Something I Always Wanted

We walked down the driveway to our car. The marine layer was moving in and little wisps of fog passed through the trees. Neither of us said anything until my wife asked if I was going to drive. I decided she should drive and I made a point of remembering where Bob and Sally’s house was. It wasn’t far at all, no more than two or three miles from our house. I reached over and turned on the radio and we didn’t say a thing to each other until we got to the house.

I was tired and it was late but my mind was working like crazy. As soon as we stepped inside, Renee sensed this and led me to the couch.

“Okay, talk to me! What did you think of this evening, baby? Was it what you thought it would be? Are you upset?” asked Renee.

I was still trying to process the whole event, well actually, the whole last few weeks. I knew I needed to let Renee know I wasn’t mad, “No, I’m not mad or anything. It was overwhelming, to be honest, but it was the wildest fun I’d ever had.” I said.

“Do you feel bad about anything you did? You know what I mean, honey,” Renee said in a kind way.

“No, I don’t feel bad. If anything at all I feel confused by how all this escalated like it did. When I got down on my knees in front of Bob I just let my mind go to all that porn I fantasied about. I sort of followed your lead,” I told Renee.

“Secretly, I was worried for you too. I know I didn’t really show it but I was concerned that you would start thinking you’re gay or something like that. I know how you are. You are always so hard on yourself. I also knew that this was something you wanted to experience. Bob and Sally just gave me, well us, the perfect situation. They don’t seem weird to me; they are just like anybody else you’d meet at the grocery store. My eyes were opened up when I realized they were enjoying sex for recreation. It made me wonder why I had never thought of it that way. What do you mean when you say 'followed my lead'?” asked Renee.

“Well, when I resolved to suck Bob’s cock I told myself to just go for it! You had already done so many things I’ve always wanted to experience and I just did it for me. I just let go exactly in the same way it appears that you’ve been doing of late. I’ll admit that Eric sucking my cock was a surprise, but I was too far gone to care, honestly,” I replied.

We were having a real discussion about sex! This was something I’d always tried to do before. Renee just couldn’t bring herself to do this until now and I was thankful that things were different. The thrill of seeing my wife sexually charged was like a gift, and the fact that she had taken control was something I had craved for a long time. I knew I wanted more but I was conditioned by the past to keep it to myself. I needed to know how we would go forward with the events of the past month.

“Honey, tell me how you feel about all this. This feels like a dream to me, like it’s not real!” I asked as sincerely as I could muster without showing too much anxiety.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry that for all these years I’ve been so uptight. At first, I was more angry than horny, but Bob and Sally really allowed me to see things in a different light. I had convinced myself that “those” kind of people didn’t really exist. The more I talked to Sally the more I realized how tightly I had closed my mind. When I committed to going through with it I decided that since I didn’t have an attachment to these people, I would do it for fun,” Renee said.

“Is it fun for you?” I interrupted.

Renee paused and said, “Afterwards I felt terrible!”

“Then why …?” I interrupted again.

Before I could finish, Renee said, “I felt bad because I was wrong about sex. I was wrong to have made things so difficult because of the way I thought. I felt responsible for having pushed you towards your porn. Then I made it worse by feeling like I needed to punish you for it. Can you forgive me?”

I knew she was sincere and I wanted to lighten it up. “I kind of like the way you punished me! C’mon, baby, of course I forgive you!” I said.

“You can thank Sally - after you fuck her! She and Bob gave me some good advice and I knew I needed to make it up to you for all those years we wasted. I wanted to give you your fantasy because I wanted to see you excited again and not to break you from your desires any longer,” Renee told me.

“Renee, how do you feel about me now? I know you realize I have a submissive thing going on or at least some kind of obsession with it. Are we okay?” I asked in a worried tone.

“If you’re okay, then we’re okay, baby! I’m learning that what we do for fun is our business only and as far as I’m concerned sex for fun is fun! When I described you and showed the porn site to Bob and Sally they offered some advice on what you might respond to. They suggested I take control sexually and that they thought you’d love it.  Have you been having fun?” asked Renee.

I didn’t want to sound too excited. “Yes, honey, more fun than ever in my life. I’ve always wanted to be submissive but not inactive. I trust you and doing as I’m told by you is a real turn-on for me, even the Donna thing. The whole scene tonight was the most amazing night of sex I’ve ever had and I didn’t fuck anyone! It was such a rush, honey!” I said with much more enthusiasm towards the end then at the beginning.

“Yeah, the not-fucking part was another scheme. Apparently, Eric and Judy are really into the submissive husband thing. Sally told me that sometimes Judy will make Eric masturbate all morning and afternoon before going over to Bob and Sally’s for a party. She will essentially drain him and he’ll struggle to get hard the whole evening. Judy is really into it - I mean, controlling Eric. I had no idea she’d use Eric as part of the plan but it makes sense now,” my wife observed.

“So, it was a plan to keep me from having sex?” I asked.

Renee held my hand and said, “It wasn’t my plan. I thought you would go straight for Sally once you did the deed. Sally and Judy convinced me that you wouldn’t be as self-conscious if I was somewhere else. All I knew for sure was that you’d give Bob a blowjob. So, be honest, tell me what you thought about doing that for Bob.”

“Well, honestly it was such a rush it didn’t feel real. I just closed my eyes and thought about what I like and concentrated on doing that. When I felt Bob begin to get hard in my mouth I got that same feeling I get when I make you cum with my mouth, like I have the power to make you cum. Then when they started making comments about how I was doing, I started feeling embarrassed. When Eric started sucking me I forgot about everything. I was on sensory overload!” I replied.

“Was Eric better than me?” Renee asked in half-joking way.

Renee was sincerely joking but, I was serious when I quickly replied, “Look, I don’t even want to go there, Renee! Remember, I was under you when Tommy’s giant-ass cock was right up in front of my face. I know he’s a hell of a lot bigger than I am! I could hear you moaning and see you move your body. So, I’m not even going to ask if Tommy was better than me.  I’ve never heard you sound like that or move like that with me!”

Renee picked up on my insecurity right away. Her self-revelations of the past month had opened up thoughts and ideas she had long suppressed. This was all new territory for her too. She understood more, now that she had dared herself to follow through with it. She also realized she still had so much to understand.

Renee realized she was getting wet as thoughts of Tommy’s cock flashed through her mind. Further, she admitted to herself that she’s been wetter in the last few weeks than almost all her married life! She also knew she liked what was happening and that she wanted to make it work in a fashion that was good for both of them.

After a brief moment Renee said, “Well, sweetheart, I’ve never been in a situation like that before. I never imagined you’d be under me watching a big cock stretching me like never before. Your cock was bobbing all around my face and when Judy started stroking you right in front of me I just kind of lost it. You were hard and it was clear you were enjoying yourself!”

“But, Tommy is so much bigger and I’m, well I’m, just…” I stuttered as Renee cut me off.

“I’ve been anticipating this. Yes, it was a thrill, baby, but without you it wouldn’t be the same. You’re the one that has allowed me to see how wrong I’ve been. Even though I resisted for so long, you planted a seed that always reminded me that you want a more exciting sex life. There will always be bigger and smaller and more talented people out there. Wait until Sally gives you a blowjob! I’ll be the one wondering if I’m skilled enough to really please you! I’m trying to learn how to give you what you want. You’ve surprised me with your willingness to let me take control and I’m convinced you like the change. Tommy may have a big cock but I wouldn’t want to be married to him,” Renee said flatly.

“Tommy seemed like a nice guy to me,” I said as the best estimation I could make.

“Oh, Tommy’s a cool guy; he’s just not you! I want you, baby, and I want to make you happy for your patience with me for all those years. This situation here at the coast house is so different from back at home and that makes me relax because we don’t really know anyone here. I don’t feel nervous about seeing someone we know. It makes me feel free to think about how fun and exciting it is to be part of a group that does this kind of thing. Are you upset with anything I’ve done or (finger quotes) 'made' you do?” Renee asked.

“Renee, I have to admit that I’ve struggled to get hard for you in the past. It was like our routine was killing my desire. Now I’m hard all the time. It’s like some kind of natural Viagra. The fact that we are even having this discussion is like a giant weight being lifted off my life! No, I trust you and no, I’ve had more fun than ever! I’m just so amazed!” I said sincerely.

It was getting late and the adrenaline had worn down. After a little pause, Renee said, “Let’s not overthink this, sweetheart. I’m certain you’re going to be entertained this summer. Trust me, baby, I won’t let you down; we’ll finish this discussion! Let’s go to bed.”

I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I needed to give my mind a rest. Renee was right, we definitely will have more to discuss and now was not the right time for that. It was time for our “regular” routine. I climbed into bed and spooned with Renee as long as I could. Menopause had cursed Renee with hot flashes that have never subsided. We could only spoon for so long before we would both become intolerably hot and had to move away from each other.

My last thought before I rolled to my side of the bed and drifted off to sleep was that I felt like I was going to bed with a new wife. She seemed like the old wife right at that moment while we spooned, but I knew that old wife was gone. This new wife sparked my anticipation and excitement again. What will tomorrow bring? I drifted off to sleep deeply.