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I Hate Everything About You, Why Do I Love You

Yet another fight leaves Jessica losing hope. Can Andre restore it?
Another night of fighting left her hating him again. Jessica slammed the door to their room as she stomped inside, crying once again. Fighting, fighting, and more fighting. That's all their relationship had been for two months now. And yet, she couldn't leave him. Every time she slammed that door she thought about getting out her suitcase, packing up, and just walking away. Once she had even gotten her suitcase out. But she had only proceeded to stare at it for five minutes before putting it back in her closet. She could never leave.

Now the routine was to fight, slam the door, then blast her custom Pandora station as she attempted to silence her sobs. Eventually she would find the strength to get out of her clothes and into bed, but she just didn't see that happening tonight. Still in her tank top and jeans, she crawled into the bed and sunk into the music.

It was right as the first few notes of Three Days Grace began that she heard the door open. She felt herself clench everything together; teeth, fists, eyes. She curled her body in on itself and just tried not to start crying again.

Andre lay down on the bed and rolled over so he was right behind her. Then he sighed. "Jess," he whispered. She showed him no reaction. "Come on Jess, I know you're awake."

"Fuck off."

He felt the simmered storm rising within him once again. "Jessica, turn around." He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to turn her over, but she resisted. "Jessica, come on." He pulled her arm a little harder and she yanked it away from him.

"I said fuck off!"

"No! Now face me God damn it!" Andre grabbed her arm more forcefully this time.

"No! Stop!" She yelled, but he pulled her anyway, using his strength over her. Finally, he pinned her down on her back by her shoulders. Their eyes connected and her fury came out in tears. "Fine! You got me! Now what, huh!? Going to yell at me some more!? Go ahead!" She screamed, her voice rough and scratched in opposition to its usual smoothness. She found the song incredibly suiting as it yelled, I hate everything about you.

His anger was bubbling up, but he had no words to put it to. She was crying, she was hurt. He had hurt her, he knew that. But he didn't know how to fix it. He was so frustrated, as he had been for two months. He didn't know what to do.

He found that while his mind was swirling around in a confused and angry mess, his body took over. He rashly leaned down and forced his kiss on her. Using whatever strength she had, she forced him back and in the blow of the rejection, he couldn't stop her from rolling out from under him.

She got up and away from the bed, gripping her head in her hands almost to the point of pulling out her hair. Tears were coming so fast now she couldn't see. A confusing mix of emotions were flowing around inside her. There was her overflowing anger, but then there was that love which always kept her here. But worst was the small spark of warmth she felt from his kiss, a kiss she hadn't felt in too long.

He got up and followed her, calmly taking her wrists to guide her hands away from her head.

"No!" She shrieked, once again pulling away from him. But he wasn't asking. More forcefully, he grabbed her wrists and shoved her against the wall, holding her there as he bit down on her neck, something he knew she couldn't resist. "No!" she cried. "No! No!" But he could feel her losing strength. Her fists clenched and unclenched until finally, with a frustrated sigh, she stopped trying to revolt.

He knew by now there would be a dark red mark on her neck in a matter of time, so he stopped, but didn't pull his head away. He bowed it so his forehead rested on her shoulder and they both regained their breath.

Finally he picked his head up and looked at her. All that was left was a pained expression as she searched his eyes for any possible good left in them. Why do I love you? This time more slowly he leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head and closed her eyes, letting more tears fall. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't give him something so loving. She couldn't.

But he couldn't let her go.

He let go of her wrists, instead to put his hands on the sides of her head, forcing her to kiss him. Putting her hands on his chest, she used all the force she could to push him away. Hugging herself, she went for the door, but as furious as he was, there was no way she would get away.

He grabbed her and pulled her back, throwing her onto the bed and then getting on top of her. He needed only use one hand to hold both of hers above her head, regardless of her constant struggling. "Andre! Get off!" But he wouldn't. You love me!

He kissed and bit the opposite side of her neck that he had earlier, and used his free hand to pull her hips into his. She continued to scream in rebellion, but he just bit down harder until he was scared he might make her bleed.

In his frustration, he felt himself rising, just needing her body now. He slipped his hand up under her shirt and felt around her breast, having forgotten how perfectly soft it was. He pulled her shirt up and bit down on her nipple, just hard enough to illicit a reaction in her.She screamed and arched her back up so she was pressing against him. He held her there for a while, then finally stopped when she was shaking. She collapsed back down on the bed, violently shaking as she tried to steady her breathing.

The song slowed to its stop and her tears rushed again. "Stop," she whimpered. "Stop." Finally, he saw what he was doing to her.

He let go of her wrists and couldn't bring himself to look at her face as he moved to his side of the bed. A slow violin began Safetysuit's "What If" and Andre found himself singing along.

"What if it makes you sad at me?" He sang in his deep, but smooth voice. Jessica felt the sound wash over her like the waves in the ocean, pleasant and graceful, yet at the same time dangerous and terrifying in the way they could so easily sweep you away.

She had forgotten about his voice. It was one of those qualities which had made her fall in love, but he had stopped singing for her long ago. This time the tears that came to her eyes weren't of anger and frustration, but were instead those of love. The love she missed and wanted back.

"What if it makes you lose faith in me?" He sang. A tear rolled down his cheek, but his voice remained steady. He didn't like to show weakness, and had therefore capped his emotions long ago. Crying at all was nearly impossible at this point.

"Don't lose hope...and don't let go..." His back was to her, but she knew he was crying. His voice wouldn't betray it, nor would his body language in any way, but having been with him for so long, she just knew.

The song ended and she wasn't sure what to do now. She thought about trying to talk to him, trying to sort things out by word. But then she remembered how that usually went. Her throat was sore, she didn't want to yell anymore tonight.

Jessica reached forward and lightly placed her hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned his head to look at her. He had only a couple tear streaks on his cheeks, whereas she had black pools under her eyes from her makeup.

"You look horrible," he whispered, trying to make it sound like a joke, but still feeling too hurt to do it right.

Her mouth tried to smile. "I feel horrible." He covered her hand with his own and squeezed it, then looked away from her again, ashamed of himself. She got up to go clean off her face and when she returned he was lying down, huddling on his side of the bed, similar to how she had been earlier. She decided to finally get ready for bed, pulling off her shirt and jeans, when Secondhand Serenade caught her attention. Best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting.

She looked at him then. This song had always tugged at her heartstrings, but this was the first time she really felt the impact of its words. Pulling back the covers, she got into bed and came up behind him. But hold your breath, the song sang as she put her arm around him and hugged him against her. He turned over and revealed his pained eyes to her. They had both been wounded, and they both needed treatment.

She placed her hand on the side of his face and lightly stroked his cheek as she softly sang the next line. "Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again." Then it was she who leaned in and kissed him.

This kiss was soft, sweet, not destructive like the last ones. His hand found the side of her neck, which he caressed softly, as if to heal the mark he had left there earlier. Her hand came up to meet his and she intertwined her fingers with his as she pulled it away from her face.

He rolled over then so he was on top of her and continued to hold her hand as he gave her only soft loving kisses. His other hand rested itself on her hip but did not forcefully grab this time. Every touch and every kiss was sweet and soft, apologetic in its very nature.

Eventually she let go of his hand so she could tug at his shirt. She watched as he lifted himself to pull it off, loving how subtly muscular he was. Then they were skin against skin, feeling beautifully warm with every curve and indentation pressed against the other. Jessica started fumbling with his belt, finally releasing it and unbuttoning his pants. He slipped them off as well as her underwear, the single piece of cloth she always kept on when sleeping.

Then he stopped and looked into her eyes. He rubbed her cheek under her eye where a tear had fallen. But it wasn't her tear.

"Jessica," he whispered, "I love you." She found herself breathing in a huge breath in reaction to his statement. It had been much too long since she had heard those words. "I'm so sorry, I don't say it enough, but I do. I love you so much, Jess, I-"

She shut him up by placing another kiss on his lips. "I love you too, Andre," she whispered against his lips. Then she parted her legs and hugged his waist with her thighs. "Make love to me."

Andre kissed her once again as he entered her warm body. She had forgotten how amazing he felt, how he'd always managed to hit her just right. She sighed in ecstasy as he softly kissed his way down her neck to her chest. His tongue danced around her nipple this time, only softly nibbling it.

He returned to her mouth and pressed his tongue against hers as he gained just a little bit of speed. She moaned and pressed her body tightly against his. He knew this was what she did to signal she was getting close. "Wait for me, Jess," he whispered in her ear, which he then kissed and nibbled on a little. She sighed, wishing she could just let it happen.

She held his head close, running her fingers through his short hair, something she knew he loved, and kissed him again, this time more fervently than before. He took her clue and increased his speed and force. She was having a hard time resisting her building orgasm, but she continued to wait.

"Andre, I can't anymore," she cried breathlessly.

"It's okay, Jessica, come for me baby." And she did. As he erupted inside her, she finally allowed her orgasm to wash over her body in heavenly relief.

For a long moment they lay there, tangled up in each other, not wanting to move so as to keep the moment alive. When their breathing had finally recovered, Andre rolled over and pulled her along so she could lay on top of him. He held her so close that she could feel his heart beating against hers. "I love you, Jessica," he whispered, beginning to drift off to sleep.

"And I love you, Andre."

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