I’ve always been know to be the bad girl. I am aggressive when it comes to someone or something I want. But this man has changed me. He chopped down my confidence, and made me afraid. I wanted him in so many ways, but for the first time, didn’t know how to go about it. I used to be very open about my whereabouts, but what I have done with him, I can not tell those who are closest to me.
It all began on Thanks giving, when my whole family gathered for thanks giving dinner. Now, I have grown up hanging out with my cousins, but I haven’t seen them in a few years. I walked up to the door with my mom and sisters, the door opened and there he was, with a beautiful smile on his face. The last time I had seen him, he was 17, and I 13. Now I am 18 and he is 22. It was very difficult to tell at first, if he was into me, he seemed to be flirting, or maybe he was just being very friendly. When he would touch me, I would get butterflies, and I had to fight not to stare at his beautiful golden skin. I was thinking to myself all night long: “What is your problem? I must be going crazy”. He would play with me all the time and find little ways to touch me, whether it was poking me in my belly, stroking my arm when we was standing next to me, or rubbing my back when walking pass. This is how he changed me: he’s my first cousin, so I could not be open about how much I wanted him, and I could not open up to anyone about my feelings for him. I wanted him so badly, maybe even more because I couldn’t have him. The night after Thank giving, I had gone to my bed thinking about him. And that night I had the hottest dream I have ever had in my life. In my dream I was lying in my bed just as I had gone to in real life. All of a sudden there was movement under my blanket, and someone was touching me. His hands felt so good on my body, as moved from my feet up to my breast. I began to moan: “Gabriel….more…more…yes” As I moaned, he grabbed onto my body more and he licked and kissed more and more. Soon he had moved up to where his head poked out of my blanket, as he worked upwards, kissing me on my neck. He them made it up to my lips, and he kissed me so passionately…his lips were so soft. I felt his bare body against mine, as he spread my legs apart, I could smell his scent so sweetly. Then I felt something on my leg, something long and hard, and I began to get excessively wet. He then took his penis and rubbed it on my pussy, teasing me with desire. I moaned louder and louder, begging him, whispering in his ear: “Please…take me, push it in…now” The whole time he said not a word to me. Then he whispered in my ear: “How much do you want it?” “Badly” I whispered. “How much do you want it?” he asked again. “More than anything” I replied. “So take it” Gabriel commanded. And I looked into his eyes, as he stared back into mine. I then grabbed his back in a firm grip, almost scratching him, and said while looking directly into his eyes: “Take me”. Right when the head of his dick began to slide into my opening, I woke up, sweating all over, and just as wet as I was in my dream. I jumped up breathing heavily and ran to take a cold shower. I didn’t know what had gotten into me. I thought I was losing my mind. While showering, my dream was playing over and over again in my head. I was thinking about when he asked me how much I wanted him. What did this dream mean? It made me realize that I wanted him bad, but I still couldn’t get up the never to go after him, because he was my cousin. About a week later, on a Saturday night, my mother sent me to my Grandma’s house to drop off some food she had picked up for her. My cousin, when back from school in the summer, stays there with my grandma and his mom, so I was hoping to see him while not wanting to at the same time. There I was standing on the front porch, ringing the door bell, and there he came to open the door. “Hey Angel, what’s up?” He said when he opened the door. “Hey, nothing much…umm I just came to drop these off from my mom”, I said while slightly lifting the large plastic bag in my hand. “Oh well no one’s here but me” He said, as I walked in the house. “Oh dear…Is this a good thing? Could this be a trap? I should leave…no I would be stupid to leave…this is what I want” I though to myself. He took the bag out of my hand, and walked them into the kitchen, as I waited out in the hall way near the stair way. He then passed me and was on his way up the stairs. I was very confused… “Should I just leave now?” I thought to myself. Right then, he turned around while he was a few steps above me, and said: “Are you coming?” “Oh yeah…I guess” I responded a bit surprised. I followed him up stairs and into his room, where sat his friend Keith on the video game. When I saw his friend there, I was a bit surprised, relieved, and disappointed all at the same time.