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In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

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Editor's Pick

Oh Christmas Goat, Oh Christmas Goat

Christmas Day. Shelly was in the driver’s seat, her bunny slipper on the pedal, steering wheel in one hand while she searched through the stations of the radio for something that wasn’t Celine Dion singing Come All Ye Faithful. “Deer!” I screamed, pointing out the windshield, covering my eyes. I am not sure how she missed it. I credit the coke we’d snorted earlier. Either that or...Read On

50

Bernie's House Of Bangers

Bangers and Mash

Bernie's House of Bangers Bernie's House of Bangers was a little, all-night diner on the corner of Riverside and Grove. It might as well have been on the corner of 'Nowhere' and 'Get Lost' for all the traffic it got. I'd driven by there a hundred times and never given it a second thought. It was only after a long evening of playing the nigh-shift Santa Claus at the local ‘Wally-Mart’ that...Read On

49
Recommended Read
Buz

Blue Light Special

Two small town policeman pick up a big haired, big titted waitress for a ‘yehaa’ good time.

The train seemed like it would run on forever. Sitting in his black and white police cruiser, several cars back waiting in line, police officer, Bugs Parr, squirmed impatiently in his seat. Leaning forward, he stretched his neck to see if he could see the end of the long noisy freight train. “Goddamn if that ain’t the longest fuckin’ train I’ve seen in ages,” Sergeant Wilson said as he...Read On

35

The Lady of the House

When the lady of the house is not happy, then ain't nobody happy

Ray and I started dating shortly after my divorce. I’d been working for Victoria’s Secret Catalog so not only did I have an amazing forty percent discount on purchases, but I was also privileged to have first choice on new lines of merchandise before the catalog had been placed in mailboxes across the country.  For this particular evening, I’d selected a very sheer black lace baby doll...Read On

34
Recommended Read

Cockshock, Chapter 1

Blowjobs, boobs and a breakfast in ruins

Reginald Woodrow Buttress felt the deep throb before he opened his eyes. It was the same every goddamn morning and lasted all day, every day. A boner so big and hard you could club an elephant with it. Why, God, why? Why me? Perpetual wood. Permanent hard on. Eleven fucking inches of purple, throbbing stone. There was so much blood in his dick, he sometimes fainted. Even then his dick...Read On

26
Recommended Read

PokeMeGo

A new craze and a new Mobile App. Here I come!

A friend of mine put me onto it. We were having a conversation on Skype and she said that there was this App that was like Pokemon-go but very, very different. Then she proceeded to tell me all about it. I must have shaken my head several times throughout the conversation as she proceeded to describe the process through a chat window. I kept on sending messages back to her, such as, ...Read On

21
ChrisM
online

Future Cock

I'm so horny

My name is Sam Slate. I am a voyageur. That is an all tonnage all universe spaceship Captain. As well as a black belt who has acquired mastery of twelve different recognized fighting styles. Pay me the mega bucks, and I will lift whatever piece of space junk to any destination. Note that I did say mega bucks. I am good, but I am not cheap. Well maybe I am in some ways, but not when it comes...Read On

20

If Dildos Could Talk

What her dildo knows that you don't...

Psst. Pssst! Yah, you. Down here. That’s right, in the drawer next to the lube. There ya go little fella! Well hello there! I’m Dilbert, Becky’s dildo. Well, that’s my given name, but depending on the night, I’m also, Big Boy , as in "Come here, Big Boy," or, "How’s my Big Boy doing?" On those special nights, and a special condom, I’m her Big Black Cock . What? You didn’t know she...Read On

15
Audio version available

No Ticket if I Lick it, Officer

I can't pay for this ticket officer.....not with money anyway

Oh I love a man in uniform...I know why you roared up behind me on that motorcycle officer....I know why you have to give me a ticket...but I can't pay for it....unless you'll accept a bribe? You want to handcuff me while I suck your big cock? You might have to use a little....supplemental...Read On

14

A Run in With The Law

Two college students want to get in touch with nature and get in touch with the law, instead.

Randy and I have been dating for several months. Nearing the end of our college semester, Randy's parents took an impromptu trip out of town. With the house, and the weekend, free, we wasted no time getting together. Passion rises, as do other things, but then the lights from a car in the driveway streak through the Venetian blinds. With only a minute to spare, Randy and I gather our clothing...Read On

12

The Adventures of Having Roommates

With Alex taking a long shower Cassie has a solution for Michelle's need to get out of the apartment

No matter how hard I try I have never been able to beat Cassie running. It’s not a defeatist attitude but rather a simple indisputable fact. Every time we go for a run she crosses some imaginary finish line ahead of me. I’ve tried sneak attacks. I’ve tried to get a lead and hold it. I’ve tried to shadow her and sprint to the end and I’ve even tried the “I’m just running next to you but sneak...Read On

11

The Alliterative Assignation

Some fun wih words in a collaborative effort with Poppet

Poppet was a person, not a puppet; that point must be perfectly clear. Feeling not terribly devotional that Palm Sunday, she was perusing porn on her Palm Pilot while she was perched in her pew at the Pineview Pentecostal Chapel. Her perky breasts rose and fell as she watched the scene silently unfold beneath her hymnbook. Her paramour, Peter, perched in the pew next to her, glanced at...Read On

40

SilkPanties22 (Fourth Stab)

A single man pretends to be a woman on a sex fantasy/chat site...

One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy. Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way...Read On

38

Open Letters To My Underwear

Open letters to my underwear

I like buying underwear, especially panties, or knickers as we call them over here. I don't know why, but I've always disliked the word 'panties' in my mind it sounds dirty. Knickers sounds so much nicer, more innocent and cutsey. Maybe it's because the word panties isn't widely used in New Zealand? Below are open letters to my underwear, thanking them for their good service. I have lots of...Read On

34

Fucking The Client

Perks Of The Job

I had to work a fourteen hour shift yesterday, which dragged into the late night. I didn't even get home until the wee hours, stripping and going straight to bed. The last thing I saw was the clock reading ten of five in the morning. I let out a groan when I hear my phone buzz. Who could possibly be texting me so early? I sigh, and reach for my phone. I read the text, it’s from my boss....Read On

33
Recommended Read

A General Erection

A rather naughty political sketch

There’s a week to go before the country goes to the polls. The result is on a knife edge and the Prime Minister is aboard the battle bus, visiting Paddle with Whipping, a key marginal in the home counties. As he relaxes in his seat, his aide hands him the ‘special telephone.’ “It’s Martin, Prime Minister, he says it’s urgent.” The premier takes the phone, his face grim with trepidation. ...Read On

33

Wilbur The Traveling Dildo Salesman

Do we have a dildo for you!

I always knock three times, not two, not four, but three. If they didn’t answer, I then rang the door bell. When they do answer, I apologize for knocking, saying I didn’t see the button. Beginning with an apology immediately reduces any anxiety they may have toward the stranger at their front door. With the apology, and a warm smile, I have also shown them respect. That opens the prospect...Read On

25

Healthcare Reform (A nurse fantasy)

Inspired by a recent doctor visit...the fifth Gary aka 67goat story...

As I drove over to the new healthcare clinic, I was a bit apprehensive. I truly hate going to doctors. I usually only go to a doctor after I've either broken something or I am bleeding so profusely the blood threatens to change the color of my shirt. In fact, I don't even have a regular doctor. When I had to choose a primary care physician for my HMO, I believe I threw a dart at the page...Read On

44
Editor's Pick

It's Behind You!

Who loves a Christmas pantomime? Oh yes, you do!

“Whoops, sorry!” Kevin felt himself blush involuntarily as he opened the dressing-room door and found himself confronted by the sight of Gary and Belinda going at it like a couple of rabbits. She was bracing herself against the table while Gary enthusiastically scuttled her from behind. The white blouse of her dirndl costume had been pulled right down, giving Kevin a full-frontal view of...Read On

22

Saturday Moaning At The Office

This isn't what office sex is like in the stories...

It felt weird to be creeping around my office on Saturday morning. The empty building was a bit spooky – like being in one those post apocalypse zombie films that my boyfriend loves so much. I was glad that I had brought him inside to protect me – at least I had been until he decided to sneak up on me after poking around one of the displays. “Don’t do that!” I scolded, slapping him hard on...Read On

19
Recommended Read

Rooftop Dreams

The concrete is colder than I thought it’d be. More abrasive. Like sandpaper and those small, painfully annoying pebbles that squirm their way into your shoes back when you’re a kid drunk off sugared drinks and running like a bat outta hell around the playground. Worry free. Innocent. Happy. The fucking good old days of pop tarts, staying up late eating jellybeans and watching Power...Read On

18

A Few Days Before Christmas, My Elves So Gifted Thee...

... a drunken road trip surprise for me

“What… the… fuuuck… “ Entering with a chorus of giggles, a conspicuous cloud of whiskey hit Missy, almost wilting the fuchsia hibiscus behind her ear. She chortled as the cherubic man in red, white, and black was seemingly pushed forward, and staggered through the brothel’s held open front door. “I said no more old fat guys, Willis. I have my pelvis to think about. What the hell?”...Read On

16

First Time Disaster

Jason runs into complications he never expected.

So throughout his college days, Jason Smith tried like hell, but was totally unsuccessful in losing his most embarrassing character trait. He graduated with an impressive degree from a major university. The university only admitted perhaps seven percent of all applicants and had a significant flunk out rate, so being successful in attaining a Bachelors degree from this institution was in...Read On

16

Wanna Play A Round?

A day on the links turns into an adventure to remember.

Ben and Angie had been dating for over three years. Both of them had a previous marriage and were being very careful about getting married a second time. She had been spending her weekends at his place for over a year and now they were almost settled into a married kind of lifestyle. They were very happy together, but simply didn’t discuss making their arrangement permanent. Ben had...Read On

155
Audio version available
Editor's Pick

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

Being stuck in traffic can be quite pleasant for a fellow with an active imagination.

  Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did this genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure , he thought. Washingtonians, especially those who lived so close...Read On

15

Interview – With The Wife

Asking all those questions, after nine years of being together, seemed unreal!

We were sitting in the lounge, the TV was on and the contestants of The Voice were vying for attention of the red chairs in front of them. I wasn’t taking much notice and was also reading while watching the TV at the same time. I looked up from my book and caught a glimpse of the girl during her obligatory pre-audition interview. I perked up and started to watch over the edge of my glasses....Read On

40
Recommended Read
Buz

Reunion At The Beach

Cousins have raunchy sloppy wet naked beach fun.

I'm Larry, and I've been dying to tell the story of what happened to me last spring at the beach. I grew up in The Hamptons at the end of Long Island, New York. I am a senior attending Cornell University. My father went to Cornell, as did his father, his father before him, and his father before him, who was a founding member of my fraternity. So you can see that going to Cornell and...Read On

39
Audio version available
Recommended Read

Disciplining Frank Leigh

He had made her suffer with his words, and now she was going to get him back...

This story only available on Lush Stories. Dedicated to a humble man and a lovely friend. It isn’t every day one wins the chance to meet one’s favourite writer, and the women of certain lusty circles had been ready to scratch each other's eyes out over the charity competition. For a mere 3,000 (or $4653.90) donation, anybody with the cash and will to write a poem could enter and be in with...Read On

26

Twas A Few Nights Before Christmas

Brenda stared with furrowed brow at Lexi’s reflection in the restroom mirror. “Don't give me that look,” Lexi said with a wicked grin. “He’s hot as all fuck.” Brenda tried to convince her friend to reconsider her choice. “He just made senior partner. He’ll fire our asses in half a heartbeat. Pick someone else. How about the sexy DJ we hired? She's hotter than fuck, too, and, has the...Read On

10

Damned Pigs

It’s funny how a bunch of damned pigs can play havoc with your life.

“Skinny dipping? Are you out of your mind? We're in public in case you haven’t noticed. What if someone comes along?” “It’s nearly dark, so what if they do?” My identical twin Mary Helen sat on a convenient root to slip off her Superga chambray sneakers. “All they’ll see is a couple of girls in the water. They won’t know that we’re de-liciously nekkid.” “Ha. And what if they decide to...Read On