About PhilU


My background is in hard (no pun intended) sciences, so sometimes I write stories as a creative outlet. Mostly writing for my own amusement about what interests me. Somehow those stories seem to involve quite a lot of sex (how does that happen?) Quite a few years ago, I used to read rec.arts.erotica and alt.sex.stories.moderated, and wrote a few stories which I decided needed to be polished more (and more) before letting others see them (so I never did send anything off). Years later, I find myself divorced and starting to write again, and perhaps being slightly less of a perfectionist, so I thought maybe I might share a few stories.

Still a bit of a perfectionist, though, and becoming very aware that there are some brilliant writers on Lush who put my own work to shame, so if anyone has time to provide any constructive criticism, then that would be very welcome!

I generally prefer stories which happen to contain sex, or at least where the characters have a reason to be having sex, so that's what I'm trying to write.

Oh, and the avatar's not me, but the resemblance is uncanny. Well, except that he has muscles and confidence. But we're both Australian!

Phil Udont-needtoknow
Relationship Status:
In a Relationship
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Playing football (which some ignorant Aussies sometimes call soccer) - I'd rather watch Aussie rules football, but don't like getting hurt enough to play that...and occasionally trying to keep in shape - gym, jogging etc. Getting to the beach or bushwalking (that translates as hiking/rambling/tramping). Also been exploring meditation and yoga recently.
Favorite Books:
Umm, how to narrow it down? Perhaps a toss-up between The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and The Outsider (L'Etranger) by Camus... not sure what that says about me?
Favorite Authors:
All time favourite is probably the late, great Terry Pratchett, but also like to read the classics.
Favorite Movies:
Favourite is "Life of Brian", but watch a wide range of movies... probably more arthouse than Hollywood, and probably more likely something light and funny than something intending to terrify me.
Favourite TV Shows:
Anything but "reality" TV...
Favorite Music:
Should I mention that I was a child of the 80s? Umm, perhaps not...


Date Joined:
13 Jan 2017
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Topic: RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted: 22 Mar 2018 04:25

Evening all,

Hope everyone's prepared for the shock of no Lush... remember "up to" 12 hours, so maybe it will be less than that (*crosses fingers... and struggles to type for a while*)

Just for the record: Best I can tell, this is the situation for Thursday, March 22...probably.

From: Gav
Location: Sydney

We need to upgrade the storage engines in the database and media store. We have ~1tb of data to backup and restore so its expected to take up to 12 hours.

This is scheduled for 14:00 Pacific Time, Thursday, March 22.

Added info: that'll be about:

2:00 pm on the US west coast
5:00 pm on the US east coast,
9:00 pm in the UK
and the break of dawn in Sydney (where it'll be Friday morning).

Without wanting to be pedantic... ah, who am I kidding? I love being pedantic. It will be 8am Sydney time, while dawn is supposed to be at 6:35am (otherwise known as TFE, or too damn early). But I should get time to check Lush in the morning, but then I might actually have to do some work during the day. <img src="/images/emoticons/sad3.gif" alt="sad3">

I find these tidbits equally astonishing:
Stormdog's poem, The Game , is 1,132 words . I think that is the longest in the comp, not that size matters <img src="/images/emoticons/readsmallprint.gif" alt="Read it">

Actually, KindOfHeart managed 1,282 words, so exactly 1,282 more words than I managed... Good luck to all those who did enter.

Now, I think I need a beer, if anyone's behind the bar (so hard to keep up with barkeepers' schedules these days...)

Topic: Movies that don't look like their setting...
Posted: 20 Mar 2018 13:41

I'm still offended by the final scene in Point Break (the original version with Keanu Reeves). It's supposed to be Bells Beach (on the south coast of Australia), which is a fairly straight beach with low cliffs with basically no trees to be seen. Instead, the movie gives a curved beach with hills and spruce trees (it was filmed in Oregon). I'm sure there are plenty of others, but that one just hit me at the time as - "Wow, you guys aren't even trying to make this look right..."

Topic: Erotica with a story behind it or jump into the sex.
Posted: 19 Mar 2018 03:55

I went with slow build up, but I'll happily read good examples of the other approaches too. I think it comes down to what our own RumpleForeskin said on another thread recently...

"There is only one unbreakable rule for writing viable commercial fiction: Don't bore the reader."

True for not-so-commercial fiction too. As sprite and Verbal point out - you've got to grab the reader. On Lush, you have a few lines to convince a potential reader that they should click and a few more paragraphs before they make a decision about whether to read on or click on something else. Don't bore them... and that includes with a pretty standard sex scene. I often skim-read sex scenes on here - IMHO, the build-up can be more interesting than the actual act (at least in writing...)

Topic: RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted: 17 Mar 2018 04:23

Greetings everyone! Happy St Patrick's Day to all, especially those with actual Irish blood (just about all Australians claim some on this day... so I'll join in too). And a big "Happy Birthday!" to the regular bartender, who is hopefully putting his feet up and getting some special treatment from some of his young female fans on this special day.

If there's anyone behind the bar, I'll try a Guinness... (once a year can't hurt too much)

<img src="/images/emoticons/pintdrunk.gif" alt="Pint Drunk">

Topic: Public Service Announcement:
Posted: 16 Mar 2018 18:53

We can dance if we want to!!!

Topic: Mental Illness and Guns
Posted: 12 Mar 2018 02:28

It's a mental problem……….
Banning liberals from guns will solve most of the gun murders. When Trump becomes our President for life maybe he'll solve this problem….

Not sure that "President" will be right term to use in that case. Perhaps 'Dear Leader'? Or just Fuhrer?

Oh, and wandering back towards the topic - any proof that many gun murders are committed by liberals? Or by people who are recognized (prior to the act) as being mentally ill?

Topic: Only going to say this once, so pay attention...
Posted: 11 Mar 2018 05:24

Right... I will pay full attention. Oooh... funny cat video. Um, what was I doing again?

Uh-oh. I guess I'd better go and line up for my punishment again. Oh, what a terrible fate...

<img src="/images/emoticons/dancenude.gif" alt="dancenude">

Topic: RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted: 08 Mar 2018 02:03

Phil has a story posted that you'll thank me for recommending...that is if you smarten up enough to take my advice and click on this link:


No doubt it's one of those roaming cliff autobio type tales. You know, one clueless but well-hung and hunky guy and two hot ladies. Anyway, check it out.

Anyone need a drink before they start reading?

<img src="/images/emoticons/glasses10.gif" alt="glasses8">

Ah Bill, truly awesome at tending a virtual bar and at supporting people who post their scribbles on this site (and he has a badge to prove it). But maybe just slightly less than awesome at posting links. <img src="/images/emoticons/icon_smile.gif" alt="icon_smile">

Anyway, my story's at https://www.lushstories.com/stories/group-sex/do-friends-do-that.aspx for those that want to check it out. Any resemblance to persons living, dead and/or with kangaroos as avatars is purely coincidental...

I'm probably going to sit out the comp on the grounds that I know so little about poetry that I don't even know what to say about friends' entries. So maybe I'll just say, "Well done all those who have been braver than me and entered, and good luck!"

And now, I think it's beer time.

Topic: Algorithms: Can anyone explain the criteria used to determine Rank, Number of Votes, Etc.
Posted: 08 Mar 2018 01:53

Hmm. I realize now that, in my undercaffeinated state earlier, I answered an entirely different question than that which was asked (and probably led Buz astray as well). You mean when you click on the little magnifying glass and search stories for a specific word? Then, I _think_ the search results are based on some estimate of 'relevance' (having the word in the title or tags seems to count for a lot) and it doesn't look at popularity of the story at all. Again, just a guess. No inside knowledge on what's really happening.

Topic: Algorithms: Can anyone explain the criteria used to determine Rank, Number of Votes, Etc.
Posted: 07 Mar 2018 13:11

As a techie, I am confused about the algorithms used to determine where in the pecking order the stories fall. By this I mean. When I do a search for a keyword in a specific category by Rank, the stories are all over the place. Some will have high votes, low votes, no votes, high average scores, low average scores and so on all on the first page. Usually the first page is the highest and then goes down from there. Not true here. Same goes for searching by votes. The votes will be high at first then go down and then jump back up or be out of order. At first I thought it was ranking by number of views. This is not true either. Some stories that have only a few hundred views rank higher than ones in the thousands. This is very confusing to me. Can someone help me understand this? Thanks.

Disclaimer: I haven't spoken to Gav about this, and he's probably the only one who knows exactly.

That said, having pondered it a bit myself, when you choose a story category it starts with the most recently posted stories first. If you click on 'Popular', it seems to list all those with average vote 5 in descending order of number of votes, then all those with average score 4.99 etc. Obviously, not perfect since a single '4' vote can push a story down quite a long way, but we'll never get a perfect ranking.

As for the Top Authors list... um, yeah. Some combination of average score, number of votes and number of views, with a high bias towards recent history (it changes pretty frequently). Or possibly just a random number generator. <img src="/images/emoticons/evil6.gif" alt="evil4">

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Stories Published By PhilU All Stories »

Do Friends Do That?

The three of us were good friends. Nothing more, nothing less. The kind of friends who would talk about almost anything but wouldn't usually, for example, make an agreement to get naked together. That changed one warm November day. The weather in Perth was starting to settle into the inevitable summer pattern – blazing hot sun, a cloudless sky, and a refreshing sea breeze making its way up...

Added 07 Mar 2018 | Category Group Sex | Votes 30 | Avg Score 5 | Views 10,378 | 16 Comments

Recommended Read Dinner and a Show

Amanda and Matt shared a long glance as the question hung in the air, unanswered. Both understood that this decision could change their relationship; neither understood just how it would change. It was clear to Amanda that her husband wanted her to answer, “Yes.” And clear that he was not as surprised by the question as she was. It made some sense – Chris was a friend and former boss...

Added 29 Jan 2018 | Category Money | Votes 17 | Avg Score 5 | Views 2,311 | 14 Comments

Recommended Read Balls Head

Balls Head Reserve, as always, made me think rude thoughts. Not because of the name – it's a headland, named after a Lieutenant Ball, who captained one of the ships in the First Fleet. And not even rude thoughts about whoever had decided some place names shouldn't get an apostrophe. Rude thoughts based on memories. This had been our place – Skye's and mine – over twenty years earlier. We...

Added 03 Oct 2017 | Category Outdoor | Votes 18 | Avg Score 5 | Views 2,391 | 19 Comments

Recommended Read Al's Add-In and the Enchanted Phone

Most people thought old McNamara's electronics store was a disorganised heap of junk.  But to me, it was a cave full of secret treasure.  I used to spend ages searching through his random collection of second hand gear, computer parts and old-school electronics kits.  It’s fair to say that most guys my age were probably happier chasing women, but computers, electronics and science made a...

Added 01 Aug 2017 | Category Humor | Votes 10 | Avg Score 4.9 | Views 1,325 | 10 Comments

The Deep End

My boyfriend’s cum slapped hot against my cheek, onto my lips and into my open mouth. Moments later, the other man’s cum landed in a streak stretching from my lower stomach to my breasts. More and more shots of cum covered me, each hot against my skin. The heat transferred straight to my pussy, taking my arousal ever higher. Then I woke with a start, breathing heavily, heart racing. I...

Added 06 Jul 2017 | Category Group Sex | Votes 19 | Avg Score 4.89 | Views 7,295 | 14 Comments

Throws of Passion

Bec joined my judo class when we were seventeen, Black hair, black belt, bright smile, barely five feet tall. The first time we touched, sparks flew in my heart, I flew through the air, and forgot to break my fall. I fell head over heels in more ways than one, Almost twice her weight, but she forced my submission. I tapped out of the bout and out of my mind, To get just one kiss from...

Added 14 Apr 2017 | Category Love Poems | Votes 19 | Avg Score 4.74 | Views 660 | 20 Comments

Highlight Reel

In my wife's view, this is not a particularly special evening. It's not our anniversary or the birthday of anyone special; just an ordinary Thursday night. The problem is that my lovely wife, for all her brilliance, warm-heartedness and all-round sexiness, just doesn't realise one important thing. The Ashes start tonight. Perhaps it's for the best, since Charlotte was born in England and I...

Added 26 Mar 2017 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 10 | Avg Score 5 | Views 4,094 | 9 Comments

Recommended Read The Snuggle Hitch

It all should never have happened. My comfortable life should have stayed just that - comfortable. If I hadn’t made a sudden decision to hire a convertible and go for a long drive, or if my GPS had not said, "Signal lost," at the worst time, or if I hadn’t missed a turn while concentrating hard on driving on the right hand side of the road, then I would never have been on that road. Even then,...

Added 25 Feb 2017 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 21 | Avg Score 5 | Views 4,204 | 22 Comments

Fancy Dress or Undressed

I shocked myself a bit when I said it out loud. Mostly I’d been attempting to amuse my friend Rob. He had a huge talent for, and interest in, inappropriate comments. But he had perhaps mastered the art of making such comments sotto voce, or at least quietly enough to not be heard by the person referred to. Just for a moment, I hoped that Sarah hadn’t heard, but she turned and approached me....

Added 24 Feb 2017 | Category Spanking | Votes 22 | Avg Score 5 | Views 10,238 | 17 Comments

Best Two Out of Three

There are some things that can be done nude, and some things that should not be.  People disagree about what belongs in what set.  Some people begrudgingly get naked to shower and maybe for sex (as long as the light's out), but are sure to cover up at any other time.  Others swim, suntan, and of course, play volleyball, in the nude.  One thing that they agree on, is that cooking should not...

Added 22 Jan 2017 | Category Threesomes | Votes 19 | Avg Score 4.95 | Views 12,350 | 13 Comments

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