Topic "The Code"
05 Apr 2011 21:21
I am currently getting over a relationship lost in this way. My boyfriend went off with my best friend. She would say it was justified because he had finished with me, but the reason he finished with me was for her and it seems they were spending time together behind my back before this.
I will never ever forgive her. She knew what the relationship meant to me. I had ample opportunity to do something similar to her and never took it. Ultimately it's about the pain you are likely to cause. There is no 'fair game' IMHO if you know you will be hurting that friend, and you have no right to call yourself a friend any more if you act on any feelings you may have towards someone they care for.
Topic oral sex tips ;)
04 Apr 2011 03:41
Oh I like the idea of the fizzy drink! I guess if you were dead posh you could use champaign hehe
Actually this technique is known as 'The Champagne Blow Job' but it's more of a Soda Water blowjob for those of us on the minimum wage.
Topic Top Five Deal Breakers
03 Apr 2011 21:57
5. "I have an ex-boyfriend who was kinda violent." Next.
You just excluded at least two-thirds of the female population there, friend.
Topic In a relationship with someone with an illness?
03 Apr 2011 21:53
I'm... I don't even know how I am doing. I have no support group whatsoever. I had to leave public school to homeschool myself because I became so sick. All of the people, even best friends that I knew just forgot about me. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. Please excuse my language.
Yeah, I am only eighteen. I just turned that on February 27th. Most people I know are out rebelling and partying. I'm stuck inside and never leave my house unless I have a doctor appointment, or a test, or I get so bad that I have to go to the ER. Yeah, I am terrified that because I am so sick with this slow death sentence, and I am only getting worse as we speak, that no guy will ever even want to try.. They will always be focusing on me, taking care of me, driving me to doctor appointments. I wil neve have energy, I wouldn't be able to go out on date. I'd be horrible, and nobody would deserve that...
I am so sorry for your health issues and your family's. You all are in my prayers, most sincerely.
Hi again hun! May I just say, I think your avatar is genius :)
Dancing_doll has given such good advice. If you can't find a support group in person though, don't forget you have the world of the internet at your fingertips. Other people can give us strength and hope, even if they only come to us behind a screen.
Do you find you have good days and bad days with your illnesses? Sometimes, even though the bad days outweigh the good days, The good days you just have to seize on, and cram as much positivity into them as possible, even if the ability only last a few hours. It is not fair that a lovely girl like you should suffer this way. I too wonder if a guy will ever have the strength to 'put up' with those parts of my life, but I refuse to let my illness define me (well, okay, I admit, on GOOD days I refuse to let my illness define me). But the way I figure it - perhaps I'm being unfair on guys. There has to be someone out there with a similar value system to me, who will not give up either. The world is filled with such a huge variety of people - there just can't NOT be, does that make sense?
Topic Why do I do this to myself?
03 Apr 2011 21:37
I'm going to go out on a limb here but...when you were growing up, was your father around much?
Everything you are describing is psychologically attributable to an absent father figure, and you are definitely not the only young woman to feel this way. I relate greatly to the huge yearning within you. It is a yearning, isn't it?
It's good that you have identified that there is this issue, early on. But I would also say, please be careful. In elevating male attention to this level of importance, you are putting yourself at risk of some really unhealthy relationships that will drive you down even further - you are already more likely to settle for something that is no good for you simply because you need to feel wanted. It's going to be harder for you to work out when a guy is really into you - as you have already found out.
I'm telling you, being with a guy just for the sake of being with a guy is going to make you feel worse . It's just like a fix for an addiction. You get a hit of satisfaction that doesn't last and you want more, but that magical fulfillment never comes. In fact some people do describe this as a 'love addiction', and if you google it you'll find you're not alone.
But this isn't to say you've brought this on yourself, it's not your fault and you are NOT lacking as a person. People are the way they are for generally good reasons. I think it would really help for you to see a counsellor or therapist and talk this through. It can change, and you can feel stronger. As we heal past hurts, then the things we desire change in line with that healing.
It's hard to see people around you in couples, laughing, doing all that romantic stuff, it can make you feel completely unlovable and wonder when it will be your turn. Your turn WILL come.
Take care sweetie x
Topic Do you get horny triggered by a particular guy?
03 Apr 2011 21:20
Cheers for the clarification.
Yes, interesting hypotheses, you may be on to something, but it depends on the woman I think. Speaking for myself I have had periods of need when it feels like any man will do - but I'm bipolar and this typically happens when I'm manic and ALWAYS leads to deep regret later, so I don't see it as a natural tendency for me. In fact, it's rather dangerous :(
As for a woman initiating sex for the attention aspect. Guilty as charged, but in mitigation this has only happened when a relationship isn't going well.
Topic Voting in the UK and around the world
03 Apr 2011 00:22
I must be living in a cave, I had no idea this referendum was on, thank you for posting and I shall follow the link once I've answered.
I know lots of people who don't vote, I ask them why, and typical replies are, "It won't make a difference", "I'm not into Politics" and "It only encourages the bastards."
I do feel strongly that people should exercise their right to vote, there are parts of the world where people would love to have this right, and I am mindful that my female ancestors chained themselves to railings for it. However, I think on a voting slip, people should be able to fill in a box for 'none of the above'. This is because some people seem to think spoiling their ballot counts as a vote - in that, they want to register their dissatisfaction with the selection of candidates whilst showing an interest in voting. fair enough - except spoiled votes have no political bearing at all.
I am very pleased indeed to see a referendum being called - we haven't had one for years and to me that is definitely a step in the right democratic direction.
Topic oral sex tips ;)
03 Apr 2011 00:09
A mouthful of a fizzy drink straight from the fridge. Warning...some guys can't take this...at all.
Topic A Bad April Fools Joke
02 Apr 2011 23:59
Yesterday I pulled a very bad April fools joke on a friend here.
A bad April fools joke about an April fools joke.
I told him that my boyfriend had made an April fools joke of saying "I love you." And that I was so furious and heartbroken and I really didn't know what to do.
What would you do, if someone you really like told you they loved you and when you're about to let your hearts content out or when you have let your hearts content out, they told you it was just an April fools joke?
I would remove their heart with a spoon and feed it to my dog.
Topic Sexless Relationship
02 Apr 2011 23:55
I was in a sexless relationship for seven years and it nearly destroyed me. But I was still in love with the guy and hoped some miracle would occur. It never did. We broke up - not because of this, but because I found out he had initiated an affair with a 21 year old.
There is no pain on earth quite like lying next to someone you adore with your heart and soul, and yet know they will not touch you.
It's only years later after talking to him he admitted he found my sexual preferences a turn-off. But at the time, he refused to discuss it.
I still harbour a great deal of resentment towards him for this.
It does not just happen to men.
Topic Would you take the cash?
01 Apr 2011 23:17
I'd like to think I had the creative flexibility to do so, but, I write mostly from experience (Disclaimer: that's not to say I have done everything I write about, but what I write about I do relate to at least, on some level) So anyone who paid me to write something diametrically opposed to my turn-ons is going to end up with a shitty story they couldn't sell anyway.
Topic Married Men
31 Mar 2011 10:25
For the most part, no. I would never want to cause another woman that pain, and I have a religious consideration about it too. But on the one occasion I did so, he was my first love, the one I had been in love with since school and still a bit now, I suppose. It was very clear his wife and he were divorcing, I'd had various encounters with him over the years before he got married, we're talking like 20 years of history. But he didn't want me for anything more than sex, and married someone else.
I find I have a great ability to attract men already in relationships. I find it so hard to respect them, let alone fancy them, unless I have a great deal of proof that the relationship is dead in the water. And then I disrespect them anyway for not ending it when they are so clearly not meant to be there! Poor guys, you can't win.
But having said that, I will always hear the case before I make the judgement.
Topic If you caught your boyfriend telling you small lies would you dump him?
31 Mar 2011 10:07
I know that people lie for many reasons and not all of them demonic but I have an absolute hard limit on lies. I have ditched friends because of what might seem like insignificant lies. It may seem like an overreaction, but I have huge, huge trust issues. If I catch you lying, you're out of my life. Simple as.
Topic What have you read, that you've never forgotten?
29 Mar 2011 22:13
I can't even remember the name of the book, but when I was a kid there was a book in my school's Library about a girl who was orphaned, her title and fortune stripped away but came back to claim it all. "The Wolves of...... Hall". (If anyone know what the Hell I'm talking about please let me know ;) )
"The Forest of Mirrors" scene in the C.S Lewis's Magician's Nephew.
Several China-centric Books - Wild Swans, The Woman Warrior and The Rape of Nanking
And just becaise I'm a food brat - one copy of this book lives on my nightstand and the other in my kitchen
"In the Devil's Garden - A sinful History of Forbidden Food"
Sounds like "The Wolves of Willoughby Chase" by Joan Aiken?
I think my richest reading experience ever - you know the kind where you are holed up somewhere comfortable and nothing in the world around you matters as much as the novel you hold in your hands - has to be Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.
I have loved so many books, and learned so much from stories.
About A Boy (Nick Hornby) has a passage within it that once got me out of a very dark place, which I will always be grateful for. I love Nick Hornby - he gets accused of a certain bleakness but he really does tell it like it is, he's not selling you a happy ending but not one devoid of hope either. He puts the ultimate meaning of the story entirely in your hands. I don't know many authors who can do that.
29 Mar 2011 21:56
I do like DILLIGAF* though ... that one definitely has its uses.
*Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?
Topic In a relationship with someone with an illness?
29 Mar 2011 20:12
What about you hun? How are you doing? That's such a lot of pain and strife to be experiencing at a young age. I hope you have some good support for yourself...and so many young people are busy hating their parents and here you are showing us all how much you love them with your concern. I like you.
There are big and critical health problems in my family too, your post has a lot of things I recognise. My parents used to be like giddy teenagers and now they live separate lives apart from the necessary caretaking of my mother. But I don't think their love has gone, I think it's just slid out of view for both them because so much else is going on. I think it has changed but not gone.
But I guess you are worried about whether your own illness might affect the way people feel about you? Suppose the only answer to that is...if you knew a loving, charming, genuine person who had a lot of medical issues, would you reject their friendship on that basis? I suspect you already know the answer to this one. But there's no denying some people will run from this. Equally there are others who will not. I have a chronic condition myself, one of the worst things about it is it prevents me from going out and being in social situations. I guess we have to work harder to have the same opportunities others enjoy. Isolation is a real danger for us, fight it however you can.
29 Mar 2011 19:39
Very true, in fact, it might make sense for them to create a new lexicon altogether for the digital side of human expression. These words (Words? Acronyms? Symbols?) are not designed to be spoken , the word Dictionary does come from the latin for " to say "...
Topic Casey the Punisher
29 Mar 2011 18:45
What a stunning and convincing display of heartfelt remorse.
I'm so conflicted by this, violence is not a good thing and that was one hell of a body slam. But if somebody was trying to punch me in the face repeatedly I don't think I should be held responsible for my actions.
Hey, look at it this way, Casey Heynes may have saved Richard Gale's life inadvertently - further down the line what if the little twat tried picking on someone who had a firearm. But frankly from the above interview I don't see much evidence of a capacity to learn.
Topic Are you a pirate?
29 Mar 2011 17:27
Cool topic. I have pirated, but would prefer not to.
I used to work in an IP environment and it changed the way I think about piracy and digital rights quite a lot. So I only consider pirating stuff if a) my need outweighs my ability to pay for it and b) I can't easily get hold of it (say an obscure music track) any other way. Current copyright laws fromm country to country are outdated and unworkable, I really hope the Creative Commons movement takes off - it makes sense to me.
Also, I am a content creator in a virtual world and the issue of copyright etc is always coming up there - and I can tell you, as a struggling digital creator, to get ripped off and have your creations that you sweated over for months copied and distributed all over the place is a horrible morale-killing experience. It does feel very much like theft - of your time, of the results of your labours.
But that's different from a massively rich software company (no names) charging a stupid amount of money for industry-standard software with a user base that needs it but can't afford it. That's just greed. I don't have too many moral qualms about that, but will use open-source equivalents if I can, first. Demo version software would be better fully functional for 3 months rather than one - has a bonus for the business in that it's more likely the end-user may even come to rely on it in that timeframe and thus more likely to buy.
There are definitely pros to piracy though - preservation and innovation for a start. The only reason we are able to view the silent classic 'Nosferatu' is because the pirate copy was preserved when the original was not.
As for innovation, some great stuff could not exist without piracy - the humble mixtape for a start, and more recently, the entire music mashup/bootleg scene (this is where a home dj combines a series of well known existing tracks to create a completely new track). Nobody could afford that many royalties.
Intellectual Property is very important, but the huge amounts of money required concerning it are creating most of the problems here, I think.
Topic .xxx domain suffix approved
29 Mar 2011 16:53
Perhaps I am naive, but as a casual surfer I really don't have much of a problem with zoning the www in this way. I remember in my early days of net surfing I found it disturbing the amount of porn sites I stumbled on without meaning to, and if an element of quality control can be included with this change (which I don't really believe, either but nvm) nice if they can make it work.
I know that zoning can be used for good or ill, control of data is always going to be a political point of contention but porn accounts for such a huge volume of web usage we deserve our own domain, dammit, on principle!
Of course it's possible I'm just a neatfreak when it comes to information.