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My Aunt. Chapter 6

"Victoria opens the door to an unexpected visitor"

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I didn't reply to the knocking on the door. If it was Bethany, I couldn't face her.

The knock was repeated, more firmly this time.

"Victoria! Is something wrong?"

"Aunt Helen!" I exclaimed loudly and jumped to my feet.

I turned the knob and pulled the door inwards.

My aunt stood in the hallway, still in her outdoor coat and hat. She looked concerned as I stepped back to allow her to enter.

I closed the door behind her.

"Victoria. Is something the matter?" she asked softly, her face the picture of concern.

"No, Aunt Helen, not at all." I replied, putting on a mask of sincerity and trying hard to cover the nervousness I was feeling, "Why do you ask?"

"I just came back from Ipswich to see you run up the stairs to your room and bang the door behind you and now I see your neck and cheeks are deep red."

I didn't answer her but dropped my gaze from her deepest blue eyes to the carpet at my feet.

"I also heard Bethany call after you. Did she upset you? For if she did..."

I gasped and put my hand to my mouth.

"No, Aunt, she did nothing wrong! You cannot beat her again, please..." I implored.

Lady Helen took my trembling hand and held it tight between her own hands whilst she looked at me.

"I will not beat her if she has done nothing untoward, Victoria, but something has clearly upset you. You can tell me, you know, I will not bite." She smiled then and I saw the face of a beautiful and caring woman and at that moment I felt I could tell her anything.

Still holding my hand, she sat in the chair at the dresser and waited patiently as I began to tell her what had happened in the dining room a few minutes before.

I started slowly but the words began to trip over themselves as they tumbled out from my quivering lips.

My aunt lifted a gloved hand and gently touched a finger to my lips, halting my explanation and calming me at the same time.

"Shh... little one," she whispered and took my other hand. Now she held them both in front of her as she looked up at me.

"To touch someone in such a way is not a sin, Victoria. I know your parents were very strict in your upbringing but they were afraid that you might be tempted into bad ways." Her blue eyes sparkled as they flitted from one side to the other as she spoke. "Things are very different here. The reason that the girls like working here is because they are free to explore their feelings without fear of being judged by the outside world and, in the same way, you too are free here, to explore as you wish or not to if that also pleases you."

"But Aunt Helen, You flogged Bethany! That is so harsh." I couldn't contain myself.

"Yes, my dear, but out of necessity. I have to be sure that they understand the boundaries. It is the price of freedom, and yes, I do know that some of them enjoy it but it is better that they think I am not aware of that fact otherwise it would be no punishment, would it?" She smiled and winked

I smiled back at her, feeling better already.

Aunt Helen squeezed my hands.

"While you are here," she said, "you are free to explore your desires as you wish. You may touch and be touched but you must never ever force anyone to do anything against their will. You must always respect their wishes in the same way that they will respect yours." A pause as she waited to see whether I understood, then:

"If there is anything you wish to know, about anything at all, don't be afraid to ask me."

I nodded happily. I wanted to ask her so much about things I had no understanding of but the words just would not form. Instead I just replied.

"Yes Aunt Helen, thank you. I have so much I want to ask but for now I have to return to Philo...Sister Watson."

"All right," she said. "I will speak to Bethany when I have taken off my coat, hat and gloves."

I clasped my hands to my face in horror.

"Oh, no! Please don't!" I implored her, "Whatever will she think of me?"

"As you wish," she said, "but you must speak to her at some time. Bethany is a little coarse but she has a good heart and will be upset if she thinks she has offended you in some way."

"I will, Aunt, I promise but not just yet, I am too embarrassed. Perhaps after I am finished at the hospital."

Lady Helen stood and took a few steps towards the door before stopping and turning back.

"You are very young, Victoria, and have lived a very sheltered life. The loss of your parents is very sad at such a young age and now you have a whole new life to begin, an adult life, but you are not alone, my dear."

She smiled and, after a brief pause, turned and left.

I took a deep breath and, after allowing a little time to pass, I returned to the dining room. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to Bethany.

I need not have worried. When I rang the the little hand bell, Maggie appeared.

She did not mention anything about Bethany so I neither did I.

After lunch I returned to the main house, to resume my instruction with Philomena. As I stepped through the main doorway I was immediately met by the soldier who had directed me that morning.

"Pardon me, Miss," he said, almost as if he was apologising for delaying me, "Sister Watson asked me to let you know she can't see you this afternoon. She said to apologise but that you should be all right now, at least in the grounds."

"Oh, thank you," I replied. I wondered what it could be that had kept her away but I knew she was very busy so it was probably important.

The sun was high and the sky was beautifully clear and blue so I decided to take advantage and walk through the gardens and enjoy the warmth on my face.

The gardens were beautiful.

Part of Lady Helen's agreement with the army was that they would maintain the gardens for the duration of their occupation and they were, so far, doing just that. The lawns were neat and short and the bushes and hedges were immaculate.

I followed a little pathway that led to a secluded area surrounded by hedges, like a little secret garden of pretty flowers of many bright colours and the scent was wonderful.

The garden was entered through a small archway in the tall hedge and, on passing through, I saw a man sitting on the wrought iron bench.

He was a pitiful sight. He wore the uniform of an ordinary soldier but his head was swathed in bandages covering his eyes and one arm ended just below the elbow. This too was wrapped in bandages and yet he still appeared smart. His uniform pressed and his shoes gleaming in the bright sunlight.

"Who's there?" he asked.

From his voice I could tell he was hardly any older than I was and I simply replied:

"I am Victoria."

He turned his head as if to hear from which direction my voice came from.

"Victoria?" he queried.

"Yes, Victoria Harcourt. I have come to live here."

"Ah, I see," was all he said.

"You have the advantage of me, sir," I said, walking towards him.

He began to get to his feet as I approached and I saw he was having some difficulty.

“ Please, you have no need to stand,” I said. “I can see it is difficult for you. You made the effort, that is enough to show you have manners.”

The young soldier slumped back onto the bench.

“ Thank you Miss Harcourt,” he replied breathlessly, “It is an effort to stand I do confess.”

“ Call me Victoria, if you wish to,” I said, “But I am still at a disadvantage sir.”

“ Oh, yes, I am sorry. My name is Thomas, Gunner Thomas Billington to give you my full title.”

He still looked straight ahead as he talked but with his head to one side as if straining to hear where my voice was coming from.

I stood immediately in front of him as I spoke.

“ Pleased to meet you Thomas,” I said.

“ The pleasure is all mine, Victoria, I can assure you.”

His manners were impeccable for a private soldier and he spoke very nicely too. Although I was not an expert in such things, from what I had seen generally, most soldiers seemed to have accents from their home regions but I could not discern any clue as to where Gunner Thomas Billington originated from.

“ Would you mind if I sit with you for a while, Thomas?” I asked. I did not wish to impose myself upon him if he had come here to be alone.

“ I would like that, Victoria. Please, sit down.”

He shuffled along to the end of the bench, allowing enough space for me to sit beside him.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn't really know how to begin. I didn't wish to ask about his injuries. Philomena had explained to me that some of the soldiers memories were so horrific that to talk of them caused them to break down or to become violent.

Finally I said:

“ Thomas, where is your home town?” He smiled.

“ I am from Wells, in Somerset,” he answered.

“ I have heard of Wells,” I told him. “I learned about the cathedral when I was at school. Doesn't it have a clock some four hundred years old?”

“ That's right!” he said, his lips widening into a broad smile as he thought of his home, “And it still works perfectly! It is a beautiful city even though it is not much more than a village really.”

“ I was wondering, Thomas...” I began, still unsure about what to say. I paused.

“ About what?” he replied, curiously.

“ Well, about you really.”

“ What about me?”

“ I was wondering how it is you do not speak as though you are from Somerset.” I felt a little uneasy, not knowing whether he would think me inquisitive.

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“ My father is a barrister,” he answered immediately, “from London. I spent most of my life in boarding school so I never picked up a local accent I suppose.”

“ A barrister?” I was surprised at this. “But you are a soldier. Should you not be an officer?”

Thomas smiled wryly.

“ My father pulled a few strings at Whitehall so I would not be conscripted. I was just seventeen when the war started so not eligible for service. I could not watch all those men volunteer for duty whilst I remained safe at home just because my father knew some people. I am not a coward, so, as soon as I was eighteen, back in January, I enlisted as a soldier so my father would not be able to stop me.”

I listened in awe as his story unfolded.

“ You are the same age as I am!” I exclaimed.

“ You are just eighteen?” he sounded surprised, “I imagined you were somewhat older.”

“ I imagine it is because I have had a lot of growing up to do in a very short time,” I replied wistfully.

“ Really why?” he asked.

“ I lost my parents on the Lusitania so I had to leave my school and come here to live with my Aunt.”

“ Ah, I see. Lady Helen is your Aunt.”

“ Not really,” I replied slowly, “She is, was, a friend of my parents. She said I could call her 'Aunt' to make me feel more at home here. To tell the truth, I never knew her before yesterday.”

The was a short silence.

“ I have heard some very nice things about her.” he said eventually. “I suppose if it had not been for her generosity, I would not be so lucky as to be treated here.”

“ But you have suffered far worse than I have, Thomas.”

“ Have I?” he replied. “What could be worse than losing both your parents so suddenly?”

He paused for a while as I protested.

“ But, Thomas..!”

He raised his good hand to his lips.

“ Ssshhh...” he said, “I have not suffered so badly. I had only been at the front a matter of days when the shell exploded in front of me in the trench. I lost both my eyes and my right hand and was peppered with fragments but I am alive. I can adapt. I have my parents still who both love me, even though I defied them. Your loss cannot be repaired so easily.”

He reached out his left hand and I took it in my right.

“ You see,” he continued, “I can feel you and through your voice I can see your beauty and sincerity. I sit here each day, listening to the birds and smelling the flowers and grass, thanking God for taking so little. My life is not over because of this. No, it is just beginning.”

“ Thomas, I... You are so brave. We are barely out of childhood and yet, here you are being so wonderfully pragmatic and mature.”

He squeezed my hand gently.

“ And you are not?” he simply said.

We sat in thoughtful silence for several minutes

“ Tell me about your parents,” he said, breaking the silence.

I suddenly realized I had not thought about them since being given the news at school.

I was devastated at first but then, after I had been given a little time to get over the shock of their sudden demise, I had been so busy getting used to my new and unfamiliar circumstances that I hadn't really had time to think about them.

"Oh, erm, well..." I began, "I, erm... "

Thomas put his hand upon mine.

"Don't worry," he said gently. "I understand how hard it must be for you. I just said that to show how brave you have been too."

"Oh, Thomas, I, I..."

"Shhh..." he said again, squeezing my hand. "You have plenty of time to come to terms with you loss, as have I."

I looked up suddenly as a woman's voice spoke out.

"Ah, I thought I would find you here," the nurse said as she appeared at the arched entrance to the little garden, "You are supposed to be seeing the surgeon at four so he can assess your wounds."

"Is it four already? I am afraid time has flown by."

The nurse smiled.

"No," she said gently, "Three thirty."

Thomas Billington placed his good hand on the cane that was beside him and pulled himself to his feet. I stood and assisted him. I was surprised I hadn't even noticed the stick but then, I should not have been, considering he was totally blind.

As the nurse carefully took his bandaged arm to guide him, he half turned toward me.

"If you will excuse me, Victoria, it seems I must leave you. I have enjoyed meeting you and hope it will not be the last time?"

"The pleasure has been all mine, Thomas, I assure you and yes, I too hope we will meet again."

"If I may be so bold as to suggest that you stay here awhile and and enjoy the peace and tranquility of this garden and maybe spend a little time with your parents?"

"Yes, Thomas," I replied, "I think I shall, thank you." and with that, the nurse guided him through the leafy archway and towards the house.

I waited briefly until the tapping of his cane had receded then sat on the bench, alone.

For the first time I was able to sit and really think.

A tear began to form, filling my eyes until it ran over the edge of my lashes and down my cheeks. I began to cry, sobbing for all I was worth, not for me but for all the things I had taken for granted. My parents had always been there for me and now they were gone. I was sure they knew I loved them but I had never really told them, never imagining for one minute they would be taken from me so soon..

I slowly recovered my senses and dabbed my eyes. The garden was so pretty that I tarried there awhile, lost in my thoughts and memories, not really noticing the time.

Eventually I saw that the shadows were beginning to lengthen as the late afternoon sun began to dip in the sky.

Not wanting to be late for the second time on two days I thought it prudent to return to my room and change for dinner so, taking one last look at the beautiful flower beds I walked back to the house.

I passed several men with various wounds. Some in wheel chairs being pushed by nurses, some with missing limbs but I noticed that most had a kind of lost look in there eyes, as though they were dead inside.

A loud bang startled me as I approached the house. An army lorry had backfired as it passed, travelling along the gravelled drive.

The soldier near to me screamed, grabbed me and dragged me to the floor, covering his head with his free hand. His crutch flew to the side and,as he went down, yelled:

“Get down, we're going to to die!”

I understood, now, what Philomena had taught me that morning and I didn't scream out or struggle but talked calmly as I went down and tried to placate the poor soul. I was not yet confident enough to help him any other way and besides, a nurse was already running to assist us and calm him down.

“It is all right,” I said, gently, “it is over, you are safe now.”

Slowly, the soldier regained his senses and looked at me, wild eyed and confused. He said nothing but slowly released his grip on my arm and I stood.

I thanked the nurse, who told me I had done the right thing. In the soldier's mind he was back in the trenches and dodging shells and bullets. If I had struggled he may have thought me an enemy.

I left them and walked on, back to the East wing and up to my room.

As I began to undress I thought about the soldier, Thomas Billington. I liked him and wondered whether I would see him again. I felt at ease in his presence. Not just because we had scars to deal with, his physical and mine emotional, but there was something else I could not put my finger on.

As I thought about him I wandered, absent minded, into the bathroom and pulled the cord by the sink for some hot water to freshen up with.

The door opened after a short wait and the maid entered carrying a large steaming jug.

I started!

"Bethany!"

My heart all but stopped in panic.

"Yes, Miss," she replied, looking a little nervous, "oi 'ope you don't moind but oi needed to see you."

I was flustered now and ill at ease, totally unsure of what to say to her.

"Erm, no, I, er, I don't mind..."

She poured the hot water into the sink and spoke as she did so.

"Miss, oi wanted to know you was aroight after what 'appened, you know, earlier."

"Oh, yes, Bethany. I am afraid I was very embarrassed by what I did, I am sorry." I fairly blurted out the words, "I didn't know what to say to you."

I looked down at the floor, my face burning.

"Oi was afraid oi 'ad offended you boi showin' moi bum."

I looked up and saw her pretty but worried face and my heart melted instantly.

"Oh no, Bethany, you didn't offend me. I am afraid it is me who should apologize. I have never touched anyone before. Your bottom was so pretty and the stripes made me feel I wanted to soothe away the pain and I couldn't help but touch you and I... I..."

"It's aroight, Miss Victoria, 'onest it is. If you want to touch me oi don't moind at all."

"I don't know what I want, Bethany." I answered her truthfully, "My emotions are so mixed up since I arrived here."

She stepped forward and raised my chin with her fingertips.

"If you will forgive me, Miss," she said, looking deep into my eyes. "Oi understand 'ow you feel. If you need anything at all, oi am 'ere. You can trust me, Miss."

I looked at her, my heart fluttering as I saw the sincerity in her eyes.

To be continued...

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Written by Annamagique
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