Helping me to my feet, Philip waited patiently whilst I got comfortable on my crutches then walked slowly ahead of me, making sure there were no chair legs to trip me up.

As we passed the counter I paused and said to the waitress,

“Sorry about the cup and thanks for this,” holding up my hand.

“Oh don’t worry about the cup,” She answered, “and you are very welcome. I hope we see you again soon,” she added.

“I am sure you will,” I smiled and turned and left.

We walked in silence, back to the car, every step sent a small shock of pain up my leg, not serious but it was beginning to wear me down. Like any constant pain, it was becoming sickening.

The ride up in the lift was even worse. I hadn’t noticed before, but this must be the most jolting lift in the country. It probably wasn’t, but I could feel every movement as it stopped and started at each floor.

Once in the car and out of the car park, Philip, without taking his eyes of the road, was the first to break the silence.

“Anna. Is everything okay between us?”

I felt like he had pushed a knife deep into my heart, and I was about to lie to him again!

“Yes, Sweetheart, of course it is. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he answered, “ I feel that something is troubling you but you can’t talk to me about it.” He paused, then said, “Is there someone else?”

“Philip!” I almost shouted at him, “What a thing to ask! Of course there isn’t!”

The knife was twisting and turning in my heart, and I was feeling distinctly nauseous now. The lie had come so quickly, so easily, and I hated myself for it.

“Then who is Sam?” he repeated the question he had asked when I shouted in my sleep.

“Oh, Darling,” I sighed, “Sam is a woman I met in Birmingham. I dreamt she was standing on my foot. That is probably why I called her name when I awoke with the pain.”

Philip looked relieved. He took his left hand off the steering wheel for a moment and squeezed mine.

“Did you think it was a man?”

He nodded and smiled weakly.

“Sweetheart, Sam is short for Samantha!”

I wanted to laugh, as I would have under normal circumstances, but I couldn’t. My insides were too churned up to even pretend.

“So,” I said, as cheerily as I could, “Where are we going?”

“Right here!” he replied as we turned into the doctors surgery.

“Here, why?”

“Because,” was all I got in return.

Pulling into a space he turned to me and said,

“Wait here, I’ll just be a minute,” and disappeared inside.

I didn’t have to wait long as, within minutes he appeared again. With a wheelchair!

Why did he need a wheelchair ? It couldn’t be for me I had my crutches.

Lifting the tailgate, he folded the chair and placed it in the back of the car.

When he got back inside I asked him.

“Philip! What’s that for?”

“Well, my love,” he began, “I saw how difficult and painful it was for you, getting up and down and in and out of the car, so, while you were having your coffee I called the surgery and they said they had chairs available for loan for cases such as yours. As your ankle begins to knit and you no longer have any pain, we just give it back!”

“Oh, Love,” I exclaimed, “You are always thinking of me.”

I leaned over and kissed him.

“I really don’t deserve you.”

I meant exactly that, I really didn’t deserve him and he really didn’t deserve me.

When we pulled into the drive, I went to open the door, but Philip just stopped and pointed his finger meaning ‘wait’ and went to the back of the car and took out the chair, bringing it round to my side of the car.

He opened the door and helped me slide into it. It was not as easy as it looks on the TV!

“A bit of practice,” he laughed and wheeled me inside.

We went straight into the front room and he parked me in front of the television, next to the sofa and handed me the remote.

“Now then,” he said after helping me off with my coat and shoe, “You get comfortable there, and I will get the kettle on.”

With that he disappeared into the kitchen.

I called after him and his head appeared round the door frame with an, ‘I’m listening’ look on his face.

“Will you put my new phone on charge please then I can catch up with some friends. I told Penny I would call her.”

“Sure,” he replied and took the box into the kitchen. “Where’s the sim card, It won’t charge without it.”

'Damn it', I thought, if he puts the sim card in and turns it on he would see any messages that come up.

“Ah, right,” thinking on my feet, well, foot I called back, “Tell you what, bring it here and plug the charger in behind me. I’ll sort it out from the wreckage of my old phone while you make the coffee.”

“Okay.”

He brought it in and plugged the charger in as I had requested then returned to pottering about in the kitchen.

I extracted the sim card from my old phone and placed it in the new one. Once in place and all re-assembled I plugged in the charging lead and held my breath. The only thing that happened was that a little light appeared on the front to show that it was charging. Of course! It wouldn’t receive anything until I switched it on!

Thank goodness, now I didn’t have to worry about any unexplainable messages but, on the other hand, I wanted to know if Sam had called. I wanted to switch it on but I couldn’t, not until Philip was out of earshot and I could set it to silent.

All this secrecy!

I hated it, but what was done was done. I had to try and make the best of it until everything was resolved. What that meant I had no idea.

Philip returned with the tea tray and put it down on the low table he had placed at my side.

“There you go,” he said, passing me a mug of hot, black filter coffee, “Strong. Just how you like it.”

He, took his tea and sat on the sofa beside me.

“How’s the phone?”

“Fine,” I replied. “Has to charge for sixteen hours.”

“Okay,” he replied, “It’ll be ready for the morning then.”

Yes, morning. I hoped that Sam would understand and was not fretting that I had abandoned her. I couldn’t phone her to tell her I wouldn’t. She may not have phoned me.

For the rest of the day, Philip waited on me hand and foot. He made our dinner and washed up and wouldn’t let me do anything.

All the while I sat in my chair with the TV on but not really taking in anything that was on it.

Later, when the chores were done, he sat beside me on the sofa as we watched, talking as we always did, only now, things were different, I had ruined everything.

As we chatted I could only sit thinking about everything I had done to my perfect husband.

The night drew in and, as the light began to fade his voice also began to fade as sleep took a hold of me.

“Don’t you think so, Anna?”

“Sorry? What?” I hadn’t heard what he said as I was drifting off.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I wasn’t thinking. You must be exhausted. Come on, let’s get you to bed”.

“I’m sorry. I am very tired.”

“No, it’s me who should apologise, I am selfish.”

“Selfish! Philip, the one thing you are not, is selfish!”

He smiled and wheeled me to my downstairs room where he helped me to undress and put on my pyjamas.

“Would you like me to wash you?” He asked. I told him no. I was too tired and just had to sleep so he lifted me from my chair and laid me upon the bed. Pulling the quilt up over me he bent and kissed me.

“Goodnight, Princess,” he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered back, and this time I really meant it.

"I hate you, Anna!"

"Sam, no! Please don't say that! I couldn't help it. I fell in love with you too, you know."

She stared into my eyes, her own full of hatred.

"And your husband, what about him? Do you love him too?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"How, Anna? How can you love two people at the same time?"

"I don't know, Sam. I just don't know but I do."

"You have to choose, Anna, you have to choose. Him or me, Anna, him... or me!"

"No, Sam, I can't! Please don't make me choose! Please don't!"

I awoke with a start. The clock said Three a.m!

The temperature outside was minus six degrees, but I was perspiring heavily. The sheets were soaking, but I was not warm.

My pillow was wet too but not with perspiration, with tears. I must have been crying whilst I slept as my eyes were wet and sore, gritty. I tried to get back to sleep but I could not, everything just went round and round in my head. Faces kept appearing, sad faces, angry faces. Sam, Philip, Penny, all the people who were going to be so hurt.

I thought especially of Penny. What would I tell her? I had to call her sometime, couldn't put it off for ever.

I kept opening my eyes and looking at the clock, had it stopped? No, time was just going by so slowly, Three-fifteen, Three-thirty, Four, Four-twenty...

I was so tired but sleep just would not come.

Finally, I did drift back into a fitful sleep, but not until I had seen Seven twenty-two on the clock and the first rays of a new winter morning were beginning to show at the edges of the curtains.

Ten minutes later, or so it seemed, Philip came in with a couple of steaming mugs.

"Hi sleepy head," he said cheerily, "Did you sleep well?"

I opened my eyes, the light feeling as bright as the summer sun and my eyes full of needles.

"What time is it?" He looked at the clock and replied:

"9.45." I groaned.

"I couldn't sleep," I told him, "This plaster is so uncomfortable."

"I am sorry, sweetheart," he looked sad, "Can I do anything?"

"Could you help me sit up please?" I asked him.

"Of course I can," he smiled and very gently but firmly helped me up to lean against the head board. "Sit forward a minute."

He plumped up my pillows.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes," I said, "Thank you."

Philip sat with me on the bed whilst we had our drinks. We chatted and he asked how my ankle was. I told him it was okay, aching a little but otherwise fine.

I didn't really want to chat. I wanted to switch my phone on to see if Sam had called but I didn't dare while he was near just in case she had left a lot of messages. I didn't want him asking questions that I couldn't answer, so I pretended that everything was normal.

After a while he said,

"Right then, are you ready for some breakfast?"

I wanted to say no, I really wasn't hungry but instead I replied,

"Yes please but not too much."

"Some toast and cereal?"

"Okay, that would be nice."

He picked up the empty mugs and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Philip," I called to him, "Would you be a dear and get my phone please, it has been on charge long enough I think."

To my dismay he called back,

"Don't worry, love, I've already unplugged it. I will bring it in with the breakfast."

I felt as though I was sinking into quicksand. I needed to speak to Sam, and I was being prevented from doing so!

I began to feel claustrophobic, as if everything was closing in on me. I was used to doing as I pleased, when I pleased. I took a deep breath. I had to stay in control.

Soon, Philip appeared at the door carrying a tray with my breakfast on it. Pulling down the legs below he placed it carefully across me.

He had brought me two slices of toast, a bowl of muesli and a glass of fresh orange juice. There was one more thing on the tray, something that, once again, tore my heart wide open. A single red rose in a glass tumbler.

I looked up at him and frowned. He smiled and said:

"Do you know what the date is today?" I thought for a moment and ventured:

"Yes, the fourteenth, And?"

"And..." he continued, "The month?"

"Febr..." I put my hand to my mouth, Valentines day! I had completely forgotten! For the first time in thirty odd years I had forgotten Valentines day! I saw then that he had an envelope in his hand.

"Philip, I..." I looked at him, my eyes open wide in horror and rapidly filling with tears, "Philip, I for... forgot!" I sobbed then, uncontrollably. Deep, racking sobs.

He sat beside me on the bed and put his arms around me.

"It's okay," he said gently, "Don't worry. You have had a lot to get through this year. It's fine."

"No! It's not fine," I answered between sobs, "It's not fine at all! I have never forgotten valentines day before, never forgotten you! I am selfish, horrible!"

I couldn't bear it and my body heaved as I cried and cried and cried.

"No, sweetheart, please, don’t cry. You are not horrible. You are in pain and tired. Valentines day is not important. You are important."

At that moment I wanted to die. I could see no other way out.

I wiped my eyes on the serviette he handed me, and then he gave me the card. I opened it and read:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

There's no-one in this world

I love more than you

Through all our years together

and everything we fear

Whatever lies ahead for us

Be sure I'm always here.

With all my love,

Philip. XXX

I sat still, staring at the words, silent tears rolling down my face. They were not printed words, not mass produced by some faceless poet, but written in his own hand with his calligraphy pen, flowing letters to emphasise the sentiment that came from his heart.

"Philip," I looked at him through tearful eyes. "I... We... I... I love you so much but I am so selfish. I think of no-one but myself."

He put his arms around me and held me tight, saying,

"Whatever is wrong, Anna, we can get through it. Together. you'll see."

After a while, I spoke again,

"Will you take me into town when I am dressed please?"

"Well, yes, I suppose so but you need to rest your ankle."

"I know," I looked at his caring face, "But I have to do this. I can't forgive myself for forgetting, but I can try to do something."

"Oh, Darling, that is not necessary. your health is far more important!"

"Philip, if I do nothing I will feel terrible and won't be able to rest, so please?"

"Okay, Sweetheart, if that's what you want."

"It is," I smiled.

Philip took away the breakfast tray when I had finished then went upstairs to shower and dress. When I heard the water running, I switched on my new phone and waited, not breathing, until it booted up. For a while, nothing, then the message alerts began.

There were eight messages, All were voice-mails.

I tapped the screen to automatically call voicemail and it answered:

'You have eight new voicemail messages, message one',

"Hi Anna, It's Sam, I guess you are not up yet."

‘Message left at Oh-eight fifteen, yesterday. To return the call...’

'Message two',

"Hi Anna, Sam again, I will try again later."

‘Message left at Oh-nine hundred, yesterday. To return the call...’

‘Message three’,

"Anna, where are you?"

‘Message left at Ten-ten, yesterday’.

‘Message four’,

"Anna, is everything okay? Please say you are not avoiding me. I couldn't bear it!"

‘Message left at Eleven twenty-three, yesterday. To return the call...’ 

'Message five’,

"Anna, Please! Where are you?"

‘Message left at Thirteen Oh-two, yesterday. To return the call...’

‘Message six’,

"Anna! You promised me you would not let me down!"

‘ Message left at Fifteen fifteen, yesterday. To return the call...’

‘Message seven',

"Why Anna? What did I do? You are home with you husband, so I don't matter any more, is that it?"

‘Message left at Twenty forty-two, yesterday. To return the call…’

‘Message eight’,

"I hate you for this!"

‘Message left at Oh-One twenty-six today. To return the call...'

'End of messages'.

The last one was quiet and tearful.

I didn't know how much more heartbreak I could stand. The first message sounded as though she was happy but from then she was getting steadily more upset and to call at One-thirty in the morning she must have been really unhappy.

I wanted to call her but I couldn't in case Philip came down. If I sent a text would she believe me? It was really the only option so I wrote:

'Sam, I am truly sorry, my phone was broken but I have a new one now. I will call you as soon as I can today. I promise. Please be patient. Anna. XXX'.

My thumb hovered above send but I didn't know whether to or not. What if she didn't believe me? What if she tried to phone me?

Damn it! I couldn't leave her any longer and down went my thumb.

'Message sent' appeared on the screen.

My next action was to delete the message. It entered my head then that 'delete' now went hand in hand with deceit!

I phoned Penny.

It didn't ring but immediately replied,

'The person you are calling is on another line. Please try later'.

To be continued...