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Feels Like - 1. Planning The End

"Freedom as experienced by college freshmen"

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Chapter 1 of 26.


The smell of marijuana is overwhelming. Tegan’s curly blonde hair leads me into the dimly lit bedroom where smoke rises from the group. The door closes to muffle out the sounds of the party. The music in the room is smooth, rhythmic and unknown. Perfect for smoking. Yet I recognize the song is Cat Power: Empty Shell .

“Who is doing the planning?” Benito asks as he receives the joint. He is sitting with Kayla on the couch alongside the bed: their favorite spot.

We affectionately refer to Benito as our deadhead and to Benito and Kayla collectively as the hippies .

I am Jack. The girls affectionately call me maestro . They appreciate my talent to play them like musical instruments with my motion-in-the-ocean skills. Tegan is my girlfriend.

“Carl is setting it up,” Riva said. “He’s the one with all the drug buddies.”

Tegan and I find to a spot alongside Riva and Jonas. They are laying across the bed facing Benito and Kayla. I accept the joint from Benito. “Planning what?” Tegan asks.

“Finals Week, of course. Our last few days together before I can hit the beach,” Riva answered. Riva’s dark, straight hair is flipped again. The hair flip is her sign of excitement. This is Riva’s bedroom. We just call it the bedroom.

“Fucking stoners,” Tegan blurts at Benito. We all expect she’s joking, but is she?

The large bed sits like an island not against any wall. At the foot of the bed, as you walk in the room, is a couch facing the bed. A bookshelf lines the other wall with the door from the hallway. There is a papasan chair in the corner at the end of the bookshelf, and doors to bathroom and closet are along that wall. A pair of windows is on the final wall.

Jonas had installed some blackout film over the glass. In the evenings, the sun will peak its way through gaps along the edges of the panes. It is quite shocking to get a ray of sun in your eye in such a dark room. There is an overhead light, but we keep the bulb unscrewed to keep anyone from accidentally turning it on. We only turn it on for clean up. Sometimes when Riva needs to study, but that’s rare.

“I’m sure we can throw a party more fun than this one,” I said through holding a big hit. “I hope.”

We are all freshmen at Panhandle State University in Florida. Pensacola is a great place for young adults to explore life and newfound freedom.

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I forward the joint toward Tegan’s mouth.

I had met Tegan at Riva’s: a pool party, maybe the second weekend of the school year. Riva and Tegan go way back to middle school in Navarre. Tegan is an air force brat. Her family moved to Destin in ninth grade. They spent their high school summers together on the beaches up and down the gulf. All of us are gulf coast kids, except Jonas is from Port St. Lucie.

Tegan reaches for Riva while taking her hit. Riva and Jonas are consuming each other in a sloppy I’m so wasted kiss. Tegan squeezes Riva’s ass and forwards her hand to grope some thigh. Riva convulses slightly and arches her back in response. Jonas looks up at Tegan without escaping Riva’s lip lock. Squinting through smoke in her eyes, Tegan smiles back.

“I’m really... going to miss... us,” Riva said referring to the whole gang.

“What is Carl getting?” I asked as Tegan joined the kisses between Riva and Jonas. Jonas tugs a handful of blonde curls, jerking her head back to expose her neck for Riva’s tongue. We affectionately call Tegan our little tease . She enjoys licking and being licked.

“He’s trying to get some Killer-X in the city,” Benito informed. “I just scored this weed. What do you think?” Kayla looks like she is asleep, but sticks out a hand with a jingle looking for the joint. Her arm is adorned with a hemp bracelet with little charms tied in it. Her brother had tied it on her, and she can’t take it off without a knife.

“It tastes good. Is it from Svana?” ... no reply meant: “acknowledged, over and out.”

Riva removes her tongue from Tegan’s neck, “I mean this summer could get lonely. I hope we spend it together,” she said directly to Tegan. “As usual.” She stroked Tegan’s hair, tucking it behind an ear, she oogled at Tegan with puppy-love eyes. “This has been one fucked up semester, and we all shared some experiences,” she said.

“Yeah, I will miss the boobs by the pool,” I said.

“It’s not just boobs,” Tegan joined in, kicking me. “I’ve never had a group of friends like you guys.”

“We still have finals week. I’m sure we’ll be sick of each other by the end of it,” Jonas said and takes Tegan’s mouth again.

Benito puts the joint in the ashtray. Through a billow of smoke he mumbles: “I hope Carl can score. That’d be cool.” He clears his throat and continues, “I can’t believe the semester is almost over.”

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Written by JM_fantasy
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