Topic Advice Required
22 Oct 2015 16:50
I am happily married for 43 years and had a good sex life, until I had my prostrate remove which left me impotent, we have used muse and injections which help to increase erections but not enough to have a full sex life.The only way to increase my libido and adrenalin rush is to play fantasy role playing situation which I like being spanked and dress up in ladies underwear.My wife is very understanding about my situation and fantasy and participate to the best of abilities but is just to nice a person to be really dominating and be bad to me.I am happy to be nice to her in any way she wants to ensure she enjoys our love periods as much as possible without full penetration. Can you please advise any things we can try to keep our sex life going?
I'm sorry to hear about your recent medical changes, but I'm glad to hear that you've pulled through and are making the best of it.
In regards to your question, there are so many ways to spice up your sex life.
There are toys. There's role playing (besides the scenario you've described). There are fun games you can play. The possibilities are endless.
A great way to gauge something that might be a turn-on is to watch porn together. If you see something that gets you going, make a note of it and give it a try. You'd be amazed at the results.
As always, I wish you all the best!
Topic Testing the Equipment on the side
27 Sep 2015 14:53
Thank you Olivia.
The base equipment works - at least for handjobs. We're still married, and she has a boyfriend. I don't know anyone I could develop into a girlfriend, so that's how it goes. I just don't want to eventually embarrass myself drooping at the critical moment. Which would be psychological (sigh). I'll take heart from your reassurance since the parts work individually, the car should accelerate when the time comes.
Also, consider a friend with benefits situation instead of seeking a girlfriend for the time being. I find that those situations come with less pressure, so that may ease some of the strain on your psyche.
Topic Testing the Equipment on the side
27 Sep 2015 14:42
It's been something like 15 years since I've had intercourse. (I don't count handjobs, thank you very much.)
Not that I haven't had opportunities - I live in a large city with a well-populated cadre of professionals available.
Anyway, in the absence of any domestic outlet, I'd really like to see if everything still works properly and I remember how to do it right.
On the other hand, seeing a professional for that specific a reason sounds ... clinical. Might just put me off the mood I need to be in.
Does this sound totally off base? I think what's mostly keeping me from pulling the trigger is the thought that I might get in bed and find out either (a) I've lost the knack, or (b) I'm just too hung up on my wife to function fully elsewhere.
You didn't mention whether or not you and your wife were still together, so I'm just going to assume you're separated, being that you referred to her as your wife and not your ex-wife. Please forgive me if I've assumed incorrectly.
Now back to your "equipment" problems. It seems as if you're saying that you would like to get laid, to put it bluntly, but are nervous about whether or not you've still got it. Sex is very much like riding a bike: As long as all the parts involved are still in working order, you never forget how to do it. It might take a few pumps or even a bit of oil on the chain to get the wheels turning, but the act itself isn't really the hard part.
Perhaps you can test your equipment by watching some porn or reading a sexy story and see if you're responsive. Then go from there. If you're hung up over your wife or ex-wife, or what have you, then you should consider broaching the subject with her. Or maybe you should seek closure so you no longer feel guilty.
If you truly believe it's a medical issue, there's no shame in having it looked into. I'm sure seeking medical help is much better than the alternative of not engaging in sex at all.
As always, I wish you all the best.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
14 Sep 2015 09:29
I apologise in advance for the wordiness of this post; but I am confused and conflicted and well....it helps to "get it all down."
I posted a personal ad on a fetish site. A girl from London contacted me, said she was very interested in me and perhaps progressing things further; and even despite the fact she lived 500 miles away from, she regularly visited my city to see friends and family.
We chatted on the phone, seemed to hit it off. We texted and emailed everyday, and she said she was "enchanted with me" felt like "she was eating out the palm of my hand" and that she was very excited about meeting me.
Last Saturday she was hospitalised with complications associated with diabetes ketoacidosis, and as per the norm, we exchanged messages back and forth. She said how grateful she was that I kept her spirits up, and kept her happy and safe amidst all the ugly drama with her health.
I didnt hear from her for a week, and then got a email from her:
I'm afraid I'm quite poorly at the moment. Wanted to let you know that I'm ok(ish) but that I'd rather not continue with our play as my heart just isn't in it.
Many thanks for the fun exchanges thus far. I wish you all the best,"
I was a bit taken aback at 1) how formal it was, and 2) how abrupt. So I replied:
"m so sorry your still not fully recovered, and hope that you make a full recovery.
Can I just check, your desire to continue with the play, is this due to your health? Or is there something else that means your heart is not in it? Will this likely to change in the future, or do you feel that this is likely to be permanent?
I respect your decision either way and really do hope you get better soon."
Her response was:
"I was transferred to high dependency on Sunday and have been in a semi coma..... Absolutely insane! I'm back on the normal ward now and therefore communicable.
I'm afraid I just can't focus on anything but my health at the moment and when I'm like this (glad to say it's not too often) I just need to channel all my energy into recovery and my family as this always affects them badly.
I hope you understand and I really have enjoyed chatting to you recently.
Hope you find a healthy spankee soon!"
I am a total loss. I respect the fact she has health problems. But what I am hurt by and angered with is the seemingly finality of it, that we've just to draw a line under things permanently. I'd have gladly waited till she had fully recovered, I valued her friendship more than the play aspect to be candid, and I just feel a little used. She's effectively made the choice for me, not allowing me an opportunity to actually even entertain the possibility of continuing, and it just seems so unfair for her to do this total about face in attitude and interest.
I understand your heartbreak and confusion over the abrupt ending to your situation. That's something you can only come to terms with in due time.
In regards to the abrupt and formal ending of your association, there isn't much I can say that she hasn't said already.
People either go into despair or survival mode when their health takes a turn for the worst. Being that her particular health issues are recurring, she truly knows what's best for her in these circumstances. If she says that her health won't allow for anything else, believe her.
Perhaps she ended things this way to give you an opportunity to find someone who's more available and apt for the sort of play you seek instead of you being obligated to deal with her health issues.
To be frank, yes it sucks that she acted alone without even considering the fact that you'd be willing to work around her issues. But then again, she may not have been willing to continue with your association while dealing with her health complications. And while it does suck, it's something you've got to accept.
I do hope you find some sort of closure in the future, and as always, I wish you the best.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
28 Aug 2015 09:53
how are you . hope your haveing great summer.. miss olivia your a very smart n beautifull looking woman.. i know you dont do private counseling. just wondering what you think on age difference.. also .. miss olivia have great day . xoxoxxxx
Thank you for the lovely compliments.
Age differences, eh? I don't feel strongly about age differences as long as it's a legal , happy, healthy, and consensual situation for everyone involved. As long as no one's being led on or taken advantage of, I say have fun!
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
18 Aug 2015 13:34
I showed this girl on here pictures of my dick because she promised to show me a picture of her pussy. I took all the angles she requested and even some of me cumming. I asked her again about when she will send me her pussy pics but she always changes the subject. The other day she asked me for more dick pics and said she promised to send her pussy and even her asshole this time if I sent more. I don't know what to do. I mean I really want to see her pussy but I feel that after sending her about 20 dick pics without her sending 1 back that she is just lying again. How many dick pics do you think is normal before a pussy pic is sent in return?
It can seem rather frustrating when we put ourselves out there for someone else and they don't seem to reciprocate. Perhaps you can consider pulling back a bit and slowing down on the intimate pictures, or "dick pics" as you so eloquently put it. Maybe then she'll be more forthcoming with her pictures.
Maybe she's a bit shy. Communication is key, so talk to her. There has to be a reason why she's hesitant to share intimate pictures with you.
Another option is to ask her to send you dick pics. It's only fair, right? Not to mention, it would put you guys on a more even keel.
In this case, the number of pictures doesn't matter as much as the trust involved with sharing such pictures.
As always, I wish you all the best.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
18 Aug 2015 08:54
How do I handle my girlfriend's counselor who's insisting she walk away from the relationship after 15 years simply because for medical and family reasons we haven't met face to face yet?
I take it your girlfriend's counselor is a trained professional, so I'm sure he or she has your girlfriend's best interests at heart.
What's best for the ones we love isn't always what we want, but it's what they need. Counseling sessions are private, and your girlfriend may have revealed things to her counselor that she may not have even revealed to you, which is why her counselor may have arrived at the conclusion that she break things off with you.
I'm sure your girlfriend's counselor isn't going around telling clients to break off relationships just because they can. There's going to be underlying reasons, to which both you and your girlfriend should give some thought.
Are you both benefiting mentally and emotionally from the relationship? Are you happier, better people as a result of this relationship?
I know it's a difficult thing to accept, but if it's what your girlfriend needs, then it's something you can at least consider, right?
In regards to you "handling" your girlfriend's counselor, I can't offer any advice in that area because I won't go against anyone's professional opinion without the proper authority to do so.
I do wish you all the best.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
09 Aug 2015 10:23
You've never met me before but hopefully you can help me.
I didn't know Lush was a dating site but when I joined I saw so many people getting in relationships and stuff. I thought it was kind of silly at first but then I met someone and I fell for him. The relationship is over, but now I'm dealing with the aftermath. Theres so much drama everywhere. We tried being friends but other women that like him can be so mean. I can't even post on his wall anymore and the forums get really boring with all the drama.
What should I do when I just want to be his friend and other women feel like they own him?
Unfortunately you've stumbled onto the catty territory of Lush. Like any other online community, Lush isn't immune to drama and all the stuff you wish you could avoid. It really does suck when people turn your fun place into a Petri dish of negativity.
You can try laying low for a while. People who play those types of games usually have short attention spans and move on rather quickly, although you may occasionally come across the type that can't let go. You can also talk to your friend and let him know what's going on and see if he can or wants to try put a stop to it. You could also try reasoning with the women. Even better, try befriending them while secretly plotting your revenge. Kidding!
Seriously, just take the high road. Don't let them get under their skin. You've just as much a right to be here as they do, so protect your space. Seek out positive interactions and friendships to make your experience worthwhile.
I wish you all the best.
Topic Am I in an abusive relationship?
01 Jun 2015 10:49
Thank you all for your thoughts.
Kind of what I expected I guess, but didn't want it to be true. I am fortunately going to see a counsellor for the first time tomorrow which I hope will be helpful too. Expensive, but hopefully helpful!!
Yes, I think I need to see my family and talk with them.
I am fortunate that I have a job and income. And also that we don't have children. I think I will make arrangements to secure that income stream and start seeing where else I might stay, probably my parents.
But I know it could be a hideous journey ahead if I take that drastic move. And I do worry what he might do - particularly to himself and possibly to our property.
But then if I don't do this and just carry on as is I don't think either of us will be happy.
You've received excellent advice so far, so I'll try not to repeat it.
First of all, congratulations for already having plans in motion. Your self-reliance in a situation such as this is your greatest asset. I understand that you've committed to counseling, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst.
Reach out to your friends and family. I'm sure isolation from them has worked in your husband's favor. You're not alone, and they will understand, especially once you've explained the situation to them.
In terms of you being worried about your spouse harming himself, manipulation by means of self-harm threats come straight out of the domestic abuser's handbook. Most likely, he will not inflict any physical harm on himself unless he can harm you to the same extent.
I'm not sure if you're going into counseling alone or with your husband, but if he's with you, remember that manipulation is his game. Also remember that even with all of their training and experiences, counselors are just people that can also be manipulated. Your husband can paint an entirely different picture for the counselor and even convince you, yourself that you're in the wrong.
Trust your instincts, and if you feel like you need to get out, then get out. In regards to your personal property, secure as much of it as you can, but remember that things can always be replaced. You should be your #1 priority right now.
Topic Is something wrong with me ?
20 May 2015 13:36
I am 24 years old guy. I want to hear your advice and opinion.
recently I started fantasizing more and more about being cuckolded. I mean, it would hurt me, make me angry and jealous if my gf fucks another guy...but also it turns me on incredibly if I imagine that. Is something wrong with me ? I shouldnt feel and think like that. I wish I could delete that fantasy from my mind, but other part of me really wants to try to convince my gf to fuck another guy in front of me. Please, advise me :)
Short answer: No, there's nothing wrong with you.
There are lots of psychological reasons for why cuckolding is something that intrigues you and turns you on. I won't delve too deeply into those reasons, but the information is out there.
Don't beat yourself up over your desires. As long as it's safe, legal, and consensual, there's no fantasy too dirty to be worth exploring.
My only advice refers to your girlfriend, assuming you aren't single. I understand that she is a central part of your fantasy, but make sure it's something she's into. Pressuring her into doing something that she's not into can be as detrimental to your relationship as the act of cuckolding itself. Especially if you're looking at cuckolding as a lifestyle as opposed to being something you act on every once in a while...
...which brings about the following questions: How far do you want the cuckolding thing to go? Do you want it as just something you do every once in a while, or do you want it as a lifestyle? In either case, you need a partner that's willing to commit to that sort of relationship, especially if you adopt being cuckolded as a lifestyle.
Try easing her into the idea by reading cuckold stories together and watching cuckold porn together to gauge her reaction. If she likes it, see if she'd be willing to take it further by fantasizing about someone else while you guys are having sex, either someone she makes up or someone she knows.
Take it slow and remember that this sort of thing is shocking to most people. Also, be prepared to accept the fact that she's not into the idea of being with someone else to fulfill your fantasy.
If you're already attached, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be denied this part of yourself if your girlfriend is not into the idea of cuckolding. If you're not already attached, seek out a partner who is accepting of this fantasy.
Best of luck!
Topic How do I overcome my urge to fulfill my longtime sex fantasy
17 May 2015 08:43
I am single for the past 2years, and I really have this urge to start an affair or fling with some married guy..
I know how morally wrong it is, and I am no slut, but I really really have this craving once in a while to work on it and experience the fun!
How do I get it to stop...or for that matter, should I stop
You've received some mixed answers so far, but I'll throw my own into the mix.
Short answer : Don't try to curb your desires if it's what you truly want.
Long answer :
Don't live your life according to anyone's moral standards but your own. If it's an affair you desire, then go for it!
However, don't become a person that you can't look at in the mirror. Remember that an affair with a married man entails more than just your feelings and sexual desires. So before you engage in something like this, be sure you're prepared for any possible consequences, including the emotional and psychological toll it can take on you.
Affairs aren't always as clean cut as they seem. Make sure that you're not just enamored with the idea of an affair and the perceived excitement that goes along with it. You may envision fancy hotels or even exciting encounters in the actual marital bed, which can very well happen. But you could wind up with sleazy motels and abandoned parking lots.
Some affairs can go on for a lifetime without anyone on the outside being aware. Others can blow up and rip families apart or even end violently. Those are the extreme ends of the infidelity spectrum, so if you're prepared for those, then you're prepared for all the stuff in between (i.e. Falling in love with a man that won't leave his wife. A married man falling in love with you when you're just in it for the thrill. Etc.).
Before taking this plunge, consider role playing with a partner to get used to the idea of it. This may even be enough for you, or it may not.
If you simply cannot get over this urge to have an affair with a married man, then do it. Just be prepared for any and everything that accompanies this, and keep it safe in every sense of the word.
Above all else, remember that reality has a tendency to play out vastly different than fantasy, so don't just think in ideals. Be practical. Be safe. And enjoy!
Topic help guiding wife sexually
22 Feb 2015 08:52
me and wife and have been married close to 10 years now, but our sexual life lately has been on a bit of a down slide, and we are starting to get back our sexual libido together slowly, but my problem is how do i guide my wife properly on sexually pleasing me, i feel like i spend a whole lot of time on enjoying her breast which she enjoys alot herself, unfortunatly it feels like i spend all this time getting her goin sexually and she spends a lil bit of time rubbing my cock and once its hard she jumps on and thats it, wether my sexual libido is goin or not shes ready to go and thats all that matters, unfortunatly without the proper stimulation and time spent on me, it makes it that much harder to cum i go and go but cant make it cum, would like it if she spent some time stimulating my nipple area, and also spent alot more time stimulating me down there and maybe some oral down there once in a while to really get me goin, then it would be so much easier to cum hard inside of her. unfortunatly as much as she has a hard exterior personality wise inside shes like a fragile frabigia egg if i try telling her shes not doiing it right or not pleasing me properly she gets all upset and takes it extremely personally and shuts down on me is frustrating i want to help her, but if i have i have to tell her every step of what to do for me as shes doin it, its gonna take a whole lot of the sexuality out of it for me, but i would like to get her into pleasin me as much as i work on pleasing her
thanx for your advice
From what I've gathered, you want to guide your wife in how to please you sexually without guiding your wife in how to please you sexually, correct?
Tell her what you like and tell her that you'd like her to be more proactive in doing the things you like. Guide her until it becomes more instinctive for her.
For example, when she's stroking your dick, wrap your hand around hers to sort of guide her in doing it the way you like. Once you get the right rhythm going, let go and she'll take the hint that it's the way you want it done.
That's just a minor example. Use this method in relation to everything that pleases you. She won't know unless you tell her. Be patient and guide her in the proper way to please you. And again, be patient. "That feels good, but try it like this" is far better than "You're not doing it right." Choose your words carefully and explain to her that you want to take your time and enjoy it rather than jump right into things.
Your ultimate goal should be for the both of you to tune in to the things that bring each other pleasure. It takes trial and error, a sensitive approach, and above all else, communication.
As always, I wish you all the best.
Topic wife has lost libido
25 Nov 2014 14:20
I am a 48 year old man married to a 45 year old woman. I am still relatively healthy, and have a healthy sex drive for my age ( or even perhaps slightly above average). My wife on the other hand has experienced a rather steep decline in her sex drive. She thinks it has to do with the meds she is taking for depression and seizures ( she was recently diagnosed with adult onset epilepsy).She has gotten to the point where she cannot even achieve an orgasm anymore! In talking with her doctors, they have offered very little assistance in suggestions for anything she can do to try to augment her libido. Needless to say, this has severly hampered her interest in having or enjoying sex. Might you know of any supplements that could help to augment her sex drive?Or any other ideas? It has become frustrating for her, and me!
Perhaps it might be best if she deals with other issues first before you try working on her sex drive. At this stage in her condition, her sex drive should really be the least of your worries. Learning one has a chronic condition really takes its toll on a person. Was she taking medicine for depression before she found out she had adult onset epilepsy? If so, the medicine for the seizures may be throwing off the depressions. She may have to try many more different types of meds before she finds a combination that works for her. Taking supplements for her sex drive at this point is just treating a symptom and not the problem.
It may be quite some time before she can enjoy sex again. The best advice I can give you is to be as patient and supportive with your wife as possible. When she learns to cope with her condition and depression simultaneously, I'm sure her libido will come around. Just give it some time before you start suggesting supplements. That may make her feel inadequate and contribute to her depression.
Also, ask yourself this: If it were the other way around and you were dealing with depression and adult onset epilepsy and a declining sex drive, what type of support would you want from your partner?
Topic Any advice on pulling the reins in on some of this?
21 Nov 2014 09:01
Any advice/input on pulling the reins in on some of this? Maybe I let it go too far but gheeeeez who wants to throw a wet blanket on a hot wife who has found her sexual stride in her 50s? Ask what questions you need for more information.
Here is the basic layout.
My wife was into anal big time before we married and introduced it to me (both ways). She is a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” sort of gal about everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. Cum is of course a large part of goose/gander thing as well. So not only did my wife surprise me with the whole anal attack thing but also the whole kissing after coming from oral. My wife has a good approach even though it has not accomplished her ultimate goal, it has gotten her much closer to it. I go with the flow up to a point. I love sex and I do love pleasing her and I love enjoy fulfilling her crazy desires. We have been Role Playing all sorts of off creative scenarios she comes up with: Prisoners who have to perform or work chain gang (she loves prison shower scenarios – it’s even hard to go with it), Queen/slaves who have to perform or get punished, All girl take down of two guys forcing them into compromising positions, Female Cops making guys do what they want, Face sitting for others to play with me, Show and Tale - putting me on display, and Of course 69 scenarios where guys take her over and over and over again. She has so many now I can't keep up with them all but most end up with me getting royally done and/or eating lots of creamy stuff. It has been going on for quite a while now. I have grown accustomed to all the anal, cum, masturbation, toy, & sex machine play and in addition to all our making love it seems all our free time is all sex time. I am in Nooooo means complaining. What is tough is where it has all headed, all the bisex RP, scenarios, stories, my wife gets off by a lot but the male bisex is by far the strongest. I am good to go up to a point with all the play but it is getting to where our sex talk is being dominated by it. She wants to meet with other couples who are bisexual to chat with sexually and get to know.
Thank you so very much!
Before I begin, I have a question: Do you guys still enjoy regular sex? By regular, I mean what most of us here on Lush would refer to as "Vanilla". No toys. No other people. Just you and her. None of you tied up or anything of the sort. Just two people enjoying the intimate act of sex in and of itself.
It seems you guys hit the ground running when it came to experimentation. When people dive in head first and they've tried all there is to try, they sort of begin to fizzle out, and they're constantly trying to find the next wild thing. You're beginning to plateau, and your wife isn't quite there yet. This may have a lot to do with her increased sex drive, which you've already mentioned.
There's really no easy way to go about it if you want maximum results. Just tell her you feel like things are spiraling out of control. This isn't some chick you've been dating for a while. This is your wife. You guys have an exciting sex life. The only thing that's probably going to work against you is that you waited so long to set boundaries. This is probably due to the fact that you're just now discovering what your boundaries are. So now that you have a better understanding of your boundaries, tell her outright that you're getting uncomfortable.
To put it simply, talk to your wife. Tell her you're enjoying the great sex, but you miss her, because that's what I'm sensing here.
This may not happen overnight, so try easing into things. Allow plenty of opportunity for her to be the sexpot that she is, but ask her to set aside some time where she's just your wife, and you're spending actual time with her apart from all the buckwild sex.
I don't think this is asking too much, especially in a marriage.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
02 Nov 2014 15:05
Sup Livvy? heres the thing.. Im very horny. I cam on here to meet people and everything and get into some trouble, but the gals here are so uptight. Its not like i approach them trying to fuck right away. Even saying hello gets me the cold shoulder. I don't mind getting to know a woman but i dont wanna be her man or nothing. I just wanna fool around and have some fun and maybe make a few friends along the way. some of the ladies here make that out to be a huge problem. I'm not rude or disrespectful. Just wanna have fun man. Most of the ladies ive run into in chat are looking for a dom or something or a relationship. Then there are the ones with no brains that just wanna get fucked by every guy in the room. Thats no fun either.
LOL. This is by far the most entertaining question I've ever had. "Sup Livvy?" is now an all-time favorite of mine.
Lush is something different to everyone. There are women here looking for the same thing you are: Casual friendships/hookups. There are also women here who are strictly looking to be in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with either, as long as it's something that happens organically, as opposed to someone forcing the situation. I'll admit that I don't understand much about the Lush relationship dynamic in terms of people hooking up on here with the sole purpose of being in a relationship. I understand that it can happen from time to time. But there are those who, when a relationship ends, they're immediately looking for other potential candidates for a relationship. I find that bizarre both online and in real life. Let these things happen naturally. But I digress.
Are some women on Lush uptight? Absolutely. Are they all uptight? Absolutely not. I do know that lots of women are wary because of the constant barrage of undesirable attention, a great majority of it coming from men. I myself get tons of messages detailing what men want to do with me, and I scarcely interact on Lush beyond my little corner of the forum. When that's always happening, it's hard not to become jaded. I'm not saying the guys on Lush are terrible, but even the most innocent of correspondence can be misconstrued and taken too far. So just give us a chance to feel you out. If you're willing to put in just a bit more effort, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.
There's absolutely no harm in cyber hookups, so you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that being what you want. It's all in the approach. I'm going to take your word for it when you say you're not rude or disrespectful in your approach. Continue down that path. It's also quite refreshing that you're up front about what you're after, instead of leading women on. That can go a long way. You say that you frequent the chat rooms. Have you ever considered broadening your horizons? Try the forums. The game-style threads are a great way to engage in an ongoing conversation. Lots of flirting takes place, which can lead to more if you play your cards right.
Overall, stay honest and up front, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. There's over a quarter of a million members here, so there's no need to get discouraged over the few that aren't biting.
Best of luck!
Topic help please
30 Oct 2014 07:06
What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?
What do you do when you can't get through to them?
When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.
I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.
I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.
Am I loving him in vain?
I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.
If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.
The simplest way to confront all of these issues is to present him with the same information you've provided here. Go from there and see where you stand.
It seems that things are moving a bit fast, so maybe a change of pace is all that's necessary. We can't make people feel the way we want them to feel whenever we want. These things should happen organically and in their own time.
Are you asking for too much too soon? Are you giving too much of yourself too soon? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.
Something's not adding up if you love him so intensely and he can't manage to contact you. Maybe some things got lost in translation or you've maybe assumed that because you got more attached and your feelings got deeper and stronger, his have as well.
Whatever the underlying issue is, wallowing won't solve it. So you can either get lost in a pit of despair, or you can be proactive and use effective communication with your partner to confront these things head-on. Even if it the outcome isn't something you want or expect, you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this in order to gain some perspective, as opposed to living in a sort of suspended reality of what you think this relationship means to the both of you.
As always, I wish you all the best.
Topic how to stop being hurt?
23 Sep 2014 18:20
Unfortunately, only time can heal a broken heart. And even when you're completely over a person, there's always a twinge of emotion when your mind wanders in their direction.
We can't control the actions of another. Unfortunately it's the internet, and people think this is a game to play. For the time being, they may actually think what they feel is real, when it's actually fleeting, shallow, and temporary. And they'll continue to seek that feeling no matter who they hurt in the process, because they're just going through the motions.
As far as protecting yourself goes, guard your heart until the right person comes along and breaks down your barriers the right way (a way that doesn't make you doubt yourself or feel ashamed or humiliated). Don't open yourself up too much too soon, or someone will take advantage of that vulnerability. This is a sex-oriented site with all sorts of relationship dynamics, and there are those who prey on the vulnerable.
If you do go the internet route for your next relationship, be up front. Tell them this isn't some fleeting thing and your real feelings are involved. Above all else, don't settle. Look for the signs, because they'll be there, and when you see them, don't explain them away.
Also, make sure you're prepared mentally and emotionally. And make sure your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship are good ones, and not just to avoid loneliness.
Don't be anyone's doormat, and don't give anymore of yourself than someone deserves.
I wish you all the best!
Topic Discovered I like to Crossdress and pick up men
19 Sep 2014 16:24
I've dressed in my mother clothing when I was a boy, but now I have the desire to CrossDress and be with a man. I've bought some clothing and dress up when I can. But I'm having a harder time not finding a real man to be with. Update, last weekend I acted it out, meet a man and he treated me like a lady and we ended up having great love making. My question where does this sudden desire to CD come from, I consider myself a hetrosexual male and have a girlfriend. At a loss...
Unfortunately, there isn't much research out there on the subject, but there are several reasons why someone might have the desire to cross dress, ranging from mother/father issues to it being more comfortable to wear the clothing of the opposite gender.
Because the driving force behind cross dressing is different for everyone that does it, without knowing you personally or your history, there's no sure way to give you an accurate answer.
What it all boils down to is how you feel in women's clothing versus how you feel in men's clothing, and the reasoning behind it may not be all that important. Are you happier? Are you more comfortable? Are you more confident? Do you feel more like yourself?
These are the things that matter and the things you should focus on.
Topic advice needed
18 Aug 2014 16:52
y girlfriend gets really wet when we have sex. I have told her that I find it hot and sexy but she still gets embarrassed when it happens like something is wrong with her.
I don’t know how to make her see she's not the only who gets this wet & it's normal.
While it's true that it's normal for a lot of women to get really wet during sex, it doesn't mean every woman feels the same way about it.
Think of it this way: There are tons of people out there with severe skin conditions that can be seen by the general public. There are some that leave their homes as little as possible because of the condition, there are some that try to conceal their condition with strategically placed clothing or makeup, and there are some that accept the condition for what it is and just go on with their lives.
There are many traits women share across the board and we all feel very differently about them. So instead of focusing on how common it is, focus on how she feels about it. Just continue to remind her how sexy you think it is and how much it turns you on. This may boost her confidence over time so she doesn't feel so embarrassed or insecure about it. Or at the very least, it may get her to the point where she's comfortable enough with you to not feel so embarrassed about it.
Keep in mind that there's no proven formula that will completely eradicate one's insecurities. Worst case scenario: It may never be something she fully feels comfortable about. So when those insecure moments creep up, just try being as supportive as you can. It will go a really long way in the long run.
Topic question for you please..
08 Aug 2014 19:38
I can't believe that you didn't advise to stay clear of men who are attached, especially married men. Does being faithful not count for anything in your eyes?
I wasn't asked my opinion of extramarital affairs, so I didn't offer it.
I was asked how to deal with heartbreak.
I am here to offer advice on sex and relationships. I am not here to be the moral voice of what occurs between consenting adults.
Topic question for you please..
08 Aug 2014 07:40
What do you do when you get involved with someone married here and then they leave without a word or goodbye.
Sometimes they delete their account, sometimes they don't.
What do you do with the feelings and love you have for them?
(Not saying I loved all. )
Time gets me over them usually.
Am I just supposed to wonder what happened in heartbreak and then what do I do??
How do I move on?
I suppose I should stop looking for his name for who's online.
In these situations, it's just best to accept things as they are.
For whatever reason, he's decided to make himself scarce. He may not have been as serious about your involvement as you were. Or maybe he felt guilty about being unfaithful to his wife. Unfortunately, because it's the internet it's easier to just fade away or leave abruptly without really having to answer or face up to your actions. These are facts we all know, but knowing these facts doesn't make it any easier to deal with the heartbreak left in someone's wake.
As far as the feelings you still have left, only time can deal with those. In the meantime, stay distracted. If you need to wallow, do so, but only for a short period of time. Get a hobby or two. Do things that make you feel productive but not destructive. Throw yourself into something you feel passionate about.
Also, stay out of new involvements/relationships for the time being. It's obvious you're still vulnerable and broken up about this. If you jump into something new, the person involved may be getting more than he bargained for which is always unfair. Jumping into a new romantic situation may also lead to your vulnerability being taken advantage of. Either situation could lead to further heartbreak, which will just worsen your current wounds.
And you're right, looking for his name online won't solve anything or make him come back. Even if he does come back, if he's not the one reaching out to you then you know where you stand. Even if his methods weren't the best, the message was clear: He wants things to be over, so let them be over.
Topic Summer Breakups
05 Aug 2014 13:52
thank you for this.
Topic Trashing Your Ex
30 Jul 2014 16:15
Glad I'm on good terms with my exes. No dark clouds covering the memories. I understand that this is not always possible though.
Indeed it isn't, so count that a blessing.
Breakups are an essential part of any relationship. They can reveal a lot about you to yourself and change who you are just as much as an actual relationship can.
Topic Wife Sexual Awakening
03 Jul 2014 09:39
Here is a little background:
Been married to my wife for 21 years, met in high school, to my knowledge we have only be with each other. I have no reason to believe others. It's been pretty normal as far as sex goes. Meeting vanilla; yes there is oral on both sides and she will only allow me to fuck her in her pussy, no anal. She really had been closed off to any experimenting, you almost say she was very prudish about sex.
So about a year ago she has told me during a game of truth or dare that we were playing that she had toyed with the idea of a threesome MFF. Nothing much on the topic since then other than snide comments from me about her having a gf. So within the last two weeks she really has started to heat things up out of no where.
She started giving me a blow job in the kitchen, when the **Edited for content.** were in the living room, we even fucked in the kitchen with the **Edited for content.** in the living room. She has given me a blowjob while I was driving and let me pull her shirt up in the car while we parked at a local college parking lot and let me lick on her tits. We have been talking kinky stuff while fucking about a woman joining us and recently suggested that she had a bf and he joined us and that while she was fucking him she was sucking me off and then we switched. She had her dildo out and was licking it while I fucked her and she brought it to my lips and pushed it in, it's just a dildo and it tasted good as she just had it in her pussy so I sucked on it. She got incredibly hot.
So as all this has happened she recently went to an adult toy party. This is all completely out of her character and I asked her why the sudden change and if she had been reading stuff or talking to someone. She said no that she just didn't want things to get stale and wanted me to keep thinking that "damn I'm lucky she is my wife".
So my question(s) are:
Does it sound like to you all that she is talking to someone else?
Do you think she possibly is seeing someone else which is why her sex drive and experimentation have increased?
And what do I make of her putting her dildo in my mouth and her excitement over that.
I'm not sure what to think, but I am enjoying her new found excitement and experimentation thought process. Thoughts?
What your wife is experiencing is quite common in most women. The best way it can be defined is a 'sexual awakening', actually. I'm not sure how old your wife is, but I'm sure it coincides with her age. Lots of women peek sexually in their late 30s to early 40s. As a result, she's hornier than ever and more sexually adventurous than ever. Consider it a sexual mid-life crisis of sorts. Men buy sports cars and Harleys, women get horny.
As for your questions, here goes:
1. She could be talking to someone else. But if she is, it's most likely a friend or two that tells about all of their sexual adventures and misadventures (we all have at least one of this type of friend). It's probably got her wheels churning and her interest piqued, which is fueling her sex drive even more.
2. It's unlikely that she's seeing someone else. That's usually accompanied with distance and detachment from you as well as lost interest in sex with you. But her sexual interest in YOU is increasing, and she wants to try all of these things with YOU. It seems like she wants you included in all of her sexual adventures. I'd be super shocked if she were seeing someone else.
3. She likes seeing you with her dildo in your mouth. The fact that it was previously in her pussy was probably what motivated the act, and not just the act of putting a dildo in your mouth in and of itself. It doesn't indicate that she's ready to strap on dildo and harness, bend you over, and hump you for dear life or anything like that. It just means she's open and wants you to experiment with her. Expect more surprises like this. And if there's anything you're open to and would like to try (like anal play, for example), run it by her. She may be open to it as well.
Topic help me out!!!!!
29 Jun 2014 09:23
I don't know if this has been asked before but here goes........well I am a virgin and being in India its common .so you can guess that I masturbate.What I wanted to ask was that has it ever happened that due to regular masturbation your orgasms take longer time???is that okay or is there some kind of health condition involved?????
Because you're a virgin (which is nothing to be ashamed of no matter what region you come from, by the way), you may not realize that the more we engage in one sexual activity, the more it takes to stimulate us and get us off.
It's quite common for it to take longer to reach orgasm when you masturbate regularly. Try spicing things up. Seek out other stimulants. If you masturbate along to porn, try out different porn. Try different masturbation techniques or even tools (flesh light for example). Use cooling or heating lubricants for a different sensation. There are lots of different ways to masturbate that can help you reach orgasm faster if you don't like the drawn out process. However, drawing things out can lead to a more fulfilling orgasm.
I doubt it's a medical issue, but if it's something that truly concerns you then there's no harm in at least calling your doctor to make sure everything's alright.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
21 Jun 2014 12:40
I'm in a very complicated situation. My best friend and I have known each other since we were in diapers. Our families are very close and we grew up together.
I started dating his sister a year ago. It was no issue and he and his family was cool and supportive of it, so theres no problem there. The problem is that she's a total brat. She's immature and she literally whines when things don't go her way. She's the youngest and only girl, so I'm sure that contributes to how spoiled she is. My best friend and her dad are protective and they dote on her but I can't take it anymore. She's just not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. Things started out so good but I think she was looking for a guy that spoiles her like her family does, but I'm not that guy. Yes I love doing nice things for my girl and making her happy and everything, but we're in a relationship. I'm not raising a kid, and that's what the past few months of being in a relationship with her has been like. There is zero fulfillment for me and the only reason I stuck it out this long is because of my relationship with her family. She's caused lots of strain between her family and I, especially with my friendship with her brother. Whenever there's a conflict she goes to them and twists things around and makes me out to be the asshole.
I want to end things with her in a way that won't ruin my relationship with my best friend and his family. Help?
That's some tough shit you're dealing with there. I've known the sweet little sister/daddy's little girl types. And I also know that lots of them can be full of shit.
Here's what you do: As a preemptive strike, go to them first and tell them that you're going to end things. Tell them things aren't working out with you and the aforementioned girlfriend and why. If you've grown up with this family, then they know you and what kind of person you are. They also know her and what kind of person she is. Families can be blind to their own sometimes, but no one is that blind. So be as honest and sincere as possible, but do so without trashing her or disrespecting her because remember, they raised her, so trashing her would be a slight on them.
Doing all of this beforehand will give you the upper hand. When you end things with her and she goes crying to them in an attempt to twist things, they'll already have your side of the story. They'll have more to consider. Whether they still choose to side with her is on them, but you've known these people your whole life and that usually means something. It may be awkward at first, but your sanity is worth it. No one should be with someone out of obligation. Staying with her isn't helping anything and will most likely cause more strain down the line and may result in your relationship with them being unsalvageable.
As a grown man, do what you have to do. You're miserable and you don't have to be. Eventually the two of you will move on and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it'll be water under the bridge. Do everything in your power to try to make moving forward with them possible, and if she attempts to sabotage that, it'll be evident.
I wish you all the best.
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
16 Jun 2014 19:05
I met a girl here and we really hit it off. But we live pretty far away and she told me shes not into the whole online or long distance thing. How do I get her to give us a shot?
First of all, you need to find out for sure whether or not she feels the same way about you as you feel about her. Find out if she also feels as if you guys hit it off. People set boundaries for a reason. If she's not into online/long distance relationships, there's not much you can do to change that. I'm also sure she has her reasons for not being into it. I'm sure it's frustrating because you seem to like her a lot, and if she does in fact share the feelings it probably further complicates the situation and makes it all the more confusing.
Even if it appears that she returns your feelings, there's only so much she's willing to offer. So it's really not a matter of getting her to give you guys a shot, but a matter of whether or not you're willing to accept what she's offering. If you're not willing to accept things as they are, then it's best to cut your losses or risk virtually friend zoning yourself. She may come around, and she may not. But there are no assurances either way.
Although it's always best to be up front about things, try pulling back a little and see if she gives chase. Or you can ask her right out if she thinks you guys are worth the risk of trying an online/long distance relationship. Accept the answer for what it is and go from there.
I wish you all the best!
Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
13 Jun 2014 08:17
I'll start by saying I was going to post this in the BDSM section but the last time I posted in their I got so many messages from people offering to guide me or train me. I'll try it this way now instead and hopefully you can help. I'm sorry if this is an overstep and this isnt the kind of advice you give.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. For the past year and a half Ive been really looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I've been reserching and I've read a few other online forums. I've been reading the BDSM forum here and some of it has been really interesting. I really want my husband to dominate me. I dont want anything too intense and im fairly certain I don't want to do it as a lifestyle. My husband doesnt know much about my research and I don't quit know how to bring it up to him. We have good sex and have done some roleplaying not related to BDSM, and I don't wanna freak him out. How do I tell him I want him to dominate me? I don't wanna scare him.
I'm happy to tackle any type of question. Now let's dive in!
Short Answer: Just tell him.
Elaboration: It sounds like you've been doing extensive research. That's great! The only drawback is that you say your husband doesn't know much about your research. So at this stage you know more than him. The only advantage in that regard is that you'll be able to guide him because you probably know exactly what you want at this point. This is good because a number of people enter the world of BDSM with no clue what they want, which often leads to them being 50 Shades of Fucked Up. However, doing research on your own will have some drawbacks. Your understanding goes far deeper than his, which can present a number of challenges down the line being that he's the one taking on the more dominant role. Sometimes you guys won't always be on the same page, and I'm sure it's gonna get pretty frustrating (understatement). OK, I'm done being a downer.
I have to say that I find it interesting and admirable that you've researched so extensively even though you're not interested in BDSM as a lifestyle. I'm sure your research brought you to that conclusion, which is why it's always great to research before just diving in. Now I'll reiterate my short answer: Just tell him. Go into detail. Tell him exactly what you want. Ask him how he feels about it. You need to find out first and foremost if he's interested in taking on this role, and then go from there. Also, it's important to discuss his specific wants and needs as well. You've already stated that you guys do some role playing. So treat it as another fantasy you're acting out, which it is. If he's interested, ease him into the dominant role. You can do this without doing anything involving straight up BDSM. Use some of your other role playing scenarios and really play up to his dominance. For example, if you're doing cop/criminal, then play up the fact that he's in charge and in control. The same can go for doctor/nurse, secretary/CEO, etc. You may find out he's a natural, and it's an excellent segue into what you really want.
Broaching the subject is just the tip of the iceberg. It's really important to take things slow. Go at a pace that's comfortable for the both of you. Keep in mind that you've been researching this for over a year, and he hasn't. It's definitely gonna take patience and plenty of communication. If you're into using certain tools and implements, make sure he's comfortable using these things as well. You've been married for four years, so the trust has already been established and that will be your foundation. The rest will build on top of that. Your sex life is something that constantly evolves, so let things happen naturally and in their own time.
I wish you both all the best!
Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
12 Jun 2014 09:07
I still don't understand my feelings. I'm as straight as anyone can get. I love my wife. I'm turned on from the pleasure my wife experienced. She did enjoy his size. Do most women enjoy a well endowed man? My story in here is true. I wrote it to relive it in hopes of understanding: How it come about, why I could have enjoyed it, why she enjoyed it? Is a MMF 3 sum most women's fantasy? I'm I normal? Is my wife normal? I know my wife is a border line Nympho. That was what attracted me to her along with her looks. She was a dream come true to me. I know how lucky I am to have her as my wife. I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to understand how something like this come about and why it turned out to be so much fun.
Just give that article I linked to in my previous post a good read. It's very insightful and I myself learned a lot about why men and women find this act so appealing. I'm sure most of your questions will be answered there if they weren't already highlighted here.
In regards to whether or not you or your wife are normal, well that's a very subjective term. That depends on the standards of which you define normal. In the 'traditional' sense of normal, you will find that wife sharing does not fit into most ideas and ideals of the standard relationship dynamic. But that by no means means you're not normal or that it's wrong.
Also, I'm not sure if it's most women's fantasy to be involved in an MMF threesome, but it is indeed a fantasy of many women.
Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
11 Jun 2014 10:41
It all started by accident. Things got out of hand and it ended with another man having sex with my wife. At first I was shocked. I never dreamed of anything like what was happening. It wasn't a fantasy of mine. The idea had never crossed my mind. But here I was standing there while another man was fucking my wife. I was in a state of shock. I use shock because it's the only word I know to describe my state. But as I watched my wife's reactions to his very long dick I was turned on. How could this be? When he cum in her, even that turned me on. Why? I don't understand my feelings. Read my story
According to an article on Psychology Today , the root causes of men wanting to watch their wives with other men are psychological, as expected. The main culprits? Sperm competition and voyeurism.
Voyeurism is pretty self explanatory. Voyeurists are people who enjoy watching others, usually in sexual acts. Some people in relationships will satisfy this desire by watching themselves in a mirror or recording and then watching themselves having sex. Watching someone else have sex with your spouse can kind of be the next progressive step in voyeurism.
Sperm competition comes into play when a man has a desire to have sex with his wife/spouse/partner after another man has had sex with and/or ejaculated inside her. As noted in the aforementioned article, sperm competition is a biological response that affects the male sexual drive. After watching your wife have sex with another man, you may be biologically driven to have longer and more vigorous sex with her. The recovery time between erections may also be shorter and you may also ejaculate harder and in a higher than normal (for you) amount. Men tend to enjoy these effects on their sexual drive, so they'll encourage their wives to sleep with other men to stir up that competition and bring about these biological responses.
Other factors involved included the thrill of taboo (again, self explanatory) and female empowerment (turned on by your wife's independence and assertiveness in sleeping with other men).
Bisexuality may play a small role if there's a desire on your part to interact with the other man.
P.S. If you were trying to post a link to your story, it won't show until you accumulate 20 forum posts.