There was no way to foresee what had brought me to the conclusion, but I knew there had to be more to life. I didn’t know if it would be better or worse at that point, only that it needed to be different. I had spent so many years not thinking about my own needs that I had no idea what I did need. Trying to contemplate my next move seemed senseless and yet necessary at the same time. It had been so long since I had given myself even a flicker of a thought and had only worried about what was best for ‘her’ or what would make ‘her’ happy, but damn it I wanted things too and I wanted to smile again. I had been content at some point in my life, at least I thought so at the time, otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did.
I waded through the freshly fallen snow with thoughts flowing in and out of my consciousness, but they had absolutely no direction. It wouldn’t be long before I would be turning 50 and I hadn’t worked in years, so if I did leave what in the hell would I do? I could do many things, just nothing that carried a degree with it. Basically I was uneducated and that pretty much would leave me on the streets. The notion seemed unthinkable, but there it was in a small little bundle at my feet. Everything I owned was in ‘her’ name because it was easier that way, well at least it had seemed easier at the time, but as my stomach tightened I realized it had been easier for ‘her’, not me. It was easier to keep me down that way, keep me in my place. I could either give life a chance, or I could bite the bullet yet again and deal with the snide remarks when I walked back into the house. I could sleep in our bed or I could sleep in the car, it was the only thing in both of our names and I wasn’t sure which would be colder in the middle of December.
The tears started to fall as I continued on through the snow, painfully aware of the numbness in my toes as the snow melted into the holes of my boots. I could almost hear my mother telling me to stop crying before my eyes froze shut, but I wanted them to be frozen. I wanted everything to be frozen so I could stop feeling. I didn’t want to feel the pain or rejection anymore and I had nobody to turn to. ‘She’ had made sure of that over the years, cutting me off from family and friends as I ignorantly followed like an obedient pup. This wasn’t the way I planned on spending my life when we first got together. I thought we would take care of and love each other, but after 20 years it finally dawned on me that the only one doing the thoughtful things was me for ‘her’ and when I finally stood up for myself she told me to ‘get the fuck out’.
I had no voice and was painfully aware of the fact when I went back the first time, working hard for the past two years to keep her happy, but in keeping her happy I seemed to be losing more of myself.
It was Christmas and I was about to be a homeless old lady and there was only one thing I could do if I wanted a roof over my head, go home. I cringed at the thought and dropped to my knees in the snow. With any luck I would wind up dying from pneumonia and it would be over once and for all. I wouldn’t need to worry about anything if I was just gone completely, but I would never be able to end it myself. I was even a failure at contemplating suicide and it made me become almost hysterical with laughter as I knelt there, the snow melting on my head.
The headlights weren’t registering in my brain as they approached and when the driver noticed me at the last moment I watched as the car flew off the side of the road, stopping instantly once it hit the ditch. Jumping to my feet I ran down to swing the door open as the woman got out of the car with her phone already in her hand. She began screaming at me, asking if I was crazy and all I could do was stare at her while she ranted at me and called for a tow truck at the same time. The entire scene made me smile for some reason and I didn’t even care what she was thinking at the moment as I dropped onto my back in the snow to make a snow angel.
“You are insane, aren’t you?” She asked, hovering over me.
“Maybe, I don’t know. All I know is that until you almost ran me over, I was thinking death would almost be better than my life right now, but thanks to you driving as if you owned the road, I feel much better, especially since nobody got hurt,” I stated, smiling up at her.
She almost looked lost for a second, but then her eyes softened as she reached out her hand to me. I was still smiling as she helped me to my feet, standing back to look at a perfect angel in the snow. The woman shook her head before insisting we get into the car where we sat and she listened to my entire story as we waited for the tow truck to pull her out of the ditch. When he did finally show up, she asked for my name so I gave it to her, thinking I was about to be arrested or something, but she only nodded in recognition as she held her hand out to me and introduced herself.
I was letting myself out of her car when she stopped me and explained that I was exactly the person she had been looking for. I had no clue what she was talking about, but she asked if I would be interested in a business proposition and with no place else really to go to, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to listen. This made her smile for some reason, but all I knew for sure was that my current living situation was at least familiar and I could fall back into it if the need arose. She didn’t seem worried for some reason as she paid the man with the wrecker and we were on our way to a nice, warm restaurant.
As my new friend finished telling me her story, my head was spinning and it was hard to believe that only a few hours earlier I thought my life was over, but here was a woman offering me a job and a place to live and all she wanted from me was someone she could go places and do things with. She had completely forgotten how to have fun and thought that maybe we were both in the same place at the same time for a reason. She even promised to put it in writing if it would make me more comfortable, but I smiled across the table at her.
“I think it was a sign too and I don’t think that either of us should take a sign like that for granted,” I announced, reaching my hand out to her.
She hesitated for only a moment before offering me one of the greatest smiles I think I had ever seen, along with her hand.
“Merry Christmas Mary,” she laughed.
“Merry Christmas to you too Christina,” I chuckled.
It happened very slowly, not being one to jump in head first after my first disaster, but when we did eventually connect with that first kiss… well, fantastic would be the only way to describe it. Our lips softly brushed together, barely connecting as they attempted to get the moves down and when I took her into my arms, she didn’t attempt to push me away, instead she leaned into me closer, allowing my tongue to dance gracefully with hers. Christina knew what I was afraid of; softly whispering in my ear she would never push me away and I smiled as the tears fell, wishing I had met her so many years earlier. I attempted to respond gratefully, but she pushed two fingers gently to my lips as she insisted I never thank her for loving me and then her fingers were replaced by those wonderful lips, her kisses bringing me to life for the first time ever.
The more we kissed, the more I could feel her love for me and as she pulled my bottom lip away with her teeth it was gentle, yet passionate. The woman was waking up urges I thought were long gone.
Her lips moved on to kiss my chin, nuzzling my neck and earlobe as a shudder of excitement traveled through my body. I could feel her smile evolving against my sensitive skin as she moved her body onto mine and pushed her hardened nipples into my own. Oh my god! I wanted Christina to devour me heart, body and soul?
Shifting her weight, she continued delicately kissing and nibbling around my face and neck, a gasp escaping my lips when I felt her hand alongside my breast. I attempted to return the favor, but suddenly both of my arms were pushed above my head as she sexily changed her position again, those amazing lips continuing their magical touch over my breasts. All around the nipples she kissed and nibbled as I thrust them upward, wanting her to take them in her mouth and when she did, oh my god!
I could feel the juices flowing from my pussy as this woman drove me wild with her tongue. I needed her to touch me more and suddenly she was nibbling and placing sloppy wet kisses onto my aching, rock-hard nipples. Oh Christ, it felt so wonderful that I wanted her to go on touching me forever.
With another change in her position, Christina was sliding her equally wet pussy down the entire length of my leg. She let go of my arms, but for some reason I couldn’t move them. It was as though I was afraid she would stop touching me at all if I did.
My excitement heightened as did my gasps and moans when I felt one of her rock hard nipples slide between my pussy lips. As she moved it against my clit, my hips automatically thrust into her tit as the sparks shot through to my very core. I opened my eyes, smiling down at that loving face smiling back at me as I watched her take in my fragrance, a look of pure heaven spreading over her face.
Closing my eyes as she shifted again, I could feel the warmth of her breath against my pussy. It was maddening and only intensified as she kissed every inch of skin along the insides of my thighs, my bush and whatever else was within range. The entire experience was more exciting than I could have ever imagined.
My hips began writhing as her tongue slid into my vagina, dipping in, out, up and between my pussy lips, leisurely traveling back into my hole. It was the first time making love had ever been about me and I savored the attention.
The intensity grew when I felt her tongue moving through my labia and circling around my clit, but never lingering as it moved into my hole again. Christina explored the inner walls of my vagina as the muscles worked diligently in an attempt to keep her tongue inside me.
Suddenly all of my senses were overloaded as fingers continually rubbed and tweaked my nipples while another set entered my vagina, moving and sliding against my insides as her mouth made its way up to my clit. Once she clamped onto it, her tongue would occasionally flutter over the top and I saw an explosion of stars as I began to buck against her face. I thought it would never end, or maybe I didn’t want it to, but whatever it was, hopefully it wouldn’t end anytime soon.
Eventually it did stop, but only long enough for me to catch my breath and take in that look of love I had craved for so long and would never tire of seeing. Eagerly I returned the look and all the passion she had shown to me. She was my life and it seemed I had been living in hell so that I would be able to fully appreciate heaven.
Several Christmases later I asked Christina what made her fall in love with me. It took me so long because I was afraid she would get rid of me if she could see all my insecurities, but that night I needed to know. Her response at first was nothing more than two words; snow angel. The look of confusion on my face made her laugh as she went on to explain how she thought anyone who went through 20-plus years of bad and still had so much hope for good had to be a special Christmas gift, one that she wasn’t about to pass up.
Offering one of my better smiles, the best I could do was thank her for not running me over that snowy night and after delivering a kiss filled with all the love I could manage, Christina took me by the hand as she led me into the bedroom, the tone of love evident as she promised to wipe the dopey grin off my face. Being loved was definitely worth the wait.
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<a href="https://www.lushstories.com/stories/lesbian/hope-remains.aspx">Hope Remains</a>