Forum posts made by magical_felix

Topic Donald Trump... will he be able to buy his way out once again ?
Posted 17 Apr 2018 19:39

This is the deep end of the pool..

So stop leaving your floaties at home, dumb shit.

Topic Donald Trump... will he be able to buy his way out once again ?
Posted 17 Apr 2018 19:06

Need? Not even close. If you want to be more specific then go for it.

Good luck persuading Canada based Lushies to stop telling the USA how to run our political system. We'd lose about half the traffic on Think Tank alone.

And as long as were in a wishful mood, good luck finding a country that works for all its citizens. Let us know if you're successful.

If it doesn’t work for all it’s okay that it doesn’t work for any. Typical far right reasoning. Always diverting. Always justifying their own behavior by pointing fingers. Stormy Daniels??? What about Monica lewinsky??? They do that for everything.

Topic Chick Fil A in The New Yorker
Posted 17 Apr 2018 18:47

I don't eat chicken sandwiches. If I did, I wouldn't eat their chicken sandwiches. I'd prefer mine without pickles.

Pro tip: order it without pickles or pickles on the side so they have to make you a fresh one.

Topic I need your help, Lushies
Posted 11 Apr 2018 19:18

Sounds like this person lies to you for attention. I have a feeling that no matter what this person always has a sob story. What a total waste of time on your part Lafayette. Close your laptop.

Topic Could Trump be Any More Fucked?
Posted 10 Apr 2018 20:15

Does anyone buy this fake accent?

I don’t think they do... but you can never underestimate people’s gullibility/stupidity.

Topic Is it true women are incapable of reaching orgasm
Posted 09 Apr 2018 03:44


Topic What do you do to stay fit?
Posted 09 Apr 2018 01:44

I have no choice (I really really love the ballbusting women in my life though).... But hiking/pool/cardio, then strength, then core, then legs and repeat while eating shit that can easily be confused with vomit is what it really takes. Keeps me looking fierce, strong, annoyed, and sexy.

Topic Is the bathroom a private place
Posted 06 Apr 2018 23:41

I think a privacy breach is inevitable.

Have a contingency plan ready when you must toot your own horn.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 06 Apr 2018 22:55

And I literally stated that you're an older, late night, embittered drunken forum troll. Who has devolved from a pinpoint pain in the ass at the very beginning of your time here - to said sad troll. You argue with everyone. I don't think you've ever added a thoughtful, provocative comment about anything.

You've been suspended a record 8 or 9 times in the 7 or 8 years you've been here.

This is a record of leniency actually. Most other forums I've been associated with... people get banned after four or five of your particular brand of go-stand-in-the-corner time-outs.

You must really be an entertaining court jester.

And like the ankle biter you are - you won't let this go, because you always must have the last insult attempt.

Get your drunk on Pint Drunk

I think you’re the most suited to write my lush biography. I think you’d beat me in a lush magical Felix trivia contest... you love me I think. For real, I think you remember my transgressions in better detail than I do. You really are the best of them, nobody bites and fights as hard as you. You’re a big goofy marlin I’ve catched and released a hundred times with a bare hook. You really are one of my favorite things about this site. You’re a big bafoonish button that is impossible for me not to push.

You always fall for my most absurd posts, repeatedly. I’ll accuse you of believing in alien hybrids, you explode... I’ll accuse you of being too stupid to realize Apple is better than Microsoft, you explode... I’ll accuse you of being in danger of breaking a hip, you explode. I’ll accuse you of being a broke dick randy west, you explode.

If I’m a jester, you’re my trained monkey.

Go fetch my tips old fella.

Topic Any Bourbon drinkers on Lush?
Posted 05 Apr 2018 22:37

The bourbon-bar has been losing quite a bit of its badass charm in the last few days. I even think that some weaklings pissed in my drink while I was busy ogling the outrageous titties of a few Dixie chicks.

Here's me fiercely kicking the jukebox and tipping my hat to the state that offered us all those wonderful bourbons...

Kentucky - Hermano (2007)

Gun it down
Oh, will you run it down?
He never slows it down
He never pilots down

Down on a boat on Havasu
Smoking bolt of thunder
Take a toast again
Drink to the couples at the edge of the lake

Rhythm and booze
I'm not in the mood to sleep, honey
It takes all night, only in the wake of
In the wake of, only in the wake of Kentucky

Smoked again
Let's take all night
No time to lose
50-to-1 never to lose
He never fought a man
With nothing to prove

I said lift him up, bring him down
Sing the song again
Only in the wake of
In the wake of, only in the wake of Kentucky

Gun it down
Oh, will you run it down?
He never slows it down
He never pilots down


Topic I am done meeting people half way. I'm done. Melt the motherfucking guns.
Posted 05 Apr 2018 17:26

Interesting statistic. Why do you think the vast majority of mass shootings are carried out by men?

Not trying to make a joke but I’m not entirely convinced the YouTube shooter isn’t a man.

Topic Where abouts do you like to cum?
Posted 04 Apr 2018 23:46

Somewhere safe.

Topic I am done meeting people half way. I'm done. Melt the motherfucking guns.
Posted 04 Apr 2018 22:07

Dude, there's a point in exceptional manliness where these 'gay' inferences become totally inconsequential.

Like, I could partake in the gayest of things and in my case it'd still be super alpha.

Bend over, I'll show you...

In some cultures they consider another man fucking another man macho and not gay at all. Is this what you’re stressing here?

Topic Lobster or Crab?
Posted 04 Apr 2018 20:24

There’s a steakhouse where I live that makes a crab cocktail... it’s basically sweet delicious lump crab meat on top of a cocktail sauce that is more like a small salad than a sauce. They also have lobster mashed potatoes which is made with a whole lobster’s worth of meat. It’s a dead on tie. They both are king worthy dishes.

Another Japanese place makes snow crab legs that have half the shell cut off so you can just pull the meat out. They’re topped with a spicy aioli and ikura... it’s fucking awesome. Way better than their lobster dishes.

It honestly all comes down to how they’re prepared. I’ve had chicken dishes that were better than beef dishes but I wouldn’t call chicken better than beef. Give a good chef a piece of chicken and he’ll make a better dish than a mediocre chef with a piece of aged New York steak.

Topic I am done meeting people half way. I'm done. Melt the motherfucking guns.
Posted 04 Apr 2018 19:54

But yeah... we can keep calling him an old wimpy bigoted fucktard and he just ain't going to hear any of it. happy8

(Hiya Seax)

You insisting that you and Damon are both very hunky seems very gay. Like, super gay.

Topic Thinking out loud. Mod hosted Chat rooms.
Posted 04 Apr 2018 19:46

could be. someone else's gotta bring the snacks, tho. i sure as hell aren't.

For sure. Some ants on a log, Safeway select sodas, microwave popcorn. Fucking epic.

Topic Thinking out loud. Mod hosted Chat rooms.
Posted 04 Apr 2018 19:41

Dang, sounds like a fucking party.

Topic Is there a problem with police in the USA?
Posted 04 Apr 2018 19:19

Poorly screened.
Poorly trained.
Teaming with racists.
Good cops never end bad cops.
The belief they’re judge jury and executor.

Yes there’s a problem. Fuck the police because they prefer protecting their own or themselves than purging the system of the bad apples.

Definitely poorly screened and trained. I went to school with johannas mehserle, the cop who shot Oscar grant by mistake. He was the one who thought he had pulled his taser instead of his gun. Hard to believe someone could do that right? But Johannas was the dumbest fucking kid in school. Literally the worst grades, a lot of behavioral problems, couldn’t sit still, bullying... everything that can be wrong with a kid.

In the video where you can see him pull his gun and shoot Grant, johannas got the same stupid look on his face and makes the same dumb ass gestures with his body that he used to make as a kid when he did something really stupid. I actually do believe he actually fucked up and pulled his gun by mistake. The guy really was a fucking moron.

I remember one time he unfolded a paper clip to put in his teeth to make fun of my friend’s braces and when he laughed the paper clip poked him in the cheeks so hard he started bleeding and I swear he made the same stupid ass movement with his body. Fucking idiot had to go to the nurse and get sent home to his poor hardworking Jordanian parents.

Guy really was a bozo. When the fruitvale station story made national news I was not surprised in the slightest Johannas would make that mistake. I doubt anyone who knew him was surprised. Probably more surprised they gave him a badge and a gun really.

Topic Any Bourbon drinkers on Lush?
Posted 04 Apr 2018 13:17

What are we talking about again? scratch

Ordering a Crown and Coke but with Jack instead. Keep up please.

Topic Any Bourbon drinkers on Lush?
Posted 04 Apr 2018 12:50

I can't speak for you guys in the US, but the hilarious thing is that calling a 'Makers and Coke' in a bar here in Montreal would actually lead to much more confusion than that (and I'm suspecting the exact same for just about every country that isn't swimming in bourbon like yours). A bottle of Maker's Mark costs $50 around here; it's totally up there with Grey Goose as a top-shelf bottle. If you consider that bars establish their prices with a 500% markup (which all of them do), you'd be quite literally pouring your drink from a $250 bottle.

Now consider that many bourbon connoisseurs (which most bartenders are) even find diluting a high-quality bourbon with sugar and a tiny splash of a water in an Old Fashioned to be an outright profanity, and you can only imagine their reaction when you'll be asking them to dilute a top-shelf bourbon in cheap Coca-Cola. Let me remind you that Liz who is still allegedly a bourbon newbie went through the trouble of buying herself whiskey stones to make goddamn sure that even melting ice wouldn't taint her precious Maker's Mark.

So a bartender in Montreal (or elsewhere) being asked a 'Makers and Coke' is just going to wonder what the fuck you want exactly. You're asking him to grab one of his top-shelf bottles, surely you want to appreciate it fully and not completely dilute it in the cheapest mixer imaginable in a tall Collins glass, right? So you probably want your Maker's Mark with just a tiny splash of Coke in an Old Fashioned glass, correct? And in the situation where you truly want a highball, why exactly call a drink that's twice as expensive as a good old $10 Jack and Coke when your bourbon is going to be so much diluted that even experts couldn't tell the goddamn difference? At which point, yeah, plenty of bartenders around the world would totally have a much easier time getting your drift if you just referred to a well-established Jack and Coke with a different type of whiskey. They'll still be completely obliviously to your weird rationale, but at least they'll know how to proceed.

Here's the list of famed whiskey cocktails as presented by Wikipedia. Thousands of whiskeys around the world (including bourbon, rye, Scotch, Irish, blended) and dozens of possible mixers, and Jack and Coke is absolutely there among these few limited prestigious drinks. Where in hell is your Makers and Coke exactly? Where is even your extremely generic Whiskey and Coke, or Bourbon and Coke?

The reality is that 'Makers and Coke' isn't an established drink with a fixed recipe any more than 'Gin and Milk' is; it's just two random ingredients put together. Hilariously enough, Google only returns 40,000 results for 'Makers and Coke', while 'Gin and Milk' returns 180,000 results. And 'Jack and Coke' actually returns twice as many results in Google than the extremely inclusive 'Whiskey and Coke' does.

So allow me to reiterate: Jack and Coke isn't just the name of two random ingredients put together like Makers and Coke or any other silly drink is; it's the name of a goddamn cocktail that has well over a hundred years of history (1907) and that's insanely popular all around the world. Jack Daniel's is by fucking far the best-selling whiskey in history, while Coca-Cola is by fucking far the best-selling soft drink, and they're both pillars of southern American culture with extremely similar success stories that date back to the exact same era (circa 1880). That's the whole charm of the Jack and Coke, that sort of trashy old-fashioned spirit that still holds its ground admirably well among all these other posh drinks. Not only that, but it just so happens that the particular sweetness of Jack Daniel's harmonizes with Coca-Cola better than 95% of other whiskeys out there, even better than most top-shelf whiskeys in the $50-100 range. Even the name 'Jack and Coke' has an extremely catchy sound to it and their respective vintage logos look badass as fuck when shown together:

For all these reasons Jack and Coke will always remain a classic benchmark cocktail and the absolute epitome of 'Whiskey and Coke', just like Kleenex® is to kleenexes or Speedos® is to speedos. And likewise, a Beam and Coke will always remain a poor man's Jack and Coke, while a Makers and Coke will always remain an extravagant man's Jack and Coke. You and Felix getting all finicky when I mention my own standards when I'm mixing myself a Jack and Coke is just as retarded as telling someone that his 'Rum and Diet Pepsi' isn't quite the same as the famous 'Rum and Coke'; it's just so goddamn face-palm inducing.

Felix deliberately played the imbecile to feed a grudge that's a few days old; you managed to outdo him by buying right into his imbecility to feed a grudge that's nearly a year old.

So fucking brilliant, I think I'll be drinking to that.

Dude, when I’m in France I order French fries with ketchup and when they ask me what kind of ketchup I’m like mayonnaise of course!

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 04 Apr 2018 07:50

You've recently managed to accumulate two successive late evening/early morning drunken Lush posting/insulting sessions.

You know, in the seven or eight years since you discovered this website and began plaguing the rest of us, I've watched many hundred of forum posters come and go, come and stay, grow a little bit, provide sober and thoughtful commentary (consistently) and not really change all that much from what they first appeared to be...

A great many appear suddenly with major fucktarded opinions - they'd get routed off the site after 3-12 months to never reappear.

But you're the first and only internet person I've ever watched - on any forum who has actually aged and devolved while doing so. You suddenly appeared here one afternoon - immediately showing your bonobos ass and nobody thought you could get any worse.

You proved everyone wrong!

You have given me (a few) and many here - some laughs, that's for sure. But you were in your mid 20s then, a long time ago .

The aging Lush court jester who thinks he's the senior junkyard dog.

You're a lot more humorous after you've knocked back whatever swill it is that you've been soaking up lately. Weed just made you meanderingly goofy.

So much for not letting me bait you... I literally said your instinct is to bite and you still couldn't help yourself. You never ever learn haha

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 03 Apr 2018 00:08

I'm not exactly which "guns thing" you're referring to. But Canada's hands aren't exactly clean of contributions to the world of firearms.

Enter Sir Charles Ross, Scottish blue blood and adviser on the subject of small arms to the Canadian Military.

Due to a shortage of Enfield rifles, and British reluctance to equip Canada's army with what was available, Ross persuaded Canada to adopt the rifle he invented, and so Canada entered WWI with the second best target rifle ever issued to anyone's front line infantry, the Ross Mk III.

Note that the Ross was a bit finicky but was far from as dangerous as has been alleged.


Shut the fuck up.

Topic Is LUSH your secret or everyone knows about you being on lush?
Posted 03 Apr 2018 00:01

You have friends!! You meant to post that 1st April?

lol sorry I just couldnt resist that :)

John, if you’re going to burn me this hard at least provide me with a gallon of aloe Vera. Fuck dude. This is a bit over the line. Straight up savagery.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 23:40

After the myriad of pirate comments I face on a daily basis, a cyclops comment would be met with a resounding refreshing glee.

When someone says "arrrh" I want to punch them in the face. If they made a Polyphemus reference I would probably buy them a drink.

Dude... my black friend who shaves his head had to wear an eye patch for like 6 months.. the slick rick and nick fury jokes were non stop, not sure how he didn’t kill us all.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 23:34

Who fuck eats ketchup with spam? Your knowledge of Canadian culture seem to get worse and worse every day. Spam in an American product that was invented in Hawaii. Ketchup is white trash American condiment. How you manged to put those two together and promote them as somehow "canadian" is a mystery to me. If you want to talk about a Canadian dish then at least bring up poutine. I'm actually surprised that you Americans ahven't jumped on that bandwagon. Fries, cheese and gravy? Seems like an American heart attack inducing wet dream.

Oh we have... we call them disco fries though... and they’re incredible.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 23:20

Haha... well played.

I'm going to give you points for working a D & D reference in there. I have a pretty low AC though so you're going to have to have a relatively low THaCO to damage me...

Wow...I went from douche to nerd in no time at all.

When I say "back to the actual topic", I in no way wanted to curb the trash talk. I just wanted to add an interjection that pertained to the actual reason why I started the thread.

By all means continue with the trash talk. I could post some shirtless pictures of myself with my new eyepatch but I can just smell the pirate jokes ruminating..

This pic makes me look like more a of a meathead that I actually am.. but the sunglasses cover up my eye injury

Fair enough.

Edit: pirate is too easy, I would have gone with cyclops.... because I can be a real fuckhead when prodded... just saying.

Topic Is LUSH your secret or everyone knows about you being on lush?
Posted 02 Apr 2018 23:01

That’s a secret secret. If I even tried to tell my friends and family they’d think I was trying to tell a weird joke. Like I could straight up tell them and they’d be like Haha don’t be stupid and move on to the next subject.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 22:14

Back to actual topic here....

Roseanne just got approved for a second season.

I watched the first two episodes (before I made this thread). It's exactly the same show that I watched back in 1993. Of course they threw in a gender neutral kid and a black daughter to cover all the bases.

It's moderately funny while still trying to appeal to really really dumb people.

Nostalgia is a big money trend right now in the entertainment industry.

Dude, can’t believe a dragon would pull the “back to the actual topic” card...

I’m a bit disappointed.

This isn’t the DamonX I know.

Time to put my 20 sided die away I guess. There’s no dragon here.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 22:04

Yep. Definitely go back to the chatrooms. You can continue to pretend to be 19 year old debutante, while gross old men like Seax send you viagra induced dick pics superimposed on top of their bank statements while their wives lay in bed upstairs and finger themselves to pictures of me...

Holy fuck. If that didn't just burst the douche-meter... nothing will.

It did a little bit.

Seriously though, how old are those DamonX pics?

Don’t get mad, it’s a fair question.

Topic Three Cheers for the New Roseanne!!
Posted 02 Apr 2018 20:51

I'm told people in hell want ice water.

There's one person on the planet who gets to tell me to shut up and gets what she wants.

You're not her.

But don't feel picked on. The people in hell don't get what they want either.

You know the people in hell?