I squeeze my fingers into the palms of my hands, I have blunt nails otherwise the sheer force would have definitely drawn blood. I am angry with myself, my heartaches foolishly for you. I know you will not give me what I really want, and the fact that I will take whatever I can get, is the root cause of my self-directed anger. You come to me and I cannot hide the wantonness I feel, even though it has an identity crisis. I will take you, all of you and maybe you will hurt my body and distract me from the pain that is not physical.
“Hurt me.” I whisper and beg into your ear, as you give my neck some ‘mock’ attention with your fingertips.
“I need it.”
I plead, you might know that I am begging you to hurt me because inside I am already destroyed, but I think that maybe you are ignorant to it. Your hand is around my throat, already I am gasping with a small sense of satisfaction. You slap my face hard, I look wounded and have tears in my eyes, you can see the pain in there, but it is not a window into me, if it were you would be blinded.
I plead, and you continue to slap me until I am wailing and writhing around, my hips rising up for something that is yet to come. You like what you do to me, it makes you feel like a great lover, and “that” you are, you are also a good person though, which hurts me more because it makes you more appealing to me.
“Hurt me, I need it.” I whimper, and you know I mean it.
Your hand is between my legs now and your fingers test my arousal. The slapping has done a fine job and already my pussy is sopping wet for you. I realise your plan and I lose my breath, because I like your idea, and I really need it. Your fingers ‘all of them’ and your thumb, push into me stretching me, I cry out
“Yes.” It pleases you that you have read me correctly.
Encouraged, your hand continues to push into me, reaching its widest point, my legs open further to help it. I look down at myself, at your hand and grip it pushing it into me deeper, it’s hard work but I want it, then I look at your face and the serious expression, the curious look you wear is too much for me to bear. I cry real tears, I sob because although I’m getting what I want, it’s not what I need. Still I beg you and you continue to give it to me, I am not even after an orgasm just the violation because it is so extreme and it is as close a feeling as I can achieve to my true desire.
After you are done with me, I will cry silent tears into the bedspread, tears of shame. You are being rough with me now, you have caught on quickly and you thrust your hand in and out of me, enjoying the reaction that the movements evoke, my head falls to one side as I accept it, unable to do more than that. You know nobody else that lets you use them in whichever way you please and though it is a quality you desire, it is not enough. I feel sore as you quickly pull your hand from me and thrust it back in entirely, my eyes are tightly closed as I dream of kisses and lust. Finally, I can take no more of this, and you roll me over onto my front, “your girl” just rolls over and takes it.
As soon as your fingers spread my ass, I am excited in anticipation of a new pain. You do not need permission because you know there are no rules. Your fingers stretch me and your cock replaces them, you force it into me, past my tight muscles, past the pain. You are Fucking my tight ass now and I love it, I need more and again I am begging you ‘pathetically’ you might think if you knew. Your cock feels big inside me I rock back onto it, striving to take more of you, striving to be what you want me to be.
You watch your cock as it pounds my ass, it is a novelty to be allowed to fuck somebody’s ass this hard and you shoot hot cum deep into me moaning and roaring as you empty yourself.
Even though I know it is the end, I cry out as you do, because your pleasure is mine.
You pacify me with small talk and a gentle touch, delicate kisses to my forehead that you feel are appropriate. Your body isn’t touching mine though, it’s not pressed up against mine as I wish it were, you don’t need to wrap your arms around me and pull me close, you don’t feel compelled to put your face next to the warmth of me. Its okay, I will still smile when you ask if I am okay, those words ‘I’m fine,’ will still leave my lips with irony, because I am fine, finer than I would be without you.
You start to move, you want a shower and I am not ready to let go of you yet. I touch your cock and move my mouth to it. I have you again even if only temporarily. I take you to the back of my throat, I try to look at your eyes almost as if the eye contact will remind you that it’s me that’s pleasing you, me that desires you so much. Again, it is wasted on you, as you do not want to be desired just pleasured.
Your cock is hard again and I am pleased that I can achieve that at least!
You put your hands on the back of my head and force me down, your cock hurting my throat, making me gag around you, saliva spilling from my mouth soaking you.
Faster and faster, I move my head up and down until your cum spurts into my throat and I accept it like the good needy girl that I am.
“Are you okay?”
You ask me, and of course.
I reply, finer than I would be without you.
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with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.