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Denim In Oswego, Part 2

Tags: humor

It was before dawn in Oswego. Most citizens in their right mind were sleeping. Fester didn't know a mind from a hole in the ground.

"I feel frisky, Earl."

"My nom de plume, is Fester."

"What does your numb plums have to do with wanting some cock?"

"Why me Lard, why me?"

"I feel frisky, Fester."

"It ain't that cold, put a sweeter on."

I reached for her orange jump suit, the one from the erection facility. The one with numbers across the back. I think it was the John Deere license plate number.

If you recall, she was being persnickety. She wanted me to fuck her in the ash, but they were still smoldering in the fireplace.

"My ass Earl, and don't forget your rubbers."

"Or you sure about the rubber."

"Do you wish aids, Earl."

"Make them over-easy."

I continued romancing her. Telling her what I was going to do.

"I am going to warm you up and get juices flowing. Then eat your gorilla."

"That's my beaver, Fester."

"Whatever. Then I am going to spit on your arse."

I could almost sense what she was going to say next. I think I have a six pence about things like that.

"Earl! Why you going spit on a horse?"

I was grinding and plowing, pushing her hemorrhoids to the right, and doing the hokey-pokey by putting my right foot in. I was getting in the groove and shaking it about. She was taking the curlers from her hair. One of her tits hung to the floor, scaring the bejesus out of her.

"There's a possum loose in the boudoir, Earl. It has a pink nose."

"I'm Fester, its your tit."

She was crawling across the bed and braying like a jackass, screaming and caterwauling as if her ass had a jackhammer up it.

"Do me, do me Earl."

I was pounding so hard and fast, that bubbles came from her ass, lifting her a couple inches off the mattress. She looked like the Hindenburg.

"Gum me, Earl"

"It's Fester. How about I sing an old Roy Acuff song?"

"What a beautiful thought I am thinking
Concerning a great speckled bird
Remember her name is recorded..."

"Vaseline, Earl. It's tight."

"I'm Fester. I can't see the Vaseline."

"Look toward the east, Earl"


She look at me and said, again. "The east."

I felt around and found the package of yeast and shoved up her ass. It didn't take but a moment for her hemorrhoids to rise. They looked like overripe muffins. I pulled my cock from her ass, it was a tight squeeze getting past her muffins and the galoshes.

"Cold tar, Earl."


"DAMIT, I said cold-tar"

"What do you expect in December."

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