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My Love, My Shame

She makes me want to do things I shouldn't want to do
It was almost sunset when you pulled onto my street. I heard the squeal of your tires as I waited on the porch, my girlfriend inside. I couldn't refuse your demand. You knew that.

Leaning in your window, your breath as sweet as dew on roses. Your hands locked onto my hair and you pulled me to the cruelest, most beautiful set of lips I ever craved. You bit my lower lip, hard. I moaned as quietly as I could, and dampened my panties.

Your right hand snaked forward, squeezing my breast through my tank top, and you laughed, still biting down as I writhed. When you released my lip I was more than damp.

"Get in, slut," you ordered.

I turned to look towards the house. "I… I can't," I blurted, aware that she was inside, maybe even looking out at us.

"Get the fuck IN!"

I slid onto the passenger side and reached for the belt. There was none; of course, you would have removed them. I grabbed the seat as you nailed the gas, sending the car sideways. I squealed along with the tires, feeling alive for the first time today.

As you ran the sign at the end of my block you turned to wink at me. My eyes drank in your smoldering beauty, the pale legs beneath your skirt.Your right hand reached for my thigh, owning it again.

"You're still my girl, right?" You didn't have to ask, but you enjoyed hearing my answer, the way my face lit up when you spoke.

"Yes, of course," I mumbled. "You know I…"

A sudden rotation of the wheel sent me flying into the door panel as you braked and then gunned the engine again. The wheels erupted in smoke, carrying us away to some secret place that only you knew of.

When I began to talk, your hard gaze silenced me. Now was your time to think, without my silly babble. You drove like a madwoman, while I quaked inside.

When you slammed the transmission into PARK and shut the engine down, I looked around. Dark now, this end of town in the deepest night. Your eyes studied me, watching the rapid rise and fall of my chest.

"Little doe," you said softly, then reached for my arm. I leaned over the console, coming to you, my lips ready for the sweetness of yours. Your left hand yanked back on my hair.

I cried out, but not in pain. Surrender.

"What's the matter, pet?" you asked, looking into my eyes. "You don’t like the way I treat you?" Your laughter soft, but cruel.

"I… no, it's just that…"

"You want me to be romantic, is that it?" Your fingers twined in my hair, tearing some from my scalp. My tears came, unbidden. Could you know how wet I was?

"No, ma'am."

The fingers of your right hand closed around my chin, dragging my face upward towards yours. My heart raced. I would have given anything for a kiss, just then. Anything at all.

"Get out."

As always, you caught me off guard. I stay that way in your presence. As you shoved me toward the door I was afraid you'd drive away. Leave me there, to carry my broken heart home.

I backed out of the car, my eyes watching you for a sign you would never give.

You twirled your fingers in a circle, indicating I should come around. I hurried to your door, breathless. The light came on as it opened, shrouding you in its pale yellow glow. You looked magnificent; a gothic Madonna, the slash of your black hair just touching your right shoulder.

I watched, spellbound, as you swung your legs out. Your skirt rode upward and I could see the darkness beneath.

Your voice was lower, but commanding. "Eat me," you ordered, and spread your thighs.

I was still on my knees in the dirt when the light from a passing car swept over us. It slowed and then stopped as its occupants realized what they were watching. I lifted my head. Your hand returned it to its duty.

"Don't stop," you groaned. You rested one heel on my back and arched your hips upward. Your voice was ragged as another climax swept over you and you shouted, "Fucking slut, you fucking goddam SLUT!"

I smiled as I licked.

Ten minutes later, the show over, the car drove on. You pushed with both feet, dismissing me. I rose on shaky legs, my own climax still close. My hand sweaty on the car door.

I heard bugs chirping; birds calling. Night sounds. Somewhere a motor ran. I waited as you pulled your skirt down and slammed the door shut.

At the sound of the engine, I raced around to the passenger side. Sliding in, just as the car rocketed forward. Looking at you, your face a mask of hardness. You laughed loudly and turned to me.

"You're pathetic. Do you have no dignity?"

I dropped my gaze. "I know, ma'am," I whispered, and added, "no." When you told me to speak up I shouted, too loud, "NO, NONE!" My climax chose that moment to manifest itself. I pressed my head back against the rest and tried to hide it, but you saw my face.

"Fucking slut, I love you," you chuckled, watching me.

A sudden hard pinch of my left nipple had me gasping for breath, my vagina still leaking through my shorts. I felt the burn of degradation again.

My chest arched toward you, but you were bored with me now.

When we reached my house you repeated, "Get out." I glanced at our window as I did, seeing my girlfriend's face. I turned to look at you but you were already moving. Tires squealing. Laughter dwindling in the roar of your car.

I began the long walk to our door, unsure of what I would tell her. Pretty sure my face would say it all, and not really caring.

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