"Peter! My man!" The voice was low, in recognition of the library setting, and it was accompanied by hands tightly gripping Peter's shoulders from behind. A moment later, Jason sat in the chair across from Peter at a large table on the ground floor of the university library on a Monday afternoon.
"Geez, Jason," Peter answered. "Hi. I haven't seen you since I don't know when."
"End of fall term last year," Jason said. "Don't you remember? I went down to Oregon for spring semester last year?"
"Yeah. Yeah, that's right," Peter answered. "I thought maybe you'd stayed down there. It's the end of September and this is the first I've seen of you."
"I've seen you around," Jason said. "I've just always been on my way somewhere. Good to see you. So, you still with what's-her-name, uh…?"
"Heidi."
"Heidi, yeah, Heidi," Jason said.
"Nah. She's in Hawaii. Decided to do a year in Hilo. You know, that go-to-another-school-on-in-state-tuition-if-you-want thing," said Peter.
"Oh, that's a shame. I mean good deal and all, but you two had something going. You must miss her," Jason said. Peter caught Jason's eye with a level stare. "What? No?"
"Jas, we were just freshman year fuck buddies."
"Fuck buddies?" Jason said. "No shit? I saw you two together a lot last fall semester. I just thought you had something real going."
"What? Being fuck buddies isn't real?" said Peter. Jason looked like he might hazard an answer and then thought better of it. Instead, he took a different tack.
"I don't know, Peter," Jason said. "I always got the impression you two were a lot closer, or, well, maybe that's what Heidi wanted or something."
"Oh, yeah, no doubt about it," Peter said. "Yeah, she definitely wanted the next level, or some kind of shit. But fuck buddies was fine with me."
"I wouldn't think she'd put up with that," Jason said. "I mean, she was pretty smart. If she wanted a real relationship maybe she'd try it for a little while but when it didn't happen she'd dump you and move on. I mean, you know, sorry, but that's the way she seemed to me."
"Oh, Jas," Peter said, "now you're asking the master for his secrets."
Jason looked uncertain as to whether or not he necessarily wanted to be in on whatever mysteries Peter seemed anxious to share.
Peter noticed his reticence. He got back in gear. This is just too cool to not share, Peter thought.
"Okay. Want to hear a funny story?" Peter asked.
"Sure. Yeah," Jason answered.
"Okay. Heidi and me were lab partners back junior year at high school when we were seventeen. And near the end of the year, like in April, these notes from some girl started showing up…you know those drawers in the lab benches no one ever uses?" Jason nodded. "Well, in the drawer where I sat these notes started popping up every few days. Like, 'How are you?' and 'You're cute,' and 'I like your ass,' and shit like that. I had no idea who they were from. The year ended and I still didn't know. Senior year went by and I graduated. Well, this time last year, beginning of freshman year, Heidi corners me and says the notes were from her! So, I'm thinking, geez, why would she tell me this shit unless she's looking for something, you know, personal?"
Jason looked at Peter, noncommittal, wanting to find out where the story might go.
"So, anyway, we get into this thing," said Peter, "and after a while I tell her that I'm really into her, but I'm really scared of a full relationship, but maybe we can just hook up for a while."
"And she was cool with that?" Jason asked, skeptical.
Peter laughed. "No, of course she wasn't. But I had been going with this girl, Melanie. We went to the junior prom and were together all through senior year, and Heidi knew that. So, I just made up some bullshit about how Melanie left me without a word, and how bad it hurt, and how I was scared of getting hurt again, blah, blah. So, Melanie's down the Lower 48 at school, so who's Heidi going to check the story with? It took her about a week to come around, but she finally caved. After that we hooked up all the time."
"So, after a while why didn't she dump you?" Jason asked.
"Ah," Peter said, coming to the genius part of his story, relishing the opportunity to reveal it to a member of the unwashed rabble. "If she wants a real relationship then getting and keeping some girl for your fuck buddy calls for a delicate touch, as I've illustrated. Every once in a while, like once a month or so, right around their period is the best time, you just drop a little bait. So, you might say something like, 'Gee, have you ever thought maybe we should kind of get closer? Take the next step?' And, you know, she doesn't want to seem like what she's doing is wrong, so she'll always say no. The period helps. You know how they get: emotional, weepy and shit. They don't want to deal with anything too heavy, so they say no. Heidi was always out of it then, anyway. Bad cramps every month. Nothing really helped much. So you let it go, but you've... How shall I say it? - dropped the chum in the water, and she'll keep circling."
Peter smiled at Jason; satisfied, conspiratorial.
I think I'd really like to go take a shower, Jason thought. Heidi is probably in Hawaii because she couldn't stand the sight of Peter anymore. But, who knows, maybe she'll come back with a great tan and all ready to let herself be deluded again.
"Gee, Peter, you know, I don't think I could do that to someone," Jason said.
"Hey, you do what you gotta do to keep the pipes cleaned out," Peter answered and shrugged.
"So, you said Heidi was doing this note thing at the end of your junior year?" Jason said. "Why didn't she ever try to get together with you senior year?"
"She probably was dying to," Peter said, "but, like I said, I was with this girl, Melanie, all senior year. I knew her from elementary and middle school and about the time the notes started we went to the junior prom together. Get this, she asked me! And we just kind of stayed together for the rest of high school."
"So, were you having sex with Melanie all senior year?" Jason asked. He was almost afraid to hear the answer, but he had to admit there was some sort of morbid fascination at play. How often do you get to talk to someone who's honed being a scumbag down to a science? Jason thought.
Peter hesitated for a moment before answering. Yeah, telling Jason they'd had sex all senior year would make him feel like his dick was ten inches longer, but they hadn't. In truth, Peter had been terrified to make a move; not just afraid of her reaction, or of rejection, but of getting into sex. God, if he'd only known then what he knew now. Well, the truth was good enough.
"Not until after graduation. Then like six weeks before she left for college, wham!, we were doing it." Peter said. "We were watching that Tom Cruise movie, you know, Risky Business, and it gets to the part where Tom's pitching the go-cash-in-your-savings-bonds-and-come-fuck-a-hooker idea to everyone. He's gassing up the car and there's this kid from his school. And Tom's telling him something like, 'You're going off to college next year. Man, you've gotta get the lay of the land. College women can smell inexperience. Like dog shit.' And I'm thinking, geez, good advice. But I guess Melanie was thinking the same thing because suddenly she's all over me. That last six weeks we must have done it like fifty times. Fucking every way you can imagine. She got this book. Well, not every way. Some of those positions are just nuts. Like, I can't imagine anyone actually doing Wheelbarrow, except maybe once just to say they tried it. Anyway, then she went off to college and I haven't heard from her since."
Lucky girl , Jason thought.
"That Melanie was a real hardbody." Peter continued. "She ran cross country all four years. Heidi wasn't like that so much, rounder, you know. But, geez, with Heidi the tits alone were worth the price of admission."
"Yeah, I'm sure," Jason said. Macabre attraction aside, he was getting weary of the conversation and more than a little repulsed. "Hey, I really need to go and get some work done." He didn't, but it was a useful white lie.
"Me too," Peter answered. He indicated a small stack of papers in front of him. "Creative Writing. We get these writings that people in the class do, and we read them and then do this critique thing on each of them. The class is in like three hours and I haven't even started."
"Must be a lot of reading," Jason said.
"Not really," Peter answered. "Most people do poems so, like, a page or two. Some people write stories that can get a little long, but mostly it’s poems. This week it's four poems and this creative non-fiction thing that's just ten pages, so not so bad."
Jason was actually enjoying talking to Peter, beginning to remind himself why they'd been friendly, now that the subject had turned away from manipulating and using people in a vile way. Jason felt comfortable enough to offer something vaguely roguish. "Wow, Creative Writing; must be a lot of good looking girls in a Creative Writing class."
Peter looked at him with a stern eye. "Geez, Jas, is that all you can think about? That's fucking pathetic, man." Peter immediately started into some half-suppressed laughter. "See you around."
Not if I see you first , Jason thought.
* * * * *
"So, that just leaves Clara. Last one for the night," the professor said. She looked at Clara, sitting to her right. "Could you pick a passage from your story to read please?"
"Um, okay. My story is creative non-fiction. I thought I'd read the last part," said Clara.
"'In mid-August the time for Clara's move came. She tried calling Heidi to meet before she left, but the messages went unanswered. Their household packed and shipped, Clara and her mother, father, and younger brother drove onto the ferry. Clara stayed with her family while they picked up the stateroom key at the Purser's office, and she went with them to the room to arrange her things for the voyage to Bellingham. After a while the ferry's motors gunned, and Clara could feel the boat begin to move from the dock. She said she was going up on deck.
“’Clara went to the stern railing. The boat's wake, white and widening, trailed behind. Mount Stroller White, with Mount McGinnis like a younger sibling in front, the spikes of the Mendenhall Towers, and hulking Mount Bullard were flushed from the light of the setting sun. The lower reaches of Mendenhall Glacier wallowed in shadow. All of it was slowly receding.
“’Her questions began. Why couldn't she have managed to put things right with her friend? Was that really so hard? Was it that she was afraid of that extra stirring of emotion she'd begun to feel toward Heidi? She thought she knew what it was, but why would that be so threatening since she was leaving? The thought of Heidi brought Peter to mind. Could that have turned into anything? Do you really have to lose your best friend over a boy? Clara knew the questions were ones she'd likely never learn the answers to. Her friend Heidi and maybe-it-could-have-been-something Peter were receding, just like the ruddy mountains.
“’Clara knew those questions would ask themselves again, though. The names would be different, but the questions would be the same. She wished she could have the answers to Heidi and Peter: those would help her find the answers the next time the questions arose. The M/V Columbia picked up speed, but the ferry terminal was not so far away yet that Clara couldn't recognize Heidi when she walked from the building and came to stand at the dock railing. Heidi raised her arm and waved it over her head. Clara pressed the ends of four fingers to her lips and threw the kiss to Heidi. She extended the hand above her head and slowly waved, tears wetting her cheeks.'"
When Clara was finished reading the professor said, "Okay.