Forum posts made by nicola

Topic i know its wrong yet i cant stop
Posted 06 Mar 2015 09:09

I think you may need psychiatric help.

And please stop repeatedly posting in different threads, it's tiresome for forum mods.

Topic What A McDonald's Commercial SHOULD Look Like
Posted 05 Mar 2015 06:09


It almost makes me want to watch "Super Size Me" again. NOT!

Maybe just a clip then:

Topic Delete Inbox Button
Posted 05 Mar 2015 05:28

I can confirm, deleting over 5,000 messages from my inbox, speeds up the load time from over 30 seconds, to 1 second. clapping

I suggest if you are having the same problem, either delete your inbox totally, or trim all your older messages.

It would probably make sense to place a limit on the # messages you can keep in your inbox, to aid loading speeds.

Topic What A McDonald's Commercial SHOULD Look Like
Posted 05 Mar 2015 05:06

That's exactly what I do to make a variation of chicken schnitzel (I usually use fresh thyme instead of mixed herbs). Splash on some lemon juice for good measure. It works well with pork too.

I normally go the whole parmigiana route, adding a simple italian tomato based sauce. It can sometimes be a little dry without the sauce, if you don't get the timing spot on. Chicken is so often over-cooked.

Now I'm hungry. Did somebody say, "McDonalds"? no

Topic Delete Inbox Button
Posted 05 Mar 2015 01:46

Is your inbox slow to load (stop!)?

I think there's a bottleneck happening, our techspurt is looking into it. Takes me about 30 seconds for mine to load up. May have something to do with 20 million messages being stored...

Topic What A McDonald's Commercial SHOULD Look Like
Posted 05 Mar 2015 01:43

"Recently McDonald's had to recall 1 million chicken McNuggets because they had VINYL in them.

Anyway, we were lucky enough to find the outtakes from a taping of a McDonald's commercial that gets out of control."

Funny and annoying in equal measure = comedy.

Eat well, live well!

Nom nom eat

Topic Advice from a Singer Sewing Manual, from 1949
Posted 04 Mar 2015 02:22


Topic Couple of basic questions from a newbie here
Posted 04 Mar 2015 00:09

Novels we publish, are usually sold on Amazon, so we do not publish them here.

We take a standard commission split with authors of 50%, look after the editing, cover design, publishing and marketing side.

As I said, at the moment we are only just starting up the ebook publishing side again. Once the wheels are in motion, more information will be released.

Topic Delete Inbox Button
Posted 03 Mar 2015 09:52

I cleared mine out last year. There's now 182 pages in my inbox. help

(please use the contact form for site issues!)

Topic NOT an official stance, but... prospective poets, please read.
Posted 03 Mar 2015 01:21

We have split stories / poems on the front page now, via 2 tabs. The default is to load stories. There may be an option coming, to select poems on the home page in your settings. I'm awaiting confirmation.

There's a glitch at the moment where stories are leaking into the poetry section. That will be fixed up soon.

Topic Delete Inbox Button
Posted 03 Mar 2015 01:13

I only just noticed it myself.

I've sent Gav a message asking him to add a prompt to make it clear you are purposely deleting the entire contents of your inbox, and that the process cannot be undone. It's either that, or we could ask for confirmation by typing in your account password, or something like that. If the button was moved away from the others, fewer accidents might happen too.

Topic Lush's high standards
Posted 02 Mar 2015 23:52

Very nice of you to say Metilda! We do try...

Topic Couple of basic questions from a newbie here
Posted 02 Mar 2015 23:34

Hi Rachel,

We set up a few years ago to cater for authors here who wished to publish their novels, on the big publishing sites. Due to being resource constrained, and too tied up with other projects, it hasn't been very active over the last year, and we removed the associated forum we had here too. That will soon be changing.

By far the biggest site to get your novel into, is Amazon, and I'd concentrate your efforts there. Smashwords is a smaller syndication type site, and they have their merits.

There aren't many "lush stories" offered on Amazon, most are standalone novels by some of our authors. We put a couple of anthologies together for promotional purposes, and there are a couple of short stories offered free on Amazon too (they will do a price match at their discretion - putting an ebook into smashwords free can work for that purpose), but that's it.

Are you looking for a publisher, or wish to go the self-publishing route? We are doing a soft re-launch of lush publishing in the coming month or so. If you're looking for the former, and your novel is of the required standard, we'd be happy to look over your draft.



Topic Server migration
Posted 02 Mar 2015 04:06

Your work is under valued, under appreciated and critical to the operation - said no one ever to the dev. guy! all the best in the migration. Fugly


Apparently there is 300gb of data and over 1/4 million images to migrate over. Not surprising it's taking so long.

At least at the end of it all, we'll have a dedicated image server, and site speed should be improved.

Topic Announcing the Winners of our Valentine's Day Poetry Competition
Posted 02 Mar 2015 00:21

I am delighted to say that this poetry competition was a huge success. It's wonderful to see that the art of contemporary poetry is thriving.

Poetry is perhaps the most subjective of literary art forms. As such, it can be difficult to judge objectively, since poetry in many ways demands more of the readers imagination and involvement.

Our judging panel definitely proved this to be true, with a huge variation in their preferential rankings.

However, 3 of the poems were very well supported across the board. I bring to you the winning entries:

Winner ($100): I Hate You , by avrgblkgrl
Second Place (Gold Membership): Exempt , by Possibly
Third Place (Silver Membership): Aftermath , by shrpsf

Honourable mentions go to the following authors and their excellent entries:

Ti Amo , by gilrenard
My Gift , by ChrissieLecker
House of Mirrors , by Delphi
Soft Lamps , by elliotlacey31
A Valentine's Fantasia , by playsit
Nicola Allows Me One Cliche , by flytoomuch
Drive Mad , by TheScheherezadeFeint
Kisses On Dew , by adagio_sabadicus
One last time , by JWren
Your Valentine Gift , by BethanyFrasier
The Feast Of Saint Valentine , by Green_Man
Two Snowflakes , by SheriPie
Flood of Fires , by bigbubblygurlnc

Thank you all for making this poetry competition a great success. We are sure to run another later in the year.



Topic Do people navigate using pages?
Posted 28 Feb 2015 11:38

does it involve cats? :D


Mainly 1's and 0's.

And a genius one of these, without which, this site wouldn't be possible 6

I can't even start to imagine how you join 5 servers together to spit out a site like this. It's quite remarkable really.

Topic Server migration
Posted 28 Feb 2015 08:51

Great, pictures are back. Thank you, Gav for your hard work.

They are? I'm seeing plenty of dead images in the forums still (on this page in fact).

It might be because we had a dead zone of 3-4 days, where we lost images. dontknow


Topic Do people navigate using pages?
Posted 28 Feb 2015 08:47

Thank you for the feedback re the spidering.

After spending many hours researching, I have a solution which will be implemented in the coming weeks. It will be both useful for surfers as well as helping spider the site more effectively. It will make greater use of our tag database.

Topic Do people navigate using pages?
Posted 28 Feb 2015 01:54

I never use them, but I guess search engines follow them. If so, removing them could have a big impact on stories being found through Google and 'friends'. With one 'Next' link on the homepage, only the stories on the second page are one link removed from the homepage. With paged navigation, like it is now, there are many more stories that are one link removed from the homepage. This can have a huge impact on the ranking of those stories.

Interesting point.

However, at the moment, only pages 1-10 and then the last 2 pages are linked. So that's only 12 pages.

Any idea how we could get google to spider the site more deeply? You seem a bit of an expert on these things. Any help always appreciated!

Topic Nursery Rhyme Short Ditties
Posted 27 Feb 2015 12:28

This thread delivers, for all the wrong reasons.

Topic Do people navigate using pages?
Posted 27 Feb 2015 01:33

I think it's pretty pointless because you can't use it to work out where you've read up to. If you weren't on site for 2 weeks, there may have been several hundred new submissions since then.

Better would be to have a bookmark of some kind, so when you return, it remembers which story list page you were last on.

Talking of bookmarks, it would be nice to have the same thing at story page level, so when you return, it remembers how far down the page you were. I have seen this at work on other forums, so it should be possible at page level.

While we're here (evil4), I've seen mentioned by many people, the request to have a "Top" button on the story pages. I have seen this on other sites, where there's a "Top" link in a light coloured box, which sits floating in the bottom right of the page, so as not to interfere with the content.

Could you look at adding that to the story page template too please?

Topic What's Your Current Mood.
Posted 26 Feb 2015 11:36

Topic Server migration
Posted 26 Feb 2015 10:07

Fun - but how did you get the image to show???

I uploaded it.

The image server must be taking requests, but isn't yet able to fish out the older images.

Stay tuned, we should be back online within the next 48 hours or sooner.

Topic Server migration
Posted 26 Feb 2015 07:57

There's nothing to worry about folks, Gav has someone helping out in the server room:

Topic Google ramping up self-censorship
Posted 25 Feb 2015 01:16

Due to the millions and millions of pages on blogspot, it would have to be done automatically I'd say.

I've read somewhere that they can flag content for manual screening, based on the amount of skin tones picked up in photos. So I wouldn't at all be surprised if bikini type blogs were flagged too.

The best solution (unfortunately you'll need to pay a little to get total control):

1. Good news, this domain is available: $9.99 per annum.

2. Unlimited number of domains hosting: $6.99 per month (maybe share the cost with like minded authors?)

3. Install Wordpress (free, and very easy to do these days).

Total cost $94.

Remember, if you have 6 friends sharing the hosting cost, all anyone would pay is $12 per year for the hosting plus the domain cost. $22.

Some examples of sites from people here who have taken this approach (I hope they don't mind the plug):

Topic NOT an official stance, but... prospective poets, please read.
Posted 22 Feb 2015 12:08

As a few have mentioned, this has drawn too much heat, unnecessarily.

We are going to change the site set up, so that stories only, will be loaded by default on the front page (this is a story site, the bias is being taken away, and that's not ok). Poems will have their own separate tab, so that those who wish to read only poetry, can click the link.

Members will be able to (coding time permitting) choose in their settings, which loads by default on the main page.

I can't think of a better solution. I do enjoy reading quality poetry, however there has to be a balance.

Topic NOT an official stance, but... prospective poets, please read.
Posted 20 Feb 2015 08:37 available, add to cart. hmm... Think

This is primarily an erotic story site. It was designed as such, and remains as such. If it gets to the stage where poetry is taking over, I will take measures.

All joking aside, this has been playing on my mind for a while. The most likely change would be to have story listings shown on the front page, by default. We would add a tab for poetry (still on the front page), so those who wish to view poems, can click the tab and that's all they'll see. Members could choose whichever front page listing set they wish.

Topic How To Win An EP By Accident... (A lecture on writing poetry...)
Posted 15 Feb 2015 08:54

Oh, stop being so bashful. It was an awesome piece! :)


Topic #Sssh50 Twitter Contest: Win a Signed Copy of the 50 Shades Trilogy
Posted 13 Feb 2015 10:42

Please PM sssh if you need more details on this competition they are running:

If you’re a 50 Shades of Grey fan with a gift for writing short fiction, then’s #Sssh50 “kinky tweet” contest has your name all over it.

Starting Thursday February 5, the challenge is to tell a kinky story in a single tweet, using the hashtag #Sssh50. Contestants have more than one chance to win, as each tweet using the #Sssh50 hashtag counts as a separate entry. Tweet submissions will be accepted through February 22, 2015 at midnight EST. The winner will take home an author signed copy of the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy.

“We’re giving fans a chance to have some fun and use their creativity for a shot at winning a memorable prize,” said Angie Rowntree, owner of, the web’s premier porn for women site. “Using Twitter as the medium makes it something people can participate in easily. At the same time, the platform requires contestants to be clever and efficient in order to tell their story in short bursts.”

The winner of the #Sssh50 contest will be announced February 24, during the upcoming show “50 Shades of Reality: Insights from BDSM Professionals,” which airs live starting at 3p.m. EST.

“People can pack a lot into tweet,” said Lauren MacEwen, from 7 Veils “The #Sssh50 contest gives people the chance to explore erotica in 140 characters. It will be fun to see how creative tweeps get!

Topic Bronze Account Unable To Read Premium Stories?
Posted 13 Feb 2015 10:17

Hi Jimmy,

There's a bit of a mix up happening here.

All members of the site, who joined prior to 1 Jan 2015, were given 6 months continuation of all the features they have always enjoyed, since joining.

"The Vault", is a new feature, which is available only to "Premium" members. Those are people who have a paid membership, whether it is a Bronze, Silver or Gold Membership.

All authors who contributed stories / poems to the site prior to 1 Jan 2015, were gifted Bronze Memberships, as a thank you. You haven't submitted a story or a poem here, so you weren't gifted the Bronze Membership.

The message you are seeing, "Your account has already been upgraded... " is incorrect. It hasn't been.

I'll ask Gav to take a look at changing the wording on that message.

Basically, the new "locked off" area, is for paying members.

Sorry for the confusion.