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Not Strong Enough

How I wanted to be there for you.
It was all I could do to just hang on waiting.
Never knowing when you’d be around.
Over a month and I wondered.
I’m just not that strong.

Fighting between my heart and mind.
I am a different person now I know what I need.
I thought I could handle it.
Even knowing it would likely all be the same.
I’m just not that strong.

It is deep inside me.
I kept saying to myself let it be.
Over and over let it be.
It came to the surface and exploded.
I’m just not that strong.

A drunken rant but it was the truth.
My guts spilled out onto the page.
Unedited and raw.
Everything I'd kept hidden.
I'm just not that strong

I never wanted you to not live your life.
I only wanted to be a part of it.
Give you something that you needed.
But it became to self destructive for me.
I’m just not that strong.

I can’t do this anymore.
Not because I don’t want to.
Not because I don’t feel it.
Because it hurts too much.
I’m just not that strong.

I worry for you.
How can both your sides be happy?
They conflict against each other so.
There is nothing I can do but let you go.
I’m just not that strong.

I need more than you can give.
You find it an imposition.
An invasion of your privacy.
Promises are never seen.
I’m just not that strong.

I need something real.
Not a fantasy or make believe.
A longing that matches my own.
I thought we had that once.
I’m just not that strong.

I am not what you need.
How I wish that I was.
I need to be tight with you.
You are not wrong.
I’m just not that strong.

I feel like there are two of you.
The sexy little bitch I so desire.
Someone cold and distant I don’t know.
I never know which one I will get.
I’m just not that strong.

There is no right or wrong.
Anguish fills me up.
So I pushed your buttons.
You made the choice I knew you would.
I’m just not that strong.

I feel a sense of relief.
And a deep pang of sadness.
I pushed you away.
I did it on purpose.
I’m just not that strong.

Deep inside there is something that’s yours.
Something you don’t want.
Yet it will not die.
A little spark of love.
I’m just not that strong.

You will never be forgotten to me.
Always in the back of my mind.
Who you really are.
What I wished could be.
I am not that strong.

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

Copyright © It is forbidden to reproduce any of this material without express permission from Bunny12 the slut who wrote all this crap!

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