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Humor

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In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

26

Dream Job (Everyman's Fantasy)

The world's foremost authority on oral sex gets the job offer of a lifetime.

The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight. "Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find...Read On

34

Help The Aged - Mrs. Atkin

Old people need a good fucking now and then, too.

Tiny beads of perspiration formed on Stephen's brow as he stepped off the bus into the rare March heat. It had been an extraordinarily long day, and week, for that matter, and he was so thankful for this being his last house call of the day; in just forty-five short minutes, he would be free to enjoy a weekend of sleep, television and junk food. His aching feet throbbed from within...Read On

157
Audio version available
Editor's Pick

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

Being stuck in traffic can be quite pleasant for a fellow with an active imagination.

  Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did this genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure , he thought. Washingtonians, especially those who lived so close...Read On

88
Audio version available
Recommended Read

Confessions of a Phone Sex Operator

Lana’s the best phone sex operator EVER, read on to find out how she can fulfill your every fantasy.

“Hi, this is Lana,” Janey said in a breathy voice into the phone. She looked in the mirror and smiled at her image and continued, “Is anyone else excited it’s Friday? Why don’t you call me and tell me your naughty plans for the weekend. Maybe we can have some fun together?” Janey added, “Call me!” as she hung up the phone. Looking closer in the mirror, Janey noticed a few stray hairs on...Read On

77
Audio version available
Editor's Pick

The True Story

What happens to Cinderella in the VIP area at a Royal Ball of Bondage?

This story only available on Lush Stories The Grimm Brothers perpetuated a mythic fairy tale that depicted a down-trodden teenager who was magically transported into a life of romance, royal living, and happiness when her prince finally fell in love with her. Ancient documents have now come to light that tell a different story: Once upon a time, there was a sexy young woman who lived in...Read On

34
Recommended Read
Buz

Reunion At The Beach

Life long friends have raunchy sloppy wet naked beach fun.

I'm Larry, and I've been dying to tell the story of what happened to me last spring at the beach. I am a senior attending Cornell University. My father went to Cornell, as did his father, his father before him, and his father before him, who was a founding member of my fraternity. So you can see that going to Cornell and joining this same fraternity is a family tradition. I grew up in...Read On

12

Putting On My High Top Galoshes

Like all writer's, the names and locations have changed in order that I can stretch my imagination. With the exception of Savannah, Georgia, most is pure swamp water fabrication. I pride myself in being both literate and illegitimate, as I made it through university. Although my family is dysfunctional, we don't get along past my weekly donations to their Sunday bingo's. My mom finds...Read On

46
Editor's Pick

Roger

A confirmed bachelor finds that casual sex can be hard work.

“Well, it’s over.” Roger Jones tossed his keys on the table near the door. “She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.” Roger slouched his way into the living room, hands in the pockets of his chinos. His roommate sat on the couch wearing a grey sweatshirt and a pair of plaid boxer shorts. “Sheila? Now there’s a shocker,” said Dennis between slurps of breakfast cereal. ...Read On

14
Recommended Read

Shadow's Ivy

Like other members of the family flock, I attended Dartmouth University, majoring in mediocrity and minoring in meteorology, following in my uncle's footsteps, chasing tornadoes and aspiring stage dancers... perhaps a rainbow or two. I managed to slip narrowly through the cracks and received a very thin sheepskin diploma. I was ready to seek the high and low fronts of being a weather person. ...Read On

15

Saturday Moaning At The Office

This isn't what office sex is like in the stories...

It felt weird to be creeping around my office on Saturday morning. The empty building was a bit spooky – like being in one those post apocalypse zombie films that my boyfriend loves so much. I was glad that I had brought him inside to protect me – at least I had been until he decided to sneak up on me after poking around one of the displays. “Don’t do that!” I scolded, slapping him hard on...Read On

36

Fucking The Client

Perks Of The Job

I had to work a fourteen hour shift yesterday, which dragged into the late night. I didn't even get home until the wee hours, stripping and going straight to bed. The last thing I saw was the clock reading ten of five in the morning. I let out a groan when I hear my phone buzz. Who could possibly be texting me so early? I sigh, and reach for my phone. I read the text, it’s from my boss....Read On

23

Healthcare Reform (A nurse fantasy)

Inspired by a recent doctor visit...the fifth Gary aka 67goat story...

As I drove over to the new healthcare clinic, I was a bit apprehensive. I truly hate going to doctors. I usually only go to a doctor after I've either broken something or I am bleeding so profusely the blood threatens to change the color of my shirt. In fact, I don't even have a regular doctor. When I had to choose a primary care physician for my HMO, I believe I threw a dart at the page...Read On

8

Sayonara Elysian Fields, Hello Hortense

this is 100% true, except that the hurdy-gurdy crank was actually an old automobile one

When we last spoke, if you remember...I talked about the Elysian Fields of Rome. A town situated in Northwest Georgia. I, Cecile Dedbolt, had just graduated from Ivy Tech Vocational School & Laundromat with a cum laude in hosel drilling. It was a toss up on who could cum loudest, me or my girlfriend Zelda. Mom had told me that the only way in life to get head, was to learn a trade and...Read On

14

Gumshue

It all started several months ago when I, Envious Gumshue, was given my pink slip at The Toadstool Inn restaurant. You would have thought that it would have come with lace, but it did get my attention. One has to understand, what "The Stool" lacked in etiquette, it made up for with chewing gum stuck beneath the tables. However, on first entering, you got the feeling of silence as if...Read On

10

Willacoochee Chicken

I, Cecile Dedolt, doff of many hats. You might recall that at one time a hosel hole driller of croquette mallards, often being reminded that it was croquet mallets. What do they know? A hosel is the socket or hole in the head of a mallard. Mallard sightings, of which can be seen in early spring on lawns with wicket widgets of nine. Moving to Willacoochee, Georgia after breaking the neck on...Read On

45

A bored housewife's amusing tale

Funny thing that happened one day

Life was a bit mundane for Tracy. She was married for about thirteen years. She was a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister. But she felt very alone. Things were okay with her marriage. They had great sex, but did struggle connecting emotionally. This frustrated Tracy very much. Her husband was an introvert and she was more social. Then one day she went looking for something a...Read On

9

There Is Nothing To Be seen

Oscar Wilde said it best. “After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world. I mean disassociated. Take a top hat. You think you see it as it really is. But you don’t because you associate it with other things and ideas. If you...Read On

43

A Woman's Touch

Sue finally satisfies her curiousity

I had come here for comfort, for consoling; to talk. In the past year, I had lost three people who were very close to me; the last one, just recently. I had withdrawn, rarely leaving my home. I recognized the symptoms of depression. No motivation, no appetite. I knew I needed to talk, reconnect with people, but was not ready to do that in person. I went online and found somewhere to chat. ...Read On

8

Peek-a-Boo, I-See-You

It was a typical day for me, spreading joy to the world.

As I walked towards the coffee shop, I felt the breeze blowing up my short, flimsy skirt, feeling pert, all alert. It felt good on my naked pussy. It was my kind duty to spread myself around as much as possible. And when I say spread, I mean it literally. I did that by flashing my little triangular hair pie to all those men who struck my fancy on a fine summer day, when I wanted to play....Read On

12

The Adventures of Having Roommates

With Alex taking a long shower Cassie has a solution for Michelle's need to get out of the apartment

No matter how hard I try I have never been able to beat Cassie running. It’s not a defeatist attitude but rather a simple indisputable fact. Every time we go for a run she crosses some imaginary finish line ahead of me. I’ve tried sneak attacks. I’ve tried to get a lead and hold it. I’ve tried to shadow her and sprint to the end and I’ve even tried the “I’m just running next to you but sneak...Read On

16

A Run in With The Law

Two college students want to get in touch with nature and get in touch with the law, instead.

Randy and I have been dating for several months. Nearing the end of our college semester, Randy's parents took an impromptu trip out of town. With the house, and the weekend, free, we wasted no time getting together. Passion rises, as do other things, but then the lights from a car in the driveway streak through the Venetian blinds. With only a minute to spare, Randy and I gather our clothing...Read On

13

Sex On A Plane

Let's just say, my tray table and seat-back were in the upright position.

The "mile high club" is kind of a misnomer. The average cruising altitude of an airplane is 35,000 feet. Calling it the "mile high club" is really understating the deed. The Six Mile High Club. Now that's more like it. It takes a lot of work to pull off successful mid-air copulation: Planning, skill, grace, cunning, and most of all: discreteness. Unfortunately, I have none of these...Read On

31
Audio version available
Editor's Pick

Ginger Spice

Where can one find spice for life?

This story only available on Lush Stories . If you are reading it elsewhere, it has been stolen. Legend perpetuates a mythic fairy tale that depicts a cheeky gingerbread man who was magically animated, and who spent his life running away from people and talking creatures who wished to eat him. Ancient documents have now come to light that tell a different story: Once upon a time, there was...Read On

38
Audio version available
Recommended Read

Disciplining Frank Leigh

He had made her suffer with his words, and now she was going to get him back...

This story only available on Lush Stories. Dedicated to a humble man and a lovely friend. It isn’t every day one wins the chance to meet one’s favourite writer, and the women of certain lusty circles had been ready to scratch each other's eyes out over the charity competition. For a mere 3,000 (or $4653.90) donation, anybody with the cash and will to write a poem could enter and be in with...Read On

4

One funny day in college

This day in college, was a funny, yet erotic

My name is Jim, and I'm twenty-two. I'm in college, and I have this roommate, named Ed. He is twenty-three, and always seems to have bad luck when it comes to the ladies. There was one time, when we were at a club, that he was trying to pick up a couple chicks. There were two ladies, and he actually thought he was gonna get us both lucky. "You know ladies, those beer bottles aren't the only...Read On

6

Working Stiff

A city slicker gets his cumuppance.

Driving for hours across the high plains always makes me horny. My mind drifts much like the winds rippling across the miles of wheat fields. Thinking about the nubile young virgin in the next town just waiting for me to sweep her up and take her to the promised land. Happens all the time... in my imagination. So that was my state of mind when I rolled into the tiny hamlet of Youngfield. I...Read On

8

Looking for Sex in outdoor places: a cautionary tale

Boondocks or boudoir, for some it’s not an easy choice

What a fucking fantastic fuck! Making love outdoors was even better than Angie had imagined. Sitting astride her lover, feeling the sun and wind on her flushed, tingling skin was such a turn-on. Everything around them seemed so peaceful and sexy. The sounds of nature were accompanied by the rhythmic slurping of her lover’s thick shaft moving inside her wet, and, oh so happy, pussy. The more...Read On

27
Recommended Read

Premature Ejaculation Man

In a world where the internet is overflowing with well-endowed male porn stars who can fuck for hours and women across the globe are expecting an orgasm with every sexual encounter—where every spam folder is brimming with adverts for performance-enhancing drugs and men everywhere have started doing Kegel exercises—there is one man who will stand up and speak out against the injustice...Read On

7

Mr. Spanky Goes to Heaven

His prayers were answered!

I couldn't believe I was sitting in church, wearing a suit and tie. Debbie sat beside me in a frilly pink and white dress, a silly pink hat on her head. It was 1971, and that's how people dressed on Sundays, way back then. I hadn't been to church in over ten years. It wasn't Deb I was trying to impress. It was her older sister, Karen, who was my goddess. I knew Karen would never have...Read On

40

SilkPanties22 (Fourth Stab)

A single man pretends to be a woman on a sex fantasy/chat site...

One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy. Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way...Read On