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Cum Shower

All he wanted was to ease his loneliness

Let me just preface this little narrative by saying that I am not the most proficient of lovers. I have trouble meeting ladies. I don’t know why. I’m shy, you could say. But I'm human, like Morrissey says, and I need to be loved, just like anybody else does. So, instead of going out and meeting someone, I thought I’d try hiring a prostitute. I’d never done it before. And, to be honest,...Read On


Clone A Willy or The Troubles of Mixing Science and Sex

don't try this at home unless you are secure in your manhood

Most of the stories I write are sweet, romantic and a representation of real life. Complete with dialogue and feelings. This story is not one of those. This could probably be considered a real life account of a humbling experience. The wonderful woman in my life, Maddi, has come to enjoy sex in her middle years. Since our divorces we have been making up for lost time. She has gotten...Read On


Dating in North Dallas

The nightmare of post-divorce dating

Three things can happen in a marriage and two are bad. I’m experiencing one of the bad things. It’s called divorce. Hi! I’m Mike Dawson. I go by M.D. What am I doing now? I am now sitting in my girlfriend’s Sunday school class at a protestant mega-church. It’s a class for divorced singles. The speaker is telling them how men don’t understand their wives and moms, and there is one reason...Read On

Recommended Read

A General Erection

A rather naughty political sketch

There’s a week to go before the country goes to the polls. The result is on a knife edge and the Prime Minister is aboard the battle bus, visiting Paddle with Whipping, a key marginal in the home counties. As he relaxes in his seat, his aide hands him the ‘special telephone.’ “It’s Martin, Prime Minister, he says it’s urgent.” The premier takes the phone, his face grim with trepidation. ...Read On


A trip to the shops

Who said that shopping is boring...

"Can I help you, sir?" I turned to appraise the lady who was offering me her assistance. I liked what I saw. Petite. Clothes clinging to her as if their life depended on it, emphasising what looked like a perfectly proportioned chest. Brunette, shoulder length hair. Black shirt ending at the waist. First two buttons undone. Some form of necklace; no, a crucifix with the cross...Read On

Recommended Read

Blue Light Special

Two small town policeman pick up a big haired, big titted waitress for a ‘yehaa’ good time.

The train seemed like it would run on forever. Sitting in his black and white police cruiser, several cars back waiting in line, police officer, Bugs Parr, squirmed impatiently in his seat. Leaning forward, he stretched his neck to see if he could see the end of the long noisy freight train. “Goddamn if that ain’t the longest fuckin’ train I’ve seen in ages,” Sergeant Wilson said as he...Read On

Audio version available

No Ticket if I Lick it, Officer

I can't pay for this ticket officer.....not with money anyway

Oh I love a man in uniform...I know why you roared up behind me on that motorcycle officer....I know why you have to give me a ticket...but I can't pay for it....unless you'll accept a bribe? You want to handcuff me while I suck your big cock? You might have to use a little....supplemental...Read On


Last Chance

Clarence the cross-eyed cupid has one last chance...

Skinny arms drew back the bowstring with strength that belied their weak appearance. The golden bow and red-fletched arrow didn't waver a millimeter as Clarence took careful aim. He was here, and she was here – now was Clarence's moment. The bowstring twanged – the missile flying straight and true. Clarence smiled, watching her face for the telltale signs of love blooming within her...Read On


My Journal

Can't figure my wife out so I'm keeping a Journal

Journal Entry: November 14, 2014 Today I again asked my wife for sex and as usual she made up some lame excuse. It's going on two months now and my masturbating is becoming more regular. Journal Entry: November 19, 2014 I may have had a bit of a break through. I complained about the lack of sex and she promised to be more attentive. I think this week end will be really good. Journal...Read On


King Arthur in the Adventures of Cameltoe (Part 2)

Arthur continues his hunt for Guinievere's lover. In the meantime, Merlin visits a brothel.

Chapter5 Arthur’s Story After dinner I walked the gardens to help digest my food. Despite the fine smells my head was elsewhere. My mind was a filled court politics. Everyone was at each other’s throats. The problems were building for me now. On top of ruling my kingdom, I had Guinevere heartbroken after being found having an affair, now I had my trusted knight telling me to sack...Read On


King Arthur in the Adventures of Cameltoe (Part 1)

Everybody wants a piece of Guinevere

Chapter1 Arthur’s Story Guinevere, my love, my soul mate... My absolute pain in the arse. They say behind every great man there is an even greater woman... Yup, whoever said that was obviously in his wife’s bad book. I mean, I’m never out of Guinevere’s bad book. She may as well be writing a fucking novel. It must have a contents page that reads like a parts manual for one of those...Read On


First Time Disaster

Jason runs into complications he never expected.

So throughout his college days, Jason Smith tried like hell, but was totally unsuccessful in losing his most embarrassing character trait. He graduated with an impressive degree from a major university. The university only admitted perhaps seven percent of all applicants and had a significant flunk out rate, so being successful in attaining a Bachelors degree from this institution was in...Read On


Chocolate Laughter

Things that can go wrong

We had met at a seminar the month before, and had been messaging and chatting since. She was 38, married with two teenage kids, starting to rebuild her career, having taken a break. I could see she was a go-getter, fiercely intelligent, and going to be successful. If I had vacancies in my company, I would have head hunted her. Instead, here we were on another course (long booked ahead),...Read On


The Piece Treaty 4th Gear

The Bear trap morphs into a humorous departure

Cyn was not the dumb blonde she portrayed when she was recruiting lovers. She earned masters degrees from two universities in business and accounting. Cyn’s intellect was only matched by her sexual appetite. Dave was merely a high school graduate who attended a local trade school for two years. After a sort stint in the military, Dave did fabrication work for contractors who needed an on...Read On

The Wham Bam Theory

Two university professors discover a whole new field of study - each other!

Andrew sat in the university cafeteria eating his lunch alone. He always took his lunch at the same time and at the same table. He always had the same lunch too - a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (light on the jelly) with the crusts cut off, a small glass of milk, and four Oreo Doublestuff cookies. Andrew liked things to stay the same... he hated change and anything that was new or...Read On


The Piece Treaty 3rd Gear

So you're here to fuck my wife. Hope you took your vitamins.

The Piece Treaty 3 rd Gear Dave & Cyndee gave Silvia Ferris a sex life when they accidentally hooked her up with a long lost lover. Paraphrasing an old cliché goes: the best laid plans of vice by men could get someone laid once again. Sometimes you do a good deed even if it is unintentional. After a couple nights Silvia’s amorous howling quieted down, Dave was back to his hobbies and Cyn...Read On


Sex On A Plane

Let's just say, my tray table and seat-back were in the upright position.

The "mile high club" is kind of a misnomer. The average cruising altitude of an airplane is 35,000 feet. Calling it the "mile high club" is really understating the deed. The Six Mile High Club. Now that's more like it. It takes a lot of work to pull off successful mid-air copulation: Planning, skill, grace, cunning, and most of all: discreteness. Unfortunately, I have none of these...Read On


The Piece Treaty 2nd gear

If you chew you better spit before you read this.

The Piece Treaty 2 nd Gear We pick up the story of Dave and Cyndee (Cyn) and their sexual adventures in a new suburban housing development. Dave is half Native American, one quarter French-German and three quarters crazy. Dave loves Cyn, likes sex, guns, country music, pickup trucks and redneck hobbies. Cyn is "a turn around & look at that would ya " blonde who loves Dave and loves...Read On


The Piece Treaty

Not something for everyone nor everything for someone

Some sounds command attention and cause everyone within earshot to stop what they are doing to respond to the sound.  Truck and rail air horns are classic examples which do not cause undue stress if one is not parked on the tracks. Unexpected sounds are often extremely stressful. Such was the loud “schick-schick” sound of the pump shotgun which abruptly destroyed the mood in the...Read On


Willacoochee Chicken

I, Cecile Dedolt, doff of many hats. You might recall that at one time a hosel hole driller of croquette mallards, often being reminded that it was croquet mallets. What do they know? A hosel is the socket or hole in the head of a mallard. Mallard sightings, of which can be seen in early spring on lawns with wicket widgets of nine. Moving to Willacoochee, Georgia after breaking the neck on...Read On


Sayonara Elysian Fields, Hello Hortense

this is 100% true, except that the hurdy-gurdy crank was actually an old automobile one

When we last spoke, if you remember...I talked about the Elysian Fields of Rome. A town situated in Northwest Georgia. I, Cecile Dedbolt, had just graduated from Ivy Tech Vocational School & Laundromat with a cum laude in hosel drilling. It was a toss up on who could cum loudest, me or my girlfriend Zelda. Mom had told me that the only way in life to get head, was to learn a trade and...Read On


There Is Nothing To Be seen

Oscar Wilde said it best. “After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world. I mean disassociated. Take a top hat. You think you see it as it really is. But you don’t because you associate it with other things and ideas. If you...Read On


A bored housewife's amusing tale

Funny thing that happened one day

Life was a bit mundane for Tracy. She was married for about thirteen years. She was a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister. But she felt very alone. Things were okay with her marriage. They had great sex, but did struggle connecting emotionally. This frustrated Tracy very much. Her husband was an introvert and she was more social. Then one day she went looking for something a...Read On


A Run in With The Law

Two college students want to get in touch with nature and get in touch with the law, instead.

Randy and I have been dating for several months. Nearing the end of our college semester, Randy's parents took an impromptu trip out of town. With the house, and the weekend, free, we wasted no time getting together. Passion rises, as do other things, but then the lights from a car in the driveway streak through the Venetian blinds. With only a minute to spare, Randy and I gather our clothing...Read On


Mr. Spanky Goes to Heaven

His prayers were answered!

I couldn't believe I was sitting in church, wearing a suit and tie. Debbie sat beside me in a frilly pink and white dress, a silly pink hat on her head. It was 1971, and that's how people dressed on Sundays, way back then. I hadn't been to church in over ten years. It wasn't Deb I was trying to impress. It was her older sister, Karen, who was my goddess. I knew Karen would never have...Read On


The Crack of Dawn

Me and Dawn was both born 'n raised in Hooterville. We never dated, though. We'd just hang out with our friends at the Tasty-Freeze and stuff. We was always "Just Friends." You know, the kind of friends where the girl just wants to have fun and the guy just wants to fuck. Yeah, I really liked her, maybe even loved her a little. By the time we was thirty, I'd moved to the city and Dawn...Read On


Putting On My High Top Galoshes

Like all writer's, the names and locations have changed in order that I can stretch my imagination. With the exception of Savannah, Georgia, most is pure swamp water fabrication. I pride myself in being both literate and illegitimate, as I made it through university. Although my family is dysfunctional, we don't get along past my weekly donations to their Sunday bingo's. My mom finds...Read On



It all started several months ago when I, Envious Gumshue, was given my pink slip at The Toadstool Inn restaurant. You would have thought that it would have come with lace, but it did get my attention. One has to understand, what "The Stool" lacked in etiquette, it made up for with chewing gum stuck beneath the tables. However, on first entering, you got the feeling of silence as if...Read On


One funny day in college

This day in college, was a funny, yet erotic

My name is Jim, and I'm twenty-two. I'm in college, and I have this roommate, named Ed. He is twenty-three, and always seems to have bad luck when it comes to the ladies. There was one time, when we were at a club, that he was trying to pick up a couple chicks. There were two ladies, and he actually thought he was gonna get us both lucky. "You know ladies, those beer bottles aren't the only...Read On

Recommended Read

Shadow's Ivy

Like other members of the family flock, I attended Dartmouth University, majoring in mediocrity and minoring in meteorology, following in my uncle's footsteps, chasing tornadoes and aspiring stage dancers... perhaps a rainbow or two. I managed to slip narrowly through the cracks and received a very thin sheepskin diploma. I was ready to seek the high and low fronts of being a weather person. ...Read On