Topic No longer sexy..
11 Feb 2013 11:12
Well, since this will probably be the last post, and may or may not be read, let me answer everything. Ms doll: I did take advice from here. After a lovely visit with a psychlogist, I got bumped up to see a psychiatrist at 0730 today, my time. Got the info I listed above. He did say he would increase the nuerontin Im already, to level my mood. Not going gay, one reason, same issues, different plumbing. Two, not gay. No monasteries for my faith. Well mademale: this was my only place to rant, rage, get info, other side of arguements. Still not sure what trolling is, the doc actually said writing in here was good, he read all my posts, helped speed his diagnosis. I kept writing cause it kept hitting me, over and over. Just trying to find light at the end of the tunnel and it turns out to be a train. Folks and I had a nice long talk after plthey got done calling me a soulless heathen, they matched what she said, and what yall have said in here, I radiate victim. They told me why my first wife left me, she needed a father figure, I wasnt that...only three years older. Second wife, needed me to get away from her second husband, she still wont give me the info I need to find him and compare notes. Not legally anyway. Reading all my posts, while true, many were so unnecessary Im surprised I didnt get booted. Again, trying to keep my temper in check. I have no clue how to not emit victim, I told my folks this. Only recourse was to not speak a word about myself should I meet a woman. With Ms dolls advice and what youve mentioned as my only forseeable outcome here...well I just wanted an answer, thats what it really boils down too, what was wrong with me. The whys of old, I get, peer pressure, cliques, that crap. But why...now, just hurts. I know hes going to hurt her, bad. And I cant do a damn thing about it. This may allllll be my ptsd,, the thing that makes me the worst guy to go.to.a.domestic call, rearing up in a way to try and make me do something reallly stupid, more than what Ive done here. I grew up on heroes most nowadays know nothing about, and it may be my grace and fault. No, not all women are evil. Thats like saying all cops are bad, or eat donuts (which I stoppec doing 22 years ago). Or all service members killed innocents, or all priests are child molesters. Iet my anger at stjpid people into one of them. I let the bad memories erase the good. Coincidentally, while 33 girls have hurt me, thats also tye number Ive been with, just put that together now. Ill take my bow out and fire off arrows till I shoot the stupid out of myself. Find a stable, rent a horse and ride till Im numb. Thanks for all you did.