Forum posts made by olivia

Topic Am I in an abusive relationship?
Posted 01 Jun 2015 10:49

Thank you all for your thoughts.

Kind of what I expected I guess, but didn't want it to be true. I am fortunately going to see a counsellor for the first time tomorrow which I hope will be helpful too. Expensive, but hopefully helpful!!

Yes, I think I need to see my family and talk with them.

I am fortunate that I have a job and income. And also that we don't have children. I think I will make arrangements to secure that income stream and start seeing where else I might stay, probably my parents.

But I know it could be a hideous journey ahead if I take that drastic move. And I do worry what he might do - particularly to himself and possibly to our property.

But then if I don't do this and just carry on as is I don't think either of us will be happy.

Thanks all.


You've received excellent advice so far, so I'll try not to repeat it.

First of all, congratulations for already having plans in motion. Your self-reliance in a situation such as this is your greatest asset. I understand that you've committed to counseling, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst.

Reach out to your friends and family. I'm sure isolation from them has worked in your husband's favor. You're not alone, and they will understand, especially once you've explained the situation to them.

In terms of you being worried about your spouse harming himself, manipulation by means of self-harm threats come straight out of the domestic abuser's handbook. Most likely, he will not inflict any physical harm on himself unless he can harm you to the same extent.

I'm not sure if you're going into counseling alone or with your husband, but if he's with you, remember that manipulation is his game. Also remember that even with all of their training and experiences, counselors are just people that can also be manipulated. Your husband can paint an entirely different picture for the counselor and even convince you, yourself that you're in the wrong.

Trust your instincts, and if you feel like you need to get out, then get out. In regards to your personal property, secure as much of it as you can, but remember that things can always be replaced. You should be your #1 priority right now.


Topic Is something wrong with me ?
Posted 20 May 2015 13:36

I am 24 years old guy. I want to hear your advice and opinion.
recently I started fantasizing more and more about being cuckolded. I mean, it would hurt me, make me angry and jealous if my gf fucks another guy...but also it turns me on incredibly if I imagine that. Is something wrong with me ? I shouldnt feel and think like that. I wish I could delete that fantasy from my mind, but other part of me really wants to try to convince my gf to fuck another guy in front of me. Please, advise me :)

Hi Tom!

Short answer: No, there's nothing wrong with you.

Long answer:

There are lots of psychological reasons for why cuckolding is something that intrigues you and turns you on. I won't delve too deeply into those reasons, but the information is out there.

Don't beat yourself up over your desires. As long as it's safe, legal, and consensual, there's no fantasy too dirty to be worth exploring.

My only advice refers to your girlfriend, assuming you aren't single. I understand that she is a central part of your fantasy, but make sure it's something she's into. Pressuring her into doing something that she's not into can be as detrimental to your relationship as the act of cuckolding itself. Especially if you're looking at cuckolding as a lifestyle as opposed to being something you act on every once in a while...

...which brings about the following questions: How far do you want the cuckolding thing to go? Do you want it as just something you do every once in a while, or do you want it as a lifestyle? In either case, you need a partner that's willing to commit to that sort of relationship, especially if you adopt being cuckolded as a lifestyle.

Try easing her into the idea by reading cuckold stories together and watching cuckold porn together to gauge her reaction. If she likes it, see if she'd be willing to take it further by fantasizing about someone else while you guys are having sex, either someone she makes up or someone she knows.

Take it slow and remember that this sort of thing is shocking to most people. Also, be prepared to accept the fact that she's not into the idea of being with someone else to fulfill your fantasy.

If you're already attached, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be denied this part of yourself if your girlfriend is not into the idea of cuckolding. If you're not already attached, seek out a partner who is accepting of this fantasy.

Best of luck!

Yours truly,

Topic How do I overcome my urge to fulfill my longtime sex fantasy
Posted 17 May 2015 08:43

I am single for the past 2years, and I really have this urge to start an affair or fling with some married guy..
I know how morally wrong it is, and I am no slut, but I really really have this craving once in a while to work on it and experience the fun!

How do I get it to stop...or for that matter, should I stop tongue8

Hello Sia,

You've received some mixed answers so far, but I'll throw my own into the mix.

Short answer : Don't try to curb your desires if it's what you truly want.

Long answer :

Don't live your life according to anyone's moral standards but your own. If it's an affair you desire, then go for it!

However, don't become a person that you can't look at in the mirror. Remember that an affair with a married man entails more than just your feelings and sexual desires. So before you engage in something like this, be sure you're prepared for any possible consequences, including the emotional and psychological toll it can take on you.

Affairs aren't always as clean cut as they seem. Make sure that you're not just enamored with the idea of an affair and the perceived excitement that goes along with it. You may envision fancy hotels or even exciting encounters in the actual marital bed, which can very well happen. But you could wind up with sleazy motels and abandoned parking lots.

Some affairs can go on for a lifetime without anyone on the outside being aware. Others can blow up and rip families apart or even end violently. Those are the extreme ends of the infidelity spectrum, so if you're prepared for those, then you're prepared for all the stuff in between (i.e. Falling in love with a man that won't leave his wife. A married man falling in love with you when you're just in it for the thrill. Etc.).

Before taking this plunge, consider role playing with a partner to get used to the idea of it. This may even be enough for you, or it may not.

If you simply cannot get over this urge to have an affair with a married man, then do it. Just be prepared for any and everything that accompanies this, and keep it safe in every sense of the word.

Above all else, remember that reality has a tendency to play out vastly different than fantasy, so don't just think in ideals. Be practical. Be safe. And enjoy!

Yours truly,

Topic help guiding wife sexually
Posted 22 Feb 2015 08:52

aunt olivia,

me and wife and have been married close to 10 years now, but our sexual life lately has been on a bit of a down slide, and we are starting to get back our sexual libido together slowly, but my problem is how do i guide my wife properly on sexually pleasing me, i feel like i spend a whole lot of time on enjoying her breast which she enjoys alot herself, unfortunatly it feels like i spend all this time getting her goin sexually and she spends a lil bit of time rubbing my cock and once its hard she jumps on and thats it, wether my sexual libido is goin or not shes ready to go and thats all that matters, unfortunatly without the proper stimulation and time spent on me, it makes it that much harder to cum i go and go but cant make it cum, would like it if she spent some time stimulating my nipple area, and also spent alot more time stimulating me down there and maybe some oral down there once in a while to really get me goin, then it would be so much easier to cum hard inside of her. unfortunatly as much as she has a hard exterior personality wise inside shes like a fragile frabigia egg if i try telling her shes not doiing it right or not pleasing me properly she gets all upset and takes it extremely personally and shuts down on me is frustrating i want to help her, but if i have i have to tell her every step of what to do for me as shes doin it, its gonna take a whole lot of the sexuality out of it for me, but i would like to get her into pleasin me as much as i work on pleasing her

thanx for your advice


From what I've gathered, you want to guide your wife in how to please you sexually without guiding your wife in how to please you sexually, correct?

Tell her what you like and tell her that you'd like her to be more proactive in doing the things you like. Guide her until it becomes more instinctive for her.

For example, when she's stroking your dick, wrap your hand around hers to sort of guide her in doing it the way you like. Once you get the right rhythm going, let go and she'll take the hint that it's the way you want it done.

That's just a minor example. Use this method in relation to everything that pleases you. She won't know unless you tell her. Be patient and guide her in the proper way to please you. And again, be patient. "That feels good, but try it like this" is far better than "You're not doing it right." Choose your words carefully and explain to her that you want to take your time and enjoy it rather than jump right into things.

Your ultimate goal should be for the both of you to tune in to the things that bring each other pleasure. It takes trial and error, a sensitive approach, and above all else, communication.

As always, I wish you all the best.

Yours truly,

Topic wife has lost libido
Posted 25 Nov 2014 14:20

I am a 48 year old man married to a 45 year old woman. I am still relatively healthy, and have a healthy sex drive for my age ( or even perhaps slightly above average). My wife on the other hand has experienced a rather steep decline in her sex drive. She thinks it has to do with the meds she is taking for depression and seizures ( she was recently diagnosed with adult onset epilepsy).She has gotten to the point where she cannot even achieve an orgasm anymore! In talking with her doctors, they have offered very little assistance in suggestions for anything she can do to try to augment her libido. Needless to say, this has severly hampered her interest in having or enjoying sex. Might you know of any supplements that could help to augment her sex drive?Or any other ideas? It has become frustrating for her, and me!


Perhaps it might be best if she deals with other issues first before you try working on her sex drive. At this stage in her condition, her sex drive should really be the least of your worries. Learning one has a chronic condition really takes its toll on a person. Was she taking medicine for depression before she found out she had adult onset epilepsy? If so, the medicine for the seizures may be throwing off the depressions. She may have to try many more different types of meds before she finds a combination that works for her. Taking supplements for her sex drive at this point is just treating a symptom and not the problem.

It may be quite some time before she can enjoy sex again. The best advice I can give you is to be as patient and supportive with your wife as possible. When she learns to cope with her condition and depression simultaneously, I'm sure her libido will come around. Just give it some time before you start suggesting supplements. That may make her feel inadequate and contribute to her depression.

Also, ask yourself this: If it were the other way around and you were dealing with depression and adult onset epilepsy and a declining sex drive, what type of support would you want from your partner?

Yours truly,

Topic Any advice on pulling the reins in on some of this?
Posted 21 Nov 2014 09:01

Any advice/input on pulling the reins in on some of this? Maybe I let it go too far but gheeeeez who wants to throw a wet blanket on a hot wife who has found her sexual stride in her 50s? Ask what questions you need for more information.

Here is the basic layout.

My wife was into anal big time before we married and introduced it to me (both ways). She is a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” sort of gal about everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. Cum is of course a large part of goose/gander thing as well. So not only did my wife surprise me with the whole anal attack thing but also the whole kissing after coming from oral. My wife has a good approach even though it has not accomplished her ultimate goal, it has gotten her much closer to it. I go with the flow up to a point. I love sex and I do love pleasing her and I love enjoy fulfilling her crazy desires. We have been Role Playing all sorts of off creative scenarios she comes up with: Prisoners who have to perform or work chain gang (she loves prison shower scenarios – it’s even hard to go with it), Queen/slaves who have to perform or get punished, All girl take down of two guys forcing them into compromising positions, Female Cops making guys do what they want, Face sitting for others to play with me, Show and Tale - putting me on display, and Of course 69 scenarios where guys take her over and over and over again. She has so many now I can't keep up with them all but most end up with me getting royally done and/or eating lots of creamy stuff. It has been going on for quite a while now. I have grown accustomed to all the anal, cum, masturbation, toy, & sex machine play and in addition to all our making love it seems all our free time is all sex time. I am in Nooooo means complaining. What is tough is where it has all headed, all the bisex RP, scenarios, stories, my wife gets off by a lot but the male bisex is by far the strongest. I am good to go up to a point with all the play but it is getting to where our sex talk is being dominated by it. She wants to meet with other couples who are bisexual to chat with sexually and get to know.

Thank you so very much!



Before I begin, I have a question: Do you guys still enjoy regular sex? By regular, I mean what most of us here on Lush would refer to as "Vanilla". No toys. No other people. Just you and her. None of you tied up or anything of the sort. Just two people enjoying the intimate act of sex in and of itself.

It seems you guys hit the ground running when it came to experimentation. When people dive in head first and they've tried all there is to try, they sort of begin to fizzle out, and they're constantly trying to find the next wild thing. You're beginning to plateau, and your wife isn't quite there yet. This may have a lot to do with her increased sex drive, which you've already mentioned.

There's really no easy way to go about it if you want maximum results. Just tell her you feel like things are spiraling out of control. This isn't some chick you've been dating for a while. This is your wife. You guys have an exciting sex life. The only thing that's probably going to work against you is that you waited so long to set boundaries. This is probably due to the fact that you're just now discovering what your boundaries are. So now that you have a better understanding of your boundaries, tell her outright that you're getting uncomfortable.

To put it simply, talk to your wife. Tell her you're enjoying the great sex, but you miss her, because that's what I'm sensing here.

This may not happen overnight, so try easing into things. Allow plenty of opportunity for her to be the sexpot that she is, but ask her to set aside some time where she's just your wife, and you're spending actual time with her apart from all the buckwild sex.

I don't think this is asking too much, especially in a marriage.

Yours truly,

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 02 Nov 2014 15:05

Sup Livvy? heres the thing.. Im very horny. I cam on here to meet people and everything and get into some trouble, but the gals here are so uptight. Its not like i approach them trying to fuck right away. Even saying hello gets me the cold shoulder. I don't mind getting to know a woman but i dont wanna be her man or nothing. I just wanna fool around and have some fun and maybe make a few friends along the way. some of the ladies here make that out to be a huge problem. I'm not rude or disrespectful. Just wanna have fun man. Most of the ladies ive run into in chat are looking for a dom or something or a relationship. Then there are the ones with no brains that just wanna get fucked by every guy in the room. Thats no fun either.

LOL. This is by far the most entertaining question I've ever had. "Sup Livvy?" is now an all-time favorite of mine. kekekegay

Lush is something different to everyone. There are women here looking for the same thing you are: Casual friendships/hookups. There are also women here who are strictly looking to be in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with either, as long as it's something that happens organically, as opposed to someone forcing the situation. I'll admit that I don't understand much about the Lush relationship dynamic in terms of people hooking up on here with the sole purpose of being in a relationship. I understand that it can happen from time to time. But there are those who, when a relationship ends, they're immediately looking for other potential candidates for a relationship. I find that bizarre both online and in real life. Let these things happen naturally. But I digress.

Are some women on Lush uptight? Absolutely. Are they all uptight? Absolutely not. I do know that lots of women are wary because of the constant barrage of undesirable attention, a great majority of it coming from men. I myself get tons of messages detailing what men want to do with me, and I scarcely interact on Lush beyond my little corner of the forum. When that's always happening, it's hard not to become jaded. I'm not saying the guys on Lush are terrible, but even the most innocent of correspondence can be misconstrued and taken too far. So just give us a chance to feel you out. If you're willing to put in just a bit more effort, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

There's absolutely no harm in cyber hookups, so you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that being what you want. It's all in the approach. I'm going to take your word for it when you say you're not rude or disrespectful in your approach. Continue down that path. It's also quite refreshing that you're up front about what you're after, instead of leading women on. That can go a long way. You say that you frequent the chat rooms. Have you ever considered broadening your horizons? Try the forums. The game-style threads are a great way to engage in an ongoing conversation. Lots of flirting takes place, which can lead to more if you play your cards right.

Overall, stay honest and up front, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. There's over a quarter of a million members here, so there's no need to get discouraged over the few that aren't biting.

Best of luck!

Topic help please
Posted 30 Oct 2014 07:06

What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?

What do you do when you can't get through to them?

When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.

I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.

I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.

Am I loving him in vain?

I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.

If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.

Hello Margot,

The simplest way to confront all of these issues is to present him with the same information you've provided here. Go from there and see where you stand.

It seems that things are moving a bit fast, so maybe a change of pace is all that's necessary. We can't make people feel the way we want them to feel whenever we want. These things should happen organically and in their own time.

Are you asking for too much too soon? Are you giving too much of yourself too soon? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.

Something's not adding up if you love him so intensely and he can't manage to contact you. Maybe some things got lost in translation or you've maybe assumed that because you got more attached and your feelings got deeper and stronger, his have as well.

Whatever the underlying issue is, wallowing won't solve it. So you can either get lost in a pit of despair, or you can be proactive and use effective communication with your partner to confront these things head-on. Even if it the outcome isn't something you want or expect, you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this in order to gain some perspective, as opposed to living in a sort of suspended reality of what you think this relationship means to the both of you.

As always, I wish you all the best.


Topic how to stop being hurt?
Posted 23 Sep 2014 18:20

Hi Eva!

Unfortunately, only time can heal a broken heart. And even when you're completely over a person, there's always a twinge of emotion when your mind wanders in their direction.

We can't control the actions of another. Unfortunately it's the internet, and people think this is a game to play. For the time being, they may actually think what they feel is real, when it's actually fleeting, shallow, and temporary. And they'll continue to seek that feeling no matter who they hurt in the process, because they're just going through the motions.

As far as protecting yourself goes, guard your heart until the right person comes along and breaks down your barriers the right way (a way that doesn't make you doubt yourself or feel ashamed or humiliated). Don't open yourself up too much too soon, or someone will take advantage of that vulnerability. This is a sex-oriented site with all sorts of relationship dynamics, and there are those who prey on the vulnerable.

If you do go the internet route for your next relationship, be up front. Tell them this isn't some fleeting thing and your real feelings are involved. Above all else, don't settle. Look for the signs, because they'll be there, and when you see them, don't explain them away.

Also, make sure you're prepared mentally and emotionally. And make sure your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship are good ones, and not just to avoid loneliness.

Don't be anyone's doormat, and don't give anymore of yourself than someone deserves.

I wish you all the best!

Yours truly,

Topic Discovered I like to Crossdress and pick up men
Posted 19 Sep 2014 16:24

I've dressed in my mother clothing when I was a boy, but now I have the desire to CrossDress and be with a man. I've bought some clothing and dress up when I can. But I'm having a harder time not finding a real man to be with. Update, last weekend I acted it out, meet a man and he treated me like a lady and we ended up having great love making. My question where does this sudden desire to CD come from, I consider myself a hetrosexual male and have a girlfriend. At a loss...Fugly


Unfortunately, there isn't much research out there on the subject, but there are several reasons why someone might have the desire to cross dress, ranging from mother/father issues to it being more comfortable to wear the clothing of the opposite gender.

Because the driving force behind cross dressing is different for everyone that does it, without knowing you personally or your history, there's no sure way to give you an accurate answer.

What it all boils down to is how you feel in women's clothing versus how you feel in men's clothing, and the reasoning behind it may not be all that important. Are you happier? Are you more comfortable? Are you more confident? Do you feel more like yourself?

These are the things that matter and the things you should focus on.

Yours truly,

Topic advice needed
Posted 18 Aug 2014 16:52

y girlfriend gets really wet when we have sex. I have told her that I find it hot and sexy but she still gets embarrassed when it happens like something is wrong with her.

I don’t know how to make her see she's not the only who gets this wet & it's normal.


While it's true that it's normal for a lot of women to get really wet during sex, it doesn't mean every woman feels the same way about it.

Think of it this way: There are tons of people out there with severe skin conditions that can be seen by the general public. There are some that leave their homes as little as possible because of the condition, there are some that try to conceal their condition with strategically placed clothing or makeup, and there are some that accept the condition for what it is and just go on with their lives.

There are many traits women share across the board and we all feel very differently about them. So instead of focusing on how common it is, focus on how she feels about it. Just continue to remind her how sexy you think it is and how much it turns you on. This may boost her confidence over time so she doesn't feel so embarrassed or insecure about it. Or at the very least, it may get her to the point where she's comfortable enough with you to not feel so embarrassed about it.

Keep in mind that there's no proven formula that will completely eradicate one's insecurities. Worst case scenario: It may never be something she fully feels comfortable about. So when those insecure moments creep up, just try being as supportive as you can. It will go a really long way in the long run.

Yours truly,

Topic question for you please..
Posted 08 Aug 2014 19:38

I can't believe that you didn't advise to stay clear of men who are attached, especially married men. Does being faithful not count for anything in your eyes?

I wasn't asked my opinion of extramarital affairs, so I didn't offer it.

I was asked how to deal with heartbreak.

I am here to offer advice on sex and relationships. I am not here to be the moral voice of what occurs between consenting adults.


Topic question for you please..
Posted 08 Aug 2014 07:40

What do you do when you get involved with someone married here and then they leave without a word or goodbye.

Sometimes they delete their account, sometimes they don't.

What do you do with the feelings and love you have for them?

(Not saying I loved all. )

Time gets me over them usually.

Am I just supposed to wonder what happened in heartbreak and then what do I do??

How do I move on?

I suppose I should stop looking for his name for who's online.

Hello Margot,

In these situations, it's just best to accept things as they are.

For whatever reason, he's decided to make himself scarce. He may not have been as serious about your involvement as you were. Or maybe he felt guilty about being unfaithful to his wife. Unfortunately, because it's the internet it's easier to just fade away or leave abruptly without really having to answer or face up to your actions. These are facts we all know, but knowing these facts doesn't make it any easier to deal with the heartbreak left in someone's wake.

As far as the feelings you still have left, only time can deal with those. In the meantime, stay distracted. If you need to wallow, do so, but only for a short period of time. Get a hobby or two. Do things that make you feel productive but not destructive. Throw yourself into something you feel passionate about.

Also, stay out of new involvements/relationships for the time being. It's obvious you're still vulnerable and broken up about this. If you jump into something new, the person involved may be getting more than he bargained for which is always unfair. Jumping into a new romantic situation may also lead to your vulnerability being taken advantage of. Either situation could lead to further heartbreak, which will just worsen your current wounds.

And you're right, looking for his name online won't solve anything or make him come back. Even if he does come back, if he's not the one reaching out to you then you know where you stand. Even if his methods weren't the best, the message was clear: He wants things to be over, so let them be over.

Yours truly,

Topic Summer Breakups
Posted 05 Aug 2014 13:52

thank you for this.

You're welcome!

Topic Trashing Your Ex
Posted 30 Jul 2014 16:15

Glad I'm on good terms with my exes. No dark clouds covering the memories. I understand that this is not always possible though.

Indeed it isn't, so count that a blessing.

Breakups are an essential part of any relationship. They can reveal a lot about you to yourself and change who you are just as much as an actual relationship can.

Topic Wife Sexual Awakening
Posted 03 Jul 2014 09:39

Here is a little background:

Been married to my wife for 21 years, met in high school, to my knowledge we have only be with each other. I have no reason to believe others. It's been pretty normal as far as sex goes. Meeting vanilla; yes there is oral on both sides and she will only allow me to fuck her in her pussy, no anal. She really had been closed off to any experimenting, you almost say she was very prudish about sex.

So about a year ago she has told me during a game of truth or dare that we were playing that she had toyed with the idea of a threesome MFF. Nothing much on the topic since then other than snide comments from me about her having a gf. So within the last two weeks she really has started to heat things up out of no where.

She started giving me a blow job in the kitchen, when the **Edited for content.** were in the living room, we even fucked in the kitchen with the **Edited for content.** in the living room. She has given me a blowjob while I was driving and let me pull her shirt up in the car while we parked at a local college parking lot and let me lick on her tits. We have been talking kinky stuff while fucking about a woman joining us and recently suggested that she had a bf and he joined us and that while she was fucking him she was sucking me off and then we switched. She had her dildo out and was licking it while I fucked her and she brought it to my lips and pushed it in, it's just a dildo and it tasted good as she just had it in her pussy so I sucked on it. She got incredibly hot.

So as all this has happened she recently went to an adult toy party. This is all completely out of her character and I asked her why the sudden change and if she had been reading stuff or talking to someone. She said no that she just didn't want things to get stale and wanted me to keep thinking that "damn I'm lucky she is my wife".

So my question(s) are:

Does it sound like to you all that she is talking to someone else?
Do you think she possibly is seeing someone else which is why her sex drive and experimentation have increased?
And what do I make of her putting her dildo in my mouth and her excitement over that.

I'm not sure what to think, but I am enjoying her new found excitement and experimentation thought process. Thoughts?

What your wife is experiencing is quite common in most women. The best way it can be defined is a 'sexual awakening', actually. I'm not sure how old your wife is, but I'm sure it coincides with her age. Lots of women peek sexually in their late 30s to early 40s. As a result, she's hornier than ever and more sexually adventurous than ever. Consider it a sexual mid-life crisis of sorts. Men buy sports cars and Harleys, women get horny.

As for your questions, here goes:

1. She could be talking to someone else. But if she is, it's most likely a friend or two that tells about all of their sexual adventures and misadventures (we all have at least one of this type of friend). It's probably got her wheels churning and her interest piqued, which is fueling her sex drive even more.

2. It's unlikely that she's seeing someone else. That's usually accompanied with distance and detachment from you as well as lost interest in sex with you. But her sexual interest in YOU is increasing, and she wants to try all of these things with YOU. It seems like she wants you included in all of her sexual adventures. I'd be super shocked if she were seeing someone else.

3. She likes seeing you with her dildo in your mouth. The fact that it was previously in her pussy was probably what motivated the act, and not just the act of putting a dildo in your mouth in and of itself. It doesn't indicate that she's ready to strap on dildo and harness, bend you over, and hump you for dear life or anything like that. It just means she's open and wants you to experiment with her. Expect more surprises like this. And if there's anything you're open to and would like to try (like anal play, for example), run it by her. She may be open to it as well.

Yours truly,

Topic help me out!!!!!
Posted 29 Jun 2014 09:23

I don't know if this has been asked before but here goes........well I am a virgin and being in India its common .so you can guess that I masturbate.What I wanted to ask was that has it ever happened that due to regular masturbation your orgasms take longer time???is that okay or is there some kind of health condition involved?????

Hello Simar!

Because you're a virgin (which is nothing to be ashamed of no matter what region you come from, by the way), you may not realize that the more we engage in one sexual activity, the more it takes to stimulate us and get us off.

It's quite common for it to take longer to reach orgasm when you masturbate regularly. Try spicing things up. Seek out other stimulants. If you masturbate along to porn, try out different porn. Try different masturbation techniques or even tools (flesh light for example). Use cooling or heating lubricants for a different sensation. There are lots of different ways to masturbate that can help you reach orgasm faster if you don't like the drawn out process. However, drawing things out can lead to a more fulfilling orgasm.

I doubt it's a medical issue, but if it's something that truly concerns you then there's no harm in at least calling your doctor to make sure everything's alright.

Yours truly,

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 21 Jun 2014 12:40

I'm in a very complicated situation. My best friend and I have known each other since we were in diapers. Our families are very close and we grew up together.

I started dating his sister a year ago. It was no issue and he and his family was cool and supportive of it, so theres no problem there. The problem is that she's a total brat. She's immature and she literally whines when things don't go her way. She's the youngest and only girl, so I'm sure that contributes to how spoiled she is. My best friend and her dad are protective and they dote on her but I can't take it anymore. She's just not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. Things started out so good but I think she was looking for a guy that spoiles her like her family does, but I'm not that guy. Yes I love doing nice things for my girl and making her happy and everything, but we're in a relationship. I'm not raising a kid, and that's what the past few months of being in a relationship with her has been like. There is zero fulfillment for me and the only reason I stuck it out this long is because of my relationship with her family. She's caused lots of strain between her family and I, especially with my friendship with her brother. Whenever there's a conflict she goes to them and twists things around and makes me out to be the asshole.

I want to end things with her in a way that won't ruin my relationship with my best friend and his family. Help?


That's some tough shit you're dealing with there. I've known the sweet little sister/daddy's little girl types. And I also know that lots of them can be full of shit.

Here's what you do: As a preemptive strike, go to them first and tell them that you're going to end things. Tell them things aren't working out with you and the aforementioned girlfriend and why. If you've grown up with this family, then they know you and what kind of person you are. They also know her and what kind of person she is. Families can be blind to their own sometimes, but no one is that blind. So be as honest and sincere as possible, but do so without trashing her or disrespecting her because remember, they raised her, so trashing her would be a slight on them.

Doing all of this beforehand will give you the upper hand. When you end things with her and she goes crying to them in an attempt to twist things, they'll already have your side of the story. They'll have more to consider. Whether they still choose to side with her is on them, but you've known these people your whole life and that usually means something. It may be awkward at first, but your sanity is worth it. No one should be with someone out of obligation. Staying with her isn't helping anything and will most likely cause more strain down the line and may result in your relationship with them being unsalvageable.

As a grown man, do what you have to do. You're miserable and you don't have to be. Eventually the two of you will move on and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it'll be water under the bridge. Do everything in your power to try to make moving forward with them possible, and if she attempts to sabotage that, it'll be evident.

I wish you all the best.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 16 Jun 2014 19:05

I met a girl here and we really hit it off. But we live pretty far away and she told me shes not into the whole online or long distance thing. How do I get her to give us a shot?


First of all, you need to find out for sure whether or not she feels the same way about you as you feel about her. Find out if she also feels as if you guys hit it off. People set boundaries for a reason. If she's not into online/long distance relationships, there's not much you can do to change that. I'm also sure she has her reasons for not being into it. I'm sure it's frustrating because you seem to like her a lot, and if she does in fact share the feelings it probably further complicates the situation and makes it all the more confusing.

Even if it appears that she returns your feelings, there's only so much she's willing to offer. So it's really not a matter of getting her to give you guys a shot, but a matter of whether or not you're willing to accept what she's offering. If you're not willing to accept things as they are, then it's best to cut your losses or risk virtually friend zoning yourself. She may come around, and she may not. But there are no assurances either way.

Although it's always best to be up front about things, try pulling back a little and see if she gives chase. Or you can ask her right out if she thinks you guys are worth the risk of trying an online/long distance relationship. Accept the answer for what it is and go from there.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 13 Jun 2014 08:17

I'll start by saying I was going to post this in the BDSM section but the last time I posted in their I got so many messages from people offering to guide me or train me. I'll try it this way now instead and hopefully you can help. I'm sorry if this is an overstep and this isnt the kind of advice you give.

Here goes.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. For the past year and a half Ive been really looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I've been reserching and I've read a few other online forums. I've been reading the BDSM forum here and some of it has been really interesting. I really want my husband to dominate me. I dont want anything too intense and im fairly certain I don't want to do it as a lifestyle. My husband doesnt know much about my research and I don't quit know how to bring it up to him. We have good sex and have done some roleplaying not related to BDSM, and I don't wanna freak him out. How do I tell him I want him to dominate me? I don't wanna scare him.


I'm happy to tackle any type of question. Now let's dive in!

Short Answer: Just tell him.

Elaboration: It sounds like you've been doing extensive research. That's great! The only drawback is that you say your husband doesn't know much about your research. So at this stage you know more than him. The only advantage in that regard is that you'll be able to guide him because you probably know exactly what you want at this point. This is good because a number of people enter the world of BDSM with no clue what they want, which often leads to them being 50 Shades of Fucked Up. However, doing research on your own will have some drawbacks. Your understanding goes far deeper than his, which can present a number of challenges down the line being that he's the one taking on the more dominant role. Sometimes you guys won't always be on the same page, and I'm sure it's gonna get pretty frustrating (understatement). OK, I'm done being a downer.

I have to say that I find it interesting and admirable that you've researched so extensively even though you're not interested in BDSM as a lifestyle. I'm sure your research brought you to that conclusion, which is why it's always great to research before just diving in. Now I'll reiterate my short answer: Just tell him. Go into detail. Tell him exactly what you want. Ask him how he feels about it. You need to find out first and foremost if he's interested in taking on this role, and then go from there. Also, it's important to discuss his specific wants and needs as well. You've already stated that you guys do some role playing. So treat it as another fantasy you're acting out, which it is. If he's interested, ease him into the dominant role. You can do this without doing anything involving straight up BDSM. Use some of your other role playing scenarios and really play up to his dominance. For example, if you're doing cop/criminal, then play up the fact that he's in charge and in control. The same can go for doctor/nurse, secretary/CEO, etc. You may find out he's a natural, and it's an excellent segue into what you really want.

Broaching the subject is just the tip of the iceberg. It's really important to take things slow. Go at a pace that's comfortable for the both of you. Keep in mind that you've been researching this for over a year, and he hasn't. It's definitely gonna take patience and plenty of communication. If you're into using certain tools and implements, make sure he's comfortable using these things as well. You've been married for four years, so the trust has already been established and that will be your foundation. The rest will build on top of that. Your sex life is something that constantly evolves, so let things happen naturally and in their own time.

I wish you both all the best!

Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted 12 Jun 2014 09:07

I still don't understand my feelings. I'm as straight as anyone can get. I love my wife. I'm turned on from the pleasure my wife experienced. She did enjoy his size. Do most women enjoy a well endowed man? My story in here is true. I wrote it to relive it in hopes of understanding: How it come about, why I could have enjoyed it, why she enjoyed it? Is a MMF 3 sum most women's fantasy? I'm I normal? Is my wife normal? I know my wife is a border line Nympho. That was what attracted me to her along with her looks. She was a dream come true to me. I know how lucky I am to have her as my wife. I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to understand how something like this come about and why it turned out to be so much fun.

Just give that article I linked to in my previous post a good read. It's very insightful and I myself learned a lot about why men and women find this act so appealing. I'm sure most of your questions will be answered there if they weren't already highlighted here.

In regards to whether or not you or your wife are normal, well that's a very subjective term. That depends on the standards of which you define normal. In the 'traditional' sense of normal, you will find that wife sharing does not fit into most ideas and ideals of the standard relationship dynamic. But that by no means means you're not normal or that it's wrong.

Also, I'm not sure if it's most women's fantasy to be involved in an MMF threesome, but it is indeed a fantasy of many women.

Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted 11 Jun 2014 10:41

It all started by accident. Things got out of hand and it ended with another man having sex with my wife. At first I was shocked. I never dreamed of anything like what was happening. It wasn't a fantasy of mine. The idea had never crossed my mind. But here I was standing there while another man was fucking my wife. I was in a state of shock. I use shock because it's the only word I know to describe my state. But as I watched my wife's reactions to his very long dick I was turned on. How could this be? When he cum in her, even that turned me on. Why? I don't understand my feelings. Read my story

According to an article on Psychology Today , the root causes of men wanting to watch their wives with other men are psychological, as expected. The main culprits? Sperm competition and voyeurism.

Voyeurism is pretty self explanatory. Voyeurists are people who enjoy watching others, usually in sexual acts. Some people in relationships will satisfy this desire by watching themselves in a mirror or recording and then watching themselves having sex. Watching someone else have sex with your spouse can kind of be the next progressive step in voyeurism.

Sperm competition comes into play when a man has a desire to have sex with his wife/spouse/partner after another man has had sex with and/or ejaculated inside her. As noted in the aforementioned article, sperm competition is a biological response that affects the male sexual drive. After watching your wife have sex with another man, you may be biologically driven to have longer and more vigorous sex with her. The recovery time between erections may also be shorter and you may also ejaculate harder and in a higher than normal (for you) amount. Men tend to enjoy these effects on their sexual drive, so they'll encourage their wives to sleep with other men to stir up that competition and bring about these biological responses.

Other factors involved included the thrill of taboo (again, self explanatory) and female empowerment (turned on by your wife's independence and assertiveness in sleeping with other men).

Bisexuality may play a small role if there's a desire on your part to interact with the other man.

P.S. If you were trying to post a link to your story, it won't show until you accumulate 20 forum posts.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 08 Jun 2014 12:26

I am in an online relationship with someone I love dearly. Our intimacy is compelled within the walls of Skype and it was amazing until lately.

Lately, I discovered and started to masturbate without him. I am thinking of him while doing it alone. It was hot - really hot. I felt I am cheating my partner though I am thinking of him and his cock in my pussy and when we are together online I am not sexually inclined. I fear to loose him. I have not confessed this to him. I dread to. He already told me not to masturbate on my own.

You see I am working at night. When he is not online I need to sexually relieve myself so I can sleep during the day. Once he comes online. I tease him, make him hard to the brink of frustration only to let him down.

He's been very understanding but since I almost regularly masturbate on my own without him I find it is now affecting our online intimacy.

Help me please before it ruins my relationship with him.


Both of you need to mutually agree and come to an understanding of what is and isn't considered cheating. Unless you guys are involved in some level of a BDSM relationship where this has already been a rule set out that you have to obey, then I personally don't see anything wrong with you masturbating without his involvement...especially when it's him you're thinking of when you're doing it.

You should tell him though. Secrets are the quickest way to ruin a relationship. I think you need to explain to him just as you've explained to me that you have needs that he can't always be there to handle due to the online limitations of your relationship as well as timing. If it's something he just refuses to understand and allow, then that speaks of deeper issues in your relationship than you simply masturbating without him.

And I understand that masturbating without him prevents you from being able to "perform" when he's around due to the fact that have already done so without him. Have you considered other methods of sleeping so you can save the intimacy for him? Or if you're having multiple orgasms, limiting the number so you can save something for when you're actually with him?

Another thing to consider is whether or not you prefer to masturbate alone, or if you do it for the convenience. Then go from there.

My gut tells me that there's some underlying issue that keeps you from being satisfied when you're with him that has you to the point where masturbating alone is preferred to mutually masturbating with your guy. It could be frustration and the long distance thing taking a toll on you. As I said, just get everything out in the open with your guy and go from there.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 08 Jun 2014 12:08

Thanks Olivia ...
even tho I am a man i appreciate your answer .... so so common sense ...particularly the last bit of advice ....any way I digress ... I love the way you explain the differences between women ... and their psychological make up ... one has to be crassly thick as two short planks to ignore such signs... Iam unhappily celibate and unhappily single but i do feel sorry for women who are lumbered with insensitive stupid MCPs for a partner BF/lover/husband ... any way you are very good in your pronouncements/advice...Please accept my complements

Thank you for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated!

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 07 Jun 2014 08:58

My girl won't have sex with me when it's "her time of the month." I've been with other girls who didnt mind. Some of them get super horny during that time but my girl just doesn't seem to be into it. I thought maybe she was shy about it and I told her it was no big deal but she won't do it.


I'm assuming you're asking me how to get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she's on her period, so I'll answer accordingly.

Yes, it's true that some women get ridiculously horny during their time of the month, and having sex during that time comes with a lot of perks as well (cramp relief, for one). However, not all women are the same and some just prefer to be left alone during that time. It's no slight to you. Women go through very different things down there during their time of the month. If she says she's not into period sex, take her word for it. If she could be persuaded otherwise, she would have been by now. Period sex is one of those do or don't things. There's no in between.

Besides, it's only a few days. Use it as bonding time. Pamper her. It may get you some serious brownie points you can use to your advantage when it's not her time of the month, and it may get you a hand and/or blow job. Everybody wins.

If you're one of those guys that really have a thing for having sex with a woman during her period, then I understand this will be a tough time for you. But pressure often leads to alienation. If you're one of those guys that doesn't care either way and just wants to have sex period or no period, then just wait those few days out. You're not gonna have good sex with a woman who's uncomfortable.

Also, I hope you haven't mentioned to her that other women in the past have been more than willing to have sex with you during their time of the month. That won't go over well at all at ANY time of the month.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 31 May 2014 08:38

I recently had a baby. I've managed to lose most of the baby weight, but the stretch marks are still there. I have creams that help them fade but they take a few months to have any real affect. They're really embarrassing and make me very self conscious to the point where I don't even want my husband to see me naked. The few times we do have sex is with the lights off. I can tell it hurts my husband especially since he things its not that big of a deal but these stretch marks just make me feel so unsexy. Im sure I'll get over it, but for right now I just want to get him to understand that its not him.


We all have those things that we feel self conscious about that may seem like it's not that big of a deal to other people. Some of these things don't even make sense to others, but they jump out us and make us feel like a spotlight is on them. I'm sure this is the case with your husband.

It's a good thing you've expressed your insecurity to him, as many people keep their insecurities to themselves, which further confuses and alienates their significant other. So you're definitely headed in the right direction. However, although he probably already knows the basis of your insecurity, constantly rebuffing him can't be good for his ego or self esteem. From his point of view, he's just a man that wants to make love to his wife and mother of his child (or children), and she doesn't want to. If he says the stretch marks don't bother him, he means it.

Changes to our bodies can sometimes come with huge blows to our self confidence, but having a significant other to help through those changes can go a long way. If you haven't already, go into detail pertaining to why the stretch marks make you feel the way they do. Not just that they make you feel unappealing, but why. It'll help you both understand better, and it will make him get more proactive about helping you through it, which will in turn make him feel wanted and needed. That's really important.

I'm sure he knows it's something you're sensitive about, and I'm not assuming his mind, but I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know how to broach the subject with you. Maybe he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing. It may seem a little uncomfortable at first, but the more you discuss it and have it out in the open, the less insecure you tend to feel about it. And in time, it won't be a bother.

I understand that it's hard to get over or even talk about the things that make us insecure, but communication is key. And I'm not saying pretend your stretch marks aren't there, but accept that they're there for the time being. The worst thing you could do is shut him out, so let him help you through it. This will help him understand even better.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 29 May 2014 10:34

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. Ive npticed that sometimes when we're out I catch him looking at other girls. It usually doesnt bother me, except when he looks at girls who dress more revealing things. i dress normal and I save the sexier stuff for him and sometimes when we go out. Does this meanhe wants me to dress sexier all the time?


Your boyfriend, like all mankind, is human. That being said, our eyes are naturally drawn to things or people that are appealing. When you say you dress normal, I take it to mean modest. If he wanted the scantier clad girl, that's who he'd be with, to put it bluntly.

As long as he's not openly leering or being lewd or crude and making comparisons, then simply having himself a look is harmless. Attractive people are all around us, and our eyes are naturally drawn to them, no matter how they're dressed.

I do not think his looking at females who are dressed sexier is of any consequence to you or your relationship. Do what makes you comfortable. To be honest, he might appreciate the fact that you save the sexy for him. And on the occasions where you do decide to dress sexier when you go out, he'll appreciate having the hot girl that guys keep stealing glances at as well.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 29 May 2014 09:16

I get lots of messages in my inbox from those of you who are a little shy about posting in public.

I thought it'd be more helpful to post the questions and maybe even follow-up questions in here along with the answers, where they can benefit a wider range of people. I will always do so anonymously.

Yours truly,

P.S. If you don't see your question here, don't panic. I'm not ignoring you, it may just have been similar to other questions or I just haven't gotten to it yet.

Topic What does Bi-curious really mean?
Posted 23 May 2014 13:36

(of a heterosexual person) interested in having a sexual experience with a person of the same sex.

That's the definition that shows up on Google.

And it really is that simple, when it boils down to it. It's not a determining factor of your sexuality. Bicuriosity doesn't always mean you'll end up being bisexual. It just means you're open to the idea of a same sex experience. But after trying it, you may find out it's not all that enjoyable and it just reinforces your heterosexuality. Or it can be the best thing ever, and you realize you're in fact bisexual or in some cases, homosexual.

For reasons unknown to me, bicurious tends to have some negative connotations. But we were all curious about something at one point or another. And if those urges become stronger, just go for it. Don't hang out in bicurious limbo forever. If the opportunity presents itself take it, and do so in a way that you feel most comfortable. What's the worst that could happen?

No sense in living with regret, especially with something as important as your sex life.

Yours truly,

Topic Summer Breakups
Posted 22 May 2014 14:13

Hi all!

It is I, Olivia, your resident sexpert and relationship adviser.

I've been away for some time, but I have returned and NOT empty-handed, mind you.

Summer's in, and lots of you are probably going through the dreaded summer breakup as I type. Have no fear! It happens to the best of us.

The coziness of Fall and Winter are long gone. Summer is full of things like warm breezes, sunny weather, beach bonfires, girls in short (insert item of clothing here), and shirtless guys. Eyes and imaginations wander. People begin to feel cramped rather than safe and cozy and secure. Those Fall/Winter attachments have lost their charm and probably appear suffocating. Even more so this year, as it seemed to be one long dreary Winter and then suddenly Summer happened.

If any of this feels familiar, you're experiencing the beginning stages of the Summer breakup. Whether you're the breaker upper-er, or the breakup-ee, I've some excellent tips for you, and the best part is that you can use them year-round!

What NOT to do:

1. Constantly contact him/her.

It's important to know when it's over. If it's not meant to be, no amount of calling, texting, emailing, tweeting, or sending pigeons is gonna change that. If someone wants to let you go, have the decency to let them. It won't end well for either if you if you don't.

2. Grieve excessively.

Breakups are tough shit. Not just on you, but those around you. But after a certain point you have to acknowledge and accept that it's over and govern yourself accordingly. Don't be that friend. You know the friend I mean. The one that goes out eating with a bunch of friends then bursts into tears when the server brings a basket of bread because, 'OMG he/she used to eat bread!' If you're gonna be a long-term wallower, it's best to spare your friends and family. People like to help those who help themselves, and if you're not willing to at least try, then you'll end up isolating those who care about you the most and then being bitter about it. The invitations will stop and you'll think everyone who tries to talk some sense into you is out to get you and you'll just be more alone and mad at the world instead of adjusting like a normal human being and moving on. Talk about unhealthy.

3. Trash talk him/her to mutual friends.

If the breakup is less than amicable, don't do the shit-talking to mutual friends thing, or anyone for that matter. Just don't. It's awkward for everyone. It forces people to choose sides, plus the other person doesn't even have a chance to defend themselves. And it'll just be more awkward and embarrassing if you guys get back together down the line.

4. Rush into a new relationship.

This one's a no brainer. You're vulnerable and anxious and on the rebound. This is NOT the time to form new attachments. Your wits aren't about you and you're just prolonging the inevitable. It's very rare that rebound relationships work out due to the fact that you haven't given yourself enough time to sort out all of the stuff from your previous relationship. It's very easy to trick yourself into thinking you're ready for something new. Chances are, you're not. Random hookups can be fun, if/when you're mentally and emotionally ready for that. But be careful with these, and don't trick someone into thinking it's casual and they get more than they bargained for.

5. Go off the deep end.

Mixed emotions make us feel like doing crazy shit sometimes, but keep it together. Don't become a stalker or a bunny boiler. Don't show up where you know they're gonna be. They need to move on too. And if they move on before you, let them be happy. Nothing good will come out of you going crazy. And if you feel yourself going down that dark road, seek professional help .

What you should do:

1. Wallow.

Let it all out, well as much of it as you can. Give yourself as much time as you need. Cry. Call your friends (the real ones) in the middle of the night instead of calling him/her. Listen to sad songs. Give happy couples the finger as you pass by them. Vent to those closest to you. Whatever you need to do. But a grieving period is very necessary and very productive.*

*If it's not a mutual thing, and you're the one that's doing the breaking up, give your new ex time and space to grieve.

2. Pull yourself together.

I know I just said grieving is important, but excessive grieving is just unhealthy (see 'What NOT to do section).

3. Get rid of all their stuff (if necessary).

Old letters, gifts (unless they're diamonds), iPod shuffle loaded with all 'your' songs, etc. Get rid of it. You just don't need that kind of baggage. Pawn or donate things with too much sentimentality attached to it. Or at the very least put it out of your sight. It's kinda funny to come across that stuff years later once you've fully moved on. It's a mix of nostalgia and 'What the fuck was I thinking?!'

4. Get a hobby/do something physical.

Get rid of all that pent up emotion and frustration and/or be too busy to miss that person. It'll help you move on a lot quicker and much more smoothly. Plus it will keep you from doing something foolish. Do some volunteer work, write (hint-hint), acquire a new skill like cooking or playing an instrument. Change your look, hate it, and change it again. Swim, run, hike, bike ride, rock climb, etc. If/when you're emotionally ready and you have no aversion to this sort of thing, get yourself a fuck buddy and have ALL the no strings attached sex.

5. Spend time with friends/family.

Now's an opportunity to make up for all that lost time when you neglected your friends and family members when you were in the puppy love stage with your now ex. Good people almost always make it better.

It's hard to tell what's what sometimes when emotions are running rampant. But it's important to keep a clear head and stay optimistic. Without even realizing exactly when or how it happened, you'll be good as new.

Yours truly,