Society tells us even when we're sad to fake a smile. 

But, even when I try tears still 
run down my cheek, 
the fact that I am 
sometimes sad is appropriate. 

It in no way means that 
I am a coward or weak.

I have been blessed with true 
happiness and love, 
yet in the quiet of night 
these are real tears I cry. 

My hands sometimes shake, 
overcome with dark fear, 
I can't help but ask why.

My relationships here 
are such a bright light, 
for the reprieve from pain 
I am so very glad. 

My emotions on my sleeve 
is a part of who I am, 
even when I am happy, 
I am unafraid to be sad.

My lover cannot bear 
the burden of worry alone, 
it has truly taken this village 
of Lush to help me grow, 
the pain and fear in life 
have no foreseeable end. 

Yet it is more bearable with 
each new friend I know.

Tears flow free as if 
coursing in my veins, 
the salty fluid becoming 
my steadfast link to vitality.

Even as my heart sobs, 
it continues to beat,
so when I feel lost I log on 
to friends encouraging me.

I am happy yet sad 
and I don't know how. 

But I promise what you see 
is not in a fake smile, 
I never foresaw the 
Lush world as my haven, 
although on bad days, 
I may dissappear for awhile.

Today I am melancholy, 
no rainbows or butterflies, 
if you hate sad poetry, 
then this may not be for you,
for tonight the fear threatens 
to drown me whole. 

I promise to write a happy poem 
when I am ready to.

I check my email, 
the pictures on my wall, 
the way your friendships 
each encourage me is rare. 

This crazy world of Lush 
is more than erotica, 
it is a community of amazing 
people who truly care. 

This Lush world is a place 
where everyone is accepted,
regardless of fantasies or 
the way we choose to live. 

I love that there is a place 
where we can be free, 
but don't take it at face value, 
it has so much to give. 

So on this night, 
I send you virtual hugs, 
wishes of happiness 
and dreams come true. 

You each play a role
in my very crazy life. 

There are no words to 
adequately say thank you.