Virtual manager of both The Love Shack and The Heartbreak Hotel, I am an expert on all matters of human desire and sexuality. Do you have a relationship concern or sex question that is currently plaguing you? Are you tired of well-meaning friends and family steering you the wrong way? Ready for the real deal? Why not ask Olivia, bonafide sex goddess and counsellor extraordinaire who will guide you in your travels through love and lust, kinks and relationship hijinks. You can find me in my corner of the forum, where you will soon enjoy fun blogs, do's and don'ts and how to avoid those common relationship pitfalls and sexual disasters. You can also ask me questions and get personalized advice by starting a thread in that section or sending me a private PM and I will post your question (anonymously on your behalf) in the forum and answer it there. Sorry but I don't do private chat or private advice/counselling. DISCLAIMER: My posts are a mixture of advice, tough love, and entertainment. If you need serious professional help, please call a healthcare professional for individual therapy. The internet will not fix you.
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I am happily married for 43 years and had a good sex life, until I had my prostrate remove which left me impotent, we have used muse and injections which help to increase erections but not enough to have a full sex life.The only way to increase my libido and adrenalin rush is to play fantasy role playing situation which I like being spanked and dress up in ladies underwear.My wife is very understanding about my situation and fantasy and participate to the best of abilities but is just to nice a person to be really dominating and be bad to me.I am happy to be nice to her in any way she wants to ensure she enjoys our love periods as much as possible without full penetration. Can you please advise any things we can try to keep our sex life going? Hi!I'm sorry to hear about your recent medical changes, but I'm glad to hear that you've pulled through and are making the best of it.In regards to your question, there are so many ways to spice up your sex life.There are toys. There's role playing (besides the scenario you've described). There are fun games you can play. The possibilities are endless.A great way to gauge something that might be a turn-on is to watch porn together. If you see something that gets you going, make a note of it and give it a try. You'd be amazed at the results.As always, I wish you all the best!~Yours truly
Thank you Olivia.The base equipment works - at least for handjobs. We're still married, and she has a boyfriend. I don't know anyone I could develop into a girlfriend, so that's how it goes. I just don't want to eventually embarrass myself drooping at the critical moment. Which would be psychological (sigh). I'll take heart from your reassurance since the parts work individually, the car should accelerate when the time comes. Yes.Also, consider a friend with benefits situation instead of seeking a girlfriend for the time being. I find that those situations come with less pressure, so that may ease some of the strain on your psyche.
It's been something like 15 years since I've had intercourse. (I don't count handjobs, thank you very much.)Not that I haven't had opportunities - I live in a large city with a well-populated cadre of professionals available.Anyway, in the absence of any domestic outlet, I'd really like to see if everything still works properly and I remember how to do it right.On the other hand, seeing a professional for that specific a reason sounds ... clinical. Might just put me off the mood I need to be in.Does this sound totally off base? I think what's mostly keeping me from pulling the trigger is the thought that I might get in bed and find out either (a) I've lost the knack, or (b) I'm just too hung up on my wife to function fully elsewhere.rd Hello!You didn't mention whether or not you and your wife were still together, so I'm just going to assume you're separated, being that you referred to her as your wife and not your ex-wife. Please forgive me if I've assumed incorrectly.Now back to your "equipment" problems. It seems as if you're saying that you would like to get laid, to put it bluntly, but are nervous about whether or not you've still got it. Sex is very much like riding a bike: As long as all the parts involved are still in working order, you never forget how to do it. It might take a few pumps or even a bit of oil on the chain to get the wheels turning, but the act itself isn't really the hard part.Perhaps you can test your equipment by watching some porn or reading a sexy story and see if you're responsive. Then go from there. If you're hung up over your wife or ex-wife, or what have you, then you should consider broaching the subject with her. Or maybe you should seek closure so you no longer feel guilty.If you truly believe it's a medical issue, there's no shame in having it looked into. I'm sure seeking medical help is much better than the alternative of not engaging in sex at all. As always, I wish you all the best.~Yours truly
Olivia,I apologise in advance for the wordiness of this post; but I am confused and conflicted and well....it helps to "get it all down."I posted a personal ad on a fetish site. A girl from London contacted me, said she was very interested in me and perhaps progressing things further; and even despite the fact she lived 500 miles away from, she regularly visited my city to see friends and family. We chatted on the phone, seemed to hit it off. We texted and emailed everyday, and she said she was "enchanted with me" felt like "she was eating out the palm of my hand" and that she was very excited about meeting me. Last Saturday she was hospitalised with complications associated with diabetes ketoacidosis, and as per the norm, we exchanged messages back and forth. She said how grateful she was that I kept her spirits up, and kept her happy and safe amidst all the ugly drama with her health.I didnt hear from her for a week, and then got a email from her:"Hi I'm afraid I'm quite poorly at the moment. Wanted to let you know that I'm ok(ish) but that I'd rather not continue with our play as my heart just isn't in it.Many thanks for the fun exchanges thus far. I wish you all the best,"I was a bit taken aback at 1) how formal it was, and 2) how abrupt. So I replied:"m so sorry your still not fully recovered, and hope that you make a full recovery. Can I just check, your desire to continue with the play, is this due to your health? Or is there something else that means your heart is not in it? Will this likely to change in the future, or do you feel that this is likely to be permanent?I respect your decision either way and really do hope you get better soon."Her response was:"I was transferred to high dependency on Sunday and have been in a semi coma..... Absolutely insane! I'm back on the normal ward now and therefore communicable.I'm afraid I just can't focus on anything but my health at the moment and when I'm like this (glad to say it's not too often) I just need to channel all my energy into recovery and my family as this always affects them badly.I hope you understand and I really have enjoyed chatting to you recently.Hope you find a healthy spankee soon!"I am a total loss. I respect the fact she has health problems. But what I am hurt by and angered with is the seemingly finality of it, that we've just to draw a line under things permanently. I'd have gladly waited till she had fully recovered, I valued her friendship more than the play aspect to be candid, and I just feel a little used. She's effectively made the choice for me, not allowing me an opportunity to actually even entertain the possibility of continuing, and it just seems so unfair for her to do this total about face in attitude and interest. Hello!I understand your heartbreak and confusion over the abrupt ending to your situation. That's something you can only come to terms with in due time.In regards to the abrupt and formal ending of your association, there isn't much I can say that she hasn't said already. People either go into despair or survival mode when their health takes a turn for the worst. Being that her particular health issues are recurring, she truly knows what's best for her in these circumstances. If she says that her health won't allow for anything else, believe her. Perhaps she ended things this way to give you an opportunity to find someone who's more available and apt for the sort of play you seek instead of you being obligated to deal with her health issues.To be frank, yes it sucks that she acted alone without even considering the fact that you'd be willing to work around her issues. But then again, she may not have been willing to continue with your association while dealing with her health complications. And while it does suck, it's something you've got to accept.I do hope you find some sort of closure in the future, and as always, I wish you the best.~Yours truly
how are you . hope your haveing great summer.. miss olivia your a very smart n beautifull looking woman.. i know you dont do private counseling. just wondering what you think on age difference.. also .. miss olivia have great day . xoxoxxxx Hello!Thank you for the lovely compliments.Age differences, eh? I don't feel strongly about age differences as long as it's a legal , happy, healthy, and consensual situation for everyone involved. As long as no one's being led on or taken advantage of, I say have fun!~Yours truly
Dear Olivia,I showed this girl on here pictures of my dick because she promised to show me a picture of her pussy. I took all the angles she requested and even some of me cumming. I asked her again about when she will send me her pussy pics but she always changes the subject. The other day she asked me for more dick pics and said she promised to send her pussy and even her asshole this time if I sent more. I don't know what to do. I mean I really want to see her pussy but I feel that after sending her about 20 dick pics without her sending 1 back that she is just lying again. How many dick pics do you think is normal before a pussy pic is sent in return?Jack Hello Jack!It can seem rather frustrating when we put ourselves out there for someone else and they don't seem to reciprocate. Perhaps you can consider pulling back a bit and slowing down on the intimate pictures, or "dick pics" as you so eloquently put it. Maybe then she'll be more forthcoming with her pictures.Maybe she's a bit shy. Communication is key, so talk to her. There has to be a reason why she's hesitant to share intimate pictures with you.Another option is to ask her to send you dick pics. It's only fair, right? Not to mention, it would put you guys on a more even keel.In this case, the number of pictures doesn't matter as much as the trust involved with sharing such pictures.As always, I wish you all the best.~Yours truly
How do I handle my girlfriend's counselor who's insisting she walk away from the relationship after 15 years simply because for medical and family reasons we haven't met face to face yet? Hello Chris.I take it your girlfriend's counselor is a trained professional, so I'm sure he or she has your girlfriend's best interests at heart.What's best for the ones we love isn't always what we want, but it's what they need. Counseling sessions are private, and your girlfriend may have revealed things to her counselor that she may not have even revealed to you, which is why her counselor may have arrived at the conclusion that she break things off with you.I'm sure your girlfriend's counselor isn't going around telling clients to break off relationships just because they can. There's going to be underlying reasons, to which both you and your girlfriend should give some thought.Are you both benefiting mentally and emotionally from the relationship? Are you happier, better people as a result of this relationship?I know it's a difficult thing to accept, but if it's what your girlfriend needs, then it's something you can at least consider, right?In regards to you "handling" your girlfriend's counselor, I can't offer any advice in that area because I won't go against anyone's professional opinion without the proper authority to do so.I do wish you all the best.~Yours truly
Hello OliviaYou've never met me before but hopefully you can help me.I didn't know Lush was a dating site but when I joined I saw so many people getting in relationships and stuff. I thought it was kind of silly at first but then I met someone and I fell for him. The relationship is over, but now I'm dealing with the aftermath. Theres so much drama everywhere. We tried being friends but other women that like him can be so mean. I can't even post on his wall anymore and the forums get really boring with all the drama.What should I do when I just want to be his friend and other women feel like they own him? Hello!Unfortunately you've stumbled onto the catty territory of Lush. Like any other online community, Lush isn't immune to drama and all the stuff you wish you could avoid. It really does suck when people turn your fun place into a Petri dish of negativity. You can try laying low for a while. People who play those types of games usually have short attention spans and move on rather quickly, although you may occasionally come across the type that can't let go. You can also talk to your friend and let him know what's going on and see if he can or wants to try put a stop to it. You could also try reasoning with the women. Even better, try befriending them while secretly plotting your revenge. Kidding!Seriously, just take the high road. Don't let them get under their skin. You've just as much a right to be here as they do, so protect your space. Seek out positive interactions and friendships to make your experience worthwhile. I wish you all the best.~Yours truly
Thank you all for your thoughts. Kind of what I expected I guess, but didn't want it to be true. I am fortunately going to see a counsellor for the first time tomorrow which I hope will be helpful too. Expensive, but hopefully helpful!!Yes, I think I need to see my family and talk with them. I am fortunate that I have a job and income. And also that we don't have children. I think I will make arrangements to secure that income stream and start seeing where else I might stay, probably my parents.But I know it could be a hideous journey ahead if I take that drastic move. And I do worry what he might do - particularly to himself and possibly to our property.But then if I don't do this and just carry on as is I don't think either of us will be happy.Thanks all. Hello,You've received excellent advice so far, so I'll try not to repeat it.First of all, congratulations for already having plans in motion. Your self-reliance in a situation such as this is your greatest asset. I understand that you've committed to counseling, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst.Reach out to your friends and family. I'm sure isolation from them has worked in your husband's favor. You're not alone, and they will understand, especially once you've explained the situation to them. In terms of you being worried about your spouse harming himself, manipulation by means of self-harm threats come straight out of the domestic abuser's handbook. Most likely, he will not inflict any physical harm on himself unless he can harm you to the same extent. I'm not sure if you're going into counseling alone or with your husband, but if he's with you, remember that manipulation is his game. Also remember that even with all of their training and experiences, counselors are just people that can also be manipulated. Your husband can paint an entirely different picture for the counselor and even convince you, yourself that you're in the wrong. Trust your instincts, and if you feel like you need to get out, then get out. In regards to your personal property, secure as much of it as you can, but remember that things can always be replaced. You should be your #1 priority right now. Regards,Olivia
I am 24 years old guy. I want to hear your advice and opinion. recently I started fantasizing more and more about being cuckolded. I mean, it would hurt me, make me angry and jealous if my gf fucks another guy...but also it turns me on incredibly if I imagine that. Is something wrong with me ? I shouldnt feel and think like that. I wish I could delete that fantasy from my mind, but other part of me really wants to try to convince my gf to fuck another guy in front of me. Please, advise me :) Hi Tom! Short answer: No, there's nothing wrong with you. Long answer: There are lots of psychological reasons for why cuckolding is something that intrigues you and turns you on. I won't delve too deeply into those reasons, but the information is out there.Don't beat yourself up over your desires. As long as it's safe, legal, and consensual, there's no fantasy too dirty to be worth exploring.My only advice refers to your girlfriend, assuming you aren't single. I understand that she is a central part of your fantasy, but make sure it's something she's into. Pressuring her into doing something that she's not into can be as detrimental to your relationship as the act of cuckolding itself. Especially if you're looking at cuckolding as a lifestyle as opposed to being something you act on every once in a while......which brings about the following questions: How far do you want the cuckolding thing to go? Do you want it as just something you do every once in a while, or do you want it as a lifestyle? In either case, you need a partner that's willing to commit to that sort of relationship, especially if you adopt being cuckolded as a lifestyle.Try easing her into the idea by reading cuckold stories together and watching cuckold porn together to gauge her reaction. If she likes it, see if she'd be willing to take it further by fantasizing about someone else while you guys are having sex, either someone she makes up or someone she knows. Take it slow and remember that this sort of thing is shocking to most people. Also, be prepared to accept the fact that she's not into the idea of being with someone else to fulfill your fantasy.If you're already attached, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be denied this part of yourself if your girlfriend is not into the idea of cuckolding. If you're not already attached, seek out a partner who is accepting of this fantasy.Best of luck!Yours truly,~Olivia
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