You are a dichotomy of conflicting desires;
Caused by an incident that left your mind mired.
It makes me feel so very sorry for you;
When it comes to intimacy you don’t have a clue.
The two things you want will always oppose each other;
You can’t marry that little girl and still have a gay lover.
Closed off with a wall that won’t let anyone in;
Hiding all of your secrets and burying your sins.
Staying anonymous so no one finds out;
Surrounded by discrimination of the devout.
To keep the family, friends and love that you need;
You give up your true self and your tormented soul bleeds.
I once got a glimpse of the beauty inside of you;
To me it was something perfect and so brand new.
So damaged and broken I wanted to carry you away;
But all you did is run from me when I wanted you to stay.
I have my own demons and you know how to press my buttons;
I let you get away with it because you’re such a sexy stud muffin.
And because I have a soft spot in my heart for you;
Until it totally froze over and I had to be through.
You will never be completely satisfied;
Until you can open up and let someone inside.
I was hoping someday maybe that person might just be me;
But when I pushed your buttons back your true colors did I see.
Maybe it is not as complicated as I think;
And you’re just a user who acts like a rat fink.
Or maybe you really are the beautiful soul I longed for;
You are a tough nut I couldn’t crack so I ran for the door.
Emotional baggage we both have more than our fair lot;
Knowing your heart is closed off leaves my stomach in a knot.
Then I think “Oh well he just wasn’t that into me”;
It will be best for us both if I just take my leave.
Because being left over and over again by you;
My mind couldn’t take it when I wanted the truth.
For a few years thinking of you was such a big part of my life;
But you cut out my heart with the skill of a surgeon’s knife.
I really hope someday you can let someone inside;
Show them your true self and release all of your lies.
I doubt that that person you open up to is going to be me;
Being part of your life is something you think you don’t need.
In the distant future I hope you don’t have an epiphany;
Then become filled with regrets for what you didn’t let be.
I hope you are not filled with loneliness and feel lost;
Once I would have done anything for you no matter the cost.
The most precious of souls frequently do remain hidden;
Forced into the shadows by the harsh sting of the forbidden.