Virtual manager of both The Love Shack and The Heartbreak Hotel, I am an expert on all matters of human desire and sexuality. Do you have a relationship concern or sex question that is currently plaguing you? Are you tired of well-meaning friends and family steering you the wrong way? Ready for the real deal? Why not ask Olivia, bonafide sex goddess and counsellor extraordinaire who will guide you in your travels through love and lust, kinks and relationship hijinks. You can find me in my corner of the forum, where you will soon enjoy fun blogs, do's and don'ts and how to avoid those common relationship pitfalls and sexual disasters. You can also ask me questions and get personalized advice by starting a thread in that section or sending me a private PM and I will post your question (anonymously on your behalf) in the forum and answer it there. Sorry but I don't do private chat or private advice/counselling. DISCLAIMER: My posts are a mixture of advice, tough love, and entertainment. If you need serious professional help, please call a healthcare professional for individual therapy. The internet will not fix you.
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Thank you all for your thoughts. Kind of what I expected I guess, but didn't want it to be true. I am fortunately going to see a counsellor for the first time tomorrow which I hope will be helpful too. Expensive, but hopefully helpful!!Yes, I think I need to see my family and talk with them. I am fortunate that I have a job and income. And also that we don't have children. I think I will make arrangements to secure that income stream and start seeing where else I might stay, probably my parents.But I know it could be a hideous journey ahead if I take that drastic move. And I do worry what he might do - particularly to himself and possibly to our property.But then if I don't do this and just carry on as is I don't think either of us will be happy.Thanks all. Hello,You've received excellent advice so far, so I'll try not to repeat it.First of all, congratulations for already having plans in motion. Your self-reliance in a situation such as this is your greatest asset. I understand that you've committed to counseling, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst.Reach out to your friends and family. I'm sure isolation from them has worked in your husband's favor. You're not alone, and they will understand, especially once you've explained the situation to them. In terms of you being worried about your spouse harming himself, manipulation by means of self-harm threats come straight out of the domestic abuser's handbook. Most likely, he will not inflict any physical harm on himself unless he can harm you to the same extent. I'm not sure if you're going into counseling alone or with your husband, but if he's with you, remember that manipulation is his game. Also remember that even with all of their training and experiences, counselors are just people that can also be manipulated. Your husband can paint an entirely different picture for the counselor and even convince you, yourself that you're in the wrong. Trust your instincts, and if you feel like you need to get out, then get out. In regards to your personal property, secure as much of it as you can, but remember that things can always be replaced. You should be your #1 priority right now. Regards,Olivia
I am 24 years old guy. I want to hear your advice and opinion. recently I started fantasizing more and more about being cuckolded. I mean, it would hurt me, make me angry and jealous if my gf fucks another guy...but also it turns me on incredibly if I imagine that. Is something wrong with me ? I shouldnt feel and think like that. I wish I could delete that fantasy from my mind, but other part of me really wants to try to convince my gf to fuck another guy in front of me. Please, advise me :) Hi Tom! Short answer: No, there's nothing wrong with you. Long answer: There are lots of psychological reasons for why cuckolding is something that intrigues you and turns you on. I won't delve too deeply into those reasons, but the information is out there.Don't beat yourself up over your desires. As long as it's safe, legal, and consensual, there's no fantasy too dirty to be worth exploring.My only advice refers to your girlfriend, assuming you aren't single. I understand that she is a central part of your fantasy, but make sure it's something she's into. Pressuring her into doing something that she's not into can be as detrimental to your relationship as the act of cuckolding itself. Especially if you're looking at cuckolding as a lifestyle as opposed to being something you act on every once in a while......which brings about the following questions: How far do you want the cuckolding thing to go? Do you want it as just something you do every once in a while, or do you want it as a lifestyle? In either case, you need a partner that's willing to commit to that sort of relationship, especially if you adopt being cuckolded as a lifestyle.Try easing her into the idea by reading cuckold stories together and watching cuckold porn together to gauge her reaction. If she likes it, see if she'd be willing to take it further by fantasizing about someone else while you guys are having sex, either someone she makes up or someone she knows. Take it slow and remember that this sort of thing is shocking to most people. Also, be prepared to accept the fact that she's not into the idea of being with someone else to fulfill your fantasy.If you're already attached, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be denied this part of yourself if your girlfriend is not into the idea of cuckolding. If you're not already attached, seek out a partner who is accepting of this fantasy.Best of luck!Yours truly,~Olivia
I am single for the past 2years, and I really have this urge to start an affair or fling with some married guy..I know how morally wrong it is, and I am no slut, but I really really have this craving once in a while to work on it and experience the fun!How do I get it to stop...or for that matter, should I stop Hello Sia,You've received some mixed answers so far, but I'll throw my own into the mix. Short answer : Don't try to curb your desires if it's what you truly want. Long answer : Don't live your life according to anyone's moral standards but your own. If it's an affair you desire, then go for it! However, don't become a person that you can't look at in the mirror. Remember that an affair with a married man entails more than just your feelings and sexual desires. So before you engage in something like this, be sure you're prepared for any possible consequences, including the emotional and psychological toll it can take on you. Affairs aren't always as clean cut as they seem. Make sure that you're not just enamored with the idea of an affair and the perceived excitement that goes along with it. You may envision fancy hotels or even exciting encounters in the actual marital bed, which can very well happen. But you could wind up with sleazy motels and abandoned parking lots. Some affairs can go on for a lifetime without anyone on the outside being aware. Others can blow up and rip families apart or even end violently. Those are the extreme ends of the infidelity spectrum, so if you're prepared for those, then you're prepared for all the stuff in between (i.e. Falling in love with a man that won't leave his wife. A married man falling in love with you when you're just in it for the thrill. Etc.). Before taking this plunge, consider role playing with a partner to get used to the idea of it. This may even be enough for you, or it may not.If you simply cannot get over this urge to have an affair with a married man, then do it. Just be prepared for any and everything that accompanies this, and keep it safe in every sense of the word. Above all else, remember that reality has a tendency to play out vastly different than fantasy, so don't just think in ideals. Be practical. Be safe. And enjoy!Yours truly,~Olivia
aunt olivia,me and wife and have been married close to 10 years now, but our sexual life lately has been on a bit of a down slide, and we are starting to get back our sexual libido together slowly, but my problem is how do i guide my wife properly on sexually pleasing me, i feel like i spend a whole lot of time on enjoying her breast which she enjoys alot herself, unfortunatly it feels like i spend all this time getting her goin sexually and she spends a lil bit of time rubbing my cock and once its hard she jumps on and thats it, wether my sexual libido is goin or not shes ready to go and thats all that matters, unfortunatly without the proper stimulation and time spent on me, it makes it that much harder to cum i go and go but cant make it cum, would like it if she spent some time stimulating my nipple area, and also spent alot more time stimulating me down there and maybe some oral down there once in a while to really get me goin, then it would be so much easier to cum hard inside of her. unfortunatly as much as she has a hard exterior personality wise inside shes like a fragile frabigia egg if i try telling her shes not doiing it right or not pleasing me properly she gets all upset and takes it extremely personally and shuts down on me is frustrating i want to help her, but if i have i have to tell her every step of what to do for me as shes doin it, its gonna take a whole lot of the sexuality out of it for me, but i would like to get her into pleasin me as much as i work on pleasing herthanx for your advice Hello,From what I've gathered, you want to guide your wife in how to please you sexually without guiding your wife in how to please you sexually, correct?Tell her what you like and tell her that you'd like her to be more proactive in doing the things you like. Guide her until it becomes more instinctive for her.For example, when she's stroking your dick, wrap your hand around hers to sort of guide her in doing it the way you like. Once you get the right rhythm going, let go and she'll take the hint that it's the way you want it done. That's just a minor example. Use this method in relation to everything that pleases you. She won't know unless you tell her. Be patient and guide her in the proper way to please you. And again, be patient. "That feels good, but try it like this" is far better than "You're not doing it right." Choose your words carefully and explain to her that you want to take your time and enjoy it rather than jump right into things.Your ultimate goal should be for the both of you to tune in to the things that bring each other pleasure. It takes trial and error, a sensitive approach, and above all else, communication. As always, I wish you all the best.Yours truly,~Olivia
I am a 48 year old man married to a 45 year old woman. I am still relatively healthy, and have a healthy sex drive for my age ( or even perhaps slightly above average). My wife on the other hand has experienced a rather steep decline in her sex drive. She thinks it has to do with the meds she is taking for depression and seizures ( she was recently diagnosed with adult onset epilepsy).She has gotten to the point where she cannot even achieve an orgasm anymore! In talking with her doctors, they have offered very little assistance in suggestions for anything she can do to try to augment her libido. Needless to say, this has severly hampered her interest in having or enjoying sex. Might you know of any supplements that could help to augment her sex drive?Or any other ideas? It has become frustrating for her, and me! Hello.Perhaps it might be best if she deals with other issues first before you try working on her sex drive. At this stage in her condition, her sex drive should really be the least of your worries. Learning one has a chronic condition really takes its toll on a person. Was she taking medicine for depression before she found out she had adult onset epilepsy? If so, the medicine for the seizures may be throwing off the depressions. She may have to try many more different types of meds before she finds a combination that works for her. Taking supplements for her sex drive at this point is just treating a symptom and not the problem. It may be quite some time before she can enjoy sex again. The best advice I can give you is to be as patient and supportive with your wife as possible. When she learns to cope with her condition and depression simultaneously, I'm sure her libido will come around. Just give it some time before you start suggesting supplements. That may make her feel inadequate and contribute to her depression.Also, ask yourself this: If it were the other way around and you were dealing with depression and adult onset epilepsy and a declining sex drive, what type of support would you want from your partner?Yours truly,~Olivia
Any advice/input on pulling the reins in on some of this? Maybe I let it go too far but gheeeeez who wants to throw a wet blanket on a hot wife who has found her sexual stride in her 50s? Ask what questions you need for more information. Here is the basic layout.My wife was into anal big time before we married and introduced it to me (both ways). She is a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” sort of gal about everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. Cum is of course a large part of goose/gander thing as well. So not only did my wife surprise me with the whole anal attack thing but also the whole kissing after coming from oral. My wife has a good approach even though it has not accomplished her ultimate goal, it has gotten her much closer to it. I go with the flow up to a point. I love sex and I do love pleasing her and I love enjoy fulfilling her crazy desires. We have been Role Playing all sorts of off creative scenarios she comes up with: Prisoners who have to perform or work chain gang (she loves prison shower scenarios – it’s even hard to go with it), Queen/slaves who have to perform or get punished, All girl take down of two guys forcing them into compromising positions, Female Cops making guys do what they want, Face sitting for others to play with me, Show and Tale - putting me on display, and Of course 69 scenarios where guys take her over and over and over again. She has so many now I can't keep up with them all but most end up with me getting royally done and/or eating lots of creamy stuff. It has been going on for quite a while now. I have grown accustomed to all the anal, cum, masturbation, toy, & sex machine play and in addition to all our making love it seems all our free time is all sex time. I am in Nooooo means complaining. What is tough is where it has all headed, all the bisex RP, scenarios, stories, my wife gets off by a lot but the male bisex is by far the strongest. I am good to go up to a point with all the play but it is getting to where our sex talk is being dominated by it. She wants to meet with other couples who are bisexual to chat with sexually and get to know. Thank you so very much!L Hello.Before I begin, I have a question: Do you guys still enjoy regular sex? By regular, I mean what most of us here on Lush would refer to as "Vanilla". No toys. No other people. Just you and her. None of you tied up or anything of the sort. Just two people enjoying the intimate act of sex in and of itself.It seems you guys hit the ground running when it came to experimentation. When people dive in head first and they've tried all there is to try, they sort of begin to fizzle out, and they're constantly trying to find the next wild thing. You're beginning to plateau, and your wife isn't quite there yet. This may have a lot to do with her increased sex drive, which you've already mentioned.There's really no easy way to go about it if you want maximum results. Just tell her you feel like things are spiraling out of control. This isn't some chick you've been dating for a while. This is your wife. You guys have an exciting sex life. The only thing that's probably going to work against you is that you waited so long to set boundaries. This is probably due to the fact that you're just now discovering what your boundaries are. So now that you have a better understanding of your boundaries, tell her outright that you're getting uncomfortable.To put it simply, talk to your wife. Tell her you're enjoying the great sex, but you miss her, because that's what I'm sensing here. This may not happen overnight, so try easing into things. Allow plenty of opportunity for her to be the sexpot that she is, but ask her to set aside some time where she's just your wife, and you're spending actual time with her apart from all the buckwild sex. I don't think this is asking too much, especially in a marriage. Yours truly,~Olivia
Sup Livvy? heres the thing.. Im very horny. I cam on here to meet people and everything and get into some trouble, but the gals here are so uptight. Its not like i approach them trying to fuck right away. Even saying hello gets me the cold shoulder. I don't mind getting to know a woman but i dont wanna be her man or nothing. I just wanna fool around and have some fun and maybe make a few friends along the way. some of the ladies here make that out to be a huge problem. I'm not rude or disrespectful. Just wanna have fun man. Most of the ladies ive run into in chat are looking for a dom or something or a relationship. Then there are the ones with no brains that just wanna get fucked by every guy in the room. Thats no fun either. LOL. This is by far the most entertaining question I've ever had. "Sup Livvy?" is now an all-time favorite of mine. Lush is something different to everyone. There are women here looking for the same thing you are: Casual friendships/hookups. There are also women here who are strictly looking to be in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with either, as long as it's something that happens organically, as opposed to someone forcing the situation. I'll admit that I don't understand much about the Lush relationship dynamic in terms of people hooking up on here with the sole purpose of being in a relationship. I understand that it can happen from time to time. But there are those who, when a relationship ends, they're immediately looking for other potential candidates for a relationship. I find that bizarre both online and in real life. Let these things happen naturally. But I digress.Are some women on Lush uptight? Absolutely. Are they all uptight? Absolutely not. I do know that lots of women are wary because of the constant barrage of undesirable attention, a great majority of it coming from men. I myself get tons of messages detailing what men want to do with me, and I scarcely interact on Lush beyond my little corner of the forum. When that's always happening, it's hard not to become jaded. I'm not saying the guys on Lush are terrible, but even the most innocent of correspondence can be misconstrued and taken too far. So just give us a chance to feel you out. If you're willing to put in just a bit more effort, I'm sure you won't be disappointed. There's absolutely no harm in cyber hookups, so you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that being what you want. It's all in the approach. I'm going to take your word for it when you say you're not rude or disrespectful in your approach. Continue down that path. It's also quite refreshing that you're up front about what you're after, instead of leading women on. That can go a long way. You say that you frequent the chat rooms. Have you ever considered broadening your horizons? Try the forums. The game-style threads are a great way to engage in an ongoing conversation. Lots of flirting takes place, which can lead to more if you play your cards right.Overall, stay honest and up front, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. There's over a quarter of a million members here, so there's no need to get discouraged over the few that aren't biting.Best of luck!
What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?What do you do when you can't get through to them?When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.Am I loving him in vain?I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined. Hello Margot,The simplest way to confront all of these issues is to present him with the same information you've provided here. Go from there and see where you stand. It seems that things are moving a bit fast, so maybe a change of pace is all that's necessary. We can't make people feel the way we want them to feel whenever we want. These things should happen organically and in their own time. Are you asking for too much too soon? Are you giving too much of yourself too soon? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. Something's not adding up if you love him so intensely and he can't manage to contact you. Maybe some things got lost in translation or you've maybe assumed that because you got more attached and your feelings got deeper and stronger, his have as well.Whatever the underlying issue is, wallowing won't solve it. So you can either get lost in a pit of despair, or you can be proactive and use effective communication with your partner to confront these things head-on. Even if it the outcome isn't something you want or expect, you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this in order to gain some perspective, as opposed to living in a sort of suspended reality of what you think this relationship means to the both of you.As always, I wish you all the best.~Olivia
Hi Eva!Unfortunately, only time can heal a broken heart. And even when you're completely over a person, there's always a twinge of emotion when your mind wanders in their direction. We can't control the actions of another. Unfortunately it's the internet, and people think this is a game to play. For the time being, they may actually think what they feel is real, when it's actually fleeting, shallow, and temporary. And they'll continue to seek that feeling no matter who they hurt in the process, because they're just going through the motions.As far as protecting yourself goes, guard your heart until the right person comes along and breaks down your barriers the right way (a way that doesn't make you doubt yourself or feel ashamed or humiliated). Don't open yourself up too much too soon, or someone will take advantage of that vulnerability. This is a sex-oriented site with all sorts of relationship dynamics, and there are those who prey on the vulnerable. If you do go the internet route for your next relationship, be up front. Tell them this isn't some fleeting thing and your real feelings are involved. Above all else, don't settle. Look for the signs, because they'll be there, and when you see them, don't explain them away. Also, make sure you're prepared mentally and emotionally. And make sure your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship are good ones, and not just to avoid loneliness. Don't be anyone's doormat, and don't give anymore of yourself than someone deserves.I wish you all the best!Yours truly,~Olivia
I've dressed in my mother clothing when I was a boy, but now I have the desire to CrossDress and be with a man. I've bought some clothing and dress up when I can. But I'm having a harder time not finding a real man to be with. Update, last weekend I acted it out, meet a man and he treated me like a lady and we ended up having great love making. My question where does this sudden desire to CD come from, I consider myself a hetrosexual male and have a girlfriend. At a loss... Hello!Unfortunately, there isn't much research out there on the subject, but there are several reasons why someone might have the desire to cross dress, ranging from mother/father issues to it being more comfortable to wear the clothing of the opposite gender.Because the driving force behind cross dressing is different for everyone that does it, without knowing you personally or your history, there's no sure way to give you an accurate answer.What it all boils down to is how you feel in women's clothing versus how you feel in men's clothing, and the reasoning behind it may not be all that important. Are you happier? Are you more comfortable? Are you more confident? Do you feel more like yourself? These are the things that matter and the things you should focus on. Yours truly,~Olivia
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