Humor Stories

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Adagio

I Vont Yu Hoppin' John

In quest of moans and sighs, pussy and thighs, I share the tale of forbiddance, from a poetic vampire such as I. Things in the past have happen, without rhyme or reason. With my conscience (an agnostic church moose) on my shoulder and the cock in my britches squirming, I begin. Norfolk Island, 16th century. Two "ears" before the mass. In 1587, 117 settlers traveled from England to...Read On

Added: 09 Aug 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,361 | Tags: supernatural humor | 19 Comments

16

vote

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JefferyB

Wanna Play A Round?

A day on the links turns into an adventure to remember.

Ben and Angie had been dating for over three years. Both of them had a previous marriage and were being very careful about getting married a second time. She had been spending her weekends at his place for over a year and now they were almost settled into a married kind of lifestyle. They were very happy together, but simply didn’t discuss making their arrangement permanent. Ben had...Read On

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Adagio

I Vont Yu Blahod

A special 'thank you' to NymphWriter, for editing.

Once upon a time, when God painted the world, and it was still wet. You didn't have to stand in line or pay taxes. There were no Homo sapiens or cars, menopause or strips bars. It was all BC... before chickens. Then along came a wooly-bully and the earth was hatched. We don't know if I came before the Tyrannosaurus Rex or the egg. Probably somewhere in between. Being as I was "early...Read On

Added: 04 Aug 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 2,074 | Tags: supernatural humor | 21 Comments

5

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Cephas

Goldilocks

A young slut stops at a small cottage, looking for a fuck

A warm breeze blew under Goldie’s short skirt, brushing delightfully against her bare and rather wet pussy lips. Despite the fact that her outfit didn’t do shit for the hiking activity she was currently indulging in, it had its perks. She wasn’t hiking because she really wanted to. She had been camping with a couple of her friends. They’d found a nice quiet place in the woods where they...Read On

21

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ChrisM
online

Future Cock

I'm so horny

My name is Sam Slate. I am a voyageur. That is an all tonnage all universe spaceship Captain. As well as a black belt who has acquired mastery of twelve different recognized fighting styles. Pay me the mega bucks, and I will lift whatever piece of space junk to any destination. Note that I did say mega bucks. I am good, but I am not cheap. Well maybe I am in some ways, but not when it comes...Read On

6

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mranonymous7

Can’t Take Her Anywhere

Over the years, Georgette has developed a real love of sucking cock and the thing is that she doesn’t care when or where, as long as she gets it. She seemed to need at least three or four cocks a day, besides mine. We go shopping a lot but usually just window-shopping because of our money situation. Georgette and I were at a mall one day and looking around. We had a little money to spend so...Read On

2

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RogerBrown69

Another Notch On His Bedpost -Chapter 1

John is just a guy whose ex-girlfriend comes to visit him one afternoon and they nearly get caught

Seriously I don’t know how it happened. It wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t encourage her. Sorry, let me start at the beginning. I’d had dated Trudy on an off for a few years. We had finally split up a few weeks ago. She was a lovely lady, but there were just some things about her that were hard work. She wanted to spend time with her friends and time with me. That is not such a bad thing...Read On

Added: 16 Apr 2016 | Category: Humor | Avg Score: 5 | Words: 3,655 | Tags: garden neighbours

3

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underthehood

On Call (Part 2) - The Follow Up

The adventures in scrubs continue

A distant cheer of the crowd was resonating as the camera zoomed in from different angles. The tension was palpable and the crowd egged on. In one corner, people started to sing. Fists were pumped into the air; high-fives and screams were shared in excitement. His heart was racing and beads of sweat flowered on his skin. Suddenly the noise dropped down as they changed positions and...Read On

8

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underthehood

On Call

And finally his day took a turn for good

Stupid! Idiot! Knuckle dragging, sloth blooded … His round of profanities towards the slow walking gentleman blocking his way in the crowded passage stopped when he tried pushing his way ahead. He noticed the hunched stature, white wisps on the shining head, withered skin, quad cane and a urine bag in his hand. Although the unflattering moon behind the hospital robe was proudly...Read On

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Adagio

A Pallor Of Gray

Talk wordy to me Hurley.

You might recall, the last escapade when the Gooch's were returning home to Goose. Now she in her skin tight'ner and I in my truss had just returned to Savannah from a visit with her dwindling kinfolk in Arkadelphia. "Its Philadelphia, Hurley." A lot of things have happen in the passing few months. A parrot pecking off an ear. A alligator biting off two fingers and a piranha chewing my...Read On

Added: 14 Jan 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,216 | Tags: funny erotic | 10 Comments

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Adagio

FeloniousGooch69

...welcome newbies

Recently married and now in their twilight cheering, he with a truss and she with her makeup smearing. Like shadows to gray, Zelda's fat ass blocked out the sun as it went to sleep on the horizon. In the distance and approaching was geriatric's answer to Ma and Pa Kettle's farm. Jumping leaps and bounds by using modified pogo sticks, Hurley and Zelda Gooch hit the asphalt of the...Read On

Added: 09 Jan 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,575 | Tags: humor erotic. online chat | 10 Comments

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Adagio

Gravel In My Gurdy

...sounded as if Tommy Dorsey was playing his trombone.

In the old days I raised my dick with an electric motor from an erector set, but now I had modernized. If you recall, "From Over The Pill." It takes a few minutes to connect the moped motor to the stationary bicycle. That and the wires and tubes that attach to my scrotum and penis. I don't need the blue pill any longer. I left off as Hurley and Zelda were moped-bopping. The engine...Read On

Added: 07 Jan 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,339 | Tags: humor erotic | 10 Comments

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Adagio

Over The Pill

When we had first met, four weeks ago, Zelda had a case of bad hemorrhoids. A couple of days later as I was willfully treasure hunting in her anal cavities, I discovered autographed castanets by Xavier Cugat (1964) instead of piles. On the road, after the honeymoon, we were nearing Savannah. I was tiring and my endorphins were acting up. We checked in to the Hootchie Smooch Inn, and once...Read On

Added: 04 Jan 2016 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,054 | Tags: erotic humor | 11 Comments

5

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Spooge

Mr. Mighty

A local intrepid superhero is tested in ways he never imagined.

"Why, oh why, can't I fly like Superman?" Eric Mighty asked the mirror in his modest bathroom. For a man of superhuman strength he did not feel very super. He could do so much more if only he could fly. The Auda City Police Department had issued him a special phone that had a signal almost anywhere, far better than a standard civilian model. What help could he provide when he had to deal with...Read On

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welshman

How to Arouse your Woman

Some basic sex education!

So, you have her in a room, let's say it's the traditional bedroom. (Could be the kitchen or bathroom, but do not attempt the following at the pub, cinema or the like.) Help her undress, particularly her underwear if she is so adorned. Undo her bra, let it loosen, cup her breasts with it then remove, letting it fall to the floor. Nibble on her nape while you do so, if she has long hair tell...Read On

2

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HalftoneTony

Paige's Sting

Paige and Azalea seize the opportunity to get their own back on their bullying boss

It all began when Azalea popped home at lunchtime to put some washing in and get something out of the freezer for dinner. Jared had been loafing about all morning but obviously he couldn't be trusted to do anything like that. When she got home he had managed to climb into a pair of boxers and an old singlet, and he was triumphantly waving a travel brochure. "You know that week's holiday...Read On

Added: 08 Dec 2015 | Category: Humor | Avg Score: 4.5 | Words: 6,407 | Tags: revenge porn office sex rough sex voyeurism caught

2

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David929

Shopping trips with Sherry

Sherry decides I need to go shopping for more clothes.

Slowly, Sherry and I begin to become more than just friends. Sex is off limits because neither of us want the possibility of a child, STD's, etc. She has no problem visiting me and I am still getting used to her place. Hardly anyone shows up at my house unannounced, while a few of her pals still drop in when they feel like it or if they are invited. Sherry or one of her bitches will ask me...Read On

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Master_Jonathan

Leave It To My Beaver - A 1950's Era Housewife's Fantasy

An erotic look at "the good old days"!

It was a hot summer day and the boys were out in the garage working on their bicycles. I was in the house doing some of the seemingly endless vacuuming when in came Ethan Huffington, one of the neighborhood boys. "Good afternoon Mrs. Chandler, you are looking especially lovely today," he said in his usual too polite way. Ethan had this way of talking that sounded so condescending and...Read On

Added: 05 Dec 2015 | Category: Humor | Words: 3,752 | Tags: humor 1950 straight mature parody sitcom | 19 Comments

7

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DarkSide

You’re Supposed To Be A Lesbian

Not your usual Janet and John story.

Debra walked into the house at about half past six in the evening. It had been a long day and she had spent most of it driving home. She was more than tired and just wanted to slip into Janet’s arms, have a snog, a grope of her tits and then maybe go out, or stay in for a meal. Debra walked into the lounge and saw a note on the table. She could see Janet’s handwriting and prepared for the...Read On

1

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David929

More Fun Time With Sherry

Mommy Sherry starts to show her feisty side.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months... As time marches on, Sherry and I see each other more often and our notes at the stores are replaced with the usual conversation of a customer and associate. On weekends, she stops by my place and we talk, watch TV or do whatever is on the agenda. My co-workers and assorted friends understand that there is now a woman in the mix and to...Read On

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Master_Jonathan

The Wham Bam Theory II - The Fellatio Friendship

She needed help rearranging some furniture, and she rewarded his help well!

Andrew sat in his favorite spot on the old brown leather couch watching his favorite TV show, Star Trek (the original). He happily had the apartment to himself, his roommate Isaac had left for a science convention the day before. His girl friend, Elizabeth, was also out of town visiting relatives so he was fairly certain he would not be disturbed - a fact that made him grin broadly. He had...Read On

Added: 16 Nov 2015 | Category: Humor | Words: 4,027 | Tags: university parody moving oral sex neighbors | 11 Comments

8

vote

David929

First Time With Sherry

'Just remember, Mommy Knows Best'

I am generally a good judge of character and can tell who I can poke fun with and who to steer clear of. My house is in an area with very little traffic. On warm mornings I take walks down to a skimpy male bikini and like to tan on my fenced-in deck in next to nothing or completely naked. I also get to see ladies in well-fitting attire as I drive or walk to work, which is always a plus....Read On

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Jasmine_x

Salted Popcorn

I was a senior in high school at the time. Even twenty seven years later, I can remember everything about that Friday night. Well, everything except the movie. It was June, 1988 and I had just asked my long term crush out on a date. I couldn’t believe it when she accepted my offer to go to the cinema that Friday. Becky Waters was the most popular girl in school and I was pretty much not...Read On

Added: 03 Nov 2015 | Category: Humor | Words: 1,196 | Tags: humor humour first date popcorn cinema movies | 17 Comments

6

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Alexandra_A

Jack the pumpkin kink

Breaking magic spells sometimes requires extreme measures

I know this will sound incredible, unbelievable, but you have to believe me. I swear this is exactly as it happened. There were lots to choose from, dozens, but this one sort of called to me. It did! Honestly, I know it sounds... Anyway, when I got home, the wife just sneered at me. 'Bit early for Halloween isn't it?' So what? There was a week to go, but she knows I like to have a...Read On

7

vote

Gil_Renard

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt 3

Thank you Bella!

Welcome to Little Italy, Viv The next day, Leo made his way up to my office just before lunch time. He wanted to apologize to Viv. He had bought flowers for her. A dozen long stem roses.When Viv saw Leo walk through the door she panicked. She froze behind her desk. "Viv," Leo said to her, "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I...Read On

8

vote

Gil_Renard

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt2

Thank you Bella!

Enter Viviana Vendetti The following Monday morning I had an interview for the secretary position I had advertised. Her name was Viviana Vendetti. She entered my office promptly at eleven AM. I was immediately struck by her beauty. Her big, brown eyes emitted a cool and calm confidence. Long, shiny, chestnut colored hair gently bounced around her shoulders with each step she took,...Read On

5

vote

benawriter

The Tongue Stimulator

An attempt at a little sexual humor

Riley sat in the waiting room feeling awkward and embarrassed. What man would go to such lengths to satisfy his girlfriend, anyway? But there seemed no other alternative. He had always been able to satisfy his European girlfriend, Yora, when she wanted oral sex from him, but recently she attended a face sitting class with a friend and now seemed obsessed with it. He had no objection...Read On

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Adagio

Lean Acres And Harpoons

...lean acres is the place for me.

As any true southerner knows, there are places 'down yonder in Dixie', where the swamps never rise and the swamp chickens (frogs) croak off key. What happened to me, happened with my consent - even though I was covered in calamine lotion to ward off mosquito bites. * It was a Friday evening. I was taking a night off from my lounge; a private lounge and discreet, catering to...Read On

Added: 30 Sep 2015 | Category: Humor | Words: 2,303 | Tags: fetish humor masturbation group | 9 Comments

1

vote

WritersFriend

A Little Place Called Heaven

An homage to O. Henry, written too late for the "Money Talks" competition.

It sounded easy, but wait till I tell you. Me and Jake O’Leary had just finished up a short-time bid for a bad-check beef at Warm Springs, a min-security bucket in Carson City, and through some scams we’d scraped together close to three thousand bucks, but we needed seven thou to buy into a major credit-card grift. We brainstormed and cogitated, trying to think of a way to top up our...Read On

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Adagio

Kickstand

...cabbage rolls and James Brown.

I have never confessed to being gay or engaging in buggering. It's just understood. I was never a 'real' male, after the initial soundings in my urethra. They making me swoon down to my socks in my effeminate canter. Now four weeks after being castrated and having my scrotum cauterized. The vibes of the wands were making me smile as I started up the mobile. I was working as an apprentice...Read On

Added: 10 Sep 2015 | Category: Humor | Words: 826 | Tags: erotic humorus sounding | 8 Comments

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Humor

I Vont Yu Hoppin' John

Wanna Play A Round?

I Vont Yu Blahod

Goldilocks

Future Cock

Can’t Take Her Anywhere

Another Notch On His Bedpost -Chapter 1

On Call (Part 2) - The Follow Up

On Call

A Pallor Of Gray

FeloniousGooch69

Gravel In My Gurdy

Over The Pill

Mr. Mighty

How to Arouse your Woman

Paige's Sting

Shopping trips with Sherry

Leave It To My Beaver - A 1950's Era Housewife's Fantasy

You’re Supposed To Be A Lesbian

More Fun Time With Sherry

The Wham Bam Theory II - The Fellatio Friendship

First Time With Sherry

Salted Popcorn

Jack the pumpkin kink

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt 3

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt2

The Tongue Stimulator

Lean Acres And Harpoons

A Little Place Called Heaven

Kickstand