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Humor

In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

Comp Entry

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The gift exchange throws a big black wrench in Kara's perfect Christmas party

Around nine o’clock in the evening, Kara and her girlfriends made their way from the dining room table to the living room. She was pleased with how her party was going. When she had volunteered to hold the annual gathering, she was intent on doing it all classy. Her friends had offered their suggestions, but she vetoed themes such as A Leather & Lace Christmas or A Vivacious Vixen Christmas....Read On

3

Incubi Lover

A job is still a job, even for a sex daemon

The nightstand beside my bed burst into orange and red flame, followed by the sound of a four car pileup. "Oh damn, I'm late! I'd better get going and see what Administration wants now." Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mendelbrot, but my friends just call me Mendel. They laugh and tell me I'm a brot short of a pack. Ha, ha, silly boys. We all live here in Hades, but our...Read On

Comp Entry

Oh Christmas Goat, Oh Christmas Goat

Christmas Day. Shelly was in the driver’s seat, her bunny slipper on the pedal, steering wheel in one hand while she searched through the stations of the radio for something that wasn’t Celine Dion singing Come All Ye Faithful. “Deer!” I screamed, pointing out the windshield, covering my eyes. I am not sure how she missed it. I credit the coke we’d snorted earlier. Either that or...Read On

9

Going Deeper

A husband becomes a cuckold one step at a time.

“Go deeper,” I moaned. Without intent, that evening revealed what I longed for sexually. My husband made no comment which made me think he either ignored my confession or was too lost in arousal to hear. A few days later, though, he had quite a surprise for me and the surprises have kept coming over and over. One evening, while we halfheartedly watched another episode of CSI, he...Read On

16

My Recurring Lush Nightmare

He confronts me with my double life, and I can't wake up

"Chris!" With that exuberant syllable I drop the packages just inside the front door and start to rush toward my adorable boyfriend who isn't supposed to be here until tomorrow, but something in his face freeze-frames me like Roadrunner over its ersatz Latin caption. He's sprawled on the couch, having made himself at home. "Your roommate let me in." An open bottle of Sam Adams is on the...Read On

17

I Vont Yu Soggy Foxy Box

What scholars know about vampires, would not fill a thimble. Some say we are born of sorcery, while others think of the Mad Hatter. The only real relevance being, we are among the maddening crowd. Shrouded by the dark and tales that people whisper. Butte, Montana, 2004. There is a thing of curiosity that dangles the thighs of men. Pierced in the front, it gets stiff and...Read On

14

I Vont Yu Beef Curtains

To a different audience I address these words. From my memory. Its not for those with stardust on their nose, or Harry Potter in their thank tank fields.Vampiring has plagued our ancestors for millions of years, and there are no antidotes or vaccines. "If you run, watch out. Don't fall prey to the setting sun." The year 1216. A small village came under attack, leaving victims who...Read On

22
Recommended Read

PokeMeGo

A new craze and a new Mobile App. Here I come!

A friend of mine put me onto it. We were having a conversation on Skype and she said that there was this App that was like Pokemon-go but very, very different. Then she proceeded to tell me all about it. I must have shaken my head several times throughout the conversation as she proceeded to describe the process through a chat window. I kept on sending messages back to her, such as, ...Read On

8

I Vont Yu Icing Squeezer

Ambrogio, the immortal, had made Adum and Evelyn in his own image. I changing my name to Ezekiel, and Evelyn now a dishwater blond, working at a carwash in Greenland. The darken night, shrouded by a foreskin of thunderous clouds. And like the Devil's cannon, the sky shuddered. I'm a walking paradox, " just walking in the rain ." A little bit wet, a little bit insane. "But never the...Read On

9

I Vont Yu Tureen

I vampire, (Ezekiel) a living dead body. Contradictory, but so am I. Although, I have an odorous musk about my flesh. My personality is that of gentleman in full control of his sanity. Some referring to me as an abscess on the ass-end of humanity. Residing in a grave, a portmanteau or a 1947 DeSoto coupe, I suck blood from the living. Occasionally nourishing my hungering lust with tomato...Read On

6

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust

Welcome to the world of the most useless horny space pirate that ever lived.

The year is 3462, and sadly the earth is dead. What was left of its population spread through the heavens looking for a new home. Of course, once they left earth they found out they weren't alone in the universe. The rest of the sentient life forms had just been hiding from the destructive, backward human race. They had been manipulating images and shielding the earth from messages...Read On

2

Sex Education In The Ozarks

It's all about peckers and ladies

Howdy folks, my name is Wendell Buford, and I live in a little town name of Frog Whistle, Arkansas, with my widdered Ma, Mavis Buford, and my sister Priscilla. Folks is always sayin to me, “Wendell, you ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?” but I reckon I got me a sixth grade education and I can lift all kinds o’ heavy stuff, so I cain’t complain, ‘cause I reckon I get on okay. ...Read On

15

I Vont Yu Gummy Bear

Those who belonged to the social elite, engaged in some sort of religious mumbo-jumbo. Those who did not, were persecuted as heretics. And those who died violently by fire or at the stake, were deemed charcoal briquettes. Witches or vampires. Upon dying, if the soul was not in Heaven or Hell, it had to be somewhere. I, Ezekiel, a vampire. Just hung around. "That's some heavy shit, Ezekiel."...Read On

17

I Vont Yu Devils On Horseback

A special 'thank you' to NymphWriter, for editing.

What we as Vampires understand, mortality is not for the offspring of a common man. The everyday two-footer has no soul, for they will wilt your heart with lies, then grin. The history of the renaissance witnessed the brutality of man, but with an evil carnality written by scribes. It was open season (witch-hunts) for those with different ideals. It was the pestilence of the time as...Read On

38

Open Letters To My Underwear

Open letters to my underwear

I like buying underwear, especially panties, or knickers as we call them over here. I don't know why, but I've always disliked the word 'panties' in my mind it sounds dirty. Knickers sounds so much nicer, more innocent and cutsey. Maybe it's because the word panties isn't widely used in New Zealand? Below are open letters to my underwear, thanking them for their good service. I have lots of...Read On

19

I Vont Yu Hoppin' John

In quest of moans and sighs, pussy and thighs, I share the tale of forbiddance, from a poetic vampire such as I. Things in the past have happen, without rhyme or reason. With my conscience (an agnostic church moose) on my shoulder and the cock in my britches squirming, I begin. Norfolk Island, 16th century. Two "ears" before the mass. In 1587, 117 settlers traveled from England to...Read On

17
JefferyB
online

Wanna Play A Round?

A day on the links turns into an adventure to remember.

Ben and Angie had been dating for over three years. Both of them had a previous marriage and were being very careful about getting married a second time. She had been spending her weekends at his place for over a year and now they were almost settled into a married kind of lifestyle. They were very happy together, but simply didn’t discuss making their arrangement permanent. Ben had...Read On

26

I Vont Yu Blahod

A special 'thank you' to NymphWriter, for editing.

Once upon a time, when God painted the world, and it was still wet. You didn't have to stand in line or pay taxes. There were no Homo sapiens or cars, menopause or strips bars. It was all BC... before chickens. Then along came a wooly-bully and the earth was hatched. We don't know if I came before the Tyrannosaurus Rex or the egg. Probably somewhere in between. Being as I was "early...Read On

7

Goldilocks

A young slut stops at a small cottage, looking for a fuck

A warm breeze blew under Goldie’s short skirt, brushing delightfully against her bare and rather wet pussy lips. Despite the fact that her outfit didn’t do shit for the hiking activity she was currently indulging in, it had its perks. She wasn’t hiking because she really wanted to. She had been camping with a couple of her friends. They’d found a nice quiet place in the woods where they...Read On

20
ChrisM
online

Future Cock

I'm so horny

My name is Sam Slate. I am a voyageur. That is an all tonnage all universe spaceship Captain. As well as a black belt who has acquired mastery of twelve different recognized fighting styles. Pay me the mega bucks, and I will lift whatever piece of space junk to any destination. Note that I did say mega bucks. I am good, but I am not cheap. Well maybe I am in some ways, but not when it comes...Read On

13

Chill Pill

An employee confuses his pills and a female boss must take action to save the business.

“We got a problem, Boss,” whispered Roland, into my ear. Glaring at the interruption, I sighed and pushed back from the conference table. Quietly, I slipped from the gathering of clients and followed Roland out into the hall. “What’s up?” I asked. Roland explained, “Its Myron.” “What’s he done now?” I asked, getting peeved. “He’s locked himself in the executive washroom.” ...Read On

8

Can’t Take Her Anywhere

Over the years, Georgette has developed a real love of sucking cock and the thing is that she doesn’t care when or where, as long as she gets it. She seemed to need at least three or four cocks a day, besides mine. We go shopping a lot but usually just window-shopping because of our money situation. Georgette and I were at a mall one day and looking around. We had a little money to spend so...Read On

1

Another Notch On His Bedpost -Chapter 1

John is just a guy whose ex-girlfriend comes to visit him one afternoon and they nearly get caught

Seriously I don’t know how it happened. It wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t encourage her. Sorry, let me start at the beginning. I’d had dated Trudy on an off for a few years. We had finally split up a few weeks ago. She was a lovely lady, but there were just some things about her that were hard work. She wanted to spend time with her friends and time with me. That is not such a bad thing...Read On

3

On Call (Part 2) - The Follow Up

The adventures in scrubs continue

A distant cheer of the crowd was resonating as the camera zoomed in from different angles. The tension was palpable and the crowd egged on. In one corner, people started to sing. Fists were pumped into the air; high-fives and screams were shared in excitement. His heart was racing and beads of sweat flowered on his skin. Suddenly the noise dropped down as they changed positions and...Read On

8
Recommended Read

On Call

And finally his day took a turn for good

Stupid! Idiot! Knuckle dragging, sloth blooded … His round of profanities towards the slow walking gentleman blocking his way in the crowded passage stopped when he tried pushing his way ahead. He noticed the hunched stature, white wisps on the shining head, withered skin, quad cane and a urine bag in his hand. Although the unflattering moon behind the hospital robe was proudly...Read On

6

The Comma

What fun you can have with punctuation!

“Hi Mr Comma.” “Hello, anybody there?” “Please Mr Comma, come out to play.” “No.” “Please Mr Comma, or should that be Ms Comma?” “Just Comma will do. And the answer is still no.” “Meany.” “Yes, why don’t you use Full Stop or Quotation Marks? You are always using them.” “Well, this is a job that only you can do for me.” “Oh yes.” “Yes, I promise you are perfect for what I...Read On

8

A Pallor Of Gray

Talk wordy to me Hurley.

You might recall, the last escapade when the Gooch's were returning home to Goose. Now she in her skin tight'ner and I in my truss had just returned to Savannah from a visit with her dwindling kinfolk in Arkadelphia. "Its Philadelphia, Hurley." A lot of things have happen in the passing few months. A parrot pecking off an ear. A alligator biting off two fingers and a piranha chewing my...Read On

11
Recommended Read

FeloniousGooch69

...welcome newbies

Recently married and now in their twilight cheering, he with a truss and she with her makeup smearing. Like shadows to gray, Zelda's fat ass blocked out the sun as it went to sleep on the horizon. In the distance and approaching was geriatric's answer to Ma and Pa Kettle's farm. Jumping leaps and bounds by using modified pogo sticks, Hurley and Zelda Gooch hit the asphalt of the...Read On

8
Recommended Read

Gravel In My Gurdy

...sounded as if Tommy Dorsey was playing his trombone.

In the old days I raised my dick with an electric motor from an erector set, but now I had modernized. If you recall, "From Over The Pill." It takes a few minutes to connect the moped motor to the stationary bicycle. That and the wires and tubes that attach to my scrotum and penis. I don't need the blue pill any longer. I left off as Hurley and Zelda were moped-bopping. The engine...Read On

12
Recommended Read

Over The Pill

When we had first met, four weeks ago, Zelda had a case of bad hemorrhoids. A couple of days later as I was willfully treasure hunting in her anal cavities, I discovered autographed castanets by Xavier Cugat (1964) instead of piles. On the road, after the honeymoon, we were nearing Savannah. I was tiring and my endorphins were acting up. We checked in to the Hootchie Smooch Inn, and once...Read On