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Princess Jayne And The Elven Queen, Part 1

The human Stefan guides the Elf Princess through the Veiled Forest
Princess Jayne Cuddlebucket was upset. She was VERY upset. She roamed around her little house in the dwarf hamlet of Wigglebottom and shouted and screamed. She upended her writing table and vellum pages flew everywhere. She stomped her foot and cried, "That BLOODY woman!"

The dwarf inhabitants of Wigglebottom scurried about in panic. They loved Princess Cuddlebucket but they had seen her like this before. "Get Stefan The Human, he will calm her down," said Poxault, the headman.

"Urm..." said a villager, "he was drinking and dancing with the Gypsy Whores who visited the tavern last night... He may not be awake yet."

"Just GET HIM," shouted Poxault. And so they did.

Ahh. Some boys and girls may not be aware of why Princess Jayne and a human called Stefan lived at the opposite ends of the dwarf hamlet at Wigglebottom.


Princess Jayne Cuddlebucket really was a princess. She was the daughter of the late Elven King Suris who had had an affair with a human woman called Rebecca Cuddlebucket. They had been very much in love and this had angered the Elven Queen, especially when Rebecca had given the King a daughter. The king had doted upon the little Princess Jayne, but after he and Rebecca had MYSTERIOUSLY vanished during a hunting trip for japoleths in the Veiled Forest, the evil Queen banished the little Princess from the Elven kingdom.

"I will have no half-human child heir to the throne of Suris," she had decreed, and she had cursed the little Princess into the bargain, casting her out of the kingdom all alone.

After days of wandering lost in the Veiled Forest, the little girl had been found by a party of woodcutters from the dwarf hamlet of Wigglebottom and they had taken pity on her. They had fed her honey roast pigeon and given her sage beer to drink. Then they brought her home with them. That had been more than two score years ago and she had lived there ever since.

Every month, a party of Elf wolf riders would arrive at Wigglebottom, terrifying the dwarves, and toss a pouch of gold coins at the round door of Princess Cuddlebucket's little house. In Elven law, even a banished Princess was entitled to a stipend from the Queen's purse.

But this month the riders and the pouch had not arrived.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT YOU LITTLE CUNTS!" cried the human Stefan as a party of villagers pounded upon his door. "I'm fucking DYING here... Jesus my head feels like mince..."

But after they explained he agreed to go and see what was the matter with the Elven Princess.


Nobody REALLY knew why a human man would choose to live for so long with the little people. Rumours abounded. Some said he was a disgraced soldier. Some said he was a Magician who had displeased the human king by turning his wife into a pig. (And then making the joke that he didn't think anyone would have noticed...) Some said that he drank so much sage beer that he simply couldn't remember where he lived. But nobody knew why he stayed.

Indeed, when first he came, over five years ago he had been all set to travel on when he had caught sight of the teenage Elven Princess picking poppy flowers on the common in a white silk dress and with her hair curled in the manner of Elven girl royalty. But it cannot have been for her that he stayed because, well, they fucking hated each other.

Princess Jayne thought he was an uncouth drunk who made her ashamed of her half human side.

He thought she was a stuck-up Elvish cunt.

But he did not like to hear of her in distress so he called to her little house, the screaming and clamouring getting louder as he approached.

The door was open and he walked right in. "Jesus, Jayne, you look fucked off," he observed.


I mentioned earlier that the Elven Queen had cursed the Princess when she was little and indeed she had. But you see, Elvish curses don't work on other elves, so the curse had only half worked on Princess Cuddlebucket, because she was half human. So it was really a rather silly curse.

Like now, for example, because Princess Jayne was angry, a very small black storm cloud floated above her head and rained on her fine hair. Tiny little lightning bolts shot out of it from time to time.

"It's PRINCESS Jayne to you, you oaf," said Jayne with all the dignity she could muster, (which wasn't much with a tiny cloud raining upon her head.)

"Get me a sage beer, hun and tell me what's the matter," he said kindly.

And she told him.

"No problem," said Stefan, finishing his beer and offering the Princess his goblet for a refill. "I'll saddle up the horse and I'll take you through the Veiled Forest and we'll go and see the bitch ourselves and get your moolah..."

"I'M NOT GETTING ON A HORSE WITH YOU!" shouted the Princess angrily, but he noticed that the cloud above her head had stopped raining and was beginning to vanish...

"Fine," he said. "I'll ride, you can walk..."

The cloud above Princess Cuddlebucket's head began to darken again.

"Or I'll walk and you can ride?" he offered.

She smiled. (The cloud vanished with a final little poof of lightning.)

"How long will it take you to saddle the nag?" asked the Princess Jayne.

"You'll have time, Your Elfin Majesty," he sighed as he left to prepare the animal.

Princess Cuddlebucket rummaged about the plaited straw on the floor of her little house and found what she was looking for. In a little tin box she found the leaves that the Goblins from the High Mountains delivered to her twice a month. She rolled the leaves in a strip of fine vellum paper, and, with a lick of her little pink tongue, she made a cylinder which she ignited with a piece of flint stone. She smoked. And she smiled.

Stefan arrived outside already mounted on his horse. "Up you come, Girl," he said.

"I'm not a girl I'm a fucking Princess," snapped the haughty Princess, but, giggling, she allowed him to sweep her up in front of him on the saddle.

"I've got you," he said, putting his arms around her.

And indeed he did. As the plodding horse left the hamlet of Wigglebottom the Dwarves waved and wished them a safe journey.

As they traveled, the sun began to set. Now, in the distance the Princess Cuddlebucket could see the dark foreboding trees of the Veiled Forest in the distance. She unconsciously snuggled backward into her companion. He grasped her in his arms. Oddly, it felt quite nice to be held by him. "It'll be fine, I promise" he whispered softly. "Your hair smells nice, Jayne..."

"Don't..." she whispered.

He gave a low chuckle and began to sing softly and surprisingly sweetly:

"A man's a fool to hisself, Who gives his heart unto an Elf, For heaven knows that way madness lies. It is the height of folly, To love an Elven princess dolly, And his reward is naught but tears and sighs..."

"That's a stupid song," said Princess Jayne Cuddlebucket.

"Shall I stop singing it then?" he asked.

"No..." she whispered. So he carried on.

The dark trees of the Veiled Forest grew ever closer.


Princess Jayne Cuddlebucket and Stefan reached the tall trees at the very edge of the Veiled Forest just as the sun set. The horse nervously pawed at the ground, unwilling to enter, yet after a few soothing noises from the horseman, the animal grudging plodded into the woods. Above their heads the wind whispered in the leaves on the tall trees. It seemed to Jayne that it sounded like, "Princessssss, Princessssssssss." She shivered. Stefan took off his fur lined cloak and placed it snugly and warmly over the girl's shoulders.

"We're going to have to make camp in the woods, Jayne," he said. "It's dangerous to travel in the Veiled Forest after midnight, so we'll lay up and light a fire in an hour or so." Again the girl shivered.

"Why is it dangerous?" she whispered. "And it's Princess Jayne."

"Well, the japoleths and the bladetooths all hunt at night... And the Night Goblins and the tree ogres come out then too... And of course some of the Woodland Sprites are a bit suspicious of non-forest folk, and the soul-serpents and the giant web widows usually trap the unwary at night time and then there's the blood scorpions and the heart eaters and..."

"I fucking get it already," said the little Princess.

The full moon illuminated a small circular copse amid the tight tangle of trees in the depths of the forest and Stefan stopped the horse. He lifted the girl off and unburdened the animal of the packs and saddle bags. The horse grazed on the grass in the moonlight. When Stefan looked up she was smoking one of her Goblin cheroots.

"Okay, so I'm going to leave you here with the horse while I go find some firewood but..."

The girl laughed. "For a minute there I thought you said you were going to leave me with the horse!"

"Look, you'll be fine," he assured her. "It's not even eleven bells yet and I'll be back well before Midnight. Here, take my dagger."

"If I'm going to be fine why do I need a fucking dagger?" she snarled.

But he was already striding off into the trees, sword drawn.

"You'll be grand!" he called over his shoulder. "See you back here in a bit... Don't wander off..."

'Wander off???' she thought. All around her was inky blackness lit up only by the red glow of her Goblin cheroot. She could hear unfamiliar forest noises, eerie and unsettling. She dragged deeply, held in the smoke and exhaled.

"Nice weed," said a soft voice behind her. "Goblin High Mountain, yeah?"

The Princess spun around with dagger extended, only to find that she was pointing a large, blunt, mushroom-tipped polished walnut baton at a beautiful blonde girl clad only in leaves.

"Jesus, Ringlets, buy a girl a drink first," said the Woodland Sprite.

Jayne's blood ran cold. Woodland Sprites were the guardians of the forest, known to practice mischief and trickery on non-forest folk. Always uncommonly beautiful, they could also be vindictive, cruel and impish.

"So tell me," said the Sprite, "You're an Elven Princess, by the dress and that hair, (so Cute!) so why are you traveling with the human hair ball out there? What the fuck is he doing out there anyways?"

"He's my friend. We're going to see my step-mother at the Elven Kingdom Of Suris. And he's getting wood for a fire..."

"Why didn't you say," said the Sprite, winking salaciously at the Princess. Suddenly, from nowhere, a bright log fire burned brightly in the center of the copse. "So Judith is your step-mother, huh? How is the Dragon Queen? Forget it, I don't wanna know... Hey, you finishing that blunt, Pointy-Ears? Give it here. So tell me, WHOO! You fucking the human guy or what?"

Jayne was stunned. "Look... Whatever your name is, I'm not... I've NEVER... I... I Am A PRINCESS!"

"Just call me Sprite, Your Majesty and take the anties out of your panties, okay? So how come you're a virgin, Precious, I mean, you're kinda cute."

"I... I live with the Dwarves at Wigglebottom, if you must know..."

"I hear," said Sprite, dragging deeply on the doob once again,"those little fuckers have MASSIVE cocks. Round about the size of that walnut dildo you still got in your hand, I guess. Not my thing, really, but y'know..."

"Well, I DON'T know... Sprite... That's the whole point."

"REALLY?" said the Sprite. "Come. Let's sit by the fire. What's your name, Princess?"

"Jayne Cuddlebucket," said Jayne.

"You've got to be fucking kidding," laughed the Sprite. "Hey, you got any more of this toke? Night Goblin weed is like smoking japoleth shit."

Strangely, after a smoke or three, Jayne began to warm to the beautiful blonde woodland nymph. She seemed lovely.

"All I'm saying," said the Sprite, "is that if you've never kissed another girl how do you KNOW you wouldn't like it? Close your eyes, Princess."

As Jayne closed her eyes she heard the soft rustle of leaves as Sprite moved closer. She felt the softest of lips touch her own and her mouth opened in surprise. The blonde darted her tongue into the Princesses mouth and began to lick her lips and teeth. Almost unconsciously, Jayne found herself returning the favour. She felt a rather strange but not unpleasant tingling feeling between her legs. Oh, my.

Now the woodland creature was touching Jayne's breasts softly, concentrating on her rapidly hardening nipples. This really was rather pleasant, she thought.

"Give me your hand, Princess," said Sprite, placing the girls hand underneath her leafy skirt. "You feel that, Sweetie? It's cute, isn't it?"

Jayne's fingertips could feel a sticky sap wetness between the blonde nymph's legs. Tentatively she explored.

"That's the girl," murmured Sprite. "MY turn, Honey Pie..." The Sprite's hand crept up the Princesses leg under her skirt. As Jayne flicked the dog end of her blunt into the camp fire so as to lift her dress for the blonde, she felt the other girl stiffen. "Fuck..." said Sprite. "Bad idea, Princess."

As the dead spliff hit the camp-fire a thirty foot flash of flames shot into the air. Shielding her eyes against the glare, Jayne saw that perched atop the pillar of flame was a small beautiful red-haired girl. As Jayne watched amazed, the red head sommersaulted in the air and landed directly in front of the two would be lovers.

"Hiya Sprite, who's your cute friend?" said the smoking hot girl.

"Hiya Lizzie," sighed the Sprite. "Jayne, this is Lizzie, she's a Fire Fairy. Lizzie, this is Jayne, she's a fucking Princess so thanks a whole fucking bunch you flaming harlot."

"Did I interrupt?" asked the Fire Fairy, wide eyed. "I'm so sorry girls. Unless of course three might play?"

Both woodland creatures turned and looked at Jayne with raised eyebrows.

"Erm, I really can't," she mumbled, "Stefan will be back any minute and I need to see to the horse and anyway I'm tired and..."

"Don't worry about it, Princess," said Sprite.

"STRAIGHT?" mouthed Lizzie to the Woodland Nymph.

Sprite waggled her pretty hand in the air.

"Fuck it," said the Fire Fairy. "Look, those Gypsy Hookers are camped over near Alan the tree ogre's place... Wanna check 'em out?"

"Yeah," sighed Sprite and, pausing only to kiss the astonished Princess once more upon the lips, both girls vanished.

Jayne was startled by a crashing in the underbrush, but it was only Stefan returning.

"Fuck, you built a fire, Good Girl... What did I miss?"

"Nothing," sighed the Princess.

As the Princess sat and gazed into the camp fire, lost in her thoughts, Stefan rummaged in his saddle bags and pack. He produced a small earthenware pot into which he placed what looked like a fen-pig pork pie. (Jayne liked fen-pig pie.) He placed the pot to warm by the fire. Taking several ground-spuds from his pockets which he had collected on his walk, he placed them upon the pot lid to bake. From the other saddle pack he uncovered two wooden goblets and a two gallon cask of sage beer. Pouring a foaming measure for the girl, he offered her a drink, but she was still staring at the dancing flames.

"Hey, Jayne," he whispered, "a groat for your grumbles, Princess. Here, have a drink, I'm fixing us some grub."

Blinking rather prettily, the girl looked at her companion. As if noticing him for the first time, she smiled. He really was rather cute. Thanking him and taking the goblet, she sipped at the cool beer.

"The food's not much, for, for someone like you I mean," stammered Stefan, "I mean it's just pie and spuds, but it's all I got..."

"I love pie and spuds," she smiled. "Come and sit by me while it cooks."

The human moved to sit beside the Elven Princess. After a while he moved his hand to touch hers. She allowed him to hold her hand. In truth, it felt rather nice.

After they had eaten, he arranged the saddle as a pillow and arranged the horse blanket to make a bed. 'Oh dear', she thought. She didn't want to hurt his feelings but there was no way she could share a bed with him.

"I'm just making you up a bed here," he said while tucking in the blanket, "you'll be warm here by the fire. I'll be sleeping in my cloak with my sword on just the other side of the fire to give you some privacy. But I'll be real close so you can sleep safely."

'Awwww', she thought. He really was very cute. "That's really kind of you, Stefan. Stay and talk to me while I smoke one last joint. I'd like that."

"In that case, I'll finish the last of the beer then," he smiled. "In fact, maybe I'll try some if you don't mind?"

"Oh, you really shouldn't," she cautioned, inhaling deeply. "This is pretty strong stuff if you're not used to it."

"I've smoked before," he protested."I've been around, Princess Jayne, I'll have you know..."

"But this is Goblin Mountain High," she insisted. "Even other Goblins don't smoke this stuff... Fucking ORCS don't play with this..."

"Give it here, Lady," said Stefan, who was by now quite a bit pissed. "I can take it." Dragging deeply on the spliff he smiled at the Princess sweetly and then promptly passed out unconscious.

"Bloody hell," she thought. "What an idiot." She wrapped his cloak around him and left him to sleep it off. Moving across to her own sleeping space she turned down the blanket and sat up to take off her boots and dress. And then she saw them. Burning red but brighter than the embers of the fire, were a half dozen pairs of staring eyes, looking upon her from the inky dark of the forest.

Oh shit. Night Goblins. She shook Stefan but he was totally oblivious. And he was lying on his sword so she couldn't get at it.

Moving quickly back to her bundle she searched for the dagger Stefan had given her. Where the fuck was it? Her hand clenched around the walnut dildo the Wood Sprite had conjured. Shit.

A small scaly green hand, long fingernails dirty, closed over her thin wrist.

"Greetings, Elf Child," hissed a low, unearthly voice. "Welcome to the Veiled Forest, Little One. I see you have a toy..."

She heard evil giggling and looked up slowly. Arranged around her in a circle was a war party of a half dozen Night Goblins, dressed in black hooded cowls and armed with clubs, axes and short spears.

(If you've never seen a Night Goblin, count yourself very lucky. Although all goblin-kind are mischievous and fond of trickery and trouble making, Night Goblins are genuinely evil. Although quite small in stature, they have large heads and oversized hands and feet. Their ears, mouths and hooked noses are also larger than a human's or an elf's. Night Goblins wear patched hooded woolen habits and are always heavily armed. And, although this is fairy story, you need to understand that Night Goblins take great pleasure in torture and killing. It's what they do.)

The leader of the war band released the girl's wrist and barked an order in a guttural tongue at his fellows. Two of them took the Princesses arms and two took her feet and stretched her upon the ground. She screamed.

The leader shrugged off his cowled hood and looked down at the prostrate girl. "Save your screams, Little Elf Girl," he hissed, "You're going to need them before we are done with you..."

Bending down before the girl he stroked her hair with his long black dirty fingernails. She tried to turn her head but another of the odious creatures held her firmly. Barking another order at his minions, Jayne heard the snickers of low laughter as hands began to pull at her skirt and her blouson top. Within minutes her full breasts and the tops of her thighs were uncovered to the chilly night air and the hungry burning stares of the gibbering Goblins.

The leader bent down and traced a fingernail on the soft strip of hair at the top of her sex. He muttered a comment as he began to drool from his grinning mouth and his cohorts giggled once more and held her more firmly. Now he placed both his hands under her breasts and squeezed her roughly, pinching at her nipples.

"You are very pretty, Elf Girl," he snarled. "Goblin women serve our purpose but they are not beautiful. So forgive myself and my brothers if we take our time with you. It will go easier on you if you pretend to enjoy it, Girl, and I say pretend for enjoy it you shall not. Let me show you why..." He giggled but it was the sound of beetles rattled in a can.

He pulled his robe and cast it aside revealing a hard, foot long thick scaled penis. Jayne was too frightened to even scream.

"You have three holes, Little One but if you struggle we will make more. My brothers and I are going to fuck you in each one of those holes, Elf Girl, and more than once each but fear not. If, in the unlikely event you survive our fond attentions, I will allow you to continue on your way. But mark me, Elf Child... After tonight, you will never again want to enter The Veiled Forest."

The Goblin leader stroked his member to full hardness and, drooling on his fingers, greased the blunt head of his organ. Kneeling between her legs he placed the tip at the opening of her virgin pussy.

"And Goblin come burns, Elf Child, so be prepared..."

She heard a whooshing noise and then a sizzling hiss. The whooshing noise was the sound of Stefan's sword blade slicing the Night Goblin's head off. The hissing noise was the sound as the head landed in the embers of the camp fire.

"Leave her a-fucking-lone," said a low voice that in that second she realized she loved.

All at once the Goblin's holding her released her and reached for their weapons. But Stefan was fast, his slashing sword dispatching one after another as he swirled and danced in a ballet of violence that beheaded dismembered and maimed.

Within seconds all six Goblins were dead and her human saviour was flinging their bodies into the darkness of the forest. "Ugly little bastards," he grunted.

Breathing heavily, he turned to look down at her disheveled and terrified form.

"I'm sorry, Jayne... Did they..."

Jayne shook her head.

Leaning down to touch her, he settled her clothes around her and covered her up, although he did notice how beautiful she was. He banished the thought.

"I'm going to hold you as you sleep, Princess Jayne. Don't argue, please, I'm not in the fucking mood. Go to sleep, let me mind you and we'll move on in the morning. I won't sleep, you'll be quite safe. I promise, Love."

She sighed and allowed him to embrace her as he pulled both the blanket and his cloak over them.

"You saved me," she whispered.

"I should have been quicker. I'm sorry... Fucking strong weed though, Jay... How the FUCK do you smoke it?"

She giggled and he squeezed her, gently but firmly.

"I've got you now, so sleep, Love," he whispered.

She snuggled into him and relaxed in his arms, feeling herself drift into sleep... Had he called her Love? He had hadn't he? Twice. She realized she didn't mind.

"In the morning I'll collect us some acorns and I'll grind them and roast them on the fire and make us coffee, okay? If I can find a wood-fowl nest I'll make you scrambled eggs too. And..." He stopped. She was asleep.

He put his face in her hair. "I love you, Princess," he whispered. But, and perhaps for the best, by then she was fast asleep and she did not hear what he had said.

 (To Be Possibly Continued...)
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