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Sometimes it's hard to go home.
This story was written as a contest entry for another venue. Each participant was given the same beginning paragraph. I hope you enjoy Beccah's story.

The light fog added a moisture to the air. The coolness of the night wrapped around her like a wet towel, sending a shiver up her spine. She was lucky she knew the area so well, or she could have easily become lost. She looked through the trees at the house where he lived, slightly smiling at the one electric candle burning in the kitchen window.

It was just as he had said seven years earlier, “I’ll leave a light on while you’re gone, so you can find your way back home. When you find yourself, come back to me.”

It had taken a lot for him to say those words, after a long night of arguing, pleading, tears, screaming, and love-making. “You can’t mean this! What do you mean you’re not happy? We’re supposed to be getting married!”

“What do you want from me? Do you want me to look you in the eyes and lie to you? Do you want me to tell you everything will be all right?” She cupped his sweet face in her hands and pleaded with him, “I can’t do this. Do you understand? I’m dying here. I don’t recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. I need to go and look for whatever it is I’m missing. I need to see the world for myself.”

She stared into his bright blue eyes, now shining with unshed tears. “God, Richie, I love you, but if I stay here I’ll end up hating you, hating us, and hating our life together.” She gently kissed him and said, “I love you too much to let that happen. You need to let me go, baby. Please….”

Richie held her tightly, as she continued to kiss him, desperately returning her kisses, thinking his love could change her mind. He trailed kisses down her throat, along her collar bone and then up the side of her neck to her ear. He felt her hands tighten as she dropped them to his shoulders. He knew exactly where to kiss her and where to touch her. He should after all these years.

She trembled at his touch and felt her body responding to his. Damn him, for knowing her so well. Her nipples hardened and strained against the thin tank top she was wearing. The tingling between her legs was maddening and she pushed herself into him, feeling him grow hard against her body. Richie’s desperation was contagious as she pulled at his shirt, trying to get it off of him.

It was hot and it was urgent. The lovers stripped each other of their nightclothes and fell onto the bed. Richie could never get enough of her. She was like a drug to him. He pushed her flat on her back and took control. He caught a whiff of her excitement, mixed with the scent of baby powder and field flowers. She had a golden tan and there were white triangles surrounding her areolas, evidence of the black bikini that was her weekend uniform.

He devoured her breasts, switching from one to the other. He kissed, nipped and suckled, hungrily. Her hands were holding his blond head tightly, not wanting him to move, but he did. He moved downwards.

Richie moved down her taut belly, heading for her baby-soft, hairless valley. He moved her legs apart and opened her flower. She was pink and wet with arousal, and her hard pearl called to him. When his mouth captured the throbbing nub, her back arched and a low moan escaped her. He sucked on her clit and then ran his tongue all around. He loved her taste and his cock became even harder, in anticipation of entering her hot hole. He wasn’t going to wait.

He growled her name as he rose up and spread her legs wider. Without warning, he plunged into her, “Beccah….”

He thrust into her as if trying to drive straight through her body. There was no evidence of tenderness. It was if he thought he could own her, and his power would convince her to stay. His heart needed her to belong to him, but in his mind he knew. He had seen it coming, he had seen the look in her eyes, but never wanted to admit it. That thought drove him to push harder.

She met his thrusts with her own. Her legs were tightly wrapped around him as he pounded her. Her fingernails dug into his back as her pleasure mounted. He held on to her shoulders and pushed in again and again, his balls tightening almost painfully, before releasing his hot seed. Beccah’s nails cut into his skin, her cries mixing with his, just as her juices did. They lay, panting in each other’s arms, each afraid to let go because they knew this was the last time. He whispered and promised he would be there, waiting for her.

When Richie woke the next morning, Beccah was already gone. She had left him a note telling him she loved him, and promised to let him know how to reach her, when she got to where she was going. That never happened. Oh, he had heard she had gone back to college, but she never contacted him. Still, he left the light on, waiting for her to come home.

Beccah thought back to the morning she left. She sobbed all the way to the interstate. She wanted to turn around and go back to the security of their home and the safety of their life, but she just kept driving. It was a long while before she felt free. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to contact him. She was afraid to hear his voice, and that he would beg her to come back home. After a while, it was just easier not to think about her past.

Now, standing out here in the dark, a part of her felt like she was still in that little house, on the outskirts of town. It was all she could do not to walk through his door, and tell him she was home. No, she was cold and wet, and she really wanted to look her best when she saw him. Her sweet man – he waited for her, and she was finally home.

Beccah chose a pale pink sundress to wear to church. Her dark brown hair hung in soft waves, halfway down her back. She applied a little mascara to the already indecently long eyelashes that framed her brown eyes, and then slipped on a pair of white heels. She looked in the full-length mirror in the hotel room, and was pleased with the image before her. Gone was the girl who fled this small town so many years ago. In her place stood a confident woman who was back to claim her man.

It had been dumb luck that caused her to find the ad for the Director of Social Work position at the local hospital, here. When she left Richie, she had a two year degree, began accelerated courses at the University of Michigan, achieved her Bachelor’s, and then her Master’s degree. The internship at University Hospital, and her volunteer work at two city clinics, earned her the reputation of being a hard worker, and a fighter for patients' rights. Whether it was fighting for a patient’s right to their own information, their choice of treatment, or their right to choose how they wanted to end their days, she fought for them. She didn’t buck the system, but worked with it, or worked to change it. She was tireless in striving for changes that benefited both patients and facilities. She had the respect of medical professionals, clergy and patients. She was a rare breed.

When Fulton County Hospital advertised for the directorship, Beccah couldn’t believe her luck. She would be able to go home and show Richie how successful she had become; they could be married and have the life they had always wanted. The interview process had taken a couple of months, but finally she got the offer. As hard as it was to leave her clients and their families, it was time to get her life back.

She knew she was arriving at the church a little late. She slipped into the back pew and looked at the faces from her past. Everyone was older, but they were the same, sitting in their same places in church. The pastor was new, but that was about all that had changed. She strained to see if Richie was sitting in the same pew, and he was. She felt her heart leap in her chest. He was still blond, still gorgeous, but gone was the boy she loved; in his place was a man.

She tried to concentrate on the words being spoken and on the hymns being sung, but all she could do was imagine the reunion she would have with Richie. When the service was over, she quickly left the building and waited for him to come out.

Beccah stood under the sugar maple tree with its new spring green leaves, trying to be inconspicuous. A few of the members noticed her, but never approached her. They seemed to gather on the other side of the sidewalk, waiting and watching.

When Richie came out of the church, Beccah began to walk towards him, and then stopped in her tracks. Clinging to his arm was Jenny Griffith. She was looking at him with complete adoration, and he kept her close, as if to protect her. With their blond hair and blue eyes, they made a cute couple. Oh my God, thought Beccah; they were a couple.

She had just decided to turn and leave when she heard him call to her.

“Beccah? Beccah Russell?” Richie ran over to her, and threw his arms around her in a big, friendly hug. “How are you? When did you get back? Geez, look at you!”

Richie spun her around and then pulled her back into his arms. “You look wonderful, Beccah,” he said, breathlessly.

Beccah pulled back a little, but stayed in his arms. “Oh Richie, I’m home. I’ve come back to…”

“You’re back for a visit? Wow, that’s great,” Richie said excitedly, letting her go and turning to Jenny. “Hey Jen, come here. Look who came back?”

Jenny looked uncomfortable as she approached the pair. Richie’s arm immediately went around Jenny’s shoulders, and pulled her close. “Beccah, I’m sure you remember Jenny. She was a couple years behind us in school.”

It took Beccah a minute to find her voice, “Hello Jenny, it’s been a long time.”

All Jenny did was nod, because Richie kept talking. “Damn, Beccah you look great, doesn’t she Jen? How long are you here for? Where’ve you been? Christ, I never heard from you after you left. Aw, what the hell. Water under the bridge, you know?”

Beccah wanted to scream at him to shut up. She wanted to escape this scene and find a place to hide, but no, he kept talking.

“You’re going to have to come out to the house for dinner some night, right Jen? Jenny makes the best brisket in the county. She spoils the hell out of me, and I love her for it.”

Richie leaned down and kissed Jenny’s cheek, and then looked Beccah dead in the eye. His voice dropped and it had an edge to it, “Did you know we were married? We are, and we’re happy. I’ve got a woman who loves me and who I love more than life; someone who will never hurt me.”
His eyes were no longer friendly. “Well, maybe dinner would be a bad idea. I don’t expect to see much of you. Come on, Jenny. Try to have a nice life, Beccah.”

The couple turned and walked away. The eyes of the gathered crowd were on Beccah. She choked back her tears, put her chin up, turned and slowly walked away. She wanted to run, in the worst way, but she held on to what little dignity she had left. No one heard what he said, except Jenny, but Beccah knew it was only a matter of time before the entire town would be talking about the encounter.

It was noon, but Beccah didn’t feel like eating. She knew the church crowd would be out and decided to wait until a little later to get something to eat. Back in her hotel, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She threw her purse at her reflection and fell on the bed, crying. This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out. Richie was supposed to welcome her back. He had kept the light burning for her. Exhausted by her tears, she fell into a deep sleep.

It was around two o’clock when Beccah finally woke. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since the night before. She took off her crumpled dress and tossed it in the corner. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a white tank top and grabbed her khaki jacket. She walked down the main boulevard to the USA Diner.

You didn’t wait to be seated here; you grabbed a menu off the rack and found yourself a table or booth. Beccah walked to the back of the room, found a spot in the last booth, and sat down with her back to the door. She smiled at the menu. It was exactly the same as it was when she was a little girl. She was looking over the Sunday specials, when she heard a deep voice that brought goose bumps to her skin.

“Bex…so the rumors are true. You’re back.”

Beccah knew who it was without turning around. He was the only one who had ever called her Bex, and he did it because it annoyed the hell out of her. Beccah turned her head and looked into the hazel eyes of Drew Morrison.

Richie’s brother had been four years ahead of them in school. Whenever Richie and Beccah were together, which was just about always, from the time they were ten years old, he found a reason to bother and tease them. Beccah’s eyes widened as she took in the sight of the man looking down on her. He was easily over six feet tall, with coppery brown hair that was maybe a little too long. His face had nicely chiseled features and his muscled arms were tan. He had grown into a very handsome man with a body that was all shoulders and chest, no waist, no hips, no ass.

“Don’t call me Bex. My name is Beccah and I would appreciate it if you’d call me that,” she said with as much sophistication as she could muster.

Drew dropped into the booth, opposite her, and hit her with a lazy smile.

“Don’t get all high and mighty with me, Bex. I may be the only one in town that’ll talk to you after what you did. Nice scene in front of the church, by the way.”

“What I did? Why, because I left and went back to school? Because I wanted more than to be married at the age of twenty? Fine, crucify me. If I’m such a low-life, why don’t you get the hell away from me? We wouldn’t want the town talking, now would we? Jesus, Drew, I was engaged at eighteen! I wasn’t ready!” Beccah’s voice started to sound shrill.

“Calm down, Bex, it’s me. I don’t blame you for going out and trying for more. I blame you for devastating my brother. Christ, you left him a real mess, for a few years. Thank God for Jenny; she made him believe in love again. She dotes on every word he says. You can be damn sure their baby is going to be spoiled all to hell.”

Beccah gulped, “She’s pregnant? Oh God, she’s got my life. She has him, our home, and now she’s going to have their baby.” She turned her head in an effort to hide her tears.

Drew reached over and put his big hand over her slender one. He wasn’t being mean, he was being factual. “She has nothing that belongs to you; she has what’s rightfully hers. She worked damn hard to bring him back and get him to care about someone else. You walked away Bex - hell, you ran away. And you were right to do that.”

When he felt a tear drop onto his hand, he raised it to wipe her cheek dry. “Come on, don’t do this. You’re going to see that everything worked out the way it should.”

Beccah raised her head and pushed her chin out in a determined fashion, inhaled sharply and asked, “So, are the chili-cheese fries still the best in the county?”

Their conversation started cautiously, as they ate their burgers and fries. Drew and Beccah had never been real friends. He was simply her boyfriend’s annoying older brother, and she had been the cute kid that grew into a beautiful woman, not that he would tell her that. Drew had gone to an agricultural college and owned a landscaping business. That explained his rugged, outdoorsy look.

The conversation moved to their families. Drew asked about her parents, who had retired to Clearwater, Florida, and Beccah asked him about his father. Donald Morrison still lived in his home, a widower for the past fifteen years. He was still young, and was known to be quite a ladies' man at the Senior Center. Beccah smiled at the look of pride that swept over Drew’s face as he spoke of his father.

He listened and seemed truly interested in her life away from Richie. When she spoke of her work with patients' rights and end-of-life education, he asked questions pertinent to his own life, someday anticipating his father’s passing.

“Why did you choose to come to County Hospital, Bex? You probably could have gone anywhere. What did you expect to find? You didn’t really think Richie would wait seven years, did you? Or did you come here to get him back, one way or another?”

“You make me sound horrid, like I had this master plan. Drew, he told me he would wait, and I came back to see if he did. I wanted him to be proud of what I made of my life. I still love him. There’s never been anyone but Richie. I wanted to come back to him, a strong, successful woman.”

Drew frowned as she spoke. “Okay, but he’s married now, and he’s going to be a father. Tell me you understand what that means and that you’re going to leave him and Jen alone.”

Beccah’s eyes widened in disbelief and her voice cracked, “You can’t possibly believe that I would do anything to hurt him, do you? Jesus, what the hell do you think I am? I am not evil, Drew. I would never do that.”

Beccah was visibly upset, and Drew knew he had crossed the line with his interrogation. He reached for her hand once more and apologized.

“I’m sorry if I upset you, but you have no idea what a mess you left him in. I guess I’m being a little over-protective, but I spent a lot of nights trying to sober him up, or keep him out of fights at the bar. Bex, I never thought of you as evil. I’m sorry.”

Beccah looked into his eyes, and saw honesty and kindness there. She could tell he was proud of all she had been able to accomplish in very few years. A smile started, and Beccah finally began to feel like things may work out.

Beccah began her position at the hospital without any problems. She was replacing a very “old-school” director, who never accepted the changes society was demanding. Many of the staff was around her own age; some were older. All seemed to be interested in this home-town girl, who returned after being out in the big world.

She started looking for permanent housing, and decided that an apartment might best suit her needs. Beccah also found herself eating at the diner each evening, until she found a place of her own. Often she would run into Drew and they would sit together and discuss their days.

Beccah had settled into the last booth one Friday night, half looking forward to seeing Drew. When he came into the diner, he wasn’t alone. By his side was a pretty young blonde, with bouncing curls and voluptuous curves that screamed “Pageant Queen”. When Drew caught Beccah looking his way, he almost seemed embarrassed. He gave her a quick nod, and steered his date to the other side of the diner. Beccah felt something, but couldn’t put her finger on it. After all, why should what Drew did with his private life have any effect on her?

Beccah was walking down Main Street the next morning, when Drew’s pick-up truck pulled up next to her. He leaned over towards the passenger window and called to her.

“Hey Bex, where ya goin’?” shooting her a toothy grin.

“I’m just taking a walk. Are you up early or just going home from your date?”

Drew frowned at the brunette, but before he could reply she said, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I had no business saying that, or inquiring about your personal life, at all.”

“Hell Bex, I’m an open book. Cyndie is one of the teachers at the elementary school. We were sort of set up by Richie and Jen. Ever since he found wedded bliss, he thinks I need to find me a woman. I’ve never had a problem finding a woman, but he thinks I need to settle down and start a family. Christ, sometimes he acts like my father, not my brother,” Drew said, running his hand through his hair. “So come on, get in.”

Now it was Beccah’s turn to frown. “Get in? And go where?”

“Just get in, squirt. I’ll take you some place special.”

Drew opened the passenger door from inside the truck. Beccah tossed her purse onto the seat, and climbed up into the cab. Drew smiled appreciatively, as she crossed her long legs. Her khaki shorts rode well up her thighs, causing his mouth to go a little dry. Damn, he thought, her legs should be illegal.

Driving through the main intersection, Drew headed out of town, towards the woodland area. It was an early summer day, not too hot, with just the hint of a breeze. They talked and laughed during the drive, and before Beccah realized it, Drew was pulling off the road, parking in a grassy clearing.

Beccah was a little confused, as he exited the truck. “Come on, Bex. And shove your purse under the seat; you won’t need it.”

Drew was pulling a case out of the back of the truck and slipping the strap onto his shoulder. He looked at her wedge-heeled sandals and wondered if he had made a mistake. Oh well, he thought, she's a tough one. She’ll keep up.

“Drew...,” she began, but he silenced her.

“Bex, you’re going to have to keep your mouth shut, or you could scare them off. Now be a good girl, and grab that other bag and follow me.”

More than anything, she wanted to defy his orders and storm away, but given their location, she thought she had better make the best of things. She followed him into the woods. Luckily, the ground was fairly clear and walking was not as hard as she thought it would be. They must have walked for a good twenty minutes, until Drew stopped at the edge of a cliff. He set his bag down on a boulder and opened it. Inside, there was a beautiful camera and several lenses.

“You take pictures?” Beccah asked, keeping her voice down.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I started when I was studying horticulture. I found the best way for me to study was to have a lot of photos. The cheapest way for me to do that was to take the pictures myself and keep my own “books”. I must have hundreds of discs with plant photos. I found that I liked taking pictures of all sorts of things, so I took some photography classes in college. In addition to helping me with my landscaping business, I come out here and I’m able to relax. Open that other bag, will you?”

Beccah opened the small bag she was carrying and found it filled with film, notebooks, pens and two smaller cameras. He loaded his large camera and then one of the small ones, took out his notebook, and handed the little camera to Beccah.

“Here, in case you see something you might like to remember. The rule out here is: leave nothing behind but your foot steps, take nothing away but pictures and memories.”

“That’s nice, but why this spot? I mean it’s pretty, but wouldn’t down there near the stream be better?” she asked.

“Trust me, just sit here and watch. And remember, keep your voice down.”

Drew showed Beccah how to operate the small 35MM camera, using the auto rather than manual options. He had her take a couple of shots, explained the range of the camera, and some other basics. While she sat on one of the boulders, looking down at the stream, she heard the click of Drew’s camera. She turned her head to see him snapping pictures of her.


“Shhhh, I’m just taking some test shots. Now keep watching.”

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, a black bear came ambling out of the woods below, heading to the stream. Following her were two small bear cubs. Beccah’s mouth opened, but she said nothing. Cameras were aimed and the two started taking pictures. Drew lowered his camera after a couple of minutes, and touched Beccah’s arm. He pointed further down stream, at a small group of deer that had come to drink the fresh water.

Drew and Beccah stayed silent, except for the sounds of their cameras, for the better part of an hour. When the families of animals wandered away, he lay his camera down, sat on the ground, and leaned back against the boulder. Beccah knelt down next to him, barely able to contain her excitement.

“Never,” she started. “Never have I seen anything so beautiful. The animals, the babies, the scenery, the birds; everything was just perfect. Thank you, Drew.”

Drew looked at her flushed face and her long, dark hair being tossed in the breeze. This sight, against the turquoise blue sky, was more beautiful than he could imagine. He reached for his camera and before she could object, froze that moment in time.

“Now what the hell did you do that for?” Beccah demanded.

“Don’t worry Bex, you’ll get a copy. I don’t imagine you have any idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

Beccah’s eyes widened with surprise. That was probably the most unexpected thing he could have said. Her mind went blank and she couldn’t think of a reply.

Drew stood up and smiled down on her. “Hell, if I had known telling you that you were beautiful would shut you up, I would have done that years ago.”

He held out his hand to help her stand. As they walked back to the truck, their conversation reverted back to a polite exchange. It was as if that one statement changed everything. Drew turned up the volume on the radio and the pair found themselves singing at the top of their lungs, all the way back to town. It was almost three o’clock, and Drew pulled into the diner parking lot, without asking Beccah if she was hungry.

They were laughing as they burst through the door, and almost literally bumped into Richie and Jen. Beccah’s attitude immediately sobered, as Richie glared at her. Drew was still chuckling, despite the look that was being fired at him.

“Hey, proud parents-to-be, fancy meeting you here,” he said in a loud, happy voice.

Jen looked embarrassed, but Richie looked down-right angry. He grabbed Drew’s arm and turned away from the girls. Beccah didn’t want to listen to the exchange, so she turned to Jen and tried to guide her away from the men.

“How are you feeling, Jen? You look as if this will be a late summer baby,” Beccah said, truly caring about sheltering this sweet girl from the voices that were getting louder, behind them. “Do you want to step out into the fresh air?”

Jen nodded and the two left the diner. Drew watched them leave and then let his anger show.

“You have no right to tell me who I can or cannot see. It’s none of your damned business, Richie. Why the hell should it concern you? Unless you’re feeling a little jealous, and if that’s the case, you better rethink.”

“Christ, do you remember what she did? How can you stand to be anywhere near her?”

“Seven years, Richie. It happened seven years ago. I thought you moved on with your life. She’s no threat to you and if I want to spend time with her, I will. Now be a good boy, and tend to your wife.”

Richie began to sputter, but also noticed Jen left the diner. He rushed out the door to find Jen and Beccah sitting on a bench, calmly chatting. He grabbed Jen’s hand and announced they were leaving, not acknowledging Beccah’s presence. She stood on the side walk and his car peeled out of the parking lot and took off down the road. She hadn’t even realized tears had started their slow trail down her cheeks, until she felt Drew’s arm come around her shoulders.

“Come on, Bex. It’s been such a good day; don’t let a surprise run-in ruin it for you.” He pulled her into his arms, and kissed the top of her head. He felt her trembling as she fought to stay in control. He had an almost overwhelming urge to kiss her worries away, but thankfully Beccah stepped out of the embrace, threw her shoulders back and announced she was hungry. The uncomfortable moment was behind them.

Beccah couldn’t remember ever having such a wonderful summer. She and Drew made several more trips into the woods, watching the young bear family grow. He helped her with his knowledge of photography, loaning her some of his old college text books. He also helped her move into her new apartment, using his truck and his brute strength to help her haul her flea market finds. When she was settled enough to cook a meal, she invited him over to help christen her new home.

Drew arrived with a huge container garden for Beccah’s balcony. She laughed as she opened the door and was greeted by terra cotta and flowers. He stumbled through her living room and out the French doors to the balcony, setting the large container on the wide ledge. He turned to see Beccah trying desperately to stifle her giggles. One purple petunia had become dislodged and was perfectly affixed in Drew’s hair. She plucked it off, smoothed his tousled hair and directed him to the bathroom to wash up.

When he entered the kitchen, Beccah was bent over the oven, basting a roast. Her backside looked so inviting in the short black skirt she was wearing. Drew just stood in the doorway smiling at the view, until Beccah spun around, catching him in the act. She blushed furiously when she realized where he had been looking, and quickly turned away again, hiding her smile and feeling good that he wanted to look at her.

Her pork roast was luscious, and her lemon meringue pie and coffee were the perfect ending to a great meal. They took their coffee and settled on the sofa, watching the sun begin its slow descent, through her opened French doors. The only light in the room came from its amber rays, giving the impression of dozens of lit candles.

As Beccah chatted about work, Drew found himself concentrating on her, instead of what she was saying. Spending time with her these past few weeks, opened his eyes to the caring and compassionate woman he had come to know. Sure, sometimes she was that teenager that got on his nerves, but more and more she was becoming someone he enjoyed having in his life. When she leaned forward to set her cup on the coffee table, Drew got glimpse of the black bra underneath her purple blouse. His pulse sped up a little as he realized that this wasn’t just Bex; this was a desirable, sensuous woman.

They sat for a long time, talking about anything and everything. When Drew stifled a yawn, Beccah realized how late it had gotten.

“Come on, big guy, time for you to go home,” Beccah said as she stood. She held out her hands to pull him up. “You’re way too comfortable here.”

Pulling back with all her might, she hoisted him up, almost falling into the table. Drew grabbed her, and brought her into his arms. It was one of those awkward moments when you look into someone’s eyes wanting, more than anything, for them to kiss you. Beccah tilted her head up, and closed her eyes as Drew’s mouth came down on hers.

What do they say; fireworks, earth-moving, bells ringing? It was all of those things and more. Beccah slowly moved her hands up his chest and around his neck. Drew’s arms went around her, bringing her as close as possible. The kiss was tender but passionate, and lasted longer than Beccah thought possible. When it ended, Drew kept her in his arms, breathing in the lavender scent of her hair.

“What was that?” he asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

Beccah smiled as she leaned against him, “I think they call that a kiss, Drew.”

“Bex? If I don’t leave right now, I’m afraid I’m going to do something to screw this up,” Drew said stepping back. “That was incredible, but if you don’t mind, I want to take this slow; real slow. Is it okay if I call you, maybe tomorrow night?”

He looked like a boy asking permission to borrow the car. Beccah smiled, and tried to put him at ease, “Call me when you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere.”

She walked him to the door, turned and planted a tender kiss on his lips. “Good night, sweet man,” she said, as he walked into the night.

Beccah never heard from Drew on Sunday, but she wasn’t concerned. He said he wanted to take things slow. God, he made her heart race. As she sat at her desk Monday morning, the thought of their kiss still brought a smile to her face.

There was a light knock at her door, and Roseanne Zimmer stuck her head in. “Got a minute?” she asked with a frown.

“Of course, Roseanne, come on in. What’s up?”

“I’ve got a case I’d like to review with you. I’ve made my recommendation, but I’d like your feedback, and your support if needed,” Roseanne said as she sat down opposite Beccah. “Sixty-five year old male patient admitted last night complaining of severe headache, most of Sunday afternoon. E.D. was working a three-car accident, so he was made comfortable, because he really wasn’t complaining or showing any more symptoms. He started saying he was feeling a little weak, and that his vision was a little off. While waiting for a scan, he had a hemorrhagic stroke. The patient is not conscious and as far as the doctor can tell, he is fully paralyzed.”

“Does the patient have a signed Health Care Proxy, and is the health care agent available to make decisions?”

Roseanne frowned again, “Yes, but here’s the problem. The doctor’s prognosis is death within a few days, without surgery. With treatment, the patient will probably recover consciousness, and maybe some brain function, but not all. The patient’s written wishes state no heroic measures. The agent is ready to support those wishes.”

“So what’s the problem, Roseanne?”

“The patient has two sons; the eldest was named his agent. The youngest son wants every medical treatment available, to sustain life. The agent is trying to balance the patient’s wishes with the emotions of his brother. By law, we have to proceed, but I’ve suggested a family meeting to discuss this with our medical team. I’d like you to sit with us and help strategize our approach. Dr. Costanza is ready to discuss the psychological and sociological issues, as well as expected outcomes.”

“Fine, no problem, but you sound like you’ve got everything under control. Why bring me in?” asked Beccah.

“Beccah, we all know that you worked tirelessly for the rights of the dying at your last hospital. You’ve had conversations like this, dealing with family members who are on opposite sides. We rarely get anything like this. I’d just be more comfortable if you’d take the lead and let me assist. Please?” Roseanne asked.

Beccah placed her hand on Roseanne’s. “These are difficult discussions. I’ll be glad to work with you on this, taking the lead. I’d like to review the charts and the proxy. Do you know if there’s a Living Will?”

Roseanne looked relieved and nodded, “Yes, there is. Dr. Costanza has everything and can meet in twenty minutes, if you can. The family is here and we can meet with them immediately following. Can you free your afternoon?”

Beccah said she could and a short while later was seated in the doctor’s conference room, with Roseanne, Dr. Costanza and two nurses. Beccah’s face went white when she read the name on the chart – Donald Morrison, Drew and Richie’s father.

Drew had been named the health care agent, selected to speak for his father in the event he could no longer speak for himself. Donald had been very clear in his wishes when he requested no heroic measures, comfort care only, being allowed to die a natural death. If he could not be assured of full recovery, he wanted to be allowed to die.

From the discussion with the nurses, Richie was arguing for treatment because he wanted his father to be part of his baby’s life. Although Drew believed his father really wouldn’t want to end up tied to machines, unable to do for himself, he was torn with not wanting his brother to be upset. There were legal issues, but more importantly, there was the family to hold together.

The team worked to put together a presentation that was both factual and logical. Beccah knew that they had to find out from Richie exactly what his expectations were for his father. She also sincerely doubted that he would want to listen to anything she had to say, but this was her job and no matter what, she was going to work hard for Donald Morrison.

Roseanne held the door for Drew, Richie and Jen, as they entered the room. Dr. Costanza stood at the head of the table, with Beccah seated at his right. Richie stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. It was Jen who took his arm and got him to sit down. Drew sat a few seats away from him, avoiding everyone’s eyes.

Dr. Costanza very calmly explained Don’s condition. He showed the x-rays of the aneurism, scans of brain activity and spelled out the best case scenario, if they had caught it in time. Although he stayed quiet throughout the explanation, Richie’s temples were throbbing and you could see he was getting angry.

“I don’t care what your fucking x-rays and charts show. This is my father and he has every right to live. How dare you not give him every chance at life? Are you murderers? Is this how you get your thrills, playing God?”

Jen laid her hand on Richie’s arm, trying to get him to calm. Her eyes filled with tears, at her husband’s pain. “Please,” she whispered to him.

“Richie,” Beccah began. “May I ask what you want from this? How do you see your father after the hospital?

“What the hell do you think? I want him to play with our kids. I want him to read stories and play catch. I want him to tell our kids what it was like when we were young. Jesus Beccah, are you stupid? Oh yeah, that’s right, you have no idea what real love is,” Richie said sharply.

“That’s enough, Richie,” Drew exploded.

The following silence in the room was broken by Dr. Costanza. “I need you to realize that your father may never do any of those things. With a hemorrhagic stroke, with the best course of treatment, your father may regain consciousness, but he may never be able to hold your children, interact, touch or even see them. Do you realize in that state, he may feel more pain, anguish and frustration because of not being able to actively participate in life? Have you thought of how much mental pain he may endure, not being able to really live the way he wants?”

“Richie,” Drew spoke calmly. “You read what dad wanted. It was written in his own handwriting. The last thing he would ever want is to be a vegetable, or to be able to think, but be paralyzed. Is that what you want? Do you want to visit him in a home, on Sundays? To take your kids to a place like that and visit a body, someone they’ll never really know? Richie, they’ll know the best part of dad through your stories about him, when he was strong and vibrant.”

The room went quiet again. Roseanne glanced at Beccah and Dr. Costanza. They kept still and waited.

“Fine,” Richie’s voice cracked. “Do you what you want.”
“Richie, it’s not about what you want, or what Drew wants. It’s about what your father wants. These are his wishes, his decisions, about his life. Are you okay with that?” Beccah asked.

Richie stood and headed for the door. He turned back to them and said, “I’m going to have to be, aren’t I?” He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Doctor, please make sure my dad’s not in any pain, okay?” Drew asked. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I thought anything we did brought him any discomfort.”

Dr. Costanza stood and held his hand out to Drew, “You have my word.”

Jen and Drew followed Dr. Costanza out of the room. Roseanne looked at Beccah with tears in her eyes and said, “I never want my family to go through that. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I hope they’ll be able to find their way back to each other.” Beccah wondered the same thing.

And so the vigil started. There wasn’t any time when she walked by Don’s room, that she didn’t see Drew there. He hadn’t sought her out; he never looked her way. She just knew she had to be there, if he needed her.

On Friday afternoon, Roseanne came to her again. “Beccah, I though you might want to know, Don Morrison just passed.”

Beccah said a silent prayer and went to see if she could help. As she looked through the door, she saw Jen and Drew in a tearful embrace. Drew was holding his father’s hand. Beccah didn’t see Richie anywhere, and that worried her. She started down the hallway, stopping each nurse and asking if they had seen which way he had gone. One finally said she thought she had seen him go into the chapel.

The lights were dim in the small room, set aside for families. Richie was seated off to the side, staring into space. Beccah sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. He immediately turned to her, pulling her close, and holding onto her for dear life. She could feel how tense he was, and stroked his head and back. He clung to her, trembling with emotion. Beccah stayed in his arms, trying to will him her strength.

When Richie raised his head, his cheeks had telltale signs where his tears had traveled. He looked into her eyes, and then brought his mouth to hers, seeking comfort in her kiss.

This is wrong, Beccah thought. No, I don’t want to do this, she thought as she tried to pull away. At that moment, she heard the chapel door slam. Beccah stood up abruptly, muttering she was sorry, and raced out of the room. She saw Drew’s back as he rounded the corner at the end of the hall. Beccah ran after him.

Drew was already in his truck and backing out of the parking spot, as Beccah came out of the hospital. There was no way he was going to stop, so Beccah was just going to have to go after him. She ran back to her office, grabbed her keys, and told her assistant she wouldn’t be back for the rest of the day.

She knew exactly where he was headed. They had made that trip almost every weekend. Beccah was driving a pretty good clip, and couldn’t imagine how fast Drew must be going. What must he have thought, seeing Beccah with Richie? It was nothing; nothing that Beccah wanted. Her heart ached at the thought of losing Drew. Losing him? God, how she wanted him, but more than that, how she needed him.

His truck was parked in the clearing, where he always left it. Beccah pulled right behind him, blocking any chance of him leaving. She pulled off her heels and raced through the woods in her bare feet, heading towards the cliff. He was there, sitting on the boulder overlooking the stream. She walked up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

Drew jerked away, as if her touch had burned him. “Don’t touch me, you whore!”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?”

Drew got off the boulder and stood facing her. There was an anger in his eyes that Beccah never thought she would see. “Don’t play fucking innocent with me, Bex. I saw you kissing him. For Christ’s sake, he’s fucking married! What the hell? Did you think you could get him back because his father died, and he was having a weak moment? Is that when you tracked him down and made your move?”

The woods echoed with the sound her hand made as she slapped his face. “You horse’s ass, Drew! How dare you? How dare you think that about me? Maybe if you had stuck around a little longer you would have seen that I wasn’t kissing him! He was kissing me!”

Beccah started pacing around, her arms flying as she spoke. “I went looking for him to make sure he was okay. Christ, he was my first boyfriend, a major part of my life and I still care about him. But I don’t want him, Drew. How could you think that?”

Drew was rubbing his sore cheek when he asked, “You’re going to look me in the eyes and deny you were kissing him?”

“Yes, I am. He was kissing me; I was trying to get away! My God, he’s married and going to be a father – I would never do that. I thought you knew me. I thought you understood me. How stupid was I to think that you would ever really cut me a break?” Beccah’s eyes burned deep into Drew’s as she continued, dropping her voice to a gentle whisper, “I wanted you to know me. I wanted you to want me, Drew.”

Drew was hurting and spoke without thinking, “Why? So you could put another Morrison notch on your belt?”

He never expected the second slap. Beccah’s arm was as fast as lightning and he reeled back from the force of her blow. The two stopped, shocked at what had just happened. Beccah turned and started to run. She needed to leave, she needed to escape.

Drew caught her around the waist, turned her around, and pulled her close. Beccah fought to gain release and Drew fought just as hard to keep from being hit, again.

“Stop fighting me, woman!” Drew said, exasperated with the whole situation. “Would you just stop.... Owwww!”

Beccah had accidentally landed a blow to Drew’s balls that almost felled him. As he doubled over in pain, Beccah stood by, absolutely mortified at what she had done. She reached out to put her hand on his shoulder and he stood up, glaring at her.

“Going to play like that, Bex?” he asked as he reached out and grabbed her again. This time when he took her into his arms, there was no fighting, not by either one. They stood there, looking at each other in silence, until he started to shake.

Beccah drew him close and let him release the anguish he was feeling over his father’s death. He clung to her, needing the support only the woman he loved could give him.

They stayed like that for a long time. Not speaking, not fighting, not crying, just holding each other. It was Drew who finally pulled away.

“I need to talk to Richie and find out what the hell he was thinking,” he said.

“Drew, now’s not the time,” she tried to convince him.

“The hell it’s not. He had no business touching you, not with Jen ready to pop any minute, not with our father lying dead down the hall.”

Beccah’s eyes and voice pleaded with him, “Please Drew, he didn’t mean anything. He was reaching out for comfort. I could have been anybody, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Well it does to me, Bex. I don’t want him touching you,” Drew explained. “Not now. Not ever.”

He bent down and pressed his lips against hers, owning her. She clung to him and at that moment, silently committed herself to him.

Beccah agreed to drive behind Drew to the hospital, to follow-up on some paperwork. She also knew she had to safeguard Richie against Drew’s unwarranted anger. Their kiss in the woods had been so tender. She knew this was the beginning of something very special, and she would protect it with her life.

Drew’s arm went around Beccah’s waist as they walked into the main entrance of the hospital. Roseanne Zimmer found the two heading to the business office.

“Hey, you’re back! Get up to the fourth floor; Richie and Jen have been looking for you.”

“Maternity,” Beccah said breathlessly, grabbing Drew’s hand and pulling him towards the elevators. “Jen must be in labor, let’s go!”

They saw Richie standing at the end of the hall, looking into one of the rooms. When he heard their footsteps, he came running towards them, arms outstretched, and grabbing Drew into a big bear hug.

“It’s a boy! Shit, Drew, it’s a boy,” Richie was practically screaming. “Jen was so great. One minute she was fine, having some lemonade down in the cafeteria, the next thing I knew, she was telling me it was time. Holy shit, Drew, it happened so fast! Boom, I’m a dad!”

Two nurses exited the room where Richie had been waiting outside. One of them smiled at him and said, “You’re all set, daddy. They’re doing just fine.”

Drew and Beccah followed Richie into Jen’s room. For a woman who had just delivered a baby, she was stunning. There was almost an ethereal look to her as she held her newborn son to her breast. Richie went around to the far side of the bed and gingerly sat on the edge, putting his arm around his new family. Jen looked up at Drew and Beccah and smiled, before she turned to Richie.

“Did you tell him?” she asked, in a whisper.

Richie looked up at Drew, with a huge smile on his face and said, “This is your nephew, Drew. I’d like you to meet Andrew Donald Morrison.”

Drew’s voice rang with laughter as he began congratulating his brother and sister-in-law. There was back-slapping, hugging and kissing. Although offered, he refused the chance to hold the newborn. He needed time, he explained, to get his nerve up.

Beccah quietly backed out of the room and let the family rejoice in the newest generation. She knew that Andrew Donald was blessed with two very special guardian angels; his Uncle Drew here on earth, and his Grandpa Donald in heaven.

She was waiting for the elevator when she felt Drew’s arms go around her waist. “Why did you run off? I turned to talk to you, and you were gone.”

“Oh come on Drew, this is family time. Go back and celebrate,” Beccah said smiling.

“They deserve some private time. Besides, I have firm up dad’s arrangements. I’m not going to bother Richie with the details. I’ll just make sure that we have the funeral after Jen and Andrew are out of here.”

Drew insisted that Beccah sit with him during the service for Donald Morrison. The church put on a huge dinner in Donald’s honor, and the ladies of the Senior Center supplied desserts and coffee. Richie and Drew held up very well, speaking with all who offered their condolences. Richie was lucky that he could beg off, when he felt he should attend to Jen and the baby.

Beccah giggled as she overheard two of the women discussing Don’s sexual prowess. She put her finger to her lips to shush Drew as he approached them. His face turned bright red and he listened to the women describe his dad as a “stud”. He walked away, shaking his head muttering, “T.M.I.”

The last of the well-wishers had gone, Richie and Jen had taken Andy home for some alone time, and Beccah helped Drew gather up the cards and gifts that were left. Drew came up behind Beccah and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck. His breath was hot and his voice was soft.

“Will you come home with me Bex? We haven’t had any time to ourselves this week, and I really think we need to talk.”

Beccah turned and put her arms around his neck. Her eyes were bright and she gave him a sweet smile. “Of course I will, you know that. Whatever you need, I’m there.”

Drew pulled his truck into the circular driveway, right up to the front porch of his ranch-style home. The long porch with its rocking chairs invited his visitors to come, sit down and take a load off. Beccah looked out over the expanse of green lawn and precise plantings. She quickly appreciated his talent for landscaping and his eye for color.

He held the door for her and beckoned her into his home. Beccah had expected a masculine man cave, and was surprised at the casual elegance that greeted her. Drew’s home was the perfect mix of comfortable furniture, useful antiques and incredible art. He had a series of botanical photographs hanging over his sofa that Beccah assumed he had taken. Everywhere she looked there was a surprise – an old wooden army chest used as a coffee table, a small crystal vase holding a hot pink dahlia, a pewter candlestick next to well-read books, and a pair of antique lace gloves draped over the wedding picture of his parents. Beccah felt warm and comfortable here.

He walked to the kitchen, holding her hand. “Can I get you anything? I can make some coffee or I have cold drinks in the fridge.”

Beccah stopped and pulled at his hand, making him come close to her. “I’m good,” she said. “I don’t need anything to eat or drink. But you did say something about talking.”

Drew put his hands on her waist and gently kissed her. Beccah reached to hold him close, as their kisses became more passionate. It was several minutes before she broke their kiss.

“Um, you said something about talking, remember?”

“I did say that,” Drew replied. “The trouble is I don’t remember what I wanted to say. Maybe a change of scenery will jog my memory. Will you come with me?”

“Anywhere,” Beccah said raising her head and kissing him once more.

Drew led Beccah down the hall to his bedroom. The late afternoon autumn sun covered the room with a warm, golden blanket. He walked over to his bed and sat down, with Beccah standing in front of him, between his legs. He held her tightly, burying his face in her midriff, while her hands ran through his hair. He leaned back and looked at her, questioning her with his eyes. Her look told him everything he needed to know.

Drew reached for the zipper at the side of her skirt and slowly pulled it down. The soft fabric slid down her hips and fell to her feet. Her black lace thong was all that separated Drew from her pleasure zone.

Beccah reached down and began to undo the buttons on his shirt, while he ran his hands up and down her thighs, and over her rounded back side. The only time he stopped was to ease the shirt of his sculpted body. Still sitting, it was his turn to unbutton her silk blouse and let it join her skirt on the floor. He could see her excitement, evident in the hard nipples straining against her black lace bra.

“Oh God Bex,” he said kissing her between her firm globes. “I want you so bad.”

Beccah giggled and pushed Drew away, causing him to lie back on his bed. “Careful what you wish for, big boy,” she said in a very feline voice.

Beccah’s hands brushed his cock, as she reached to unbuckle Drew’s leather belt. His reaction was immediate when she slowly pulled his zipper down on his slacks. He slid back into the middle of his bed while she pulled his slacks off and tossed them aside. She pulled off his socks and then looked at him with a determination he didn’t expect.

Stalking like a lioness, Beccah began to move her toned body up Drew’s form. He did his best not to grab her and throw her down, but let her set the pace. Slowly she crawled up his body, stopping to lick or nip at his thighs. As she approached his boxers, she rubbed her cheek along the prominent bulge that had formed. She turned her head and gently bit through his boxers. His cock jerked at the thought of her mouth being on him.

When Beccah reached his belly, she kissed in a straight line up to his chest. Her legs now straddled him and he could feel the heat she generated from between her legs, cover his manhood. He felt like a pubescent boy who was going to blow any minute, from excitement.

She continued, stopping for a moment to suck on his nipples, while he moaned and fidgeted beneath her. Her long dark hair felt like silken threads, on his skin. She kept crawling up, attacking his neck with nibbles up to his ear, and finally whispering, “Are you ready for me?”

Drew’s hands went to her back and he popped her bra open with one movement. Beccah sat up, grinding her crotch into him, letting the bra slide down her arms and onto Drew’s chest. He was mesmerized by the brown toned areolas and the hard nipples that came into view. He threw her bra aside and took hold of each breast, massaging them and rolling her nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

It was Beccah’s turn to moan as the tingling from his nipple play moved through her body, down to her clit. It was like Drew had flipped a sensory switch on her body, and she was afraid she would overload with pleasure.

Beccah dropped onto his chest, devouring his mouth with hers. Her tongue sought out his urgently, and they took turns feeding each others mouths. Drew’s arms held her tightly against him and his hips began to move as her body gyrated against his.

He couldn’t take any more of her teasing and gently rolled her onto her back. Beccah gasped as control was removed from her, and now he was taking over. He held her close, smelling the sweet fragrance of lavender in her hair, before he moved and covered her mouth with his, drinking her in. She ran her nails up and down Drew’s back while he kept her mouth captive, sending shivers down his spine.

“God Bex,” he growled as he broke away from her. “You make me crazy.”

He looked down at her round breasts, with nipples that stood straight out. Just his look caused her to breathe a little faster, in anticipation of what would come next. He kissed down her chest to her breast and then underneath it. Drew began licking her there, and then up to her areola, tasting the salt of her skin. Round and round he traced with his tongue, before giving her nipple a flick.

“Ohhhhh,” Beccah moaned, bringing her hands to his head and trying to hold him closer.

He didn’t think her nipples could get harder, but he watched as they tightened more. He covered one with his mouth and began to suck, savoring every taste, and enjoying the moans she was emitting.

His hand went to her other breast and he began to massage her, taking time to play with her erect nipple. Drew noticed her hips were beginning to move, involuntarily. While giving her a little nip, he allowed his hand to begin its lazy journey downward. Moving over her belly with feather-like touches, Drew was in no hurry to get to his goal, yet also couldn’t wait.

When Beccah spread her legs, waiting for his touch, she released her personal fragrance into the air. There was no doubt how much she wanted him, confirmed even more by the wetness that had formed. Drew moved the small piece of wet fabric aside, and immediately began to run his hand up and down over her bare mound.

“Oh, oh God Drew,” Beccah panted. “I need you.”

Drew got up off Beccah and pulled her wet thong from her body. He got between her open legs and began to kiss her soft skin. All over her sweet valley, kissing, licking in the creases where it met her leg, not ignoring one inch of her body. He relished the feeling of her squirming beneath him, knowing her pleasure was mounting. Drew looked up to see her head rolling back and forth on the pillow.

Gently, he moved his hands to her lips and unfolded his prize. Her pearl glistened with her wetness and she was pink and swollen with excitement. He ran his tongue all around her clit before taking it in his mouth. Beccah’s hands went to his hair and her hips rose. While Drew sucked on her clit, he gently slid two fingers into her pussy, massaging her G-spot.

Beccah almost sat straight up and screeched, “Oh God!”

Drew’s hand suddenly became very wet and he felt her body begin to tremble in orgasm. He pulled away from her clit, to drink her womanly nectar. Beccah’s hips continued to move up and down, and she pulled at him, either to get him to stop or to get him to stay. Her words were unintelligible.

When she stopped shaking, he pulled back and looked up at her. She looked like an angel, with her hair spread out on his pillow, and her face glowed. Drew got up and pulled off his boxers. His cock was hard and red as he got on his knees between her legs and began nudging her. Beccah’s head shot up and she looked him in the eye. She reached down between her legs to grab hold of his throbbing shaft and guide it home.

He filled her with one movement. Beccah’s legs wrapped around him and her hands gripped his ass, pulling him in even deeper. Her brown eyes were locked on his hazel ones, and he saw a determination taking over. His strength was matched by hers. She met his thrusts and returned them, each time pulling him in as deep as possible.

“I need you Drew,” she whispered. “I need you now.”

Pure lust took over and Drew drove into her with a renewed vigor. The couple held each other trying to get as close as they could. Beccah’s legs clamped around him even tighter and he gripped her shoulders forcing him in even more deeply. They never broke their stare. Thrusting, pushing, giving, receiving, harder, faster, wanting, needing and then….and then…

Beccah could feel Drew’s cock swell and his hands pulled at her. She held on as tightly as she could with her legs, and raised her hips up higher as he drove in one last time, exploding and filling her with his juice. Drew pushed and pushed into her, and she felt herself cum for a second time, her fluids mixing with his.

Drew fell on top of Beccah, still holding her close, his cock still buried inside her. He truly didn’t want this moment to end. He raised his head and kissed her gently, barely touching his tongue to hers. He finally rolled off to her side and pulled her in to his arms.

Beccah basked in the warmth of his embrace, his legs intertwined with hers. With her head on his chest, she could hear the thump, thump, thump of his heart and thought there was no sweeter sound in the world.

She leaned back and looked up at him. His face was filled with love and tenderness for the woman in his arms. Their mouths came together once more in an unhurried kiss. Drew’s hands moved up and down her arms and back. Hers went around him to bring her body closer. They stayed quiet, just kissing, holding and massaging.

“Bex, this is where you were meant to be, you know. When you came back, it wasn’t supposed to be to Richie. You were supposed to come back to me. I knew that the moment I saw you in the diner,” Drew whispered.

“Drew, I’d like to ask you a question,” Beccah said, propping herself up on one arm, and looking him straight in the eye. “Are you thinking of making an honest woman out of me?”

Drew laughed and pulled her close once more. “You’re probably the most honest woman I know, but if you’re asking me to marry you, the answer is yes.”

Beccah sat up on her knees and planted kisses all over his face, laughing and saying, “Good, because I have plans for you, Mr. Morrison.”

With that, Beccah turned and began to crawl down Drew’s length, trailing kisses that left a promise of a wonderfully long night.
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