So there we were, me and my mate Nigel, out on the town for a pull and a piss up. Well what else is there to do on a wet weekend in London?
We started off at our local, the Crab and Cockspur, which claimed to sell the best beers in the South East, but to be honest the only thing worth going there for were the birds. There were lots of 'em, but that was because there was a nurse's residential block round the corner, and they gathered there when their shifts were over.
You couldn't wish for better really, could you? Being nurses they knew what it was all about, and they knew a few tricks the ordinary girl wouldn't normally know about stimulation, if you get my drift?
Anyway, we'd been in there for an hour or so, and Nige was getting restless. We hadn't scored coz there weren't any nurses.
"P'raps they've got an emergency on or summat?" he said, looking around at the empty bar, "What say we go somewhere else?"
I was up for that, but I knew all the haunts in the local area, and I think we were both a bit bored with all of them. So I suggested we head into Town to find somewhere we hadn't been before.
"Good idea!" he said, "I know, lets go to Soho, I bet there's some crumpet there we could pull."
I wasn't too sure about that. I reckon most of the girls hanging around in Soho bars are professionals, and I don't want to catch anything thank you!
So we got on the tube and headed for the bright lights of the West End, and it only took about half an hour to get there, courtesy of Transport for London. Didn't even cost an arm and a leg either, coz we were only travelling from Zone Three to Zone One.
The trouble was, time was marching on, and by now it was halfway to closing time and I could do with something to eat. So we went down to Lisle Street in Chinatown and had a Chinese. I dunno about you, but I like Chinese. No really spicy sauces to burn your stomach (or your bum the next day!), yet the food's still tasty, and very filling. The only trouble is that you get full on one now, and in an hour you feel like you could eat another one! The good thing is though that it's good for soaking up the beer, so you don't get pissed too quickly.
Mind you, at Soho prices I don't think I could afford to get pissed. The price of a pint on Old Compton Street's enough to make your eyes water! Other than that the pubs are good though. There was plenty going on in a couple of 'em and we wandered into the loudest in the hope that we'd find a bit of a pull.
We did, and that's what this story is all about. It wasn't quite the pull that either of us had in mind when we left home, but I must say it opened my eyes to a whole new world of... well, read on and you'll find out won't you.
Remember I said that time was getting short? Well, by the time we'd fought our way to the bar to get served, the barman was shouting that they'd be closing in ten minutes, so get your last orders in now. We did, and I nursed the two pints on the bar while Nige went off to find the Gents.
The press of people trying to get to the bar was getting tight, and there was no sign of Nige, so I just stood there and leaned against the bar while blokes tried to push in on both sides, and one bloke even pushed right up against my arse.
'Ay ay,' I thought, 'he must have his phone in his pocket,' coz something hard was pressing against my cheeks. So I tried to look round to see who it was, but I couldn't get my head round far enough to get a good look at him.
Suddenly the bloke on my right got his drinks and moved away, and the bloke who'd been behind me managed to slip into his place. He ordered his drink and then turned to me and smiled. I must say I was immediately jealous. He had the sort of smile you see on a Hollywood film star, and a pair of deep brown eyes that could see into your soul.
"Sorry about the shove in the tush," he said, "I didn't mean to dry hump you, honest, but I wanted another drink before they close, and it was the only way to get close to the bar."
"Uh, that's alright," I said.
I was stunned by his looks and found I couldn't look away. However, I didn't know what else to say, so I just stood there and looked sheepish. I reckon if I'd been gay I'd have dropped to my knees and sucked his knob right there and then, but not being into blokes I didn't make the connection.
Instead I just stared at his beautiful face, and thought, 'I bet he pulls all the chicks? I can't imagine he ever goes home without shaggin' someone of a night time.'
We both turned to face the bar, and as I did so his left elbow managed to knock against my right arm, just as I was picking up my pint. It went everywhere, and the barman threw me a small towel to clean up the mess.
"Oh no! Sorry about that," said my handsome new friend, "can I get you another?"
'Well bugger me!' I thought, not only handsome, but polite with it.
"No, it's okay," I said, as I wiped up the spillage, "if my friend Nige doesn't come back soon I'll start drinking his."
"I wondered why you had two drinks," said brown eyes, "I thought you were doing a bit of pre-emptive ordering."
Then he smiled that fantastic smile again. I tell you, it was more intoxicating than the beer, but that's not surprising, they always reckon that Soho beer is so weak it's like fucking near water.
Just then brown eyes said, "I should have introduced myself, I'm Rashid, and I don't know many people here, are you a regular?"
With that he put his right hand out and we shook hands while being pressed against the bar from behind by the constant crush of people trying to get one last drink in before they closed.
"I'll tell you what," he said, "why don't we take our drinks and go outside, it's quieter there, and we can both breathe."
I nodded, and we gathered our drinks and headed for the pavement outside. It wasn't easy getting through the crowd, but Rashid went first and made room for me to follow behind with my two pint glasses. Not that they are made of glass of course, that would be much too dangerous. No, all the 'glasses' are made of plastic, which is a much better idea, except when you're tying to hold them, as they don't have handles.
Well, with a bit of luck and lots of careful hip and elbow swinging, we got out of the crush without losing too much beer, and once outside we both breathed a huge sigh of relief. Unfortunately for us a local cop on foot patrol told us to make sure we stayed in the pub with our drinks, so we had to fight our way back in again.
This time we stayed near the door, and there was just enough room for me to put one of the pints on a ledge so that I could drink the other.
"I know it's corny, just like the old chat up line, but do you come here often?" said Rashid.
"No mate," I replied, "I've never been here before in my life, and to tell you the truth I doubt if I'll ever come here again, this beer's bloody awful."
We both laughed at that, then Rashid said something totally out of the blue, that changed the whole course of the evening.
"I don't normally come here either," he said, "I normally stick to the area around Heaven."
'Heaven! Heaven?' Where have I heard that name before?
It took a few seconds for me to remember where I'd heard it, then the penny dropped. He was referring to the gay nightclub under the Charing Cross arches.
'So that's why he's so fucking good looking,' I thought, 'he's into blokes, not chicks, and gays have to be super sexy to pull the guys, coz they don't go for uglies like me, they go for the most stunning looking studs they can find.'
Well, I don't mind telling you, I was a bit gob smacked. Here was this stunningly good looking gay stud trying to chat me up. Me! The ugliest bloke on the planet, with my really hairy chest and back, big hairy arse, and thighs so thick I find it hard to get trousers to fit me. Mind you, some girls like a bloke with a big arse and big strong legs, and I always tell 'em it takes a big hammer to drive a big nail.
I guess Rashid thought so to, because he was all over me like a rash. Appropriate really I suppose, Rashid, rash, ged it?
So what happened next you might ask? Well I don't know whether to tell you or not, come to think of it. I'd never been propositioned by a bloke before, but this one was beautiful by any standards you'd care to name. And while he was telling me how sexy I was I realised he was gently brushing his hand across the front of my jeans.
I didn't want to be aroused by a bloke, but a soft touch on the todger is a soft touch on the todger, whoever it's from, and it didn't take more than a couple of gentle strokes before my old man was straining my shorts to get out.
I drained the last of my pint and found the ledge to put the plastic glass on, then still seeing no sign of Nigel, I started drinking his pint too.
All the while Rash kept brushing against my standing knob with the back of his fingers, or lightly cupping my balls in his hand, and he just continued to smile into my face as he watched me getting really turned on by it all.
No-one else could see what he was doing because there were so many people around us that you couldn't see where people's hands were anyway. So he continued his seduction, and I continued my drink reduction, until the second pint glass was empty as well.
"I think I need a piss," I said to him, "and while I'm at it I'll see if I can find Nigel, to tell him I've drunk his pint."
"I wouldn't bother if I was you," said Rash, "he's probably got other things on his palate... sorry, slip of the tongue, I mean plate, right now." Then he smiled that winning smile once more, and this time I noticed the playfully wicked twinkle in his eyes that went with it.
"I'll tell you what," he said, "why don't you just piss in the empty glass. No-one will notice, and the barman will probably just think someone's forgotten their drink when he cleans up later."
"I dunno about that," I said, won't someone see if I get Nelson out for a wizz?"
"Nelson, is that what you call him?" said Rash.
"Yeah, well he's only got one arm and one eye," I replied, "but he's got a bloody big column!"
Rashid laughed at that, but still insisted that no-one would be able to see me pissing in the glass because of the crush of people, and he egged me on mercilessly to wet Nelson's eye. I must admit I was getting desperate, and the beer was starting to make me feel a bit more relaxed, so while Rash held the glass, I unzipped and pulled Nelson out.
Rash looked down, then he looked at me with his eyes opened wide, then he stuck his tongue into one of his cheeks as though he was giving someone a blow job. It made me laugh, and my erection started to soften. This meant if I held it tight I could just about aim it down into the glass.
I started pissing and so that no-one could see, Rash moved close in and round to one side, so that me, him and the wall formed a triangle. It was bliss not having to worry about having a full bladder, and as I shook the drops off Rash took hold of Nelson and pulled my foreskin backward and forward to squeeze the last drops out as well.
It felt really nice having someone else's hand on my prick, even if it was a bloke's, but all I could say was, "Uh, thanks Rash."
Well you don't know what else to say do you when another bloke grabs your manhood and starts stroking it. Rash just smiled and winked at me. He didn't let go though, and I felt my erection coming back straight away.
"I think I'd better put it away before anyone else sees it," I said, "they might get jealous if they see how big Nelson's column really is."
Rash nodded and looked sad as I gently put Nelson back in his nest, and zipped up once more. Then he carefully put the three quarters full pint glass up on the ledge with the other one and started stroking up and down on the front of my jeans once more.
Just then the barman called "Time," and we all trooped out into the street. The pavement was full in seconds, but it was too dangerous to walk in the street if you didn't want to get flattened by a black cab or an Uber, so we quickly moved away from the front of the pub and headed towards Cambridge Circus.
I still didn't know what had happened to Nige, but it was too late now, despite me having a good shufty, I couldn't see him anywhere, so me and Rash headed off.
"Is there anywhere else we can get a drink?" I said, "Only I was just starting to get nicely mellow back there, and this cold night air is sobering me up again."
"Come with me," said Rash, "I can get us into G-A-Y at Heaven if you like, but only if you promise to stay with me, and not fuck off with anyone else."
I don't know why, but for some reason I felt I could trust Rash. He'd been polite about the drink he'd spilled, he'd helped me get away from the crush, and he'd helped me to have a piss. What more can a man ask for in a mate than that he should watch his back for him? Well, in Rash's case I suppose he was hoping he might get to do more than just watch my back, so he went out of his way to be nice.
He didn't need to actually. I know I'm straight, but around him I found myself wanting to get close, and be near that amazing smile, those deep brown eyes, that fit physique, and that incredibly attractive personality that was making so much of a fuss over me. He was the coolest bloke I'd ever been around, and to know that his attention was on no-one else but me was so flattering. It was also such an incredible turn on, that I could feel my erection straining at my jeans through the long walk all the way down to the club.
When we got there Rash produced a membership card and a credit card, then signed me in as a guest. With the formalities over we walked through into the main dance hall. The music was deafening, the beat was thumping, and the action on the dance floor was mind-fucking. I know it was all blokes, but some of them were dressed up like really fit girls, while others did the whole macho look, complete with oiled up chests, leather chaps, cowboy boots, and Stetsons.
It was a sight to behold I can tell you, and while Rash parked me to one side near a wall, he went off to see if he could get us some drinks. As soon as he was gone a bloke dressed like a sailor sauntered up and grinned at me.
"Wanna dance?" he said.
I shook my head and mouthed that I was waiting for someone. He looked a bit disappointed, but shrugged his shoulders and turned to leave, then he turned back, flashed me a big smile, licked his lips with a huge long tongue, then wiggled his hips and walked off.
I idly wondered if he'd recognised a fellow denizen of the deep, after all Nelson's an Admiral and this guy looked like an able semen, no, I mean seaman, see what you've made me do now? Doh!
Rash came back just then, and if looks could kill the sailor would have been dead and buried right then and there.
"Let's find somewhere to watch the action." he said, so we headed round to the stairs that led up to a raised section along one side. From here we had a brilliant view of the dancers, and I was amazed at how good some of them were.
'They must be professional dancers,' I thought, and Rash must have read my mind because he said, "See those guys over there?" I nodded, "They're some of the dancers from the chorus lines of the West End shows."