Dear G,

It has been almost six weeks since we last saw or spoken to each other. In fact, the last moment you saw me, was when I ran past you getting into B’s car and I didn’t even give you my usual bear hug.

G is it weird to have THOSE types of thoughts and erotic dreams about you even though I’m happily married to B? I know in all honesty it is okay to have crushes, but it is immoral to cross those boundaries into reality.

I’m not the first to be on that mental wavelength. I know two and a bit decades ago someone you were dating did indeed cross those boundaries and dated B after you broke up with her. I laughed when I heard about it the likely scenario is you broke up with her, and she dated B as an act of revenge and B believed at the time she was into him as B never had a girlfriend before. Revenge and desperation is a funny pairing. Then again I heard you were a slut during that time period from a few various sources.

Can you tell me about those times we have all been together for dinner, and you sit across from me or beside me. I wonder if you chose to sit there because of my presence, the company during meal times or if we sit in that arrangement just because? I found it amusing that one time I left my seat by the fire on bonfire night, you quickly sat in my place. Out of all the chairs, you chose mine. Of course that most likely was my imagination running wild that perhaps you have a crush on me too. 

Are you aware for the first time in many years you unintentionally made me blush? Yes, you did when you said: “Hello Rosie.” I know it isn’t that important. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but it was the first time you ever called me “Rosie.” Only B has only ever called me “Rosie,” and on a few occasions, your mother has too.  My body tingled as you called me "Rosie." The cheerful tone and smile made me flush red, even though I masked it by returning a simple cheery “Hello G.” I never had that feeling before with anyone. Not even when B calls me “Rosie” during the times, we have sex.

Perhaps every little thing you do towards me is all in my imagination. I guess in my mind I’m like one of those giddy girls who used to chase after you in your early twenties because of your charisma and attractive looks. I can understand why now after all these years. Even when I watched you kiss and lightly pet your former girlfriend in front of B and me, I couldn’t help wishing you were kissing and showering the same affection on me. 

As I fall into the world of Oneiros the likes of Phantasus, Ikelos and Morpheus conspire my dreams.

I am standing in your former teenage bedroom, naked except for the rope binding my wrists behind my back. I sense your presence in the room. You walk up behind and start to caress my flesh and while your other hand has locks of my hair entwining with your fingers. The tip of your tongue tracing a pattern up along my throat. Warmth and pressure from your mouth on my earlobe making me shudder in pleasure.

Your hand snakes its way from my hip across my thighs and hovers over my pubic mound. I move my left leg over to the side a little giving you access; finger dips inside, you pull it and return with inserting two fingers. Slowly building a rhythm, I notice the rhythm is matching with your heavy breathing.

Murmuring my name against my ear, I can feel the pulse ecstasy building inside of me. You move on to the other side of my throat and like a vampire latch onto the flesh. Sucking hard with your mouth all while quickening the pace with your fingers. 

You insert four fingers inside causing wet sounds from your momentum. There it is, I’m reaching my zenith, body shaking, my muscles tense inside and stars blur my vision.  I cry out your name.

My body buckles under the intensity of it all and I collapse on the ground. You stand hovering over me with a triumphant look. Raising your cum soaked fingers to your mouth you suck and lick each digit as if it was ambrosia. Eyes never breaking away from mine. Wanting to hold power over me.

The atmosphere changes, you too change into the form of Morpheus, who seems satisfied by his actions of pretending to be you G. Just like that the dream sequence ends and I awake into the real world.

The crush I have on you is a fantasy; logic tells me you don’t fancy me that way or are even attracted to me. All those little things like sitting by me and making small talk were some way an indication you thought of me in a different way is an understatement. No, I know you just think of me as a friend, but it doesn’t hurt to dream and think these fantasies of you and I. For which there have been many dreams of you and me fucking into a frenzy alone, in group fuck sessions of people we don’t know. Where you dominate me and bring my body to the ultimate climax of orgasms, 

I wrote this to you because I have to get this off my psyche. I need to stop these schoolgirl crushes, stop the dirty erotic dreams of us. Instead, focus on the relationship with my husband. Perhaps these feelings and thoughts are my way of coping with  lacklustre sex in my marriage to B , nd you subconsciously became my desire.

Where do we go from here?

Rosanna