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Enough to induce nightmares, that's for sure.
This is doing the email rounds - some are amusing <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/coffee.gif" alt="coffee"> Supposedly written by a woman <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/laughing7.gif" alt="laughing6"> 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex. 1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is hot. It depends on the situation.3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all #@%*ing surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big #@%*ing deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty #@%* you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really #@%*ing you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8PUBUIO1&show_article=1&image=largeGood choice I'd say... http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/7020/d8pubuio1zx3.jpg
I want someone to "touch my sex" <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/bootyshake.gif" alt="bootyshake"> Oh, in relation to the post, what a dork! <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/icon_clown.gif" alt="clown">
I found this a little scary: http://cbs5.com/topstories/local_story_159222541.html Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb' Hank PlanteReporting(CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb."Related Content Gen. Pace Regrets Gay Remark; Doesn't Apologize Slideshow: Gay Celebrities Visit The CBS 5 Water CoolerEdward Hammond, of Berkeley's Sunshine Project, had used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of the proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio.As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon."The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing the documents."The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994."The Department of Defense is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform," said a DOD spokesperson, who indicated that the "gay bomb" idea was quickly dismissed.However, Hammond said the government records he obtained suggest the military gave the plan much stronger consideration than it has acknowledged."The truth of the matter is it would have never come to my attention if it was dismissed at the time it was proposed," he said. "In fact, the Pentagon has used it repeatedly and subsequently in an effort to promote non-lethal weapons, and in fact they submitted it to the highest scientific review body in the country for them to consider."Military officials insisted Friday to CBS 5 that they are not currently working on any such idea and that the past plan was abandoned.Gay community leaders in California said Friday that they found the notion of a "gay bomb" both offensive and almost laughable at the same time."Throughout history we have had so many brave men and women who are gay and lesbian serving the military with distinction," said Geoff Kors of Equality California. "So, it's just offensive that they think by turning people gay that the other military would be incapable of doing their job. And its absurd because there's so much medical data that shows that sexual orientation is immutable and cannot be changed."
Unlucky fellas.... http://img501.imageshack.us/img501/5416/mormonxv4.jpg
It's really the firefox logo <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/icon_smile.gif" alt="icon_smile"> http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/4725/firefoxcatek8.jpg
lol - oopsie <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/laughing9.gif" alt="laughing8">
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feUq0dWeZmwNice voiceover work <img src="/forum/images/emoticons/laughing11.gif" alt="laughing9">
The night was set up perfectly. We had a babysitter, motel room, cab, and knew which bar we wanted to go to. As I was pulling on my miniskirt, he said how about I drop you off and see how you do on your own for a bit. I was disappointed, it had been a long time since we had been out together or even able to go out. But, I said ok. I finished with the last of my makeup, we got into the truck,...
Added 16 Jan 2007 | Category Wife Lovers
| Votes 19 | Avg Score 4.26
| Views 26,978
| 1 Comment
I met him almost a year ago--when I was with someone else. My lover at the time performed with a jazz band and was appearing at a local club. On the night in question, my lover came to my home just as I stepped out of the shower. Still dripping wet, he carried me to my bed and made love to me, bringing me up to the point of orgasm, but not allowing me to climax. Then, with my nipples...
Added 16 Jan 2007 | Category Reluctance
| Votes 24 | Avg Score 4.77
| Views 35,105
| 10 Comments
As I was helping Fran move into her new house, I discovered that one of the boxes I was loading into my truck was filled with sex toys. There were vibrators, dildos, and anal toys as well. I stashed the box away for later examination. I finished moving her Saturday evening. The rest of the week I thought about how to get to know Fran a little better. Early the next Saturday morning I drove...
Added 06 Jan 2007 | Category Toys
| Votes 6 | Avg Score 4.5
| Views 31,371
| 10 Comments
6:30 A.M. When I woke up that day I knew I was in for a busy fucking day, but I had no idea it would a busy “FUCKING” day. I woke up feeling horny and whished I had my husband to give me a morning fuck. Unfortunately he left right after my twins were born, seven years ago. He is busy trying to find some bimbo to be with. I haven’t been with anyone since the divorce. I’ve been too busy with...
Added 06 Jan 2007 | Category Toys
| Votes 10 | Avg Score 4.5
| Views 45,220
| 5 Comments
It was his birthday and she had a special evening planned just for him. She had bought a lacy, black outfit that accentuated her hard, pink nipples perfectly. The sexy attire followed the curve of her body and caused her ass to look deliciously round and desirable. Its crotch was open and only broad lace encircled the creamy skin of her thighs. She accessorized the garment with a pair of...
Added 06 Jan 2007 | Category Toys
| Votes 7 | Avg Score 4.14
| Views 37,677
| 4 Comments
We are at your place , just kicked back watching movies. You in just sweats and no underwear or shirt. Me , in just my pink lingerie. As we are sitting there , you grab my hand and say "Let's go for a drive!". I look at you and say "Just like this ? What will the neighbors say?" You say "Who Care ? , Not I !". Ok, I am game so we go out the door. In what we was just wearing. There is a...
Added 14 Dec 2006 | Category Voyeur
| Votes 15 | Avg Score 3.73
| Views 31,205
| 7 Comments
About a year after Roy had been dating me, he asked me to marry him. We were engaged for another year. After a lot of debating on the planning of the wedding, we finally decided to have a traditional wedding but with a little twist. It turns out the reason Roy was never jealous was because he was actually turned on by the thought of other men fucking me. I never knew about it until a night...
Added 14 Dec 2006 | Category Group Sex
| Votes 109 | Avg Score 4.21
| Views 229,586
| 31 Comments
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