When my husband Ryan passed away, Ryan's brother, Joel, moved in to help. I appreciated the gesture, I had relied on Ryan greatly, and faced many challenges without him. Joel kept the yard in perfect shape, took the trash out, and even helped with my daughter. It was nice having help, but after I had stopped grieving Ryan's death, I found myself craving a different type of help from Joel.

Now, by no means was it an overnight decision. I cried, cursed, and begged God for answers to why Ryan had to die so young for nearly ten months. After the grieving, it took me another month to realize, I needed a guy, and once I realized that I wanted Joel, another three weeks contemplating whether I should speak out, or keep my desires to myself. Finally, I decided I needed to tell him, but wanted to wait another two weeks, I wanted to wait until the one year mark had passed, and a few days after that.

The Friday after the anniversary of Ryan's passing my mom wanted to take my daughter. She did that every once in a while, it gave me a break from always being a mom, and live life a bit. Joel surprised me and asked if I wanted to go dinner, he claimed he needed to talk to me. I agreed, and got myself ready. I was nervous as I wondered what he was going to say, with my luck he was about to tell me he found someone and was going to move out. I knew he would move out at some point, afterall he needed to live his life too.

I came down the stairs in my favorite pair of skinny jeans that had holes and rips in the right places, a white t-shirt that was snug in the right places, and a jean jacket. My hair was in curls, and my make-up was done. I put my knee high leather boots on, and waited for Joel to finish getting ready. We weren't going anywhere fancy, but our jobs allowed us to wear sweatpants, so neither of us were dressed to go out either.

"Damn! It's been a bit since I've seen you all dolled up."

"Am I too dressy?"

"Not at all, just not used to you in more than sweatpants and hoodie. You look great."

"You look good too. Maybe we should both do career changes so we dress in more than sweats daily."

"You can, I like my job though."

He laughed, nodding in agreeance. Neither of us could ever imagine leaving our job. I worked from home as a medical assistant online, Joel was a personal trainer. 

We drove to the restaurant down the road. It was the go to, they specialized in prime rib, but had anything you could possibly want. Once we placed our order I asked him, "What did you need to talk to me about?"

Joel took a deep breath, "Well," he said exhaling, "mom, dad, Caleb, and I talked the other day." He paused a moment, "We all agree, it's been a year since the accident, you need to move on. I know you loved Ryan, and still do, we all love and miss him, but he wouldn't want you to be alone forever."

Tears ran down my face. Ryan was my first, and in my mind, my only true love. It was hard for me to hear his name, and though I came to the same decision, which he didn't know yet, it still felt like I was throwing away the love and memories with Ryan away to move on. Joel handed me a napkin.

"I know it sounds mean," Joel continued, "but you have too. I probably shouldn't even say this now, but when you are ready, I would love the chance to date you."

I felt like a truck hit me. I dried my eyes, and blinked rapidly, unsure what to say. A few minutes passed, I finally said, "Wow. I uhm..."

Joel cut me off, "Sorry, I should've kept that to myself. Please, forgive me."

"No, don't be sorry. I actually wanted to tell you the same thing. I feel like I have to move on," my voice cracked, and I began again, "it hurts, I will never stop loving Ryan, but I need intimacy with another person. The last two months I have had a nagging feeling that Ryan was pointing me towards you, but I didn't know how to tell you."

He grabbed my hand under the table, squeezing it to show he understood the pain. I excused myself from the table and got up and went to the ladies room. I cleaned myself up, and gathered my thoughts and emotions. I spent five minutes to myself, and headed back to the table.

"Are you okay? I can change our order to go if you need to go. I guess this was something I should've thought of, home probably would've been a better spot to have this conversation."

"No, I'm good. Thank you though. Let's not talk about Ryan. I think if you and I are both serious, we should truly talk about what it is we truly want."

"Can I just say I want you?"

I laughed, something that helped break the ice a little. It took me three times before I could actually say, "No, you have to tell me why, and what you truly feel towards me," without laughing.

"You are inspirational. I've always thought you were hot, but this past year, I've watched you pick yourself up from the absolute lowest point of your young life, and came out strong, and just as loving and caring as ever."

"That's sweet, thank you. Have you talked to your parents, or Caleb about this?"

"Yeah, I did."

"What do they think?"

"Mom and Dad told me move slow, they gave their blessing. Caleb, you don't want to know."

"Yeah, I do."

It went back and forth before he finally reluctantly told me, "He said, you probably were off the pill and I should wrap it before I tap it, but overall said that he thought it was a match made in heaven."

I spit my pop out, I was laughing so hard. I regained my composure and said, "Wow. I don't know what to say on that. I can say, he's wrong, I'm still protected against pregnancy."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't think it's a secret that Ryan and I were very active together, and I was too scatter brained to remember the pill every day, so I had an IUD placed, and never had it removed after he passed. I don't know why, just didn't."

"Oh, got it."

"It can work to our advantage tonight." I quickly tried to back track on my words, "I didn't mean to say it like that. Sorry."

Joel laughed and said, "It's all good, don't worry. I know you haven't had any sex in over a year, probably is getting to you a bit."

"Exactly, thank you for understanding. I am not against us hooking up tonight, but let's just see how the night plays out."

"I'm respectful, I'm not in any hurry, it's all at your pace."

Just than, our server came out with our food. During dinner, our conversation focused on our daily lives. Neither of us wanted to rush a good thing, so it was a wait and see night.

After dinner, we went back to his truck. Joel opened my door, and helped me in, and handed me my seat belt. He leaned in for a kiss, I kissed him back, effortlessly. Some people may have think moving on and dating your brother-in-law would be awkward, but it felt right, and effortless.

The kiss lasted only about fifteen or thirty seconds, but it was perfect. Joel must've felt guilty, or that he pushed me because he said, "Sorry."

Barely louder than a whisper, faces still inches apart, I said lovingly, "Don't be, it was perfect."

Without a word, he just smiled and shut my door. Once he got in, he fastened his seat belt and drove off towards home. The roads had grown slick from the rain, making the trip even longer than normal. The extra time gave us time to talk about different things, everything from the small talk to the complications our relationship could have on the family dynamics.

Once we made it home, we turned on the TV and just relaxed. We both sat on the couch, and slowly scooted closer every so often.

The door off the drive opened, and a "Hello" rung through the house. We quickly sat up right, but not quick enough. Standing in the kitchen to the side were Heather and Jake, Ryan and Joel's parents.

Heather spoke, "Are we interrupting?"

I said, "No, you know you are always welcome to stop over. Can I get you guys a drink?"

"We are good, we actually came over to see if Ryleigh wanted to come over to spend the night, and than let us take her to the zoo tomorrow. Where is she?"

"My mom took her tonight to see a movie and sleepover. She would've loved going to the zoo tomorrow though.  I can drop her off, or have my parents drop her off in the morning."

"Okay. Call and let us know, we will leave you two alone. I am assuming the talk went well tonight?"

She was looking straight at Joel. Joel was blushing red, as well as I was. Both unsure how to respond to his nosey mother. Joel finally just nodded in agreeance to her comment, and got up to walk them to the door.

When Joel got back from walking his parents out I said, "Let's go up to my room, we can turn off all the lights, and lock the doors down here. That way we won't be interrupted again."

"We can turn off the lights and lock the door up in your room too." He said jokingly, yet with a seriousness at the same time.

"Why do either, we are home alone, no need to lock the door, and why turn off the lights, wouldn't you rather see each other better."

"Well in that case..." He trailed off in his line of thought and grabbed me by surprise. We kissed for a minute before he said, "Why not right here?"

"Because being brave enough to show off my body to you is one thing, the neighbors a completely different story." I said pointing to the huge bay window in the front of the house, making the entire first floor visible to anyone outside looking in.

"Good point."

I led the way to my room. I laid on my bed wondering where he was. He dove into his room without me seeing him. Finally he joined me. He said, "Sorry, I figured I would grab a condom out of my dresser just in case you wanted to use one."

Laying side by side, facing each other, I kissed him softly before saying, "I like that you were thinking ahead."

"Of course, it's all about you, and what makes you comfortable."

Without another word, our lips met in a long, passionate kiss. His hands wrapped around my back. He removed his T-Shirt, and went and started undoing my jeans. I raised my hips, allowing him to rip them off easier. I took my shirt off as well. 

He nuzzled his face against my cheek. His fingers played with my hair as he whispered in my ear, "Tell me to stop or slow down if I am going to fast for you."

"You're fine, stop worrying about me."

His face came to mine, allowing our lips to meet in a kiss. It was his way of acknowledging I heard what he said, but telling me he cared at the same time. His left hand squeezed my right breast as we kissed, his right hand was busy messing with the fastener of my bra in the back. I pushed him off, stopping his actions.

"Sorry, too fast?"

"I told you, you are fine. I was just going to do the job quicker."

I took my bra off, and tossed it onto the floor next to the bed. I pushed Joel onto his back, and straddled him. Leaning over him, giving him a good look at my bare chest, I asked, "Better?"

"Much better," he said. He pulled me down and kissed my lips again. His hands wandered all over my body. His hand slipped into panties, and he started fingering me from behind.

"Ahh," I gasped in surprise.

"Yeah, you like that?"

"Yeah, it feels so good."

"Good."

He continued to finger fuck my tight pussy. We shared a bunch of small kisses. His free hand had hold of my breast.

He removed his fingers, and rolled me onto my back. He kissed me for a minute before getting up to remove his pants and boxers. He tossed them on the floor, and cuddled back up to my bare body. 

Our arms wrapped around the other as we kissed. Joel slowly kissed his way down my body until he reached my pussy. He licked between the lips, spreading them open. He licked and sucked on my clit, and inserted two fingers into my pussy. 

I ran my fingers through his thick jet-black hair. My left leg draped acrossed his right leg. 

"Oh, that feels so good."

Joel just continued to nibble on my clit and finger my tight canal. My moans grew louder, and more intense. As my moans grew louder, so did the speed of his fingers. It wasn't long before I was orgasming, "Ahh. Oh. Ahh."

He got on top of me and asked, "Are you ready for me to go inside?"

I kissed him, tossing a teasing smile at him afterwards. I put my hand firmly on his side, and pushed him to the bed.

"Not even close to ready."

I laid between his legs, and without another word, placed his cock in my mouth. I bobbed up and down his length, using my hand as well. He combed my curls to the side of my head, pushing me down slightly. 

"Ahh, Ali."

I didn't look up, or speak, I just kept bobbing up and down. My hand left his shaft, and went to his sack. I rubbed his balls, massaging them in my hand as I bobbed up and down. I swallowed every ounce of cum that I could manage. He released a full load deep in my mouth.

I slowly backed off his cock. I cuddled back in his arms, and shared a long, wet, passionate kiss. My right hand slid between us. I grabbed his cock, and stroked it as we kissed. He started growing harder again with each stroke of my hand.

My mouth fell to his shoulder, breaking our kiss. He kissed my neck gently before asking, "Are you sure you want to do this tonight?"

"Stop worrying, please. Let's enjoy the moment together."

"Okay."

He was on his back, and I got on my knees. I guided him to the entrance of my canal, but didn't put him inside yet. I asked, "Do you want to use a condom, or can I just put you inside now?"

Without hesitation he flipped me on my back, and entered bareback. He moved slowly, each stride quickening in speed. He squeezed my breasts. Moans escaped my lips out of pleasure.

"Ahh. Yes! Yes! Yess!"

Joel slowed his strides for a moment, and leaned in for a kiss. His hand brushed my hair off my face and whispered, "I love you."

I smiled at him and said, "I love you too."

His strides quickened once again, and he held onto my legs. At this point, all nine inches of his cock were inside me. I took my fingers and rubbed my clit, bringing me closer to another orgasm, but I waited until Joel came too. We came together, and cuddled up close. We kissed for a minute, and I said, "That was amazing."

"You weren't all that bad either. Now I know why Ryan loved you so much."

"I can't believe you said that! Part of me wants to slap you for saying that in this moment, but another part is mad at Ryan for even telling you the sex was good."

"We were, we are, we talked about sex, the girls we were with all the the time."

He opened his mouth to say more, but I told him that he was best to keep the rest to himself if he wanted to repeat this night ever again. He agreed, and promised not to tell anyone, especially his brother and dad.

That night he slept in my room all night, and held me close. It was great having another person in bed next to me, loving me the right way. It felt so right, and I didn't care what people might think, I needed to love again, and I did.