At the time I was sixteen, my mother was divorced and living with me, and she still worked and was gone until late in the afternoon on some days, so I would have the house to myself. I did not have access to porn until later, but there was Cosmopolitan magazine and other magazines which had the sorts of ads and stories that intrigued me, underwear ads, tampon ads - they all did the trick.

I am still very turned on by the picture from the little pamphlet that came inside a box of tampons showing women how to stand to insert a tampon. That slight crouching position with hands between their legs pushing a tampon in between the spread lips of their vagina is one that gives me an electric charge of excitement. Other things are very arousing too like the sight of a large breasted woman in an old fashioned bullet bra with hardened nipples pushing at the fabric. Seeing a woman's ass stretching the fabric of their panties or a girdle in a bent over position is very arousing to me. Visually the potential idea of sex is as great as the actual feel of masturbation. Mentally there is much more to my sexual desires than just the release of orgasm.

My fantasies involve dressing in multiple layers of underwear, stockings and bras, usually with some sort of insertable object in my ass and rubbing my hardened cock on the carpet of the floor until I come. I didn't bind myself in any way and the idea of being bound against my will came later. My mother did not have any dildoes or vibrators that I ever found so it was carrots or cucumbers or douche syringes for my ass. I never really was as excited by the idea of large diameter objects as much as long objects, maybe because the size of them was just too uncomfortable to endure and it distracted me from the enjoyment when I could not get my ass to stretch to accommodate them in the time I had for the session. Thus I am more excited at the idea of long cocks or sex toys being inserted or penetrating pussies and asses instead of fat ones. Nothing against large diameter objects, but I don't like them as much.

I have collected a few double dildoes and extra long toys, and many times they will be completely inside me while I am dressed up in my women's clothes. This idea is a real turn on to me too, the idea of sex toys being held inside by the clothes of the wearer. Because it is summer and my adult children are home from college, many of my personal sessions occur in the shower, as that is the perfect area to clean up after a potentially messy anal session. I have never built up the patience to have an enema before beginning a play session, and thus there is invariably a clean up session post playtime. About half of my long sessions will involve enemas until culmination and the other half will be dildo involved sessions. Over the course of a long day alone I may come back to one or the other, but usually I don't last long enough to get through both kinds of activities before I get too aroused to not come.

I experimented with positions in an attempt to get my own cock into my mouth with varied results as I have always been a large man, most of my years have been chubby to fat with very few years of real thinness. The ability to reach my cock was thus a rare one and one that involved a long session with plenty of time allotted to stretching in order to achieve the results that I wanted. I now think about that idea pretty regularly and my fantasies do occasionally involve the idea of forced feminization and cocksucking. My longstanding interest in anal sex too has found fertile ground in the idea of being fucked in the ass by a woman or a man. The idea of being cuckolded and having my ass and mouth be the depository for the semen loads of my wife's lovers is a heady story for another day.

Eventually, I gained access to pornographic magazines, this was of course before the internet, and they gave me all the fuel I needed for my imagination.

I found that hairy pussies were more exciting to me than shaved ones and the sight of pubic hair through silky undergarments is an arousing sight to me. My interest in personal anal penetration led me to actively collect pictures of vaginal and anal penetration pictures. Eventually this led to the idea of gang bangs and multiple partner fantasies, as the idea of an endless supply of hard cocks was very appealing to me.

I began to build a collection of underthings, some stolen from my mother, some from visits to relative's homes. To this day I don't know if any of them ever realized what was going on, but a perverse history of groundwork was being laid. Until my college years I had never kissed a woman or gotten into any sort of intimate situation with a real woman, but I knew a lot about them just from the pursuit of my own secret interests. Hungry for information I read many articles in the magazines my mother had or I found, and they provided fuel for my growing carnal imagination.

Over the years I have built up collections of sex toys and clothing, but several times they have been thrown away with moves to different states or when I got married. My wife is a woman who told me before we got married that she would be a completely different woman when we were married, and as it turned out that was the truth. We went from occasional normal sex to rare normal sex to now more than ten years without a romantic encounter. To be fair, I may not be everything she thought I would be, but our life together has turned into a platonic room mate sort of thing, and now that our three kids are in college I have more spare time to devote to my hobby and my wife has time for her soaps and reality shows.

Before I got married I lived with a relative in a different state for over a year, and that turned out to be a great opportunity for my fetishistic life. She was a large older woman and thus had a variety of girdles and undergarments that she never threw away when they got holes in them or became too soiled to wear anymore. They were ideal for me though and the idea that the stains on them came from her pussy and ass were like instant aphrodisiacs to me. Her home was also the first place I got a douche bag from and she even had some rectal syringes, I suppose those would be collectible antiques now, if only I still had them. More than twenty years later I still have some of the girdles I got from this woman, and I value them for their having come from this long deceased relative of mine.

My personal sex life is one of numerous masturbation fantasies, usually involving getting dressed up in multiple layers of clothing, I don't really have the desire to wear dresses and go out in my undergarments, but I have gone out a few times. I have picked up my daughter from school with a butt plug up my ass and tight panties on underneath my male clothes, I have shovelled snow with a full set of undergarments on under my snowpants and coat. The thought that any of my neighbors might notice the excessively large breasts on their neighbor is one that filled me with excitement. I have many times been all dressed up and been within eyesight of the windows by our front door and if someone had come to the door at that time they would have gotten quite a show. I fantasize about having a lady friend to go shopping with so it would provide me the cover to buy all the lingerie items I want, but have never actively pursued such a plan.

Having been married for over twenty years now, I have gathered a pretty big collection of sex clothes and toys. I guess there is not really any other way to describe the accumulation, it is for only one thing - the fulfillment of my fetishistic masturbation fantasies. I will tell more stories in the future about myself and my fantasies, but I am really excited to have begun this adventure, and it means a lot to me to just be able to tell this story.