It was clear he had never seen anything like us before because if he did he would know that Thai girls don’t like getting our hair wet in rain, getting sweaty in heat or getting our skin browned by the sun. We also don’t like being shouted at and he definitely didn’t know that because he shouted at us constantly. We were never sure when he was angry because his voice was either loud or really loud and every time he spoke we would whisper to each other ‘Why is he angry?’
Yes, I guess he found instructing us frustrating, he seemed always to be shaking his head or rubbing his forehead. You see for we Thai girls, the only time we want to run outside is in the late afternoons when it is not too hot and if it is not raining and then only as long as we aren’t expected to run around too much so that we get ugly visible sweat beads on our face. All of which is why I thought it best to teach dance indoors when I returned at nineteen years old to be a helper on the summer camp.
Every day Jerry insisted all of us helpers gathered in a circle on the field before the day’s activities uncaring if it was sunny or raining so that he could shout his orders at us. Neither did he care that few of us understood what he was saying. One day he was forcing us to stand and listen when it was obvious it was about to rain heavily and when the black clouds poured their rain down, his only response was to shout louder. We stood shivering and staring at him, his drenched t shirt and shorts clinging to him and that was the first time I thought of him naked.
I felt so wrong then and as he talked to my part of the circle I made sure my eyes were on him, but as his eyes moved on I could not help drop mine to his wet shorts. He looked so powerful and so masculine. The wetness of his shirt showed his muscles and yes I have to admit, the wetness of his shorts revealed the bulging shape of a white dick. The guilt I felt in looking there was eased slightly by looking at the other girls in the circle and noticing they too were glancing down there.
That is not to say we all wanted his dick, because in fact none of us found him handsome or even nice. But to a group of twelve, late teen Thai girls, most of which were virgins, this tough and powerful white man fed our natural curiosity. You only had to look at the internet history on the shared pc, which only helpers could access, to see how many searches had been for ‘naked white men’ or ‘white men with Thai girls’.
It was also a two way curiosity. We could feel his eyes on us, usually with less subtlety than ours on him. When we ran his eyes were always chest height and when we wore tight fitting clothes or bikinis, his eyes would follow our bottoms as we walked away. In the dormitory at night, to each other we called him the beast, or the pervert, for how he stared at us so sexually. But although we wouldn’t admit it to each other, we wanted to be noticed by him. It became secretly competitive to attract and hold his eyes.
Every morning, before we went to the field I would check myself in the mirror from different viewpoints. I wanted to see what Jerry would see when he looked at me. We all did, although none of us would have admitted it. It was even more obvious before the afternoon swimming session when the mirror in the changing room would see a queue of girls jostling for position.
We were all secretly jealous of Ploy because when she went swimming, Jerry would not notice any of us and it was like we were all suddenly invisible. That was not because Ploy was more beautiful, she wasn’t, but because she always wore a white swimsuit. It wasn’t until the last day of summer camp that one of the girls told her that she should check herself in the mirror when her swimsuit was wet. I will never forget the scream of embarrassment that echoed through the changing rooms when she did. Jerry hadn’t needed to use his imagination to wonder what she looked like naked.
On one of the days in the second week, when we were having our after activity swim, my friend swam to me with a look of extreme shock and covered her eyes. When I turned I saw the reason why. Jerry stood in only small, tight black swimming trunks. I could not help my eyes drop immediately to the clearly visible shape and bulge of his dick. As he walked along the edge, we all collapsed in embarrassed giggles. It was the only time we could not help admit to each other where our eyes and thoughts were.
It was also the only time that those thoughts lingered in my mind after the dorm lights had gone out. Sure that the girls around me were asleep, the sight of him in his tight shorts returned to my mind and my hand slid down under the blanket between my legs. Only this time, Jerry was naked and his white dick exposed to me. In the darkness, biting my blanket to stop any noise and unknown to him, he pleasured me fully. I doubt I was the only Thai girl he brought secret, guilty pleasure to that night.
Yet how shy I felt the next morning when he greeted me, how unable I was to look into his eyes and it wasn’t until weeks later that I found out he was doing the same thing and thinking of me. Jerry was professional, despite his wild roaming eyes and never openly flirted with us, but all the girls would gather around me in the dorm and tell me excitedly how they had seen Jerry staring at me. I reminded them I didn’t find him attractive and anyway, I loved my boyfriend.
That love crumbled the night I went for coffee with Jerry. Not because of anything I did or he did, but because of the deceit of my boyfriend in setting us up. I will not repeat everything that happened that night as my boyfriend has already told that story, but the same mixture of emotion filled me. I loved my boyfriend when I left his apartment that evening and hated him by the time I returned. I didn’t like Jerry when I went to meet him, but I liked him by the end of the evening.
When I packed my bags and left my boyfriend’s apartment, I had never felt it was possible to feel so betrayed and so used by a man who has told me they loved me. I never wanted to see him again, despite spending a week crying in my bedroom at my parents’ house afterwards. I hated him for what he had done to both me and Jerry and I hated myself because I still loved him. I could not tell my parents or friends what he had done and I became so lonely.
Jerry emailed me to apologize for the way he spoke to me and treated me and told me he would never have treated me like that if he didn’t get the emails from my boyfriend. He told me how much he liked me and wanted me and asked me to forgive him. I felt sorry for him because he too had been tricked by my boyfriend. After a week I replied to him and we chatted about summer camp, anything apart from that night.
That didn’t mean I forgot that night. I tried to, but I couldn’t and although it was hard to be honest with myself then, I can admit now I didn’t want to forget it. After I wrote an email to him I lay in bed and the memory of how he made me feel that night, his strength and his dominating passion returned to me. I remembered how helpless I felt when his strong hands pulled down my panties and how he growled with desire when he looked at what he had revealed. Most of all I remembered how I felt when he threw me across his lap and how his strong white hand forced me to feel the submission I had secretly always wanted to feel.
I let the memories of him and how he made me feel so real and so overpowered that night flood into my mind. In the darkness of my bedroom I welcomed his presence in my mind. I wanted his strength with me again and I wanted to feel that same security I had felt that night in surrendering to him. His memory pleasured me that night and when I woke I felt differently. I didn’t find him any more attractive, but I knew I wanted Jerry to have me, fully and however he wanted and I emailed him and told him.
The moment I sent that email I felt strangely liberated and extremely nervous. It was maybe the first time in my life I had been honest to the desires that lay within me. I had wanted to submit to a strong white man and for too long I had tried to deny to myself I did. Now I had admitted to a strong white man what I wanted and I felt pride in myself.
It also filled me with worry. No one, none of my friends or my boyfriend, knew I was going to meet him and my biggest worry was that someone would find out. I just knew I wanted to give myself fully to him and accept whatever he wanted to do to me. I wanted to be fully taken by him. That is why when he replied to say he would fly to Bangkok and meet me in a restaurant, I insisted we meet at his hotel room.
That whole week I was so nervous. I had never thought I would be able to do what I was going to do and I knew if I stopped to think about it then I wouldn’t go through with it and I wanted to. I couldn’t decide what to wear, but I wanted to wear something that let him know for sure that I was ready for him. I bought a really tiny and really tight black skirt and because I could not wear it in public, I wore a long black skirt over the top of it.
I told my parents I was staying with a friend and in the taxi on the way to Jerry’s hotel I kept thinking I should go to hers and not meet him. I came so close to doing that, but when the taxi pulled up outside his hotel I kept telling myself no one that knows me will ever know I have done this and I want to try it, I want to know what it feels like to be taken by a strong white man. I gave my ID card to reception and they told me his room number.
When I stood outside his room I removed my long skirt so that I was just wearing my armless orange top and my tiny black skirt. I had never worn anything so short and so tight before, it had taken me ages to put the skirt on and zip it up and if it was any tighter I couldn’t have worn it. It was then that my nerves really hit me and I hesitated for so long before I reminded myself no one would know I would do this and I knocked on his door.
Jerry’s face lit up when he saw me and glanced down at what I was wearing, but he was really furtive, like he expected my boyfriend to have followed me. He looked up and down the corridor, then silently waved me inside and quickly locked the door. Only then did he seem to relax and stare me slowly up and down, nodding and grinning with approval. I felt like a human birthday present, waiting to be unwrapped and maybe I looked like one too, but in that first moment I felt so uncomfortable.
He had just flown in and showered and changed, his bags were still unpacked and he moved them off the bed and sat on it. I didn’t know what to do, I was trembling with nerves and stood looking down and chewing my hair, too shy to look up to his face. He patted the bed beside him and I sat down.
Jerry seemed as nervous as me, or maybe my nerves infected him. He asked me how I was and apologized again for what had happened before and told me he had been thinking about me a lot ever since. I began to wonder if I had made a mistake in coming, we seemed so cold and uneasy.
I had been desperate for him to hug me when I walked in, but he didn’t and now finally he reached to me, his hand stroked the hair from my eyes and stroked my hair down to my back and then over my back. I didn’t move and I guess it was the final confirmation he needed that I wasn’t going to stop him this time.
He moved me closer and kissed my forehead with delicate kisses while he stroked my hair. My shyness stopped me responding, but his kisses felt nice and made me feel safe. Then I felt his hand stop stroking and grip my hair, loosely at first then tightly. He began to pull on my hair and I gasped as I felt my face forcibly lifted and then tilted back by his grip in my hair.
He held me like that by my hair, my face looking up to the ceiling, for what seemed like several minutes in silence. And in that time, all my instinct to resist and all my strength, disappeared. I sat with my hands by my sides, the strength of his grip controlling me completely and all my doubts about whether to come or not disappeared. I wanted him to take everything he wanted from me.
He bit my ear gently then whispered. ‘Your little body is mine now.’
His words and tone of voice made me feel so tiny and helpless and I didn’t answer, I didn’t need to. He hovered his face above mine and told me to show him and I did, because I wanted to. I couldn’t move my face because of his grip of my hair, but he moved his face above mine and I kissed and licked his rough, stubbly face. Every lick made me feel more submissive to him, I felt desperate for him to show he enjoyed my kisses on his face and he moved his face for me to kiss it all over.
Then, still gripping my hair, he licked my lips and hung his tongue out above my mouth. I kept trying to lift my mouth to lick his tongue, but he teased me, pulling me back by my hair each time my tongue reached his. Every time he pulled me back made me want to lick his tongue even more until I was so desperate to and he let me. I licked and sucked his tongue with so much pleasure I was sighing.
I wanted his kiss so badly and he gave it to me, holding my hair while his open mouth met mine in such a hungry kiss. I felt his hand trying to go under my skirt, but it was too tight for him to put his hand up. My top was looser and I felt his hand push my bra up and pull on each of my nipples as we kissed. Then he stopped, let go of my hair and told me to stand up.
I stood facing him and slowly turned and he told me he liked me in short skirts as they showed my sexy little butt off. I was so pleased he approved and felt his strong hands smooth roughly over my skirt. He stood and told me he wanted to take a photo of me. I asked who it was for as he set up the timer and he said himself and his friends. But as he was about to take it, he told me my boyfriend should see it too. It made me feel so awkward and I buried my face into his stomach.
He took several photos, holding me in different positions then told me he had turned it off. I don’t think he did as a light was still on, but I didn’t want to challenge him. I tried to forget it and he cuddled me again, even tighter, like he was squeezing all my strength from me.
‘Now tell me the truth,’ he said. ‘How many white dicks have you sucked?’
‘Only my boyfriends.’ I replied honestly.
He smiled, like he was pleased with my answer and maybe he could tell from my tone of voice that I wanted him to be pleased with me. I could feel the bulge of his dick against my stomach and he took my hand and put it on the bulge, smiling. I knew what he wanted and I wanted the same. I no longer felt shy to admit to myself that I really wanted to suck his dick. I had come so close to seeing it in the hotel before, but hadn’t. Now I couldn’t wait. I had thought of his dick almost every day since.
I knelt down and he didn’t need to ask me this time. I felt so tiny kneeling in front of Jerry, but it felt so right. It felt so different to kneeling in front of my boyfriend, more forbidden, but also more right, maybe because Jerry used to be my boss. I felt like I wasn’t me anymore, that I wasn’t an educated university girl and that I wasn’t from a good traditional Thai family. I felt like I was just an Asian servant girl taking care of her white master and it felt so exciting.
I begged him to see it and he made me say the words he wanted, that I begged to see his white cock before he took his hand from my head. I looked up at him, so powerful above me and I felt so lucky. All those times I had called him ugly with my friends, or the ‘beast’, but I knew that secretly some of them fantasized about doing what I was about to do to him. I felt free; no longer did I have to feel guilty for fantasizing about sucking a strong white man. I put my hand on his zip.