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Goddess Helen begins her conditioning of it.
"I'm looking for a complete supplicant. Someone I don't have to care about or know anything about.  I have a few slaves in my stable but I want something that they can't give me.  I want someone who will be nothing for me."

I meet Helen, Goddess Helen as she called herself, on craigslist.  She said she was looking for someone very specific.  Someone over 30 who would let her make him into anything she wanted.  Someone who would give up control in a different way then slaves she'd met in the past.  She wanted someone who would just do what she wanted and never question it or need to be punished and never expect any attention.  Her ad said that, when I first emailed her, I shouldn't say my name or give her any information about myself - only the text "I give up".  After far to brief a consideration, I emailed and she responded saying I was to email her three photos, one picture clothed, one nude and one in public in a crowd holding a sign that said "I obey my Goddess.  Aren't I stupid looking?".  When she got them she would email me her phone number. I took me two weeks to take the last picture.

I made the sign and kept it under my car seat.  Eventually I was out of my area and saw a crowd and decided to go for it.  Since I first emailed her I couldn't stop thinking about it and what it might be like to be this beautiful woman's property, especially the way she wanted.

Goddess Helen was 26, Asian and stunningly beautiful.  I'd seen her before posting as a professional dominatrix and I'd always wanted to meet her.  She'd actually been a fantasy of mine for at least a year.

When I finally emailed her the photos I got a response back from her in under 5 minutes.  I think if it hadn't been so fast I might have thought twice but she sent her phone number and told me to call.  She said I was to be silent and listen and that was all.  Under no circumstances was I to speak.

When I called: "Hello.  If this is the one that sent me the email I'll know by your silence."  Her voice was amazing and commanding.  She sounded sure of herself and no nonsense.  I waited in silence. "Listen carefully," she said after a minute "I will tell you the rules you are expected to follow and tell you where to meet me.  If you don't want to be my property then you won't show up.

"You will follow these rules completely.  You will never speak to me.  I will never hear your voice.  If you need to scream as I torture you, you will do so as a grunt or whimper.  You will obey every word that comes out of my mouth.  I might torture you and abuse you but I will never punish you.  If you disobey in any way, even if it's five years from now, I will kick you out of my life.  From this moment on you are my property. Meet me at Townside Square tomorrow at 8pm.  It's on 45th and Hamond."  With that she hung up.

I was really more dazed then anything.  A lot of sexual tension was flowing though me while she spoke but she didn't hit any of the buttons I have.  She just laid it out there.  Clearly it wasn't just me who would be providing something her slaves couldn't. She was definitely exploring new territory here, at least for me.  I couldn't resist.  I could go on at length about what compelled me to do this but it all came down to one thing. The entire time she spoke I felt like it was a moment of clarity.  I just couldn't say no on any level.  It felt too right.

I meet Goddess the following evening at 8pm as ordered.  She walked up to me and told me to drive her home.  As we drove she completely ignored me except to give me directions to her house.  She lived a bit out side of the suburbs.  As we got to her house she waved to a neighbor who waited to talk to her as I parked.

"Hey Helen, what's up?" He asked.

"Not much. You get the estimate on your roof?"

"Oh, shit, yeah.  Six thousand."

"Oh! Good news then, I asked Reggie and he said he'd do it for 4 grand.  I thought he was shooting high, but I guess not.  He must want to please me."

"I guess it pays to be a domme, huh?"

Apparently she was open about her lifestyle and her neighbor seemed very comfortable with it.

"Who's this?" He asked, looking at me.

"Nothing, he doesn't talk or think.  He answered my ad."

"Oh, right, cool..." He looked at me a bit like he didn't really buy this.  Maybe he thought I was just another client.

Goddess hugged her neighbor good-bye and we walked into her home.  She told me to take my clothes off before we entered.

"No clothes on in the house or on my property for that matter.  Strip down there before you enter from now on."  She pointed at the sidewalk beyond her front lawn.

I took my clothes off on her front porch while she opened the door.  She left my clothes out and lead me straight in.  It was a spacious 2 bedroom home and she lead me directly to her bedroom.

"From now on you live here.  You will continue to work and I want you to make arrangements to leave where ever you live now, tell them tomorrow you're moving in a month.  You no longer need possessions so I want you to go to your old home tomorrow and make a list of everything you used to own.  I don't know your hours or care what they are.  You need to be gone by 8am and home by 8pm.  When you come home you will strip before approaching the house and place your clothing in the bin I'll be leaving for you, then you will clean.  You have two hours to clean each bedroom, the kitchen, the living room and bathrooms, to do the dishes, take out the garbage if it needs it and do any laundry that I've left out.  All the supplies are in the obvious places and the washing machine and dryer are in the garage.  When you're done you eat the food I've left for you beneath the kitchen table in a dog dish, but only if you have enough time.  Otherwise leave it there and eat it for breakfast. You may eat one other meal, on your own, during the day.  At 10pm you will lock yourself in that cage,"  She pointed to a small cage in the corner of her bedroom.  It's door was open and it had an open master lock hanging from it. "and you will remain there until I let you out in the morning at 7am.

"In the morning you will have on hour to wash, use the restroom, eat if you have food left from the night before or if I've left you new food, eat that, and to attend to yourself.  Then you will leave and not return until 8pm."

She pointed at her watch and then the cage.  I crawled in and locked it behind me.  She left, turning of the light on her way out.

For the rest of the evening I could hear her watching television and cooking.  The smells enticed me.  I hadn't eaten since about an hour before I met her at the shopping center.

She returned, when I'm not sure, and got into bed interrupting my long, even deep thoughts on what I was doing.  crouched in a cage and locked in by a total stranger who, by all appearances, would remain a stranger despite our proximity and the intimacy I supposed being a 24/7 slave must entail.

She seemed to toss around a bit and then began masturbating.  It surprised me and I felt disconnected, as if watching this on television.  She moaned softly and pulled the sheets off of herself.  It was hard not to look.  She was so beautiful and I was turned on from lying in the cage and thinking about her.  I sneaked a few peaks but tried not to be seen looking.  After 15 minutes she shuddered and groaned, got out of bed and went to the bathroom.  When she returned she fell asleep quickly and so did I as I listened to her breathe.  I found myself to be oddly comfortable here, with no idea what was coming.

The next morning I woke up as she was unlocking my cage.  I crawled out and went toward the bathroom immediately. She stopped me and told me my bathroom was in the backyard and I wasn't to use the people bathroom.  "people bathroom?" I wondered.  I understood why she said it but I was still confused about what she had in mind for me.  I ran to the backyard and there was a camping toilet above a hole.  I wasn't sure what to make of it.  Plus there was no fence.  I was completely exposed here to the street and other houses.  I really had to go though, so as I approached the toilet I heard Goddess's voice from inside the house to sit when I pee.  I guess that answered my first question and there was no stopping what I needed to do.  I sat on the toilet and went to the bathroom for the first time in full view of anyone who might walk by.  The entire experience was humiliating and made the worse because I took longer from the stress of being exposed like this.

After I was done I noticed there wasn't any toilet paper.  Just some old moldy newspapers.  I looked up and noticed Goddess watching this.  I took the newspaper and tore it into toilet paper sized pieces.  It was the first time I heard Goddess laugh and she was howling.

I wondered how I was supposed to wash.  could I use the people bathroom for that?  Since I couldn't ask I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower.  Goddess appeared quickly after and turned off the shower.

"I left soap for you in your bathroom.  There's a hose and that's what you use.  Do it over the gravel and don't get soap on my grass."

Sure enough outside was a bottle of liquid soap, which I would also be using for shampoo, and the hose.  I turned it on and stood on the gravel to bathe.  It stung my feet and the water was cold and painful, but I was careful not to get the lather on Goddess' grass.  Between using the restroom in public and now bathing where everyone could see me I was very embarrassed.  If I'd been closer to home, my old home, I would have run off long ago.  This was by far the worst part of this experience.

I didn't have to be at work until 10am so I had a couple of hours to tell my landlord I was leaving and do the rest of what Goddess wanted.  It was a very strange feeling.  I didn't feel forced or pressured to do any of this. It was made clear to me all I had to do was stop and that was it. Goddess didn't even know my name.  It crossed my mind that I could chalk this up to experience and just move on but the curiosity was too great and Goddess was just to desirable. I felt a wild impulse and went with it.  I went to the managers office, told her I was moving out at the end of the month and signed an intent to vacate.  She wasn't happy about the short notice and I excused it by saying I had no choice and would pay the penalty fees.

I went to my old home and began cataloging everything.  I started in my room and moved through-out the house.  I even included the disposable items like toothpaste and garbage bags.  I seemed to just be doing it on autopilot.  I kept thinking about Goddess laughing or Goddess masturbating and the list got longer and longer.

It was nearly impossible to concentrate at work.  But I got though the day, never having more then 30 seconds go by with out thinking about her.

At 7:42pm I got back to Goddess' house.  I waited for 7:58 to role by, stripped quickly at the walkway, ran to the porch and found the bin Goddess had promised.  I was suddenly at home here.  After being distracted by this all day I was back and had a perversely cozy feeling as I opened the door.

Goddess was on the couch, curled up with a man and they were watching a movie.  She never looked up but he did.  He watched me as I stared kind of stupidly and looked around confused.  She was treating me like nothing and when I remembered that was my place now I got right to work, being careful not to make to much noise and disturb Goddess or her guest as they finished their movie.

The whole nine yards of what she expected were present. Dishes, laundry, garbage and a house to be cleaned.  It took me the full two hours to clean and do chores.  As I cleaned the kitchen I saw the dog dish under the table with what looked like left overs from earlier meals.  There were scraps from take out, some fruit rinds with a few chunks of fruit complete with teeth marks and some salad.  All mixed up for my dinner which it was looking like I wouldn't be able to eat tonight.  I was already starving and although it didn't look very good, the idea of eating it turned me on.

I wasn't quite done but it was 8pm so I went to my cage and locked myself in.  I wasn't sure what would happen to me for not finishing but Goddess didn't seemed to care.  It wasn't about me submitting to her, it seemed.   I got the impression that if I stayed out of her way and the house got cleaner with out her needing to do any work, that was all she wanted.

The next morning, after I went to the rest room and cleaned up I noticed Goddess reading my list.  She must have gotten it from my pants. She was checking items from it when she looked up at me and snapped her fingers.

"When I summon you for an address you kneel and look at the ground." I obeyed "I've checked the items I want, marked others with dollar signs - sell those and bring me the money - anything left get rid of however you want.  I want everything done by Friday,"  It was Tuesday "and you didn't list your car but I want the title signed over to me as well."  She dropped the list near me and resumed eating her cereal ignoring me.

As I reached for it I remembered my dog dish.  It still had the same food in it except now it seemed to also contain some pieces of a muffin.  I crawled under the table and began eating, careful not to get make a mess.

I went to my old home early again and began packing the things Goddess was taking for herself except my computer. I always lived light so I got done with just enough time to make it to work and noted the dumpster was empty.  I'll toss the things Goddess didn't want after work, I thought, and begin posting ads for the other stuff.

Work was, once again, nearly impossible to get through.  Every few seconds I'd get flush thinking about Goddess making me give up my possessions.  It got worse later that day as I began getting responses for the sale.  I couldn't deal with them now because it was almost my curfew so I wrote back telling them when I'd be available.

Day after day went by like this.  By Friday I was sold out of all my possessions and the rest had been thrown out or given to Goddess.  I wondered what a weekend would be like.

Saturday morning Goddess unlocked my cage and told me to use the restroom and return.  When I came back she had my dog dish waiting in the cage and she told me to get back in.  It was filled with the usual discarded scraps from her meals through-out the past day and some fresh from her breakfast that morning.  she locked me back in and there I remained until much later that night

All day, while I laid in my cage I could hear Goddess go about her day, call friends and she took three clients in her role as a professional dominatrix.  I never saw them but heard them go through their sessions.  I was incredibly turned on or bored, depending on what Goddess was doing.

Finally Goddess let me out to use the bathroom and then locked me back.  I was given dinner and remained in my cage until the next morning.  Sunday was the same except Goddess didn't take any clients.  She spent her day milling around the house and relaxing while listening to music or watching television.

This was my life and it went on like this for months, so you'll have to excuse me glossing over every detail.  I learned an amazing amount of patience and calm.  My life was completely regimented and I did nothing except act as Goddess' tool.  

I woke up, went to work, cleaned, went to the cage.  On the weekends I stayed  in the cage.  It got to the point where speaking felt odd on Mondays after 2 and a half days of silence.  My co-workers noticed I seemed distant and I told them I'd been dating a woman and had just been focused on that for a while.  They seemed to except this but it became more and more difficult for me to relate to them or even my past self.  I was amazed that I had truly given myself over like this.  I could leave at any time but I stayed and stayed and Goddess never seemed at all concerned, pleased or in any way affected by my presence.  Occasionally she laughed at something I did or watched me perform my duties but it was so rare I felt like I barely even knew she was there.  There was a wall of silence between us and I understood what she meant by "be nothing for me."

The only highlights were that once every week I was allowed to masturbate.

The first time I was allowed this Goddess said "Today is the day you release. In the front yard you'll find a round board.  Stand on the board keeping your feet inside it's borders at all times.  Masturbate until you're done and go behind the house to shower. On your day to release you may begin at any time as long as you're in the house by 8 to do your chores."

Each subsequent time I did just that.  Of course she ignored me, re-erecting the barrier.  It was so regular that several neighbors had made a habit to come out to watch.  How I got away with this, why I was never yelled at or the police called I don't know.  It was clearly well known that I was Goddess' non-entity and that it was expectable to watch me.  This was the only stimulation I got under Goddess and each person was seared into my fantasies.  I became so used to being treated as nothing I found it easy to stare directly at them, making it obvious that I was using them for masturbatory material.  One woman, whose name I'll never know, would actually dress up a little for me.  She seemed to like it when I looked at her and she saw me become visibly excited when she came around.

And so it went.

After months and months of being ignored to do my chores, out of the blue, Goddess told me she wanted me to quit my job that very day.  As I was about to leave to work Goddess stated very plainly "Quit your job today, you're not going back tomorrow."

As stunning and sudden as that was I obeyed. When I told them I was gone as of that day, which they were upset about, I was a relieved to not have to face what was becoming a reminder of life outside of Goddess' domain.

I returned home with a rejuvenated curiosity about what was to come next.  I'd become so bored serving Goddess, I can't tell you why I continued, only that I did, but the comfort at having every decision made for me was hard to shake.  Those months were like a vacation from myself.  I'd never been so at peace - except for the fact that I was bored senseless most of the time.  Maybe it was all about to change.

The first day of my unemployment I woke up to see Goddess standing over my cage with a video camera. Instead of unlocking my cage she told me "I'm going to make a video with you.  You'll stay in your cage 23 hours a day with one hour to use the rest room and exercise. You can earn more time by passing a series of tests I'll give you every week.  The goal is to turn you into to something else and the final test will be to see if you've become that. Obviously it would be cheating if I told you what that was.  I've given myself one year to determine if I can fundamentally change you.

"During this time I'll be starving you, torturing you, exposing you to extreme physical and mental discomfort and documenting the effects on your health and state of mind."  Goddess left the camera on me for a few minutes as I stared up at her in fear and apprehension.

After a while she turned the camera off and began setting up a web cam to monitor me.  She left the room and the web cam's green light turned to red as it began recording.  With that I became Goddess' experiment.
...
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