

Wilber The Travelling Dildo Salesman

Do I have a dildo for you!

Knock. Knock. Knock. I heard the footsteps get louder as they reached the front door. I stood calmly, holding my briefcase of samples as I watched the homeowner look at me through the peephole. They could see my identification card clipped to my shirt pocket. They could see I was alone. “What do you want?” I heard a lady ask me through the door. “Good day, madame. My name is Wilber...Read On

10
Recommended Read

FeloniousGooch69

...welcome newbies

Recently married and now in their twilight cheering, he with a truss and she with her makeup smearing. Like shadows to gray, Zelda's fat ass blocked out the sun as it went to sleep on the horizon. In the distance and approaching was geriatric's answer to Ma and Pa Kettle's farm. Jumping leaps and bounds by using modified pogo sticks, Hurley and Zelda Gooch hit the asphalt of the...Read On

8
Recommended Read

Gravel In My Gurdy

...sounded as if Tommy Dorsey was playing his trombone.

In the old days I raised my dick with an electric motor from an erector set, but now I had modernized. If you recall, "From Over The Pill." It takes a few minutes to connect the moped motor to the stationary bicycle. That and the wires and tubes that attach to my scrotum and penis. I don't need the blue pill any longer. I left off as Hurley and Zelda were moped-bopping. The engine...Read On

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Recommended Read

Over The Pill

When we had first met, four weeks ago, Zelda had a case of bad hemorrhoids. A couple of days later as I was willfully treasure hunting in her anal cavities, I discovered autographed castanets by Xavier Cugat (1964) instead of piles. On the road, after the honeymoon, we were nearing Savannah. I was tiring and my endorphins were acting up. We checked in to the Hootchie Smooch Inn, and once...Read On

5

Mr. Mighty

A local intrepid superhero is tested in ways he never imagined.

"Why, oh why, can't I fly like Superman?" Eric Mighty asked the mirror in his modest bathroom. For a man of superhuman strength he did not feel very super. He could do so much more if only he could fly. The Auda City Police Department had issued him a special phone that had a signal almost anywhere, far better than a standard civilian model. What help could he provide when he had to deal with...Read On

10

Screen Time

A young married couple uses an electronic device to finally get some morning privacy

“6:01. They let us sleep in,” I commented to Charlotte, after the twins barreled into our room to let us know that it was time to wake up one Sunday morning. “Guys, you need more sleep,” Charlotte pleaded. “Try going back to bed for a few minutes.” They both looked at her as if they doubted her intelligence. For a moment I did too. In their entire lives, they had never “gone back to bed.” ...Read On

1

How to Arouse your Woman

Some basic sex education!

So, you have her in a room, let's say it's the traditional bedroom. (Could be the kitchen or bathroom, but do not attempt the following at the pub, cinema or the like.) Help her undress, particularly her underwear if she is so adorned. Undo her bra, let it loosen, cup her breasts with it then remove, letting it fall to the floor. Nibble on her nape while you do so, if she has long hair tell...Read On

2

Paige's Sting

Paige and Azalea seize the opportunity to get their own back on their bullying boss

It all began when Azalea popped home at lunchtime to put some washing in and get something out of the freezer for dinner. Jared had been loafing about all morning but obviously he couldn't be trusted to do anything like that. When she got home he had managed to climb into a pair of boxers and an old singlet, and he was triumphantly waving a travel brochure. "You know that week's holiday...Read On

2

Shopping trips with Sherry

Sherry decides I need to go shopping for more clothes.

Slowly, Sherry and I begin to become more than just friends. Sex is off limits because neither of us want the possibility of a child, STD's, etc. She has no problem visiting me and I am still getting used to her place. Hardly anyone shows up at my house unannounced, while a few of her pals still drop in when they feel like it or if they are invited. Sherry or one of her bitches will ask me...Read On

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Recommended Read

Leave It To My Beaver - A 1950's Era Housewife's Fantasy

An erotic look at "the good old days"!

It was a hot summer day and the boys were out in the garage working on their bicycles. I was in the house doing some of the seemingly endless vacuuming when in came Ethan Huffington, one of the neighborhood boys. "Good afternoon Mrs. Chandler, you are looking especially lovely today," he said in his usual too polite way. Ethan had this way of talking that sounded so condescending and...Read On

6

You’re Supposed To Be A Lesbian

Not your usual Janet and John story.

Debra walked into the house at about half past six in the evening. It had been a long day and she had spent most of it driving home. She was more than tired and just wanted to slip into Janet’s arms, have a snog, a grope of her tits and then maybe go out, or stay in for a meal. Debra walked into the lounge and saw a note on the table. She could see Janet’s handwriting and prepared for the...Read On

1

More Fun Time With Sherry

Mommy Sherry starts to show her feisty side.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months... As time marches on, Sherry and I see each other more often and our notes at the stores are replaced with the usual conversation of a customer and associate. On weekends, she stops by my place and we talk, watch TV or do whatever is on the agenda. My co-workers and assorted friends understand that there is now a woman in the mix and to...Read On

16

The Wham Bam Theory II - The Fellatio Friendship

She needed help rearranging some furniture, and she rewarded his help well!

Andrew sat in his favorite spot on the old brown leather couch watching his favorite TV show, Star Trek (the original). He happily had the apartment to himself, his roommate Isaac had left for a science convention the day before. His girl friend, Elizabeth, was also out of town visiting relatives so he was fairly certain he would not be disturbed - a fact that made him grin broadly. He had...Read On

8

First Time With Sherry

'Just remember, Mommy Knows Best'

I am generally a good judge of character and can tell who I can poke fun with and who to steer clear of. My house is in an area with very little traffic. On warm mornings I take walks down to a skimpy male bikini and like to tan on my fenced-in deck in next to nothing or completely naked. I also get to see ladies in well-fitting attire as I drive or walk to work, which is always a plus....Read On

16

Salted Popcorn

I was a senior in high school at the time. Even twenty seven years later, I can remember everything about that Friday night. Well, everything except the movie. It was June, 1988 and I had just asked my long term crush out on a date. I couldn’t believe it when she accepted my offer to go to the cinema that Friday. Becky Waters was the most popular girl in school and I was pretty much not...Read On

8
Recommended Read

Jack the pumpkin kink

Breaking magic spells sometimes requires extreme measures

I know this will sound incredible, unbelievable, but you have to believe me. I swear this is exactly as it happened. There were lots to choose from, dozens, but this one sort of called to me. It did! Honestly, I know it sounds... Anyway, when I got home, the wife just sneered at me. 'Bit early for Halloween isn't it?'  So what? There was a week to go, but she knows I like to have a...Read On

10
Recommended Read

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt 3

Thank you Bella!

Welcome to Little Italy, Viv The next day, Leo made his way up to my office just before lunch time. He wanted to apologize to Viv. He had bought flowers for her. A dozen long stem roses.When Viv saw Leo walk through the door she panicked. She froze behind her desk. "Viv," Leo said to her, "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I...Read On

10
Recommended Read

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt2

Thank you Bella!

Enter Viviana Vendetti The following Monday morning I had an interview for the secretary position I had advertised. Her name was Viviana Vendetti. She entered my office promptly at eleven AM. I was immediately struck by her beauty. Her big, brown eyes emitted a cool and calm confidence. Long, shiny, chestnut colored hair gently bounced around her shoulders with each step she took,...Read On

4

The Tongue Stimulator

An attempt at a little sexual humor

Riley sat in the waiting room feeling awkward and embarrassed. What man would go to such lengths to satisfy his girlfriend, anyway? But there seemed no other alternative. He had always been able to satisfy his European girlfriend, Yora, when she wanted oral sex from him, but recently she attended a face sitting class with a friend and now seemed obsessed with it. He had no objection...Read On

12

Lean Acres And Harpoons

...lean acres is the place for me.

As any true southerner knows, there are places 'down yonder in Dixie', where the swamps never rise and the swamp chickens (frogs) croak off key. What happened to me, happened with my consent - even though I was covered in calamine lotion to ward off mosquito bites. * It was a Friday evening. I was taking a night off from my lounge; a private lounge and discreet, catering to...Read On