All the elves are worried when Vixen returns alone while Santa is out on his deliveries. Later in the night his sleigh is spotted, but is flying erratically with only the seven reindeer.
Santa lands the sleigh hard. One of the runners collapses and the sleigh smashes it into a snowbank. The elves rush to sleigh and roll it off the old elf.
Santa slowly tries to stand up. He looks like the night had not gone as planned. Part of his fur is missing from his suit, his coat is open, the right sleeve is torn off at the shoulder, and he is missing his left boot.
“Holy Crap, what a night,” he howls.
“What happened?” they all ask.
"How long was I gone?” he bellows. “Check the sleighs chronometer. A normal Christmas I should have only had to stop time for 13 to 14 days!”
Scurrying over to the sleigh, one of the elves examines it's time-shifting chronometer. “Oh My Word! It says you've been gone for 103 days!”
Straightening himself fully upright, Santa looks at elves. “It seems someone programmed in a few new deliveries into my system,” he growls. “I was making stops for a number of Naughty Little Girls!"
A collective gasp comes from the elves.
Santa looks over the gathering crowd of elves, “Who was responsible for programming the delivery system this year?”
The elves all look at one another and then slowly begin to separate until just one elf is standing in front of Santa.
“You did this!” he said pointing at the lone elf.
Looking down at the snow, “Yes sir, but. . . it was with the High Elfin Council approval.”
“Tell me more.”
Looking for the right words the lone elf begins, "They decided that if some Naughty Girls and Boys got presents on Christmas that it might turn them nice. So they devised a method to test it out their theory.”
Folding his arms, Santa continues to scowl at the little elf, "Go on.”
"The Council decided to test the girls first. Then we could check the results. If they were favorable, then maybe we would try the boys next year.”
"Oh they did, did they? And how did they select these girls may I ask? Post something to my Twitter account?"
"Nothing like that Santa. I was instructed to post to a forum on an erotic story site. Mmmmm... Lush Stories I think? I just asked in the 'Girls Only' forum If Santa visited naughty girls on Christmas, what would they want?"
Rolling his eyes, Santa shook his head. “So what happened to this list?”
“I just moved into the standard list for gifts. It wasn't that large, only 12,467 requests. Why, did it cause any problems?” the elf meekly asks.
“At first, there were no issues. I just left the designated gift under the tree and left. That made up about half of all the stops. Just a dildo here, a vibrating egg there, and some 20 odd Symbians. Then, I started finding some of the girls up waiting for me,” Santa states as a matter of fact.
“Oh... and then?”
“Well, the Korean girls were super polite. They just wanted to inspect the presents and they each gave me a kiss in thanks. The Japanese girls were mostly dressed in skimpy, shear teddies. They all wanted selfies with Santa. By the time I reached New Zealand, they wanted a little more from Santa than a present! It was the same all across Australia, the Philippines, the whole damn trip!”
The now frightened elf had to ask, “What did they want Santa?”
“ME,” Santa shouts. Pulling a small note pad from his suit pocket, “In all total, I got 3,504 blow jobs, I ate 6,214 pussies, I had anal sex 1,363 times!” Still fuming at the elf, “I lost count of the straight sex I performed and I didn't bother counting the rim-jobs, either given or received.”
“But... but... That would be well over total number.”
“You didn't back check all those requests little man!” Santa now screaming. “Do you know how many sets of twins I ran into? Do you have any idea how many girls wanted to go around-the-world with Santa? Not to mention the 27 all girl dormitories where you scheduled stops. Then the most surprising of all, was the eleven retirement homes!”
All the elves just stood in silence.
Using air-quotes, “There were all kinds of “Girls” waiting on me! Love sick teenagers, neglected house wives, widows, retirees, librarians, school teachers, executives, elected officials, fitness trainers, and, I might also add, there were 23 Dominatrix's! I even stopped at a couple of places that were having a swinger's Christmas party!”
The programming elf is now more frightened by every detail Santa relates to him.
“I have had sex in every imaginable position tonight!” Then, counting down on his fingers, “Missionary! Doggy Style! Cowgirl! And, a few I had never imagined!”
A cold sweat breaks out on the elf's forehead.
“Oh, yes,” Santa raising his finger with a new thought, “I do believe I picked enough cherries tonight to make several pies!”
Quivering, the elf becomes apologetic, “I am so sorry Santa.
