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In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

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Recommended Read
Buz

Blue Light Special

Two small town policeman pick up a big haired, big titted waitress for a ‘yehaa’ good time.

The train seemed like it would run on forever. Sitting in his black and white police cruiser, several cars back waiting in line, police officer, Bugs Parr, squirmed impatiently in his seat. Leaning forward, he stretched his neck to see if he could see the end of the long noisy freight train. “Goddamn if that ain’t the longest fuckin’ train I’ve seen in ages,” Sergeant Wilson said as he...Read On

Recommended Read

Leave It To My Beaver - A 1950's Era Housewife's Fantasy

An erotic look at "the good old days"!

It was a hot summer day and the boys were out in the garage working on their bicycles. I was in the house doing some of the seemingly endless vacuuming when in came Ethan Huffington, one of the neighborhood boys. "Good afternoon Mrs. Chandler, you are looking especially lovely today," he said in his usual too polite way. Ethan had this way of talking that sounded so condescending and...Read On

26

I Vont Yu Blahod

A special 'thank you' to NymphWriter, for editing.

Once upon a time, when God painted the world, and it was still wet. You didn't have to stand in line or pay taxes. There were no Homo sapiens or cars, menopause or strips bars. It was all BC... before chickens. Then along came a wooly-bully and the earth was hatched. We don't know if I came before the Tyrannosaurus Rex or the egg. Probably somewhere in between. Being as I was "early...Read On

22
Recommended Read

PokeMeGo

A new craze and a new Mobile App. Here I come!

A friend of mine put me onto it. We were having a conversation on Skype and she said that there was this App that was like Pokemon-go but very, very different. Then she proceeded to tell me all about it. I must have shaken my head several times throughout the conversation as she proceeded to describe the process through a chat window. I kept on sending messages back to her, such as, ...Read On

20
ChrisM
online

Future Cock

I'm so horny

My name is Sam Slate. I am a voyageur. That is an all tonnage all universe spaceship Captain. As well as a black belt who has acquired mastery of twelve different recognized fighting styles. Pay me the mega bucks, and I will lift whatever piece of space junk to any destination. Note that I did say mega bucks. I am good, but I am not cheap. Well maybe I am in some ways, but not when it comes...Read On

17

I Vont Yu Devils On Horseback

A special 'thank you' to NymphWriter, for editing.

What we as Vampires understand, mortality is not for the offspring of a common man. The everyday two-footer has no soul, for they will wilt your heart with lies, then grin. The history of the renaissance witnessed the brutality of man, but with an evil carnality written by scribes. It was open season (witch-hunts) for those with different ideals. It was the pestilence of the time as...Read On

17

I Vont Yu Soggy Foxy Box

What scholars know about vampires, would not fill a thimble. Some say we are born of sorcery, while others think of the Mad Hatter. The only real relevance being, we are among the maddening crowd. Shrouded by the dark and tales that people whisper. Butte, Montana, 2004. There is a thing of curiosity that dangles the thighs of men. Pierced in the front, it gets stiff and...Read On

16

A Run in With The Law

Two college students want to get in touch with nature and get in touch with the law, instead.

Randy and I have been dating for several months. Nearing the end of our college semester, Randy's parents took an impromptu trip out of town. With the house, and the weekend, free, we wasted no time getting together. Passion rises, as do other things, but then the lights from a car in the driveway streak through the Venetian blinds. With only a minute to spare, Randy and I gather our clothing...Read On

15
Audio version available

No Ticket if I Lick it, Officer

I can't pay for this ticket officer.....not with money anyway

Oh I love a man in uniform...I know why you roared up behind me on that motorcycle officer....I know why you have to give me a ticket...but I can't pay for it....unless you'll accept a bribe? You want to handcuff me while I suck your big cock? You might have to use a little....supplemental...Read On

15

I Vont Yu Gummy Bear

Those who belonged to the social elite, engaged in some sort of religious mumbo-jumbo. Those who did not, were persecuted as heretics. And those who died violently by fire or at the stake, were deemed charcoal briquettes. Witches or vampires. Upon dying, if the soul was not in Heaven or Hell, it had to be somewhere. I, Ezekiel, a vampire. Just hung around. "That's some heavy shit, Ezekiel."...Read On

14

I Vont Yu Beef Curtains

To a different audience I address these words. From my memory. Its not for those with stardust on their nose, or Harry Potter in their thank tank fields.Vampiring has plagued our ancestors for millions of years, and there are no antidotes or vaccines. "If you run, watch out. Don't fall prey to the setting sun." The year 1216. A small village came under attack, leaving victims who...Read On

12

The Adventures of Having Roommates

With Alex taking a long shower Cassie has a solution for Michelle's need to get out of the apartment

No matter how hard I try I have never been able to beat Cassie running. It’s not a defeatist attitude but rather a simple indisputable fact. Every time we go for a run she crosses some imaginary finish line ahead of me. I’ve tried sneak attacks. I’ve tried to get a lead and hold it. I’ve tried to shadow her and sprint to the end and I’ve even tried the “I’m just running next to you but sneak...Read On

12
Recommended Read

Over The Pill

When we had first met, four weeks ago, Zelda had a case of bad hemorrhoids. A couple of days later as I was willfully treasure hunting in her anal cavities, I discovered autographed castanets by Xavier Cugat (1964) instead of piles. On the road, after the honeymoon, we were nearing Savannah. I was tiring and my endorphins were acting up. We checked in to the Hootchie Smooch Inn, and once...Read On

11

Gumshue

It all started several months ago when I, Envious Gumshue, was given my pink slip at The Toadstool Inn restaurant. You would have thought that it would have come with lace, but it did get my attention. One has to understand, what "The Stool" lacked in etiquette, it made up for with chewing gum stuck beneath the tables. However, on first entering, you got the feeling of silence as if...Read On

11

Putting On My High Top Galoshes

Like all writer's, the names and locations have changed in order that I can stretch my imagination. With the exception of Savannah, Georgia, most is pure swamp water fabrication. I pride myself in being both literate and illegitimate, as I made it through university. Although my family is dysfunctional, we don't get along past my weekly donations to their Sunday bingo's. My mom finds...Read On

11

Lean Acres And Harpoons

...lean acres is the place for me.

As any true southerner knows, there are places 'down yonder in Dixie', where the swamps never rise and the swamp chickens (frogs) croak off key. What happened to me, happened with my consent - even though I was covered in calamine lotion to ward off mosquito bites. * It was a Friday evening. I was taking a night off from my lounge; a private lounge and discreet, catering to...Read On

11

The Alliterative Assignation

Some fun wih words in a collaborative effort with Poppet

Poppet was a person, not a puppet; that point must be perfectly clear. Feeling not terribly devotional that Palm Sunday, she was perusing porn on her Palm Pilot while she was perched in her pew at the Pineview Pentecostal Chapel. Her perky breasts rose and fell as she watched the scene silently unfold beneath her hymnbook. Her paramour, Peter, perched in the pew next to her, glanced at...Read On

40

SilkPanties22 (Fourth Stab)

A single man pretends to be a woman on a sex fantasy/chat site...

One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy. Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way...Read On

35

Open Letters To My Underwear

Open letters to my underwear

I like buying underwear, especially panties, or knickers as we call them over here. I don't know why, but I've always disliked the word 'panties' in my mind it sounds dirty. Knickers sounds so much nicer, more innocent and cutsey. Maybe it's because the word panties isn't widely used in New Zealand? Below are open letters to my underwear, thanking them for their good service. I have lots of...Read On

35
Recommended Read

A General Erection

A rather naughty political sketch

There’s a week to go before the country goes to the polls. The result is on a knife edge and the Prime Minister is aboard the battle bus, visiting Paddle with Whipping, a key marginal in the home counties. As he relaxes in his seat, his aide hands him the ‘special telephone.’ “It’s Martin, Prime Minister, he says it’s urgent.” The premier takes the phone, his face grim with trepidation. ...Read On

34

Fucking The Client

Perks Of The Job

I had to work a fourteen hour shift yesterday, which dragged into the late night. I didn't even get home until the wee hours, stripping and going straight to bed. The last thing I saw was the clock reading ten of five in the morning. I let out a groan when I hear my phone buzz. Who could possibly be texting me so early? I sigh, and reach for my phone. I read the text, it’s from my boss....Read On

24

Healthcare Reform (A nurse fantasy)

Inspired by a recent doctor visit...the fifth Gary aka 67goat story...

As I drove over to the new healthcare clinic, I was a bit apprehensive. I truly hate going to doctors. I usually only go to a doctor after I've either broken something or I am bleeding so profusely the blood threatens to change the color of my shirt. In fact, I don't even have a regular doctor. When I had to choose a primary care physician for my HMO, I believe I threw a dart at the page...Read On

21

Saturday Moaning At The Office

This isn't what office sex is like in the stories...

It felt weird to be creeping around my office on Saturday morning. The empty building was a bit spooky – like being in one those post apocalypse zombie films that my boyfriend loves so much. I was glad that I had brought him inside to protect me – at least I had been until he decided to sneak up on me after poking around one of the displays. “Don’t do that!” I scolded, slapping him hard on...Read On

19

I Vont Yu Hoppin' John

In quest of moans and sighs, pussy and thighs, I share the tale of forbiddance, from a poetic vampire such as I. Things in the past have happen, without rhyme or reason. With my conscience (an agnostic church moose) on my shoulder and the cock in my britches squirming, I begin. Norfolk Island, 16th century. Two "ears" before the mass. In 1587, 117 settlers traveled from England to...Read On

The Wham Bam Theory

Two university professors discover a whole new field of study - each other!

Andrew sat in the university cafeteria eating his lunch alone. He always took his lunch at the same time and at the same table. He always had the same lunch too - a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (light on the jelly) with the crusts cut off, a small glass of milk, and four Oreo Doublestuff cookies. Andrew liked things to stay the same... he hated change and anything that was new or...Read On

17

Wanna Play A Round?

A day on the links turns into an adventure to remember.

Ben and Angie had been dating for over three years. Both of them had a previous marriage and were being very careful about getting married a second time. She had been spending her weekends at his place for over a year and now they were almost settled into a married kind of lifestyle. They were very happy together, but simply didn’t discuss making their arrangement permanent. Ben had...Read On

155
Audio version available
Editor's Pick

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

Being stuck in traffic can be quite pleasant for a fellow with an active imagination.

  Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did this genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure , he thought. Washingtonians, especially those who lived so close...Read On

39
Recommended Read
Buz

Reunion At The Beach

Life long friends have raunchy sloppy wet naked beach fun.

I'm Larry, and I've been dying to tell the story of what happened to me last spring at the beach. I grew up in The Hamptons at the end of Long Island, New York. I am a senior attending Cornell University. My father went to Cornell, as did his father, his father before him, and his father before him, who was a founding member of my fraternity. So you can see that going to Cornell and joining...Read On

38
Audio version available
Recommended Read

Disciplining Frank Leigh

He had made her suffer with his words, and now she was going to get him back...

This story only available on Lush Stories. Dedicated to a humble man and a lovely friend. It isn’t every day one wins the chance to meet one’s favourite writer, and the women of certain lusty circles had been ready to scratch each other's eyes out over the charity competition. For a mere 3,000 (or $4653.90) donation, anybody with the cash and will to write a poem could enter and be in with...Read On

11
Recommended Read

FeloniousGooch69

...welcome newbies

Recently married and now in their twilight cheering, he with a truss and she with her makeup smearing. Like shadows to gray, Zelda's fat ass blocked out the sun as it went to sleep on the horizon. In the distance and approaching was geriatric's answer to Ma and Pa Kettle's farm. Jumping leaps and bounds by using modified pogo sticks, Hurley and Zelda Gooch hit the asphalt of the...Read On