It's summer and I'm seventeen. I have never been to summer camp. Sometimes it feels as if my mom has a noose around my neck. I fear that she will control my life all the way until I graduate college. I want breathing room. I need to be assertive, so I give my mom a choice if she wants me to go to college. She can either let me go to summer camp or I will go to an out of state college. My mom decides that this is a good idea. She wants me to have ten days at camp.

My mom drives me to the Sapphic Sisters Equality all girls summer camp. She leads me to the camp director's office, and we walk in.

My mom says, “Hi Betty, you remember my daughter Emily.”

I look at my mom, then I look at Betty. I now know why she picked this camp so easily. They fill out some forms. Wordlessly they nod. My mom turns towards me.

She says, “Let the goddess within you shine bright.” She smiles and sashays out the door.

Once my mom has left, Betty says, “Follow me, my princess.” Or was it 'I'll get you my pretty?'

I'm not sure if I should be happy or cry. Betty, sorry, Director Betty escorts me to a group of girls. She pats me on the head and goes to talk to a cabin counselor. Director Betty leaves. The cabin counselor smiles and pairs me with a bunk friend.

She says, “No one is to go anywhere without their bunk friend.”

The cabin counselor continues, “Follow me girls.” We grab our bags and start walking.

My bunk friend says to me, “Hi, I am Wen, Xiu. My given name is Xiu.”

I reply, “I'm Emily Smith.”

Xiu is a Chinese immigrant. She is small and petite. Xiu has olive colored skin, a pretty face and beautiful long black hair.

Xiu says to me, “I know you. We go to the same school.”

I look at her blankly and say, “You go to my school?”

Unfazed, she states, “Yes, I have seen you at school.”

I'm just short of laughing as I say, “There is no way that you go to my school.”

With a serious face she says, “So funny, I will be a senior when school starts.”

Is she serious? She is either a good liar, crazy, or she's telling the truth.

I challenge her by saying, “I've never seen you before.”

Xiu explains, “We have no classes together. I saw you every day at school, with your friends.”

Our conversation is broken by the cabin counselor. We are assigned bunks in our cabin. We place our belongings in a wooden locker. The cabin counselor gives us booklets that cover all the activities available. We have classes such as: the female nature, the female essence, the goddess within, self matriarchy, postmodernism feminism and female empowerment. The subjects are like the ones my mom talks about. I hang my head; now I'm really going to cry.

The next couple of days are like a blur. We practically run from one activity to the next. On my third day at camp, I'm doing pottery. That is, the other girls in the group are making pottery. I'm making a mess. I have clay, glaze, dirt and grime all over me. Finally, one of the camp counselors tells me to clean up and directs me to the showers. She reminds me to take my bunk friend.

Xiu helps me with my things. We head to the shower that the counselor indicated. We get in the building. I look for a private shower, but I can't find one. We have them in our cabin, so why not here? I suddenly hear singing and timidly peek into the shower stalls. Xiu is washing her hair. I can't explain why, but the first thing I notice are her tiny hips.

She turns her head and says, “Come on in, the water is nice and warm.”

I have never seen anyone naked. Not only that, I have never been seen naked. My mom insists that I wear tons of clothing. Camisoles, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters and anything that covers my body. Xiu flashes a bright smile. She turns and continues to sing and to wash her hair. Xiu turned seventeen the day Summer camp began. I can't understand how she is only a few months younger than me. She's so tiny. Her demeanor unravels my shyness. I undress and slink into a stall next to her. I cover my chest with my arms.

Xiu chides me, “It is just us girls. We are the same. Do not be shy.”

I relax a little and start to wash and rinse the grime off me and out of my hair.

Xiu says, “You have nice bright red hair. I can help you.”

I cry, “Wait!” But before I can say more Xiu is washing my hair.

Xiu continues talking, “I help my cousins and my mother all the time. I can help you.”

She washes and helps me rinse my hair. She then washes my back. Her hands are so gentle and soft. It's as if she's caressing me. Hold it, girls don't caress girls. Or do they? She washes my hips and down my butt. I want to stop her, yet at the same time it felt so good. She washes down my legs and up my thighs. Her hands slightly caress my pubic mound. I get lightheaded. She washes my breasts. She tweaks and pulls at my nipples. I let out a low moan and bite my lower lip.

Amazed Xiu says, “Your breasts are so big. I cannot hold one with both my hands.”

Before I know it her hands are riding down toward my pubic mound. One of her hands cups my vulva. Her fingers press between my folds. I gasp with pleasure. She touches something down there. My world explodes. My body shakes and I find it hard to stand. She helps me sit down. She cradles me in her arms and kisses my cheek.

Breathlessly, I say, “Xiu what did you do?”

She simply replies, “You have too much yang inside. I help you balance with yin.”

From outside the showers we hear a Camp counselor saying, “Come on girls, time for lunch.”

Xiu loudly says, “OK, we will be there.”

Xiu quietly says to me, “We need to go. Are you OK?”

I exclaim, “Yes, I'm more than OK.” I kiss Xiu on her lips. We towel off, get dressed and go to lunch.

The next three days center on postmodernism feminism. I hear this stuff from my mom all the time. Mostly I tune it out and before I know it, it is time for some girls to go home. Some girls are here for only one week. A few other girls, Xiu and I are here for ten days. Our pace of activities is slowed down. Our cabin counselor tells us about a bonding ritual. It's available only for girls that are here for more than one week. The ritual combines aspects of female empowerment and the goddess within. We are advised that this ritual will be two days long and without adult counselors. All of us cheer and want to participate.

The night of the ritual we are brought to a large bonfire. Counselors dance around the fire. They tell us stories about the Hawaiian goddess Pele, the Sumerian goddess Inanna and the Amazon warriors. They take us one at a time into the woods. My guide leads me in silence. We get to a small clearance and she stops. She brings her hands up into a prayer and looks up to the moon. She bows. She gives me a sleeping bag and motions for me to lay down. I set the sleeping bag down and look around. My guide is gone. I am about to lay down when I hear girls giggling. I try to look around in the darkness and finally see a cabin a short distance away. I pick up my sleeping bag and go to the cabin.

One of the girls inside, Bharati, meets me at the door.

She says, “Were you really going to sleep on the ground?” The other girls giggle.

Bharati is East Indian and she's seventeen. The other girls in the cabin are sixteen. Someone comes into the cabin; I turn and see Xiu. I give her a big hug.

Xiu says, “I did not see the other girls.”

Bharati says, “We will find them in the morning.”

My eyes have adjusted to the dark and I can see beds in the cabin. I see Bharati and Xiu talking as I put my sleeping bag on a bed.

I hear Bharati say, “I have been learning yoni massage. Would you like to try?”

Xiu, ever eager to learn new things, says, “Yes.”

Bharati leads Xiu to a bed and says, “You need to undress.”

Bharati picked the right girl; I honestly believe Xiu hates clothes. Xiu strips. Bharati has Xiu lay face up on the bed. Bharati then gets a small bottle from her Sari.

Bharati begins the massage by putting one hand in the middle of Xiu's chest and one hand on her pussy. She drips scented oil on Xiu's pussy. With the hand that is on her pussy, Bharati slides her fingers just over Xiu's pubic bone, she makes firm circles with her fingertips. Bharati strokes up and down in Xiu's groin with her index fingers. Bharati softly squeezes Xiu's pussy lips together. Bharati alternates her fingers, one side strokes up, the other down.

Bharati makes circles with her fingertips on the same path, then she gently squeezes Xiu's lips together.

Bharati turns her hands sideways, holding Xiu's lips between her fingers and thumbs and slides up and down, Bharati then strokes with one finger, from the top of her pussy, down between the outer and inner lips, with a few strokes on one side and a few on the other side. Bharati makes circles on the same pathway, clockwise and counterclockwise. With one finger, Bharati strokes down from Xiu's pubic bone, between her lips, over her clit, between her inner lips, over the opening of her pussy to Xiu's perineum.

Bharati applies gentle pressure with the tip of her finger; she rubs in circles, across where the urethra is. Then Bharati puts two fingers on either side of the hood of Xiu's clit. She strokes up-and-down, one up, one down, gently squeezing Xiu's clit between her fingers. With one fingertip on the head of her clit, Bharati makes featherlight circles, stroking up, down and across. Bharati slowly circles the entrance of Xiu's pussy with one finger, she allows Xiu to draw her in.

Bharati makes small circles on the upper wall of Xiu's pussy, each one going deeper inside. Bharati's hand rocks and rolls in-and-out of Xiu. Bharati then starts stimulating Xiu's clit with her other hand. Xiu grinds and rocks her hips. She arches her back so high that only the crown of her head and her toes touch the bed. Suddenly this stream of fluid shoots out from between Xiu's legs. Xiu collapses. Bharati helps calm her down and holds her. Then allows Xiu her space.

We stand silently in awe.

Then Bethany says, “Do me next!” We giggle.

Bharati says that she is too tired. The other girls find beds and I lay with Xiu.

I toss and turn; I can't sleep. I've only known Xiu a week, and we've been intimate for less than a week. Yet I feel lost. I'm so shy. I cannot undress in front of her. Xiu initiates our times together. We've taken showers together. Xiu has given me multiple orgasms but I hardly touch her. Bharati gave Xiu an orgasm so hard that pee flew completely across a cabin twelve feet wide. I can't compete with that. Finally, I get out of Xiu's bed and lay in an empty bed.

I give up trying to sleep so I explore the surroundings. There are six sets of bunk-beds and a kitchenette in the cabin. On one wall I find cabinets stocked with cooking supplies. In the kitchenette I find spices and a wood-burning stove. Outside I find various piles of wood and a shower. I look around to make sure everyone is sleeping and turn the shower on. Nervously I undress and jump at every sound. I test the water and find that it is ice cold. I grit my teeth and jump in the water. I try my best to not squeal or scream. I quickly shower and jump out. I grab a towel and turn the water off. I'm dressed faster than it took me to shower.

I hear rustling inside the cabin and go to see who is up. I see Bharati exploring the kitchenette. She asks me to get some wood for the stove. Bharati kindles and stokes a fire then goes outside. Inquisitively I follow her. Bharati goes to the shower and turns it on. Steam rises from the heated water. The wood-burning stove also heats the water. My jaw is slack, I turn around and stomp back into the cabin. I drop myself onto my bed and fight back tears.

Bharati waltzes back into the cabin fresh from her hot shower and goes strait for the kitchenette. One of the girls gets up and leaves the cabin. Bharati prepares breakfast. The same time that breakfast is done the two lost girls walk in the cabin followed by the girl that left earlier. They pick beds and I join them in the kitchenette.

Bharati, Bethany, Candace and Tina sit at one table. Annika, Danielle and I sit at another. Xiu sits up in her bed, she stretches and joins us. I find it odd that no one comments on Xiu being nude.

Bethany says, “Welcome, new girls.”

Bharati adds, “Bethany, remember Xiu was with us last year.”

Bethany nods and says, “Yes, this is Xiu's second time. This is the third time for Candy, Tina and I and your fourth and last time.”

Bharati sadly adds, “Yes, Xiu, Emily and I will be eighteen next year. If we come back it would have to be as counselors.”

Bethany says, “Candy, Tina, Annika, Danielle and I are sweet sixteen.”

Candy adds, “But we've all been kissed.” They giggle.

Bharati says, “Usually the oldest girl is in charge. That would be Emily but Emily is new. I was in charge last year. Xiu told me that she does not want to be leader. Bethany, you are the oldest sixteen year old. Would you like to be leader?”

Bethany stands and shouts, “OK minions, I'm Queen Bee follow my orders or die!” Bethany starts laughing. She laughs so hard that she falls on the floor. Candy, Tina and Bharati join the laughter. The rest of us look at them as if they're crazy. Xiu stands and grabs a long pole from behind the beds. She puts a hand towel on the end of it and starts cleaning cobwebs from the ceiling joists. The other girls start cleaning and making beds. I look around and notice that the fire is slowly dying. I go get some kindling and wood.

Once chores are done, some girls take a shower and others help make lunch. After lunch, Xiu and I clean the kitchenette. When we're done I notice that Xiu and I are alone in the cabin. Xiu smiles and grabs my hand. She pulls me to a pond where the other girls are swimming. Xiu jumps in the water. I walk to the edge of the pond to test the water.

Bethany shouts, “No clothes in the pond.”

I stagger back as if I’d been shot and stammer, “What?”

Bethany gets closer to me and says, “Clothing is not allowed in the sacred pond.”

I ask, “What sacred pond?”

Bethany chides me, “We are goddesses. This pond is sacred. No clothing.”

I look around and see clothing piled on a towel. Suddenly I can't breathe and I try to sit down but I don't make it. I wake up and see seven naked girls gathered around me. Xiu is holding my left hand and Bharati my right.

Bethany says, “I thought we lost you. OK everyone back in the pond.”

Bethany stays with me and quietly asks, “Do you know what sapphic is?”

I never thought of it but say, “The sisters last name?”

Bethany rolls her eyes, “No that's not it. Sapphic is another word for lesbianism.”

I whisper shout, “You're all lesbians?”

Bethany looks at me, she says, “Some of us are bi. You really didn't know?”

I shake my head and bite my lower lip.

Bethany asks, “Then what about you and Xiu? Don't think I've not noticed you two.”

I admit, “That is a really good question.”

Bethany shakes her head, “You need to work this out with Xiu. She really likes you a lot.”

Quietly I ask myself, 'What about last night?'

Bethany gets up and goes back in the pond. I sit and ponder all this.

I decide that I can't just sit here and walk back to the cabin. I straighten and clean until I hear the girls come back. They come in and go to the kitchenette, I see everyone except Xiu. We need wood for the fire so I go outside and head to the piles of wood. As I walk I hear the shower; I look and see Xiu. She is turned to where she cannot see me. Xiu is really pretty. The sun glistens on her damp olive skin. There is a slight breeze that moves her hair. She is poetry in motion. I know what I want and I want her.

I go to Xiu. I lightly touch her shoulder. She turns. I hug her to my breasts. She's wet but I don't care. I kiss her on her forehead. I look at Xiu and press a finger to her lips. I lower my hands and take my shirt off. I tell myself, 'I can't pause, I can't stop.' I take my pants and panties off. I stand nude with her. My face is as red as my hair. I grind the ball of my right foot into the rubber mat. Xiu is radiant as I step into the shower with her. I get the soap and start washing Xiu. I wash her tiny titties and her taut stomach. I reach around her and wash her back.

I kiss Xiu. I rinse the soap off her beautiful body. I trail my hands down to her pussy. Her vulva is warm. I almost orgasm when I touch her. Xiu lightly touches my hand and kisses me.

Xiu says, “It is OK, I love you.”

I'm overwhelmed with emotion my legs give way. Once I'm on my knees I kiss her stomach. I hold her so tight.

With tears in my eyes I reply, “I love you so much, Xiu.”

She hugs my head to her stomach. I stand. I take Xiu by the arm. With only water covering my body, I walk to the cabin with Xiu. We walk in the door and slowly make our way to the kitchenette. I feel like a bride walking down the aisle except Xiu and I are nude. The girls cheer and hug us.