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I Wait

"A journey of my heart"

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I will wait.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
My choice has been made.
Nothing could ever change it.
I’ve chosen to come before Him. 
Shedding all I once was.
Stripped bare and kneeling. 

I Will Wait. 

I give Him my heart. 
He’s my lover and best friend.
I give Him my body. 
His to use as He sees fit.
I give Him my trust.
I give Him my submission. 
I will respect Him in all ways. 
I will care for Him.
I trust that He knows best.
I will please Him in all I do.
He will guide me by setting rules.
He will protect me by setting boundaries.

I kneel and I wait.

For Him I battle my demons. 
Am I what He wants? 
Can I be everything He needs?
Will I fulfill all of His desires? 

Will I finally be enough for someone?
The minutes tick by as my mind races.
I am focused.
I am as calm as can be.
He would be proud.

Still I wait.

The demons of my past circle like vultures,
For I have always fallen prey to them. 
Inside the doubt gnawing at me. 
What will I do if He turns me away?
How will I survive if He rejects my gift?

Yet, steadily I wait.

This time is different. 
I have escaped the walls I built. 
Naked and pure, I kneel before Him.
Finally I feel free of the past.
My mind clear, this is what I want.
I need Him more than anything.
I kneel here of my own free will.

For Him I wait.

My mind replays our conversations.
Those first awkward exchanges,
I was scared, nervous and hid behind my wall.
Each conversation He chipped away at my wall. 
Always showing me He was different.
We didn’t always agree but He stayed the course.
Always reminding He would teach me.
Patiently. 
He promised to stay. 
As my mask of happiness started to slip,
I showed Him glimpses of the scars I bear.

Promising to always wait. 

Our first significant argument shook me. 
I feared He would run, feared we were through.
He stayed. His promise intact. 
He protected me, as I am an insecure little one.
He always reassured me He was different.
The more He held me, the more my wall broke.

He showed me a fiery passion.
Loving me how a woman deserves to be treated.
Long lingering kisses deep into the night.
Even as He calls me His slut,
His eyes see me as a precious possession.
I know I will be taken care of and treasured.

He is worth the wait. 

My wall crumbled down, my mask was shed.
I was whole when we were together.
Suddenly, He had to go away. I felt alone. 
Communication lost for a short while,
Minutes alone felt like days, days felt like forever.
Uncertainty crept back into my mind.
The vultures once again circled, waiting.
The demons of the past reared their ugly selves. 

Filled with doubt, I waited. 

Did I do something wrong?
Am I not enough? 
What could I have done different?

Quieting my mind, I waited. 

Time became my enemy, I was alone in the silence.
The scared little one spoke again, full of questions. 
Why would He leave me? 
Why didn’t he just cut out my heart?
Physical pain would hurt less.

So scared, I waited. 

Eventually, He came back.

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He was as unsure as I was. 
Unsure where we would be or what to do. 
We had to start again by first understanding,
What caused the time apart and how to trust again. 
We keep moving forward, getting stronger each day.
Our journey did not end, He was still the one for me 
His real life still needed tending. 

I promised to wait.

I continue to kneel, thinking of our conversations.
So scared to lose Him, not knowing what will happen.
Nervous as life altering events surrounded us.
Death and sickness. Life is messy, but here I kneel.
Treasured stolen minutes, when one of us could get away.
I had become stronger. He made me stronger.
I looked deep into my heart, knowing this is where I belong.
There is no place else I would rather be.

He is worth the wait. 

I feel His presence as He walks into the room, so strong and sure.
Eyes downcast I stare at His shoes as He comes before me.
His hand under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet His.
Gently kissing my forehead, He smiles taking a step back. 
Tears glistening in my eyes, and still...

I wait.

He walks around me and I feel His eyes on me.
I wait with baited breath. 
He returns, gently moving my hair to the side
Soft leather glides over my collarbone
I feel the weight of the cold pendant
Starting at the valley between my breasts it glides upwards
When He finally connects it around my neck, 
my heart is lighter, my head is clearer. 
Butterflies swarm in my stomach.

So long I waited. 

My collar placed around my neck, time stops for a moment
I close my eyes and feel His presence.
Finally I know I am protected, safe from all harm.
His strength absorbed into my body.
Bound to Him, I am suddenly free. 
I breathe easier, knowing He has chosen.
Knowing I am enough.
He wants me and only me.
For the first time in my life the demons are gone. 
Tears now flow silently down my cheeks
Walls crumbled, I am accepted.

I wait no more.

No man has ever given me anything more beautiful.
My gift to Him....absolute submission.
My Master’s gift to me are abundant,
He will teach me I am worth more than I believe,
I am worthy of trust and above all I am worthy of love.
We will have ups and downs but together we will overcome.

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend, my soul mate.
He will give me strength when I feel I have none.
I am His in all possible ways. We will grow and learn as one. 
Never taking the other for granted. A selfless love. 
Healing past pains, celebrating our future together.

For Him, I waited. For us, I waited. 

I look at Him up from where I kneel 
And I whisper through happy tears,

Thank you, Sir.

*Thank you Lilly for your amazing editing and looking in  my heart to know what I needed to say, taking my words and making sense of it all. Also thank you ChrisM for believing in me and guiding me to turn this into a poem*

*author's note: I dedicate this to my loving Master for our journey is just beginning. We have far to go but together we will manage through all obstacles. I gift you my heart, my love, my submission.*

 

 

 

Published 
Written by TonyaL
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