Forum posts made by magical_felix

Topic Red or Black Lingerie?
Posted 10 Feb 2018 01:56

It can be puke green for all I care. Ass maketh ingerie.

Topic Do you have a dog or a cat? Both?
Posted 10 Feb 2018 01:52

he still tries to take my hand off if I reach to pet him.

The jokes write themselves, old fella.

Topic Do you have a dog or a cat? Both?
Posted 10 Feb 2018 01:50

I have a Yorkshire terrier. Basically a cat but with the chronic clingyness.

It probably shits in the house all willy nilly too. Small dogs are the worst of both worlds. I used to think you were the smartest. Now I just don't know anymore.

Topic Being Gay a Choice?
Posted 07 Feb 2018 19:49

I wouldn’t think so since I can’t remember a moment when I chose to like vagine so I figure it goes both ways with most people, no pun intended... but I did read wellmademale post once that a gay itch develops during a dry spell. So not sure what that means. Maybe it’s a “tough” choice for some.

Topic Do you have a dog or a cat? Both?
Posted 02 Feb 2018 01:02

Is keeping birds inside still a thing? Last time I saw that seems ages ago.

I keep my bird in a shoe box in the closet. She loves it.

Topic Should Gay Conversion Therapy for Minors be Illegal?
Posted 30 Jan 2018 01:11

I don't see it as abuse. When they get old enough to make their on decisions they can. It is the parents obligation to streer their children in the direction they think best. There are probably as many professionals that believe it is better to put them in therapy as there are that believe they should not be put in therapy. My statements support the parents making the decisions for their children. Not the government.


What if two gay people, lesbians or gay dudes, adopted a kid... And let's say the kid is a boy and the gay parents are like, little timmy sure seems to pay attention more to the TV when there is a woman with big ass titties bouncing around on the screen... then those parents are like you know... I think this fucking little timmy is as straight as a ruler, I tell you hwhat... And they decide that they want to put Timmy in straight conversion therapy to beat those titties right out of his little straight brain. Would you still have the same position that the parents know best? Answer honestly please.

Also the government sure did make a decision on that Emo Phillips looking motherfucker in California that was chaining up his children and starving them and all that. Sometimes the government needs to step in.

Topic Do you have a dog or a cat? Both?
Posted 29 Jan 2018 22:05

I have a German shepard girl named Harley and a Senegal parrot girl named Ivy.

She’s smarter than she looks.

Senegals are pretty hilarious all the time.

Topic Should Gay Conversion Therapy for Minors be Illegal?
Posted 29 Jan 2018 22:03

I totally misunderstood this topic. I thought it was like when gay dudes get all serious and talk about how they can turn any guy gay in like ten minutes.

Topic Did Judge Rosemarie Aquilina Cross The Line (Dr. Nassar/US Olympic trial)
Posted 29 Jan 2018 00:15

But it's not one or the other, is it?

What else is there, Goldilocks? She mentioned two situations, it's going to be one or the other by definition. Get real not ideal, dope.

Topic rub one out on the furniture
Posted 29 Jan 2018 00:08

Topic Putting Black Men in the Narrative.
Posted 24 Jan 2018 21:25

One of my best friends who is black likes the Alchemist, a lot. We also talk a lot about comics. Mainly why he stupidly likes DC over Marvel. I think wordy graphic novels are a great start. Like a hook for longer written narrative. Plus anything popular that everyone’s heard of would be good too I think. Just anything fast paced and fun like ready player one, Flynn or Stephen King classics.

Topic Raw Water
Posted 23 Jan 2018 17:27

You found something worse than diamond water I think.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 20 Jan 2018 16:05

"Big-league." It's a common colloquialism. Bigly. Jesus Christ, where the fuck do you idiots get this shit?

Nice to have you back, crybaby.

I miss your debate style.

Random poster: nudiepants was wearing a blue sweater when he stuck a gun up his ass while jizzing on a copy of guns and ammo magazine.

Nudiepants: the sweater was cyan you idiot!!!!


Topic Which are you?
Posted 15 Jan 2018 22:49

Change your name to Oedipus then I'll believe you.

*singlemother fucker


Topic What is a SLUT to you?
Posted 15 Jan 2018 22:19

Somebody who doesn’t clean their room.

This is surprisingly accurate.

Topic H&M: "Coolest monkey in the jungle"
Posted 15 Jan 2018 22:11

I'll be honest, I never saw this as racist, however I do agree it's a clear case of bad judgement.

Not surprising since you once admitted to singling out black children in your classroom as “purple”. You said you call them purple. Fucking purple.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 22:06

I can't disagree with your analysis based on my two samples. I get a mean count of 1.85 and 1.43 syllables respectively. It would be fun to test the upper limit of the scale by using words like scrumdidiliumptious and contrafibulations.

D x

You should... plug in that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious song... I’m sure it will turn up the highest grade level. I’m on my phone and days away from a computer or I would myself.

Topic LIKE option on Blog
Posted 15 Jan 2018 22:03

It would be much better if you posted your suggestion here:

Gav and Nicola both look at that thread and decide what goes onto the To Do List.


If I could dislike your post, I would, John.

Topic Which are you?
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:58

I’m a motherfucker

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:29

It is pretty obvious when we listen to him talk. The amount of gibberish he spews far outweighs anything which sounds logical, thoughtful or reasoned. I bet he could fuck up a dirty joke.

It all begs the question - how did this fucking idiot (quoting Rex Tillerson here) ever manage a passing grade in any class he attended while he was at college? How did he get accepted into any college?

I used to think Sarah Palin was the dumbest person/politician I ever heard mangle sentences. I was wrong.

You need to work on being more accessible to a neutral audience. You come off as a filthy hermit, grey box PC with duct tape holding it together, old twat.


Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:26

Actually, in communication, a lower score makes you more accessible to a wider audience. In that regard, Trump is a very effective communicator. Why would anyone want to read something that requires them to get a Ph.D. just to comprehend it? Some of the worst-written things I've read are academic theoretical texts. They'll take a fairly simple straight-forward idea, dress it up in a lot of esoteric language to make it seem more profound than it really is, and then repeat themselves ad nauseum (bonus points for metaphorically tossing around a bunch of poorly applied concepts from the quantum physics for dummies manual).

Good writing should be simple and concise (among other things).


Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:22

This is interesting. Taking two random passages from my latest story, I got two different scores.

I got a FK of 16.6 for this:

Meanwhile, in the world of politics, a journey of a different kind was taking an unexpected turn as the reservations of the Democratic Unionists over border control agreements between London and Brussels was threatening the Conservative’s flimsy majority. Following the recent by-election defeat in Essex, the arithmetic in parliament was becoming decidedly dodgy. Reassurances from the Prime Minister earlier in the year, that there would be no hard border weren’t being upheld by the recent negotiations. Risking the ire of the province with implications that could threaten the fragile power sharing agreement, elicited a statement from Arlene Foster, at a late afternoon press conference.

Though I got only 10.6 for this:

Emily made a series of short gasping breaths as the sensitivity of Abby’s touch made her shiver. Abby began to nibble Emily’s neck, her tongue circling under her ear and then leaving tiny pink marks, which faded slowly.

The fading light took any heat with it and there was a chill in the air, carried on the breeze that moved the leaves around the campus. The girls hugged for warmth, but their bodies touched with a wanton shamelessness, grinding against each other in their skimpy outfits. Emily became woozy, not from the alcohol but intoxicated by Abby’s kisses and the lustful way that she was caressing her body. Now they wanted to be somewhere warm and totally private and it was Emily who led Abby by the hand to her halls of residence.

I don't what this means, but at least I don't need to go back to school, on this small unscientific sample


It’s based on syllables in the words you use as far as I understand. So more syllables equals “harder to read”. Something I think isn’t something to brag about as a writer. When it comes to storytelling that is.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:19

The opening passage of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice scores 4.5 on the Flesch-Kincaid scale.

Was Jane Austen a retard, or are readability scales just horse shit?

The latter.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 15 Jan 2018 21:17

I actually forgot what a pain it can be to copy and paste on the site, and I've been on my phone all weekend so only just got to this. This extract gets a 15.6 on the FK scale.

Beads of sweat formed on Belle’s forehead, her open mouth silently voicing her pleasure. She allowed herself to get completely lost in the moment, blocking out the reality of her circumstance and denying to herself the true material origins of the ecstasy she was now experiencing, pretending the looming orgasm was for her alone to enjoy. Her bared chest heaved with her heavy breaths and quickening pulse, her vividly pink nipples erect from a mixture of arousal and the perpetual draught that seeped through the decades-old window into her closet-like bedroom.

Holding the proportionally ginormous device that had been delivered two days prior with both of her pale, child-like hands, she could not help but think, despite her misgivings at having received it in such a fashion, that the Hitachi Magic Wand really did live up to the hype. She knew other girls who used it regularly, even to the point of mild addiction, but she had found it difficult to believe that anything could be so dramatically better than your run-of-the-mill sex toy. Now, with all the “intensity” she had heard so much about pulsing fiercely against her clitoris and surging through her petite body, Belle could not deny that there was certainly something “magic” about it.

Then it hit, long expected yet so surprising. Her whole body reacted in quite a fortuitously spectacular way, her legs clamping the toy in place as an immutable scream sought to break through her ceiling to waken, and not for the first time, the elderly couple living above her, whose lack of technology savvy she had for months been capitalising on to avoid paying for her own internet access. The climax, if only for that brief time, transported Belle from her mouldy, three-roomed flat to a world in which she felt no shame, no self-loathing—a world in which she felt truly sexy, and genuinely proud of who and what she was. For those few seconds, while physically overcome by her orgasm, she felt beautiful.

In what might have been construed as a contortionist’s performance, her back arched quite of its own accord, thrusting her trembling hips up and forward and bending her body in a way she had not known possible. Her muscles tensed and relaxed in an orgasmic wave from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. The relentless pulse of the wand caused her tight, teenage pussy to spasm uncontrollably, gushing out an unprecedented volume of her sexual discharge. Breathless from the excruciating ecstasy, she pushed the offending device forcefully from her, leaving it to vibrate and buzz violently against the uncarpeted floor.

Belle continued to twitch, her eyes still closed and her breaths still short and sharp, as she gradually drifted back to the real world, the unceasing pings from her laptop indicating new messages beginning to register in her mind once again. When at last she regained her composure, she hoisted herself up onto her shoulders and spread her knees, exposing her still dripping cunt to the nearby camera which had just broadcast one of her most intimate sexual moments to approximately two thousand rapt viewers around the globe, many of whom were now expressing their delight at what was, even by Belle’s standards, a top class performance.

As Belle glanced across her screen, she wished that some of those gentleman who happened to enjoy her show a great deal would express their delight in a somewhat less graphic and vulgar fashion. Sadly, she had grown numb in the last five months to the perverted comments, finding the exchanges in which she found herself obligated to engage extraordinarily monotonous. Donning her best false grin, she stared intensely into the camera as she scooped up some of the viscous fluid from her parted lips and sucked it from her fingers, making a show of enjoying the taste while mentally noting that she should probably eat more fruit.

I believed you. I was drunk off my ass when I was making my demands.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 13 Jan 2018 04:01

It was the first few paragraphs of my story She Just Wants To Be. I tried another story and it was 8th grade level, so I guess my writing varies quite a bit.

Dude, I'm hella lazy... plus you know the extra steps it takes to copy and paste stories from lush. Post it here exactly like you did it so I can do it myself. If I go to your story it won't let me just copy and paste. And the PDF version lumps it all into a block of text now. You must have reformatted it to plug in or something. Cut a lazy man some slack here. Just post here what you posted to get the 15.6. I'm sure you didn't put too much effort into it. Just post the exact passage here so I can just plug it in.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 13 Jan 2018 02:54

That may be true, and it probably is, but we are no presidents of the US. The graph clearly shows Trump to score lowest by far among the last 15 presidents. And that while he claims to be smartest over and over again.

Do you need a graph to know he's an idiot? No.

Two minutes of reading into the FK scale and anyone with common sense can see how easily it can be manipulated.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 13 Jan 2018 02:49

I just plugged in a chunk of text from one of my own stories, and it came out as 15.6 ("College graduate and above") on the FK scale. Maybe that's why my stuff isn't as popular as that of others here—it's too difficult to read. #sorrynotsorry #humblebrag

Can you post the actual passage you copied and pasted to get that 15.6? You know, so anyone can do it themselves and be like, well look at that.

Topic Trump speaks at a 4th grade level
Posted 13 Jan 2018 00:15

I just plugged in a bunch of top authors on lush's writing (including my own) and it seems like everyone here should go back to school.... And that is the writing. Actual speaking translated into written form will no doubt put you at a sub-retard level. Just saying. I can't stand trump but I think anyone's actual spoken english would land them in slow adult or 4th grade levels.

Topic What would be your death row meal?
Posted 13 Jan 2018 00:06

A pen and paper, an envelope and a stamp... To mail to my lawyer who would know to wait for my last manifesto before I was so wrongly taken off this plane of existence.

Topic Flirting in the gym
Posted 12 Jan 2018 23:48

When you're a guy in the gym.. DO NOT encroach on anyone's space. Just be cool. Just bullshit with your friends (only a little, like a minute or less), lift your weights, swim your laps, hit the zone with the kettlebells and "other" equipment, say hey to the staff and other regulars, take a class or two, steam it up, enjoy yourself... Just don't be a douche. Just be cool as fuck, when you look in the mirror and you think "fuck, I'm cool and sexy as FUCK..." You're good.