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Jackoffs and Douchebags
By
Splattercat

Jackoffs and Douchebags

Payback's a bitch - with a strap-on.
I got shit for brains. – Nervous Eaters, 1986

Josh was a mistake.

Victoria knew it when she saw him walk in, swaggering across the floor toward the bar like he owned the place, looking around to see if anybody was watching his entrance.

What an asshat.

But Christ on a crutch, he was fine: lithe and muscular, a beautiful man in black jeans and a black leather jacket with soft, full lips and thick, dirty blond hair.

It was his eyes that put her off, though: dull and incurious, and set just a bit too close together. But it had been six months or so since she’d last been laid, so when he slid onto a barstool in front of her, introduced himself and asked where he knew her from, she didn’t immediately tell him to go fuck himself.

Instead, Victoria looked him in the eye and said, “I wouldn’t know.”

In seven years, she had never fucked even one of the several thousand dudes that had come on to her from across the bar. Most of them were knuckle-draggers and mouth-breathers anyway, jackoffs and douchebags who had a few shots of courage and decided to make a play for her double E’s.

Josh, evidently, didn’t need the booze to get his nerve up. He started jabbering away at her even before she set the cold beer down in front of him.

As he drank, he didn’t even try to look her in the eye. His gaze was fixed firmly on her massive tits, swaying and bobbing seductively under her carefully cut Joy Division t-shirt. When she turned around to grab a beer from the cooler she could feel his eyes on her beefy backside like a pair of calloused hands as he kept up his steady patter of bullshit.

Victoria stood up and slid the beer down the bar toward her waiting customer, nodding at Josh as he did his best to chat her up. He kept talking, his eyes still glued to her heavy breasts. She turned and leaned on the bar in front of him, making sure that he got a good long look at the girls, barely held in check by a black, lacy bra that was two sizes too small.

It used to fit, about six months and 25 pounds ago, but she hadn’t gotten around to buying new clothes yet because buying new clothes, it seemed, would be like admitting to herself that she was never going to lose the weight.

And bursting out of her bra did have its advantages every once in a while.

Christ, he’s fucking boring.

Soon she wasn’t listening to him at all. She was thinking instead about what the three-day stubble that covered his flawless cheeks and chiseled jaw would feel like on the inside of her tender thighs as he ate her out.

She snapped out of it when he excused himself, saying he had to, “use the can.” When he came back a few minutes later, he knocked back the last of his pint and asked for her phone number.

“I’m not going to give you my phone number,” Victoria said, “but I’ll be off at 11. If you’re not too far gone by then, why don’t you stop by and we can go get a drink or something.”

“I think I’d rather have the ‘or something,’” Josh said. “I’ll see ya later.”

He grinned and turned to go. She watched his tight, little ass walk through the door and out into the night, knowing he’d be back.

And sure enough, at 10:45, there he was. He sat down at the bar and asked her how she was doing.

“Busy,” she said. “You want a pint?”

By the time Victoria had cashed out and counted out her share of the tips, the pint was gone. She came around the bar. Josh stood up.

“So, where would you like to go?” he asked. “You hungry?”

Victoria got the sense that Josh certainly was, but it wasn’t food that was on his mind. He certainly wasn’t subtle about it, either; she watched his eyes sweep over her, taking in every inch of her voluptuous body, starting at the swell of her generous hips, stuffed into a pair of tight, black Levis, and across the gentle curve of her soft belly, finally coming to rest on her chest.

“No, not really,” she said. “Why don’t we get a drink at the 500 Club?”

“Sounds good,” he said.

*****

Twenty minutes later they were tucked into a booth. The waitress came by and took their order. As she walked off to fetch their drinks, Josh leaned in and buried his face in the thick mane of auburn hair that framed Victoria’s rounded face, his lips brushing the nape of her neck.

The hand that had been resting on the top of the booth behind her slipped beneath the table, caressing her broad thigh, gently and hypnotically. She eased back in the padded vinyl booth, parting her legs just a bit so he could move toward higher ground.

Instead, Josh tightened his grip on the inside of her thigh, filling his hand with the meaty flesh just inches from her pussy.

Victoria gasped and felt her panties begin to moisten.

The waitress delivered their drinks and without removing his hand from her thigh, Josh raised his pint and said, “Here’s looking up your old address.”

Whatever the fuck that means.

She raised her glass, clinked it against his and took a sip. Josh drained his.

Victoria put her pint down.

“You know,” she said, “I’m really not that thirsty. Why don’t we get out of here?”

Twenty minutes later, they were back at his place

As he closed the door of his Mission District flat, he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her – hard. His tongue snaked past her lips as he as he pressed against her and only a few, thin layers of clothing stood between his engorged cock and her wet snatch.

Between greedy, grasping kisses they stripped their clothes off, exploring each other’s bodies with tentative, uncertain hands at first, until the burgeoning primal urge to fuck swept everything else away and they were on the floor, rolling from one end of the room to the other, taking turns on top with his beefy cock buried to the hilt in her sopping cunt.

She came within minutes, loudly, and her spasming pussy gripped his cock like a velvet fist. He pulled out and brought his cock, wet and smelling of sex, toward her mouth.

Instead, she got on all fours and arched her back, her enormous breasts swaying seductively as she moved, her magnificent, Buddha belly hanging low. She looked back over her shoulder at him as he stroked his cock.

“Lick me,” she said. “Spread my ass and lick me.”

*****

The next night, a few minutes after she’d started her shift, Josh walked in and sat down at the bar. The joint had just opened and he was the only customer. “The Israelites” was playing loudly on the jukebox as she sliced limes to garnish the 50 or 60 Cosmos she’d almost certainly be making over the next nine hours.

“Hey,” she said, nodding at him as he sat at the bar in front of her.

“Hey,” he said, leering at her with a stupid, shit-eating grin that told Victoria her first impression of him had not been wrong. He was a jerk.

He laid his phone down on the bar. She looked at it and the tiniest finger of panic began to wrap itself around her stomach.

“Can I get you something?” she said, glancing at his phone.

“Nah. I just wanted to play you my new ringtone.”

“What?”

“My new ringtone. I want to play it for you. I think you’ll like it.”

He picked up the phone and pressed a button.

The phone said: lick me … lick me … lick me … and it was saying it in her voice, low and husky with lust, but loud and clear.

The panic that had only touched her before gripped her fully now and her knees buckled. Victoria thought that, for the first time in her young life, she might actually faint.

But she pushed back against the panic with a growing sense of outrage that blossomed into full-on anger. Her fingers tightened around the sharp knife in her hand and she toyed with the idea of stabbing him in the neck as the phone chattered away.

That would be too good for him, though, this piece of shit.

She reached for the phone, but he snatched it up before she got it.

“Like it?”

“Umm, yeah,” she said slowly, fighting to keep her rage under control while she tried to figure a plan. “How did you get it to do that?”

“My place is pretty wired up. After you left last night, I just dumped the sound file into some editing software, isolated the clip and loaded that onto my phone. Easy, really,” he said, too impressed with himself and what he’d done to feel the dagger of her unflinching gaze. “So, what time do you get off tonight?”

And that’s when it hit her. She’d get off tonight, all right, but on her terms – and making this piece of shit pay for his insouciant arrogance was beginning to turn her on.

“Same time,” she said, shooting him a sly grin. “Why? What do you have in mind?”

*****

Josh turned up at 10:45. She was ready for him.

He didn’t even get to the bar before she was in his arms, pressing her voluptuous body up against him. Her hand played over his ass, and she could tell that her enthusiastic embrace had put him off his game ever so slightly.

Good.

“You wanna go get a drink?” he asked.

“No. Let’s just go back to my place,” she said, grabbing a fistful of his ass and squeezing. He gasped at the force of her hand and looked at her.

“Was that the best you could do last night?” she whispered, pressing his arm between her tits and stretching up to lick his ear. “Because I need it good and hard tonight, baby.”

Josh could not believe his luck. His cock began stiffen.

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll give it to you, as hard and as long as you want. Let’s grab a cab and go back to my place.”

“No,” Victoria said. “My place. I want to show you something.”

Victoria lived in the Western Addition, and when they got to her flat, she opened the door and let Josh go in first. She followed, sliding the deadbolt into place when she closed the door.

“Nice pad,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck. She could feel his breath warm on her throat.

She pushed him away.

“Not here,” she said. “My roommate could come home. Let’s go to my room.”

“As you wish,” he said, his eyes locked on her ass as she led him toward the back of the flat.

In her room, they tumbled on to her bed, peeling off each other’s clothes in a wanton frenzy of lust. She licked his chest and pushed him back on the bed, sliding his tight jeans over his hips. He lifted his ass from the bed so she could get them off, and she took his thick, veiny shaft into her mouth.

He groaned in appreciation and pushed her head down on his cock.

She let him have his way for a minute or two, and then pulled her lips from his tool and stood up.

“What’s up?” he said, watching her heavy breasts swing provocatively as she moved around the room. “Why’d you stop?”

“I told you,” she said quietly. “I want to show you something.”

She opened a drawer in her nightstand and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. She leaned over him and her breasts hung in his face. Working quickly, she slapped the cuffs onto his wrists. She pulled another chain from behind her headboard, threaded it through the cuffs, pulled it tight and locked it into place.

Josh was helpless, stretched out before her with his stiff cock pointed at the ceiling.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were into this kinda shit,” he said, his voice less confident.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, you piece of shit,” she said, giving his cock a vicious slap with the back of her hand.

Josh flinched.

She reached down and grabbed his balls, squeezing his sac until he squirmed.

“I should cut these fucking things off,” she snarled. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Josh was scared now. She could see the fear in his eyes and she squeezed his balls even harder, pulling on them roughly.

She released his balls and picked up his pants, going through his pockets until she found his phone.

“Did it just slip your mind to tell me that were recording us last night, asswipe?

In spite of his fear, his cock seemed even stiffer now and she slapped it again, hard.

Josh twisted in pain, surprised by the force of her blow, pulling at the chains that held him taut.

“Jesus Christ,” he said, whining. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

She tossed the phone to the floor and ground her three-inch heel against the glass display until it gave way with a satisfying snap.

“Not half as sorry as you’re gonna be, shitstain,” Victoria said.

She reached back into the nightstand and pulled out the biggest, blackest strap-on Josh had ever seen. Victoria stepped into the leather harness and adjusted her cock.

“Now,” she said, caressing the massive latex prick, “the only question is: do I lube this thing or not before I make you my bitch?”

Josh closed his eyes and turned over. He knew what was coming.

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