Ellen was curious about having sex with another guy. We went to and fro about it; sometimes we were joking and teasing or kind of hinting around it. I can't even remember where the idea started, did it come from her, or something we heard or read? I don't know. We never got close to the idea of swinging because finding two people who we fancied seemed like a tall order. We did touch on whether I should reciprocate with another woman but one way or another we made no progress with that angle.

Maybe we should have gone down another road, or taken both but I guess it’s not possible to travel two roads at once. I think a lot of cuckold scenes are driven by the husband wanting to give his wife something he can’t. Some are driven by the sheer excitement of taboo and transgression, daring, risk-taking. That kind of behaviour is more of a male thing I guess; like climbing a tough ridge, or racing a car; there’s an adrenalin rush in doing something dangerous. In this case, rather than risking physical death the husband risks emotional death.

So, one way or another we arrived at a plan for Ellen to spend a night with this guy, actual real name Guy— more about him later. My job was to book them a hotel room and head back home and wait. Ellen would be home sometime the next day. I asked her to call, or text, or FaceTime but she refused.

“I’ll be stressed enough,” she'd say every time I brought it up. “I may feel a bit weird, you know, having sex and it won’t be you. If it works, if it’s not too gross, then next time who knows.”

“But if I’m not involved at all...”

“You are involved love, deeply involved. You’re picking the hotel, booking the room, paying for it, helping me get ready— everything apart from the messy bits.”

“It scares the hell out of me and it makes me look like a mug, he must think I’m an idiot.”

“No, love,” she said. “He knows you’re doing it for me.”

“He’s bound to think I’m a wimp, that you push me around.”

“I won’t let him think that, it’s just that I can’t get it out of my head and it’s so lovely that you’re helping me.”

“Flattery...” I muttered... I couldn’t see a way out.

What would I think of a guy that did that for his wife? The only way I could find out would be to do some guy’s wife, assuming... well, how would it work? It would have to be a wife that came on to me— she’d tell me that her husband was up for it. How would I know? Maybe I’d have him pay for the room. What if she said hubby wanted to watch? I’d say, yes sure, the second time.

First time around, I’d want her to say I was better than him, no way I’d let him see me in action unless I knew I had something to offer that he would respect. The way I figured it, and the thing that scared me, was this guy, Guy or anyone else, had to be better endowed or there was no point to the whole thing.

Did I want to see Ellen being very intimate with a man who was better endowed than me? What happened after that? Would I be permanently in second place? Once Ellen knew that there was better to be had out there, then what would happen to me?

Guy is supposed to be married, Ellen says that makes him safe. He doesn't want to leave his wife, she knows all about it, that's what Ellen says.

"Could I meet her?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"She's got as much at risk as I have."

"So?"

"If I talked to her I'd know if you were safe, know if she was sure of Guy."

"Guy says he won't leave her."

"I don't know if I can trust him.?

"You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes, but it still scares me."

We'd been over it and over it and I always got the same answers.

“You’re worrying too much. I love you, I’m coming back" — and then the sting in the tail — "anyway, you’re supposed to worry— it’ll make you love me more.”

“What if you like it a lot?”

“I just want to try it.”

“But if you like it, you’ll want to keep doing it.”

"No love, that doesn’t follow. I like chocolate but I don’t eat it all the time. You’re giving me a treat, that’s what it is.”

“Some people eat a lot of chocolate...”

A week beforehand I'd scouted out a hotel, looked at the rooms, picked a room. That sounds simple but every decision, every thought had a mix of pain and pleasure to contend with. Should it be a romantic setting? Like a honeymoon suite? Or at the other end, something a little down market, sordid even.

I thought about that but there was no way I could send Ellen somewhere that I wouldn't want to go myself— she'd never let me forget it. It needed to be good; a place that Guy couldn't scoff at, but on the other hand I didn't want him to think I had loads of money to throw around. Actually, I do have plenty— was that the reason Ellen married me? I'd never thought that before, never, ever, but this business puts everything through the wringer.

I thought about a suite, but when I looked at a few I couldn't picture what the pair of them would do with the other room. I settled for a big room with a big bed, a great shower, and a decent tub. I looked at some places with a hot tub, but figured if this happened again, or if I took Ellen somewhere to reclaim her then I needed to be able to go up another notch.

Seeing a room, imagining the two of them there, made me really wish that Ellen had agreed to some filming, and then I thought, why not? I did a deal with the hotel to get the room early and keep it an extra day. I did some scouting around and bought a collection of spyware. A camera hidden in a clock, another in a vase that could be full of ornamental dried flowers and the piece-de-resistance a mirror to go over the bed that had a camera in each top corner so that I could record 3D. The mirror had rhinestones set in the frame which almost made it look tacky but impossible to guess where the lenses were. I spent an hour in the room fixing it all in place and you would never know that they were not the regular fittings.

Bugging the shower was a nightmare but I'd done a lot of research. I ended up replacing two door handles with a more exotic set that included a camera inside the handle. It would be pot luck whether the door was open or closed but it was a very wide angle lens so ought to catch something. All the cameras were on motion and sound sensors and hooked up to wifi. I could log in from anywhere.

On the big night, I came home to give Ellen the keys to the room, helped her get ready, just like she said I should and kissed her goodbye in the hall.

"Are you okay?" she said.

"No, I'm scared shitless. I'm frightened to death. This may be the end of my life as I know it."

"Don't be melodramatic. It's one night, a treat for me, I hope, and I'll be back tomorrow."

I'd ordered a small limo to take her, I figured if it was supposed to be special then I 'd better not miss a trick. That was a surprise and I could see it pleased her. That cheered me up a little.

Once she'd gone I tuned into the cameras in the room, checking everything out, and waited. That was another problem, the waiting. The kids were at my mother's place, so I didn't have them for a distraction. Mother thought we were both going out to some special event, a cruel idea that Ellen came up with.

"I don't want you fretting and taking it out on the kids," Ellen said. Not very likely, I'm not that sort, but she'd set it up before I could do anything about it. I thought about saying I wasn't going and getting the kids back, but mother would only want to pry, want to know why Ellen was going on her own, so I left it.

Waiting for the action to get going, I started feeling guilty about bugging Ellen when she had said she didn't want to film. She'd said it would be a distraction, so if she didn't know, then why worry? On the other hand, if she did know or she found out she might be pissed, but it would make sure she knew how wound up I was, know that it was more than play acting.

There were pros and cons to every angle. I used 'Find-My-iPhone' to check where she was and when I knew she was at the hotel, when the phone had been in the same place for five minutes, I called.

"Adrian, is this an emergency? Are the kids okay?” she said, a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Yes, they're fine."

"I thought we said no phones?"

"We did, but I've got to tell you something. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it but I've been all over the place the last two weeks."

"What?" she said, sounding more irritated.

"Is Guy there?"

"Yes."

"Well tell him I'm sorry. I... um—"

"What?"

"There's a clock on the side cupboard, there's a camera in it. If you look underneath it there's a switch, you can turn it off. I'm sorry. I was scared."

There was a sharp intake of breath at her end. By then I could see the pair of them being recorded in 3D from the mirror and mono from the flower vase as well as what the clock was showing. I heard Ellen talking to Guy— I wasn't supposed to hear because she had her hand over the phone.

"There's a camera in the clock. The off switch is underneath."

"Thank God he's told us— what an idiot," Guy said.

She took her hand off the phone, "Darling, you shouldn't have worried. If that thing is working, you can see Guy. He's not an ogre. I'm perfectly safe."

"Are you going to leave it on?" I said, trying to sound excited by the possibility.

"No love, I'm not. A deal is a deal and Guy's shy. There's nothing you should worry about. Remember chocolate. Guy's going to turn it off now."

She waved at the clock camera and blew me a kiss. The picture turned sideways and I heard Guy say, "Oh yeah, here," before the picture died.

Guy called me an idiot, that stung and seemed to mean that there was something he felt guilty about, or maybe he was saying that he wouldn't have told if he were me. It stopped me solid.

Before I had a chance to think about telling her where the other cameras were, she'd hung up.

"What a fool," Guy said. "I mean what is the point in bugging the place and then telling us?"

"Don't mock him. He's scared you'll take me away from him."

"I don't have to take you away, you're here already."

Ellen giggled and started taking off her dress. "He thinks this is the first time," she said. "We have to play this along gently."

"That’s your problem,” said Guy.

“I couldn’t cope with him knowing,” Ellen said. “Not yet, not until I’m ready.”

About then I nearly died.