Today's Saturday, an' I've still got the rest of the weekend ahead of me to take it all in.

Take what in? Well, if you listen to the rest of it, you'll learn summat, same as I did, that's what!

Last night, me and me mate Phil went out on the pull. First off, we went to the local, The Crab n' Cockspur, but there wasn't any birds there, so after we'd sunk a couple of pints we headed into Town. We don't go into Town much, coz the beer's too dear, but I was feelin' a bit randy, so I thought we could head for Soho to see what we could find. Phil wasn't too keen about that though, he reckons most of the birds you meet in the pubs there are prossies, an' I don't think he's got the money to pay for it if one of 'em gets 'er hooks into 'im.

Anyway, it was wet and a bit miserable out our way, so we got the Tube down to Tottenham Court Road, and walked down into Soho from there. When we got there the rain'd more or less stopped, and there was a lot of crumpet out and about in Soho Square. Trouble was, the beer'd made us a bit 'ungry, so we carried on down to Lisle Street for a Chinese. I prefer Indian meself, but Phil didn't want his arse catchin' fire from a Vindaloo, so Chinese it was. As it turned out it was quite good, very fillin', and after we'd washed it down with a couple of beers we headed back up into Soho again.

The rain was startin' again, so when we got to Old Compton Street we dived into the nearest pub we came too. It was the loudest as well, and packed. Phil asked me if it might be a gay pub coz there was 'ardly any birds in there, but it was gettin' awfully late by now, so we pushed our way through to the bar, and just as we got there the barman shouted, "Last Orders!".

'Bugger Me!' I thought, 'that was close'.

Me guts were startin' to rumble from all the beer and the food, so I let Phil get 'em in while I went off to find the loo. When I got there I 'ad a bit of a surprise. I walked in the door and went round the side of the cubicle to get to the piss pots. I could hear someone makin' funny noises, and when I got round to the cubicle door I found it was open. Inside was two girls, kissin' each other and gettin' a bit vocal about it. I thought, 'what the Fuck are they doin' 'ere? This is the men's bog, not the girls!'

So I 'ad another butchers, and they both looked well fit. The taller one was pretty slim, about my height, 'ad longish bottle blonde 'air, nice long legs, and she was wearin' a sparkly black dress that just covered 'er bum. The other one was a bit shorter, and looked a bit more curvy. She 'ad darker wavy 'air and a tight red dress that almost reached 'er bum it was that short. Nice pins too!

They 'ad their lips locked and it looked like the short one 'ad 'er hand up the other one's dress and was rubbin' 'er up. Neither of 'em took any notice of me, but coz I didn't want 'em gettin' frightened I cleared me throat rather loudly as I opened me zipper and pulled me cock out.

"Don't mind me," I said, and I turned me back on 'em and started pissin'. It all went quiet then, so I guessed they must have been a bit embarrassed and decided to go before I finished, but I was wrong. Just as I started pullin' me foreskin backwards n' forwards to get the last drops out, a pair of 'ands came round and grabbed me Johnson. There was a left hand on me left side and a right hand on me right side.

'What the fuck?' I thought, and I nearly jumped out of me skin. I thought, 'she must 'ave fuckin' long arms if she can reach round both sides at once!' Turns out it was both of 'em. They'd got behind me, one on each side, then put one arm round each, to grab me prick. It felt nice too, and I was a bit horny anyway at the thought of gettin' some spit in the eye of me old John Thomas tonight. So when they grabbed 'im 'ee got a hard-on straight away. Good job I'd stopped pissin' or I'd have wet the ceilin', but as it was I just stood there for a moment and wondered what to do next.

One of 'em got in close and started nibblin' me ear and runnin' her free hand up through me 'air. Corrrr, that don' arf get me goin' that does. She 'ad me 'ard as a rock in seconds. While she was doin' that, 'er mate tickled me balls and pulled 'em out from me pants, so's she could rub 'er fingertips over 'em all nice and gentle. Fuckin' Hell!

I tell you, I felt meself cummin' in less than a minute, and then I felt me balls tightenin' up. So I just stood there and let 'em wank me till I splashed the pisser with me spunk and the plug 'ole was full of yellowy white cum, slowly slidin' out of sight.

"Wanna come with us?" said the tall one, who'd been nibblin' me ear. Well, you don't need askin' twice in a situation like that do you? Is a bear a Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

When I'd finished cummin' she ran 'er fingers under me bell end, scooped off the last of me cum, and licked it off 'er fingers. I was amazed, she was a total stranger, yet 'ere she was, stickin' me cum in 'er gob. When she put it in 'er mouth she poked 'er tongue out so I could see it sittin' there like a little white puddle on 'er tongue. Then she grinned and swallowed it.

"Mmm, not bad tasting," she said, "have you been eating pineapple?"

"Why'd you ask?" I said.

"Your cum tastes sweet, and pineapple usually makes cum taste sweet. That's why I asked."

"Well, I might've 'ad some pineapple in me dessert at the Chinese, but that couldn't 'ave made it sweet already, could it?"

"Dunno," she said, "but it's sweet, and so are you for being so understanding, and letting us play."

"Yeah, okay," I said, "but what you two doin' in the Gents anyway, don't the Ladies bogs work?"

"Course they do, but we're on the pull for a fit bloke, so when we saw you, and your big dick we thought we'd ask if you want to join us for a party?"  

"Oh really? Where's the party'?" I asked.

"We thought we'd like to just have a nice cosy threesome," she said, then she wiggled me cock and said, "so if you and your floppy friend want to come with us, we're going home."

"Right, an' where's that then?" I asked.

"Not far, I only live just up in Camden," said the tall one, "I've got a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge, and half a bottle of Bacardi. So what do you say, yes or no?"

"Well, if it's near the Tube station then I don't suppose it'll wear me shoe leather out too much," I said, and gave her a great big smile. The thought of two fit and willin' birds, AND the 'alf bottle of Bacardi was the clincher. Bugger Phil and 'is beer, give me some rum any day!

So they 'elped me put me todger back in me keks, then we scarpered out of the bog before anyone else could come in and catch us.

It turned out she lives just up from the Tube station at Camden. She's got a flat there, and she'd met up with the short one this evenin' not long before they'd met me. It turns out the little 'un is the taller one's workmate. 'er name's Bryony and when I got a good look at 'er I could see that she was worth pullin' on 'er own. The tall one's name is Samantha apparently, and she's Bryony's boss.

So me, Bryony and Sam 'eaded off up the Northern Line to Camden. When we got there it was packed. I think the pubs round the Lock were just chuckin' out and there were blokes and birds everywhere. Some of the chicks were a bit Goth, but who cares, there was a real buzz around the place. Everyone was a bit pissed I reckon, and the smell of the onions on the burger n' hot dog stand on the corner really got me mouth waterin'.

We managed to get past the beggars and the drunks that hang around the station entrance, and even managed to duck past the dealers. They was tryin' to push to anyone passin', but Sam said she knows 'em and coz she's local they know 'er, so they let us pass without any hassle.

We got to 'er gaff in a couple of minutes, and took our shoes off when we went in, coz there was thick pile carpet everywhere, and when we went in 'er livin' room, well you could have buggered me sideways, it was immaculate! Turns out she does summat with computers and earns a bloody fortune. She'd need to, to pay for the flat and all the stuff she's got in it. The furniture looked brand new, and it was all the latest style too, and I tell you I've never seen such a big entertainment system in all me life. There was speakers everywhere, and when I asked where she kept the stereo she did summat on 'er phone and it felt like sound just started oozin' out the walls.

Then she did somethin' else on 'er phone and a projector on the ceilin' started showin' a porn video on one wall, which was painted all white. Me eyes went out on stalks. There was two blokes fuckin' another one in more or less life-size, and all in glorious technicolour. What with the sharpness of the picture, and the quality of the sound, it was like we was there with 'em, and just watchin' like flies on a wall.

Now let me say this before we go any further, I'm straight, but when I saw the big pricks on those blokes in the video, I got quite jealous. Not only that, but just watchin' blokes fuckin' a tight arse 'ole between two rounded arse cheeks is enough to give anyone a boner, gay or straight. So we all sat down on 'er big sofa with some Bacardi and Cokes to watch the action on the wall.

'Well!' I thought, 'looks like they're both into gay porn.' I'd heard other birds say that watching gay porn was what got 'em hot n' wet, so I s'pose I wasn't too surprised.

Then Sam did summat that really did surprise me, in fact, it shook me rigid. She stood up, lifted up 'er dress, and there, in 'er skimpy little knicks was a bloody great prick and balls. She dropped 'er knicks to the floor so that 'er tackle flopped out, then she took 'er growin' cock in one 'and sat back down next to me and started strokin' it till it was fully hard and stuck straight out like a flagpole.

I was gobsmacked. She was a bloke! I'd never 'ave guessed in a million years that this hot, fit lookin' chick, with the big tits and long blonde 'air, was really a fella all along. So what about Bryony? Well, she did the same as Sam and stood up, then dropped 'er thong, and I was relieved to see that she really was a girl. A very hot girl too, with a lovely arse, and little fleshy lips pokin' out of 'er shaved quim, that she started pullin' on and rubbin' her fingers round as soon as she sat back down.

'When in Rome..." I thought, so I put me drink down, stood up, dropped me keks and me pants, then sat back down between the other two and started wankin' along with 'em.

That did it. Sam started strokin' me with 'er free hand, and Bryony did the same with 'er free hand, and I just stopped doin' anythin' to me own todger and let 'em get on with it. Instead, I tickled Sam's balls for 'er, and ran me other hand up and down the inside of Bryony's thighs. They both started smilin' and makin' little noises at that. So did I as it 'appens, coz Sam and Bryony both know how to give a bloke just what 'is standin' prick likes.

I s'pose the rum 'elped, but with all three of us pullin' and puffin' like a train, it wasn't long before I could feel me spunk startin' to get ready to shoot. I told Sam, in case she didn't want me cummin' all over 'er sofa and expensive deep pile carpet, so she stopped for a second, swung round to get on 'er knees in front of me, then started pullin' and suckin' me into 'er mouth like a professional.

Who knows, p'raps she is when she's not workin' with the computers? Anyway, she certainly knew what to do, and this time when I started gettin' that hot feelin' you get that goes right up through your body and into your 'ead just before you cum, I grabbed 'er by the ears and pulled 'er head right down onto me prick and shot me load straight down 'er throat.

Bryony was watchin' this, and when Sam 'ad finished suckin' and lickin' all the cum off me prick, Bryony got down and stuck 'er 'ead on Sam's cock and did the same for 'er till she came too. It was fun to watch too, coz it just so 'appened that as she was cummin' so were the blokes in the video, and it was like hearing it all 'appening in a sort of distorted stereo while I sat back and enjoyed it.

'This is cushty!' I thought, 'if I didn't know Sam was a geezer I'd've said she was a girl, and if she wants to suck my dick like that again, then who am I to stop 'er?'

We just sat back then for a while, and watched the action on the video, and the more I watched, the less it felt odd. You know, after a while it occurred to me that we're all the same really. Just people tryin' to get a fuck whenever we can. And just coz they all 'ad dicks 'an balls instead of tits and cunts, it didn't matter.

I thought to myself, 'I reckon if I only 'ad one chance for a fuck, and it was with a bloke instead of a bird, well, they both got arses, and I like fuckin' girls in the arse, so why not a bloke?'

I reckon Sam must have been readin' me mind, coz just then she told us to get our drinks and follow her into the main bedroom. When we got there she pulled 'er dress and bra off, and she 'ad a lovely pair of tits. Big and round, with sticky out nipples. One of 'em was even pierced too, and there's nothin' better than playin' with a bird's pierced nipples when you're fuckin' her.

Me todger started to get 'ard again too, and just then Bryony stripped off and jumped onto the king-sized bed. She's not all that tall, but in the buff she looked right fit. Lovely big tits with big 'ard nips, and 'er arse was a picture. If I'd 'ad a camera with me I'd 'ave took a picture of it there and then, coz it was so... so... well, just so fuckable!

Sam on the other 'and looked like a fit athletic bird. Her arse was narrower than Bryony's, but still a stunner too, and with 'er small waist, big tits, and long hair brushin' her nipples, she looked every inch the fittest bird I'd seen all day. So then I threw the rest of me clothes off, and climbed on the bed with the two of 'em. Bryony went down on Sam straight away, and with Bryony suckin' 'er prick Sam got me to kneel up near 'er head so's she could start givin' me another blow job. It was nice.

I love blow jobs, my ex used to give me one every mornin', but that's probably because I used to get a fuckin' great mornin' glory whenever I woke up, and she was a cum eatin' whore. The only reason we broke up was coz she got a promotion in 'er job and moved away to live in Gloucester, of all places. Fancy leavin' London to go and live in Gloucester? It don't appeal to me, but the money they offered 'er meant she could get 'er own flat, which she could never afford to do in London.

So off she went, and I went back to goin' out on the pull every Friday, to see if I could find someone else to suck me dick every mornin', and swallow me cum. I tell you, it's nowhere near as much fun 'avin' to pull your own plonker when you wake up, and you've got to run out to the toilet so you don't cum all over the bed. I never 'ad that problem with 'er. She used to swallow it all, every time, so there was never anythin' for us to clean up.  

So now the three of us were in a sort of sixty-summat. You couldn't call it a sixty-nine, coz although Sam was suckin' me dick, I wasn't suckin' on 'ers. I was playin' with 'er tits though, and I love doin' that. I tweaked 'er nipples and leaned down and bit on 'em till she started crying out, and bit me knob a bit 'ard. I 'ad to back off a bit then or we could've ended up doin' each other some serious damage.

As it was it was just enough to get us both even more worked up, and when she put 'er arm between me legs and started pokin' 'er finger into me bum 'ole I could feel me old man tryin' to get even 'arder than it already was. She liked that, and from what I could see she liked bein' sucked off by Bryony too, coz she wrapped 'er hand round the back of Bryony's 'ead and pulled it down on to 'er cock. Bryony started to choke a bit, but she didn't stop suckin'. She just got up a bit on to 'er knees, and I started rubbin' against 'er clit with me thumb and stuck me fingers in her vag while she was suckin' Sam off.

We carried on like that for the next few minutes, and it was great. It don't matter who's suckin' your knob, when you've got someone wrappin' their tongue round your todger you really don't care. I s'pose it does 'elp though if the person doin' it looks like a really gorgeous bird, and she's got big round tits and perky pink nipples. As for Bryony, she was really gettin' off by suckin' Sam, and havin' me fingerin' her. Later on, she told me she really likes gettin' Sam to cum in 'er mouth. She said Sam's cum is the best tastin' she's ever 'ad, and she reckons she's tasted a few.

After Sam came in Bryony's mouth, Bryony jumped up and climbed up Sam's body, then they kissed so that they could share Sam's cum between 'em. I've 'ad that with the ex as well. After she'd sucked me dry she used to kiss me so that we could share my spunk. It don't taste bad, but it does taste a bit odd. I like the pre-cum stuff. That's a bit salty, and slippery, and quite sweet, but when you get the actual cum, it's different. There's thick bits and not so thick bits, and I found it a bit dry goin' down me throat.

Watchin' Sam and Bryony I got to wonderin' what Sam's cum tasted like, so I asked if I could join in. Sam nodded and broke away from Bryony so that she could kiss me instead. It was good! Much better tastin' than my cum, and it 'ad loads of pre-cum mixed in with it as well, so it wasn't so dry when it slid down the back of me throat.

I 'adn't cum yet, so Sam flipped 'erself over and stuck 'er arse in the air.

"Get round here big boy, and fuck my arse!" she said to me.

Well, nothing ventured nothing gained, and it's only the same as fuckin' a bird in the arse anyway, so get round there I did, and fuck 'er arse I did too. Cor, she liked that, and once I got me Johnson inside 'er tight little bum 'ole, she started movin' 'er arse cheeks around. Whooarrh! That got me juices goin' I can tell you, and while I was fuckin' that lovely arse'ole, Bryony tickled me balls and played with my bum 'ole too.

It didn't take long after that for me to feel the heat risin' as me orgasm started to grow. I could feel me prick gettin' really hard all of a sudden. So 'ard in fact that it almost started to hurt from me bein' so worked up. When I did finally cum, me prostate spasms went off like a machine gun, and I could feel me spunk stream pulsin' out of me prick and into 'er poop tube like an Uzi.

She felt it too, and when she did she pushed back against me to get more of me pleasure pole into 'er arse alley. I didn't arf cum I can tell you, and when I pulled out, loads of creamy cum fell out as well. It went all over the bed, and Bryony got down with her tongue and licked up every drop off the duvet.

By now it was gettin' late and I didn't know if Sam was gonna let me stay or chuck me out, but she said if I let her fuck me then I could stay as well as Bryony.

So I got fucked!

I've never been fucked before. I've fucked plenty of women, and a few of 'em stuck their fingers in me bum 'ole while I've been doin' it, but I've never 'ad a prick in there, and I didn't know if it would hurt or not. It didn't take long to find out. We all had a break for twenty minutes or so to get somethin' to eat, then we had some more rum and Coke to get us nicely relaxed again, then Sam suggested that I should let her take control of me first rear endin'.

First of all, she got me to lie on me back with me legs up to me armpits, so that me arse was stickin' out like I was goin' to 'ave a shit. Then she got some lube and well and truly lubed me arse'ole and 'er prick. Next, she started rubbin' me arse'ole with 'er fingers, then 'er prick, and she kept tellin' me to relax and push like I was tryin' to take a dump.

With me sphincter pushin' out like that she then got 'old of me arse and pulled me cheeks apart as far as she could. This meant she could slowly push 'er prick into me ring. She did it very slowly so that me ring muscle wouldn't try to close up, and although it did do it a bit, it didn't close up too much.

After about a minute of 'er gently pushin' into me ring muscle, it started to give way, and once it started it relaxed and let the big round head of 'er cock in past the neck of the bottle, so to speak. Once that was in, the rest was easy. She still took it slow though, and I could feel me arse tube stretching like I 'ad a big solid turd in there as she pushed it further and further in. Eventually, she got as far as 'er balls and then she stopped and waited. Me arse muscles clenched up for a few seconds, then slowly relaxed, and while they were doin' it, she gave me some more of the rum to relax me even more.

She asked me if I was 'appy with everythin' as it was, and when I nodded she started moving just a little bit backwards n' forwards. She moved slowly at first so that me muscles wouldn't clamp up, but after a while, she started movin' further and a bit faster. I didn't know what to think at first. I felt full and a bit uncomfortable to begin with, coz I'd never 'ad anythin' goin' up there before, but once I got used to the sensation of it bein' in there, it didn't seem so weird. I even began to enjoy it after a couple of minutes, and then Bryony got 'old of me cock and started tuggin' me off as well, while she tickled me balls with 'er other 'and.

Sam told me that she would massage me prostate with 'er prick by changin' the angle while she was fuckin' me, and after a while, I got to recognise when she was doin' it, coz me old man started leakin' pre-cum every time she did it. Whenever that 'appened Bryony quickly stuck 'er 'ead in and licked it off me prick, and in the end she just kept on suckin' me all the time. Sam made sure Bryony got some fun as well by fingerin' 'er while she was suckin' me off.  

You'd think that it would all be over in a couple of minutes, but I reckon the rum and Coke slowed things down a bit, that and the fact that by now it was gone two in the morning and we was all gettin' tired. So we stayed in that position for around ten minutes I reckon, and Sam didn't give up, she just kept on ploughin' away till I felt 'er prick gettin' really stiff and big. As it did she started givin' out little moans, and then I felt her cummin'.

She started screamin' out loud as her spunk pumped into me arse. It was really weird coz I could feel every pulse of it shoot from her prick, and it was quite a turn on even then, with me already 'avin cum in 'er arse only ten minutes before.

"Fuck!... Fuck!... Fuck!...Yeeessss... I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cu... u... u... u...ming... ing... ing... ng... ng!"

I felt the spurts of liquid slow to a dribble, and 'er prick started to go soft. Bryony moved out of the way, then Sam flopped down over me like a warm wet blanket, and I felt 'er lovely tits pressin' down on me hot, sweaty chest, almost nipple to nipple.

"Fuck! That was... that was... fucking brilliant! I want to fuck you again before you go, so don't go anywhere, you hear me?" she said into me ear 'ole.

With that, she pulled out and slapped me arse cheeks hard as she climbed off me. Then I felt Bryony puttin' one of 'er hands by me bum 'ole, and I guessed that Sam's cum must be drippin' out of me arse. I was right too, coz Bryony lifted 'er 'and up and started suckin' the cum off it, then she put it by me bum 'ole again to catch some more.

By then we were all shagged out, literally, so we got under the duvet, and I fell asleep almost straight away, with Bryony in front of me, arse pressin' on me prick, and Sam behind me, with 'er prick knockin' on me back door.

When we woke up this mornin' we were still like that, and I 'ad me normal mornin' glory. So Bryony stuffed it in 'er cunt and got me to fuck 'er while we was still lyin' on our sides. I kissed 'er shoulder and rubbed 'er clit, and she got wet real quick. From there it was only a couple of minutes of me pumpin' 'er up from behind till she came.

I could feel 'er cummin' coz she started buckin' those fantastic bum cheeks back against me prick and grabbin' my bum with 'er 'and, so that I was tight up inside 'er when she orgasmed. It sounded like a good 'un too, because I could feel the kicks on the end of me prick as 'er cervix clamped down on the back of 'er vag, and 'er front door muscles tried to close round me big hard cock like a vice. It started to make me cum too, and it was just like old times when I felt me juices pushin' up me pipe and out into 'er trough. Lovely! What a way to start the day, eh?

The noises me and Bryony was makin' woke Sam up too, and I could feel 'er cock gettin' really 'ard and pushin' on me back door, but she didn't try to push in, she just left it there till we'd finished. Then she told me to roll onto me stomach and open me legs.

Now it was my turn to get a breakfast of toad in the 'ole.

She got more lube and made sure both me and 'er was well slippery, then she put 'er rock 'ard prick up against me ring and told me to relax. I did the best I could, and this time she slid into me poop tube in no time at all.

"That's better," she said, "now I've popped your cherry you can forget the pain and really start to enjoy it. I think you'll soon be wanting a man's prick in your arse as much as I do, and that's all the time!"

'I'm not so sure about that!' I thought, but it didn't hurt, and I was gettin' some pleasure out of it, so I laid there all relaxed and got well and truly laid into by my new bi friend.

Bryony didn't go without either. While Sam was kneelin' between me legs and fuckin' me arse Bryony clambered on to me back, and stuck 'er arse in Sam's face. Sam leaned forward and rimmed Bryony's arse and finger fucked 'er while she was cock fuckin' me. So a good time was had all round.

It's funny, but once one of us started to cum, it made the others cum too, and when Sam came I felt meself cummin' as well, and I shot me load all over the bed sheet. I also felt and heard Bryony cryin' out as she got an orgasm from Sam's fingers and tongue while she wriggled round on me back. It went on for a good 'alf a minute, and when it was all over we collapsed into a big hot, red-faced, sweaty heap of shagged out fuckers.

"Thanks for that, Nige," said Sam when she recovered enough to speak.

"Don't mention it," I said, "I came too, and I think I made a bit of a mess on the sheet."

"I'll clear that up," said Bryony, "just roll out of the way and I'll see if I can get it off."

"Don't bother," said Sam, "It's Saturday, and I always change the bedclothes anyway on the weekends."

Bryony made a face at Sam for denyin' the cum lickin' she wanted, then she got up and headed for the shower.

'That is a very good idea!' I thought, 'I could do with one of them too'. So I got up and followed 'er into the bathroom.

While me and Bryony showered, I played with 'er tits and fingered 'er till she came again, and she tried suckin' me off, but it was just too soon since my last one, and I couldn't cum. It was nice though, the feelin' of hot water splashin' down over your body is really stimulatin', specially when someone else is soapin' you up and suckin' you off at the same time.

Sam stripped the bed, then went into the kitchen and got some bacon and eggs goin', and by the time we came out and dried off, there was a full English on the table for us. Sam ate with us, then she went off to shower alone, but me and Bryony thought that wasn't fair. So we squeezed into the shower with 'er and made sure she got a really good rubbin' down, if you get my drift. Eventually, we all got out and wetted up some more of Sam's towels dryin' each other off.

I thought to meself, 'It's nearly eleven o'clock now, and I s'pose I'd better be goin', but to be honest I don't really want to.'

Anyway, I s'pose all good things got to come to an end sometime, so I found me clothes and after we'd all 'ad another cup of coffee, I kissed Sam and Bryony goodbye, and strolled back down to the tube station to get the train 'ome. I don't know if I'll ever get to see 'em again, but we did exchange phone numbers, so you never know, I might get lucky?  

Sorry about the spellin' an' that, but I ain't too good at that shit, so I dictated it all into this computer, an' it's put it all down in words on a page for me. It's done it word for word from what I told it, so if it looks odd on the page, that's coz the computer tried to spell it out the way I was sayin' it.

Anyway, it's what I told the computer earlier, an' I want you to know that it's all true, on my life it is, so don't think I tried to 'ide anythin', coz I've been totally straight with everythin' that's in this 'ere story.

Cheers!