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Aswin should have stayed with Nell, his first love and an Australian Aborigine.
The bus from Adelaide city now goes on large highways through suburban centres of shops and houses where once, travelling on a small and slow green bus, it went over creeks and through fields where the farmer ploughed, curling dust into the bright sky.

He has little chance of finding her again but he must look.

It was here that he got off the bus from school in the city. He daily walked past the empty primary school fields on a dirt path through long grass, battered by freezing wind and rain in winter.

The high timber fence was creosoted dark brown and the white wooden letters at the gate spelled “The Pines”, behind which a large clump of these trees brooded. These were his prison walls for four long years.

Now he recognises the house only when he is next to its front door, and only then because of its large rough-hewed ancient sandstones. He is standing in a university parking lot full of cars, where fragrant gnarled roses used to grow in an overgrown garden. Through the house windows he sees desks and a computer. The sign says “Student Counsellor” at the door.

At this spot years back, with his hair combed back like Elvis and his black shiny pointed Beatles boots on, Aswin balanced on top of the high timber fence, strummed his guitar and sang pop songs to the empty streets and houses and to the vegetables in the fields.

This was where he first saw her.

As he played his guitar, the curtain in the house diagonally across the street opened a fraction. A beautiful face of a young girl was framed in it, her large dark eyes looking, her wide lips smiling shyly. Then it was gone, replaced by other laughing faces of other girls. Then a huge Aboriginal man with a beer belly that bulged over his crumpled trousers came through the front door. He nodded, without smiling.

Aswin had been watching the young girl about his age going out for a walk with her brothers and sisters and their little dog. He loved to see her shiny skin, as dark as a moonless night, on her lovely face, arms and long and graceful legs. She walked like a free spirit that she was.

One dead Sunday afternoon, Aswin gathered all his courage and pretended to casually walk past the school field where the girl and her brothers and sisters were hanging around the metal fence at the desolate schoolyard. They were the only people in this world.

“Hi,” he said, flushed in the face.

The girl looked at him and smiled.

“What’s your name?,” he asked.

“Nell. What’s yours?”


“You Chinese or something?”

“No, Thai.”

“What’s that?”

Her laugh, a magpie’s morning song.

“Can I take you to the movies?,” he asked.

“Guess so. When?

“Tonight? We can take a bus.”

“Righ-do. ‘Ave to tell me mum.”

The movie theatre was full of people all dressed-up: it was the opening night of “My fair lady.” The only seats left were right on the front row, which meant that they had a long walk through bristling hostile stares.

Aswin grabbed Nell’s hand for the first time and did not let it go during the entire movie, even when the hands became sweaty.

On the way home they sneaked into the Pines’ rose garden and found a grassy corner where they huddled together. The landlady’s bedroom light was off. The roses smelled sweetly in the cool evening air. Nell waited, her large eyes bright in the night, while Aswin mustered all the courage to kiss her.

It was his first kiss. He had dreamt of it often enough but it was much better than he thought possible. After the first gentle searching touch, Nell’s mouth was strong and direct, pushing, retreating, teasing. They had to break for breath.

“Oh God, Nell!”

“Yeah, what about him? Better leave him out of this, mate!”

They held each other close now and Aswin felt her small firm breasts through their clothes.

With his hand that was tingling, almost shaking, Aswin moved it down to rest on her bottom. Then he held her hard round bottom under her skirt, warm to the touch under her thin cotton briefs.

“Now ya getting somewhere, mate,” whispered Nell. “Here.”

She neatly moved his hand and pushed in gently down her front between her legs, as she opened them slightly to accommodate him.

Aswin’s lucky hand was caught between her thighs, as heat pulsated from her neat mound cupped under his palm.

“Ya can, if ya want,” said Nell.

“I don’t know how to,” confessed Aswin.

“You are a good boy aren’t ya?

“We’re going walkabout. Come with us and I’ll show you how,” said Nell.

An Aboriginal needed to frequently return to the land of his or her birth to spend  time to be in touch with ancestral spirits that live there. To the Whites, they go “walkabout” and would return to their jobs if and when they were ready.

The beauty of the desert folded around Aswin in an eerie welcome as he walked on it, self-consciously a guest from far. In the clarity of the air, the deep blue sky and the blood-red earth became his body. Everything, shrubs, twigs, rocks, was sharp and alive, as were bird songs and rustling eucalyptus leaves. All was clear, nothing was hidden.

Nell led the way, holding his hand. Fierce heat pulsed from everywhere. A billabong. a waterhole in the Aboriginal language, was hidden behind a shady stand of gum trees which stood naked with their smooth, bare and shapely trunks painted flesh-pink and white.

Nell at once slipped her dress over her head, threw it away: she wore no underwear, her brown body shining.  She slipped quickly into the water and squealed at Aswin to join her. He did, stripping with a silly smile on his face. It was his first time being naked in front of a girl.

They raced each other to the middle of the pond, flailing furiously in the water. There they held each other, limbs entangled, struggling to keep afloat. Aswin kissed Nell again, clumsy and wet.

“I love you, Nell.”

“I know, mate,” she said.

On the sandy banks under a low gum they gave each other their virginity, sweaty sinewy limbs pushing against each other, coarse sand cutting into soft skin.

Their struggle startled a small green and gold cloud of budgerigars trying to drink. They rose as one with a deafening screech and wheeled into the sky, broadcasting the joyful scene that they had just witnessed.

That night the lovers sat on the sand by themselves near the dying campfire. Above them, a billions stars and Nell’s many ancestors smiled down to them.

“My folks have decided to stay here and not go back to Adelaide,” said Nell, very quietly.
It was in the trees behind Nell’s house that they said goodbye to each other, holding onto each other until dawn and not wanting to let go even then.

“Come back to see me,” Nell said, tears glistening on her perfect face, a vision that Aswin had treasured ever since, both awake and in his dreams.

The bus streaks through the desert like an arrow. A heart is waiting for it in that barren land. It‘s nearly 8 years now since their parting. Nell and her family had moved on and Aswin, just finished his university studies in another state of Australia, doesn’t know where to start to look for her.

At the corner of market street near the bus station in Adelaide yesterday, an old Aboriginal man lugs his belongings. Incredibly, he knows Nell from her name and the only small photo that Aswin has and tells Aswin where she may still be.

Getting off at the dusty bus station, Aswin asks direction at the pub and is now sitting in the fierce noon sun on the back of a utility bumping along the dirt track. An asbestos fibro house with a rusty roof stands on its own under a big gum tree. Noises of children and a dog come from the backyard.

The face approaching through the dark corridor to the wire screen is what Aswin has been waiting to see all these years.

It is still stunning.

Nell’s eyes open wide, much to Aswin’s joy. They hold hands and hug, Nell not letting go.

“Come on in, luv.”

“Thank you, Nell.”

They move to the back porch and Nell makes tea.

“Billy’s still at the police station.”

“A policeman?”

“Yeah. He’s good bloke too, a good father.”

“I’m glad.”

“I come to see you before going back home. I’ve finished my studies, you see. Am just about to fly home.”

“Oh, yeah? Well done, luv. You are a clever man. I always knew that.”

“Actually, I thought that you might want to come home with me,” Aswin says with a wry smile.

“As you see, I am otherwise occupied.” These sensual wide lips had smiled at him during countless nights over the years. He can’t help reaching over now to put his hand on them. Nell kissed his fingers then his mouth tenderly for a long moment.

It is as if he had never left. He smells the ancient roses in the Pines’ garden. He hears water lapping sand and the buzz of cicadas.

“Oh Nell. I’ll miss you.”

“I know. I’ll miss you too, luv.

“Live well. Get married. Think of me sometime.”

“I have no choice in that matter, Nell.”

She squeezes his hand harder. “I know, mate.”

To his surprise, Nell moves his hand down under the table, then under her skirt, pushing it gently under her underwear, easing her thighs a little to accommodate him. Like their first time in the Pines’ garden, Aswin holds her firmly at the hot and homely place where he belongs and should never have left.

“Put your finger in, if ya want. I miss it badly,” says Nell.

Then she calls out to the kids to come to meet uncle Aswin. All come running at once, thrusting their smiling faces at him: three boys and a girl, the youngest. The handsome eldest boy is somehow different from the others.

“Aswin, meet Aswin Junior,” says Nell, smiling. “He’s the eldest, turning 9 soon.”

Aswin senior turns quickly to look at Nell. She looks back at him for a long moment with all the tenderness and love that he remembers. She still holds his hand down below and squeezes it tighter.

“And this is Billy Junior, Doug and Susan, our baby!”

“How ya all goin’?” asks Aswin.

“You Chinese or something?,” asks Aswin junior.

“No, Thai.”

“What’s that?”

Nell’s children laugh and run off again, chased by the barking kelpie.

Aswin watches them in an afternoon that should have gone on forever. While playing, Aswin Junior looks back frequently. Nell stays beside him, their bodies touching as they lean on each other. She steals another long tender kiss when the kids are not around.

Now Nell’s hand is in his like on their first night out together to the movie. He wishes that life, and his own courage, had allowed him to always keep it there and not let go, as he also must now in the fading afternoon light.

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

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