Topic Water on the knee?
25 Jun 2008 03:03
I'm sixty, he's sixty two.
It might not be so funny in a few years.... LOL
Topic Water on the knee?
24 Jun 2008 21:29
Topic Brain exercise
17 Jun 2008 03:37
Cna yuo raed tihs? fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Olny aobut 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs sned it on.
I've found people using words a lot - reading or writing stories - can very often read this more easily than most people.
Topic Husbands - advice on supporting your wife...
12 Jun 2008 16:39
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try to show some understanding. My name is Bruce , and let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Beverly.
When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Bev to get a full time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the country club, so eating out again at night is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooking when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that the dishes won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of a woman's aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, don't we? So I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think subtle support is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She has to take a break when she is only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, and just sit for a while. And, well, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I realise I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bev, and I'm not saying that showing quite so much consideration is easy for a man. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrated women get as they get older, but, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
PS: Beverly is trying to offload Bruce - he can't understand why after all his years of support . Any takers out there???
Topic Why women move to Florida
09 Jun 2008 20:40
They grow on trees!
Topic Take me out...
01 Jun 2008 15:41
When my husband got home from work last night, I demanded that he take me out to some place expensive...................
So he took me to a gas station!!!!!!!
Topic Synchronised(?) Swimming
29 May 2008 15:39
How many points for this move?
Topic Car sex??
29 May 2008 15:37
Anyone need a story idea??
Any ideas how/what he does??????????????????
29 May 2008 15:35
And, hey - the little guy looks a lot happier in the second pic too!
Just thinking about it makes my eyes water.
Topic The Talking Duck
29 May 2008 15:33
It's an oldie, but...
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call!"
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman...
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says... "What the fuck would they want with a plasterer??"
Topic Women's versus Men's Poetry
27 May 2008 19:42
Hark! A stranger do I see?
Running 'round and posting free.
Thought she'd gone and left his earth,
Or maybe just done moved to Perth.
Nice to see she's still a writin'
Looking 'round for some to frighten.
Wondered if she still be breathin'
Or had she been gone and leavin'.
Now I know she's still alive,
Down and boogie - let's all jive!
Topic Ass to mouth?
27 May 2008 18:52
I've laid-off this thread for a while, but I can't help myself any longer.
Where have you guys lived all your lives? LOL
Have you NEVER put your hands in the back of your jeans while standing around doing nothing in particular?
AND, the second picture is taken in a different part of the beach, and I'll bet anything you like, a looong time before or after the other one. Look at the tyre tracks - can you see them in the first pic?
Are your arse cheeks so bad you think putting your hand there is dirty?
Mine are actually quite nice (if I do say so myself!) and also clean. They've actually been kissed on many occasions, never causing death or illness.
Don't think I ever managed to spread anything I shouldn't all over my cheeks while wiping...
So, please, someone explain the problem to me.
27 May 2008 18:40
Never, never, ever... pick your nose with a fork!
Geeze, it must have smarted going in.
It did come out okay...
He's got the forkin' holes to prove it.
Topic Whistle While You Work
24 May 2008 04:27
Ifit was a crowd of nZ guys whistling at her, she must have looked like a sheep... LMAO
Topic Optical illusion?
22 May 2008 18:40
Topic I couldn't resist this one - take note C2C...
22 May 2008 17:35
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
'Okay, thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled all across America, Europe, England, Japan, New Zealand. In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American decided to travel to Australia to see if Australians had the same phone.
He arrived in Australia and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 cents per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered,
"You're in Australia now, son... it's a local call".
Topic A few funnies
22 May 2008 17:30
I suppose humour is in the eye of the beholder...
A site I visit updates it's jokes Friday!
Have you noticed that if you rearrange the word "immigrants" and add a few more letters it says "fuck off home you hairy sandal wearing job dodging smelly Arab cunts". Now ain't that one hell of a coincidence?
What's the best thing about fucking a transvestite... reaching around the front and thinking it's gone all the way through...
Two gay guys share a flat. One comes home to find his partner with his arse in the freezer. "What u doin?" he asks. "Thought you may like a cold one after work..."
I had a wank over my ex-girlfriend last night. I know it's wrong, but I've still got the key and she's a really heavy sleeper!
Topic Is this chefkathleen's Living Will??
22 May 2008 16:59
What's "go bush" mean? Outback? Out to the "bush"? LOL
Literally it means go stay in the bush, which in Australian could mean to actually stay in the bush - ie in the wild - or bush could just mean anywhere that is not a city or high population area.
The usually used vernacular meaning of 'go bush' is to disappear for a while, maybe even to lie low.
Topic Is this chefkathleen's Living Will??
22 May 2008 16:55
Long time no see Kanga. Did you "go bush" for a while there?
Well, sort of!!
A lot of time doing things in the 'real' world. I would never have believed planning a trip could be so time consuming.
Hubby and I decided we better take off and see a few places while we can still enjoy it, so we got a couple of round the world tickets and will be travelling from mid August until late October.
Also, I spend quite a bit of time editing for a few authors. One just finished a 120,000 word novel which will likely be published (fingers crossed - it truly is as good as anything I've ever bought, and better than most published stuff you see around.)
Then there is a granddaughter to baby sit when the opportunity arises - but with them almost six hours drive away it's not all that often!
So, you see how it is, LOL
Topic Mad Cow Disease...
21 May 2008 23:08
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Corner Brook, Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease.
Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?'
The farmer stared at the reporter and said:
'Do you know that a bull mounts A cow only once a year?'
Lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):
'Well, sir, that's an interesting piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?'
'And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?'
'Sir, this is really valuable information, but can you get to the point.'
'I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?'
Topic Is this chefkathleen's Living Will??
21 May 2008 23:02
Hey there Chef....
Is this your living will???
I, chefk?? , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chicken fried steak
cup of coffee
Any kind of spicy food
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
Topic A few Funnies
20 May 2008 23:31
That last one is a real doozy!
I try to explain those aren't antiques - how could they be when I used to use them!