Who would have thought my best friend would respond so well...then perplex me quite so much?
So here the story starts in fact, becomes fiction, and then returns to fact..I wish that the fiction was fact and the fact was fiction. You can't win them all. I'll let you guess where fact and fiction swap over.
I hadn't been at university long, but the course I was on only had around 35 people. Getting to know people hadn't been a problem.
My friends and family had all expected that when I went off to university that I would come back within the first few weeks telling them of a possible or actual boyfriend, something I had never had. However, with there being five times more females to males in the university, finding a guy had been proving pretty difficult.
There were seven on the course. Two already had girlfriends, one got together with another girl from the course in the second month we were there, that left four guys. One had a terrible back story - stayed as far away from girls as possible unless they were friends. One seemed hopeless with everything. One was attractive but shy and the other was foreign. Don't get me wrong, the foreign guy was hot and I did try and get things going with him, but you know how these things go...they often don't.
I had made friends with all of the guys and most of the girls, as you have to do on a course as practical and team work oriented as mine.
But two girls had made particularly good friends with me at this point in time.
One was breaking up with her boyfriend for another guy she would later end up with, not that any of the three of them knew this.
The other, Sam, had been flirting and being flirted with by one of the guys who had come to uni with a relationship already going, a long term one, at that. I had been the recipient of many late night phone calls and texts from Sam when he would turn up drunk at her door, demand to be let in, kiss her and leave.
I, being the Pringle suggested that the three of us go on a night out, not to go and get guys, but to chat about all that had been happening at uni so far, get a little drunk and then we'd sleep at Sam's.
The three of us met in the middle of the week when we knew it would be both cheaper and quieter in town and went out to the nearest cocktail bar where we ordered wonderful cocktails by the pitcher. We got slowly more lucid as we set the world to rights and went through the first pitcher, by the second considerably more deadly cocktail, we were ready to move on to another place. So the three of us gathered our belongings, and stood up, instantly realizing that the deadly cocktail was indeed, quite deadly, and we staggered to a place that Becca suggested we go to.
When we got to the next place, it was busier than we thought and since I hadn't bought a pitcher in the last place, I was buying the pints and Jagerbombs in this one. Here we ended up going upstairs with our drinks to the next floor which was quieter as drinks could only be bought on the ground floor. We sat there and began putting the world to rights.
Sitting there we found ourselves within touching distance of each other. It seemed that only I noticed this. Though it was quiet with the number of people actually in the bar, it wasn't quiet by the noise level. Being drunk, (in all three cases) worse than we had ever been, something happened. You know when you know something happened because there are photos, but as to how or why it happened you are all clueless? Well it was one of those moments. One of us kissed another one of us.
Then suddenly all three of us were kissing each other like mad people, this I do remember, because I heard some guys yelling at us that they wanted us to get naked and give them a real show. The number of different angles and kisses that my camera showed, eesh. I remember also telling them both that this was the first time I had been kissed, laughing, and getting kissed some more. I was enjoying it from the looks on my face, and no, you don't get to see pictures.
When we finished our drinks, we realized that Becca was probably most drunk, and then Sam, then me. Sam and I decided that we would get Becca back to her flat. We wanted to avoid any incidents. We didn't but that's beside the point.
We deposited Becca safely at her flat and then crossed the short distance to Sam's. Sam and I got successfully up the stairs and into her room. She asked if I wanted a drink. I said 'yes.'
She made one and as she came to give it to me, her hand brushed against my breast. She put the mug down and went red.
"I didn't mean to do that Sarah, I'm sorry."
Then she went to get changed.
I waited on her laptop checking Facebook as she got changed and when she came back in the room and I turned around. She looked stunning. Her face had no makeup, but her hair was falling gently down her shoulders. She had on her pjs, skimpy things, red, but for some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Everything about her seemed somehow different. Good different.
"You wanna go get changed now? You can just open the wardrobe doors and change there. I won't look," she said with a glint in her eye.
I'd dropped my stuff off earlier and had left it in there anyway so I saw no problem in getting changed. I didn't like what I would be changing into, granny clothes compared to hers.
As I changed, I could feel a strange tingling between my thighs. I shooed away the thoughts that had begun running like a river in my head. Thoughts of the two of us. She called over to me to ask what was taking so long, causing me to hurry up and I returned looking rather flustered.
"Would you just put some cream on my shoulder, I've had the rest of the tattoo finished and I can't reach it? It'd be a big help."
I knew that she had had a treble clef put on her right shoulder blade in the middle and wanted to see the additions that had been made, so I willingly agreed and sat cross legged on the floor behind her. When she pulled off her pj top she winced, as her hair was pulled up I could smell her. She smelt so good. Again I felt the tingling sensation, stronger this time.
I shook it off. Added around the tattooed clef were swirls of different colours, it looked almost three dimensional. I took the cream she handed me and I gently rubbed it onto the tattoo for her.
When I had finished, she turned around, kissed me full on the lips and said, "Thank you, you are an awesome friend."
She sat there, topless in front of me as I sat motionless, still in shock at having been kissed by my best friend whilst she was semi naked in front of me.
She bounced to her feet and grabbed two bottles of something, uncapped them and handed me one. She remained topless and let me have a good long look at those voluptuous breasts with nipples getting harder and harder. For another 45 mins, she brought more bottles to me and we drank them all. I never questioned what was in them, I trusted her. I felt good, which was new for me - anyone that knows me will tell you that I never feel good....
When I was one again drunk, I decided that I would make a risky move. "Your breasts..." I said.
"Yes. What about them?" came the reply.
"They're beautiful Sam. I want to hold them. I want to kiss them, grab them and massage them. Well, not just your breasts...a-a-all of, all of y-you," I stuttered.
"Well, why don't you? I'm not stopping you. I wouldn't mind if you did to be honest. I'd kind of like to do the same to yours. All Tony does is barge in, demand a kiss and a grope, tell me that he'll leave the bitch and walk out. God, he leaves me feeling so...used."
"I wouldn't leave you like that," I whispered, unsure where the words had come from.
She may not have heard me because the next thing I heard was her sigh dejectedly. I felt a pang of something.
"Bastard. I'll never learn." She ran her hand up my thigh and back down sending goosebumps running up my spine.
I sat, still cross legged on the floor, in total bewilderment. Where had this come from? Was she bi? Was I bi? I didn't get much chance to think these things through before she pulled me up from behind to face me, standing stark naked bar her shorts, crouched down and kissed me again, forcing her tongue to enter my mouth. Willingly now, mine dancing with hers.
Before I knew it, I was flat on my back with her straddled on top of me. I could feel her heat pressing on my leg. We were kissing passionately, one of her hands on my breast under my pj top, fondling it lovingly, the other holding my hand above my head. Our breasts, sheathed and unsheathed were almost touching, tantilising me. Our passion grew stronger as I pulled her in closer with my free hand, kissing her furiously, pulling at her shorts with our interlocked hands.
I realised she had no underwear on. I tore her shorts from her and pushed my hand towards her pussy, finding her clit and rubbing it, pinching it, then inserting a finger into her slit. She stopped kissing me as she screamed in joy, her back arching in excstacy and pushing my finger in further, I put another finger in and she moaned in pleasure, now we didn't care about the people in the rooms around her, we were too happy to care.
She started riding my hand as I put a third finger in her pussy. "I'M GONNA CUM!" she yelled, and cum she did, all over my hand. I was mesmerised by the sight, the feel and the smell of her sex juices pouring out of her delectable pussy.
I removed my hand from in her pussy and brought my hand to my lips, slowly and seductively sucking her juices from each finger. She leant down and kissed me more. Then I shuffled to between her legs and licked and sucked up all her delightful juices, passing a little up to her as I ate her pussy.
She writhed around so I assumed I had found her g-spot and worked harder. She came again all over my smiling face, then she moved to kiss and lick my face, tasting her juices. I swear she has never looked more beautiful.
It was then that she kissed me, pulling both of my hands and arms over my head and holding them there, then telling me to leave them there as she relieved me of my drenched clothing.
She kissed me lightly on the lips once, then started at my hands, then kissed as much of my body as she had access to above my crotch area. She then kissed from my feet upwards to the tops of my thighs.
Somehow, she must have discovered that I like my body to feel sensations. A lot. She produced a feather and lightly, so so lightly ran it over my hands and wrists, a particularly sensitive area, up my arms and then around to my breasts. She had tickled under each arm, making me squirm a little in delight before going there, though.
She started at my nipple, running in one long, slow spiral around my breast, then when she reached the bottom, she went between the two breasts, kissed, and made a ribbon shape, and went up the other, then the same in reverse. I was thrilled and so wet it was unbelievable.
She slowly massaged both breasts at the same time, then flicked her tongue over my nipples. Ooh, she was good. She kissed me on the mouth again, then ran the feather up and down my slit, round my clit. I have to say, I came then and there.
"Mmmm, now this is a mess I am willing to clean up," she said sexily, a tone I had never heard before, but I liked it. Nay, LOVED it.
She licked, sucked, tickled and fingered my slit. I would tell you more detail but I was in so much pleasure that describing it, well, there aren't words good enough to describe it.
As night drew to a close and the sun started rising, we lay on her bed, arm in arm, hands on breasts, kissing, listening to the birds, watching the sky change from its night setting to its day setting. It was a beautiful night, one I will treasure.
The next day after I had returned to my flat on campus to shower and change to go and do musicy things around campus. I saw her and we exchanged glances and winks. We met up for lunch and then went to my place and kissed and fondled each others breasts some more. More times like this have happened since, but they are for another day.
So now its about a month later and things have started to change between us. I don't think I like where we're heading.
I don't know what's happened. We had two gigs that the two of us were supposed to play together today; small charity type ones. They went well. To be honest I would say brilliantly, but Sam seems distant. Nothing has happened between us since that night except when we've been alone and a little drunk we've kissed.
I'm left wondering if I've done something wrong. She's never been like this before. And now I've had to say a quick goodbye to her as she has gone home for Chistmas. Quick because she didn't have chance to talk to me but had chance to have a twenty minute conversation with Tom? Something has to be wrong.
Nobody knows about that night. Nobody but the two of us. Why is she being funny with me?
A little later again, we've broken up from uni for Christmas now.
So I'm missing Sam. I've done the usual messages for Christmas and had no reply. I've tried to text her, get her on Facebook, Skype her, phoned her...Everything to no avail. She hasn't talked to me since the concerts two weeks ago. I really am starting to wonder what's going on.
Just a little after Christmas now. It isn't just me that has noticed either. It turns out people pay more attention to my Facebook and who "likes" what than I thought
Now my friends have started to notice the sadness which has begun to run through me. They can't all put two and two together, only a few people have managed that. I've had to tell the few that have asked that she is my best friend but that there was some drunken kissing on a night out and I think things went wrong then. They can't know. If anyone finds out just how big a secret I'm hiding...
This sadness is running gradually deeper. She hasn't talked to me in what is going on for weeks now. Even though I've only known her since September, there have been very few days we haven't talked.
Happy New Year my arse.
Hoorah! She has texted back, 'Happy New Year Sarah!'
Yeah. That. Is. It.
Are you as gutted by that as I am?
The first thing she texts me in weeks and...nothing?
So I'm now back at uni, she has texted me twice and commented on a photo on Facebook. I'm really starting to wonder. People I've known longer say I should forget her, kick her from my life. It isn't that simple though. She's in my lectures, we have the same singing teacher, We go to the same university. I couldn't avoid her.
The lines of what we have in common are starting to blur.
I noticed today that she has deleted me as a sister from her Facebook.
So she is no longer on my wallpaper on my phone.
I'm starting to think they were right, the ones I've known longer.
I haven't seen her yet. I'm dreading it.
I saw her today. I had to sit in a lecture with her for two hours. I swear it nearly killed me. It was inevitable that I would have to see her. I just didn't expect my reaction to her...
We couldn't talk to anyone as the lecturer went on and on.
Afterwards I had to leave immediately for a rehearsal.
It didn't hurt me that she didn't talk to me, text me or look at me throughout the lecture...what hurt was when I turned my head to the side to glance at her through the other people on the row, and I could feel pain in my chest. Terrible pain over my heart.
I think I am in love with her and I think my heart is breaking.
I can't stand the pain any more. I know I've had sound advice from friends here, friends from my life, all trying to help me...but I'm going nowhere.
So I've taken the executive decision to delete her from Facebook and pretend nothing ever happened.
What happens when your heart betrays you, breaks and feels like it'll never be fixed?
If there is more, you'll get it. For now I'm the girl whom the sadness runs through.