I will wait.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
My choice has been made.
Nothing could ever change it.
I’ve chosen to come before Him.
Shedding all I once was.
Stripped bare and kneeling.
I Will Wait.
I give Him my heart.
He’s my lover and best friend.
I give Him my body.
His to use as He sees fit.
I give Him my trust.
I give Him my submission.
I will respect Him in all ways.
I will care for Him.
I trust that He knows best.
I will please Him in all I do.
He will guide me by setting rules.
He will protect me by setting boundaries.
I kneel and I wait.
For Him I battle my demons.
Am I what He wants?
Can I be everything He needs?
Will I fulfill all of His desires?
Will I finally be enough for someone?
The minutes tick by as my mind races.
I am focused.
I am as calm as can be.
He would be proud.
Still I wait.
The demons of my past circle like vultures,
For I have always fallen prey to them.
Inside the doubt gnawing at me.
What will I do if He turns me away?
How will I survive if He rejects my gift?
Yet, steadily I wait.
This time is different.
I have escaped the walls I built.
Naked and pure, I kneel before Him.
Finally I feel free of the past.
My mind clear, this is what I want.
I need Him more than anything.
I kneel here of my own free will.
For Him I wait.
My mind replays our conversations.
Those first awkward exchanges,
I was scared, nervous and hid behind my wall.
Each conversation He chipped away at my wall.
Always showing me He was different.
We didn’t always agree but He stayed the course.
Always reminding He would teach me.
Patiently.
He promised to stay.
As my mask of happiness started to slip,
I showed Him glimpses of the scars I bear.
Promising to always wait.
Our first significant argument shook me.
I feared He would run, feared we were through.
He stayed. His promise intact.
He protected me, as I am an insecure little one.
He always reassured me He was different.
The more He held me, the more my wall broke.
He showed me a fiery passion.
Loving me how a woman deserves to be treated.
Long lingering kisses deep into the night.
Even as He calls me His slut,
His eyes see me as a precious possession.
I know I will be taken care of and treasured.
He is worth the wait.
My wall crumbled down, my mask was shed.
I was whole when we were together.
Suddenly, He had to go away. I felt alone.
Communication lost for a short while,
Minutes alone felt like days, days felt like forever.
Uncertainty crept back into my mind.
The vultures once again circled, waiting.
The demons of the past reared their ugly selves.
Filled with doubt, I waited.
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not enough?
What could I have done different?
Quieting my mind, I waited.
Time became my enemy, I was alone in the silence.
The scared little one spoke again, full of questions.
Why would He leave me?
Why didn’t he just cut out my heart?
Physical pain would hurt less.
So scared, I waited.
Eventually, He came back.