I guess you could say I come from a broken home. To say my family was not typical of American values would be the understatement of the year. We have no values. Most of us are either in prison or just haven't been caught yet. Because I come from a very large family, that's a lot of people who shouldn't be amongst the rest of society.

Disfunction was the name of the game. There was no one to teach us right from wrong, good or bad, or even just some advice, encouragement, or wisdom. The only thing close to wisdom came from my father. He told me, "Son, life is just a big toilet bowl and we're nothing but little pieces of shit until the Good Lord decides it's time to flush us to Hell." 

Those words really scared me and not just because I was five at the time. It didn't help that he was holding my head in the toilet as he was saying it. Of course, as I got older, it didn't scare me as much. Having your head held in the toilet day after day... well, it starts to feel like it's something that's just supposed to happen. I even started putting my own head in the toilet when my father was too drunk to do it. Can you blame me? This is life. It's supposed to be miserable. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Don't even bother to try. Don't dream of a better life, because it simply doesn't exist. That's what I was hearing and learning from my family.

Of course, there were fights. How could there not be? Police were constantly coming to the house. One of them joked that they should just put bars around our house. That way they wouldn't have to take us to jail. Such was my life growing up. And then... there was Christmas time.

Yes, it gets worse. It starts with Aunt Sally, who always, without fail, brings fruitcake. For once, couldn't she just bring a real fruitcake and leave her husband at home? Then there's the creepy uncle thing. Every family has one, but in my family, we don't even have one who isn't creepy. Then, there are the cousins I've never even heard of until they show up, mostly because they were just released from prison, broke out of prison, or escaped while being taken to prison. Then, there was... was... I'm still not sure what it was. Seriously, we were all too afraid to ask. It would show up every Christmas, eat some food, and leave. No one dared to say anything to it. Whatever it was, it did keep the peace in the family until it left. Then, for God only knows what reason, someone has to say something and that's when the fighting begins.

The last Christmas we had was no different. I can't even remember what words set it off. It sounded like "Mary" and "Chris." But there is no one in the family with those names, so why would someone even bring it up on this Merry Christmas day? Whatever the reason, like always, they were fighting words. What started off as angry words, turned into shoving, followed by punching and then... the inevitable gunfire. Actually, quite a bit of gunfire. Everyone packs in my family.

Of course, no one was surprised. It happens every Christmas. The police certainly were not surprised. They would hang out in front of our house, in full riot gear, in anticipation of the violence that was sure to happen. I have to admit, they sure know how to club people in the head. I don't think they missed me a single time.

(On a side note here... If any of you reading this decide to start a riot, do so somewhere else. Our cops are pretty indiscriminate about who they club in the head. Just ask my 99 year old grandmother. Though I do have to admit, she was probably asking for it, since she wouldn't put down the assault weapon. Even so, 130 blows was a little excessive, especially since it only took 120 to subdue her. You should have seen her. Her face was an indescribable mess... not because of the clubbing. I'm just trying to give you an idea of what my grandmother looked like... I still get chills.)

After this last incident, Max Brody, the police chief, visited me in the hospital. I thought he was going to give me a good scolding, but that was not the case. He looked at me and asked me how old I was. 

"Eighteen." I answered.

He looked at me a little longer, then walked over to the window and looked outside. He just stood there in silence for several seconds. Then without turning to me, he spoke again.

"When I was your age, I got into a lot of trouble. I had no direction... no one to guide me on life and all that it had to offer. I was at the point, if something didn't change soon, I was going to end up in real trouble. Like you, my family was no help. They didn't care at all." He looked back at me before saying, "It's starting to snow again." He then looked back out the window and took a couple of deep breaths before continuing.

"Who knows where I would be today, if I hadn't gotten on that bus that day."

"Bus?" I asked.

"I hated Christmas back then. I hated being with my family. As Christmas neared, I decided to make a clean break and leave town. I had no idea where I was going to go to. I just bought a ticket for the next bus leaving town. It was by pure luck that the destination was this beautiful, picturesque mid sized city I had never heard of before. The bus station was at the top of a hill, just across a bridge which I walked over to in order to get a better look at the city which was covered in snow. I just stood there, admiring it, when I felt a presence nearby."

"I turned and saw a young woman, around my age at the time, looking at a map. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Seeing her standing there, with the city in the background, seemed to cast a spell on me. That's when she noticed me."

"Our eyes met briefly before I turned away, pretending to look at the city. I could hear the crunch of the snow and knew she was walking towards me. In a very soft voice, I heard her say, "Excuse me."

"Then she asked me if I knew anything about maps. I told her I did, even though I didn't. She was wanting to know where she was at. I looked over the map, trying my best to figure it out, when I noticed a blue area on it. Could this be water? I made up my mind that it must have been and started looking around to see if I could find any. Then I remembered we were on a bridge and looked over the edge. Sure enough, there was a frozen river below us. To my great surprise, I was actually able to figure out where we were. Even so, there was a certain address she was looking for, which meant I still had to figure out things. It turned out she was looking for a small shopping center. Once I thought I had it figured out, I told her the direction she needed to go."

"She had an uncertain look on her face as she asked, "This direction?" I nodded my head and then without thinking, said, "I can go with you... if you would like." Without saying a word, she smiled and we were on our way."

"As we made our way through town, we got to know each other better. She told me her name was Snowy, a perfect name for a place like this. With each step, I felt a sense of comfort washing over any insecurities that come with meeting someone new. Before long, it was as if we had been long time friends. I admit, I was starting to fall for her. How could I not? She was drop dead gorgeous. She had beautiful, braided, long blond hair. Her eyes had a certain sparkle that only comes with youth and good health. Even with her heavy Winter clothes, I could tell there was that perfect hour glass figure underneath."

"I asked her if she was visiting friends. I admit, my heart sank when she told me she was meeting "someone special" at the shopping center. Of course. Silly me. I should have known a woman this nice and this good looking had to have been seeing someone. I asked her about this person." 

"She told me they have known each for several years, though they only see each other once a year, around this time."

"Once a year?" I asked, to which she nodded her head again."

"If this is too personal," I followed, "you don't have to answer. Is he married?"

"After seeing her nod her head again, I asked if it bothered her. She told me that it didn't bother her at all and that as long as she got her once a year visit, she was happy. Her smile, as she was saying that, confirmed it. Then I asked her if her family was okay with it. Her smile disappeared and she turned her eyes away. I knew I had crossed a line and told her I was sorry and I wouldn't bring it up again."

"Surprisingly, she said she was glad I asked. Yes, there were problems with her family. They told her she was living in a fantasy world, and it was time for her to "grow up." She wouldn't listen. This was her life and she was going to live it the way she pleased. I understood what she meant. My own family situation made it easy for me to. Still, what was it about this man that she needed so badly? What was so special about him? I needed to know... so I asked."

"She told me when she sees him, he knows what she's there for. He knows what she wants and he knows how to give it to her, but he asks anyway. He makes her tell him. Sometimes, he makes her beg, say "pretty please" and other things. When she first sees him, her heart is pounding... so hard, she feels like it's going to explode from her chest. Her hands start to shake and her knees go so weak, she can hardly stand. Even as we were talking, she said just knowing she was about to see him, caused her heart to start racing. The wait... the long wait since their last meeting. The anticipation of the moment when their bodies touch. She could feel his warmth. The moment becomes too much for her. She feels something stir deep inside of her and then, and then her time is up. She pulls away, dreaming of their next meeting."

"Just talking about it, got her hot and bothered. As cold as it was, I could see sweat on her forehead. Yup, I could see she had it bad for him. I was thinking about how lucky that man was when Snowy said, "We're here." She was right. We made it to the shopping center. So focused was I on our conversation, I hadn't even noticed. She thanked me for my help and the talk before she leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek. Then she turned and disappeared in the crowd of shoppers."

"It should have ended right there, but for some reason, I just had to see the man she was so desperate for. I followed, but got lost in the crowd. I was about to give up when I noticed a big crowd of people in an open area in the middle of the shopping center. I worked my way through the crowd and then... I saw her. She was sitting on his lap, out in the open, where everyone could see. As for her lover? He was much older than I thought he would be. He was unshaven and even overweight. That's the man she's crazy for?"

"I could see they were talking. I know I shouldn't have, but I just had to hear what they were saying. I moved in closer. Did he just say that to her? He did. And he said it again. The rage just burned in me. How dare he? I pushed my way through, pulled Snowy off his lap and punched him with everything I had."

"Snowy screamed, "What did you do that for?" 

"He called you hoe!" I answered. "Not once, not twice, but three times!"

"He was laughing!" Snowy shouted. Then she went to him and said, "Santa, are you alright?"

"Santa?" I barely said. Oh boy. I guess I should have known by the red suit and the fake beard. Well... after looking again, real beard. That's how badly I broke his jaw."

At that point, Brody stopped talking and continued to stare out the window. 

"Is there a point to this?" I asked.

Brody turned and stared into my eyes. "Of course there's a point. Don't you see? Had I not gotten on that bus, I would have never met Snowy. And if I never met Snowy, I would have never punched Santa into a coma. That was the moment my life changed. That's when I realized how much damage this fist can cause. So I joined the police force. Yup, as long as I have this baby, I don't even need a club."

"I'm still not getting your point." I said. "What does this have to do with me?"

Brody walked over to me, until we were mere inches apart. "The point I'm making is that your life can change too. Do you go this way or do you go that way? Which way do you want to go, son?"

After thinking about it for a while, I answered, "I have no clue."

Brody walked back to the window and watched as the snow continued to fall. His foot started tapping nervously on the floor before he turned back to face me. "Do you want a better life?"

"Of course I do. Who wouldn't?"

Brody pointed to me and said,"That's what I wanted to hear. For some people, a better life is becoming rich. For some, it's about raising a family, and for others, it's about clubbing people into a coma. Then there's what I like to call, "low hanging fruit." For them, there's no such thing as a better life. It only gets better if it doesn't get worse. Now I've had some dealings with your family and let's just say... your family is the low hanging fruit variety. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm afraid I don't." I answered truthfully. 

"You will." said Brody. Then he left the room.

I had no idea what he meant then, but I do now. That was two years ago. A mere two months before I was sentenced to a long prison term. Yup, there is no such thing as a better life for me. Brody was right and so was my father. Life is just one big toilet bowl and I'm nothing but a little piece of shit, waiting for the Good Lord to flush me to Hell. I keep hearing my father's voice saying that every day since I've been in here... while the water swirls around my face. Yup, you've guessed it. I'm sharing a cell with my father. Dear God, please, just flush me to Hell already!