I really need a vacation. I work for one of the finest women’s clothing stores in the city and, recently, I have been working very long hours. Our manager is leaving and the company is deciding whether to hire someone from within the store or from outside.
The fact is, I’ve worked very hard for the company for several years and, at the age of 35, I feel I would make a good manager. I really want the job. Okay, it comes with a lot more responsibility, but the pay increase is definitely worth the long hours.
Apparently, the decision will be taken by the end of the week, Thursday to be exact. If they promote from within, the new manager will have a week’s vacation before starting in the position. That’s good news, a bonus that would really suit me.
Applicants for the job had brief interviews and were issued with information packs about what was involved in being manager. I studied them and thought I was capable and ready for the responsibility.
Thursday, we’re called into a back room for a short meeting. After listening to all the “ins and outs” of the manager’s job and what would be expected, I’m suddenly aware of my name being called out.
“Tammy… welcome to the new position of manager.”
I was so excited, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was smile. Everyone was so kind, congratulating me. I was overwhelmed. Along with this promotion, I would get a much-needed week’s vacation.
I’ve had a desire for some years to go back to my childhood home and also visit my father's grave. I’ve not been back there since my father passed away and, because of my work, I was only there long enough to attend the funeral. So, I decide that I will go back during this vacation. I even thought, if I have the time, I’d run up to Canada, since it isn't that far from my old house.
My parents remained in the house after all we children had left the nest. My momma passed away there, and after her death, my father couldn't handle living there any more. He wasn’t very well and needed help, so he went to live with his sister some four hours drive away.
My parents had rented the house fully-furnished, so he didn’t have much to take with him, just clothes, a few personal belongings. I think he even behind left kitchenware and some tools. Neither he nor his sister needed them.
I packed when I got home, planning to leave Friday after work. It was an eight hours drive and I figured I could get a good start. If I got tired, I would stop overnight in a hotel. But, right now, all I wanted was to get to Upstate New York. I phoned and booked a room at a bed and breakfast in the town near my old house.
I loaded the car and got some comfortable clothes together for the drive and got ready for bed. I thought the excitement would keep me awake, but surprisingly, I quickly fell asleep.
The next morning I was excited and ready to go. I showered and dressed, grabbed my bag and went into work. Time went rather quickly as there was so much to do concerning my new position. When the clock hit five, I was changing clothes and within minutes, I was heading for my car. I was ready for my vacation, knowing that when I returned, a whole new chapter would begin.
The drive was good. I felt fine and drove straight through. I got to the bed and breakfast and my room was beautiful. It was cozy and and homey. I unpacked a few things, not knowing exactly how long I would stay. Once in bed, I went right to sleep.
When I woke, birds were singing, the air was crisp and I was keen to visit my old house. I must explain that after my dad had left the house, I’d heard the owner sold the property and some land, and the new owner had built a bird sanctuary in the grounds.
The house sat in the middle of a wooded area with a beautiful stream in the back. The house was built of knotty pine and so the smell of the house was beautiful. Oh, how I hope it hasn’t changed.
I have a lot of good memories of this house where I grew up, including the cold, long winters, riding our snowmobiles and weeks of no school because of the snow. But my fondest memory is much more personal… it’s the house where I lost my virginity.
I had been going with Corky for four years. We were so much in love and thought we would be together for ever, and raise lots of children and have a dream life. Foolish kids we were.
Corky was over six foot tall, so handsome, slender built with a baby face (makes me smile even now thinking about him), brown hair and deep brown eyes. I called them puppy dog eyes. I wondered what happened to him and where he is. Hope he found a beautiful wife and raised lots of children.
After a shower, I dressed in jeans, sweater and boots. I remembered the chilly weather in October in upstate NY. I went downstairs and towards the smell of fresh coffee brewing and breakfast being cooked. I was hungry as I hadn't stopped for dinner - just drove straight here.
I walked into the kitchen and everything smelled so good. I pulled out a chair and sat down with a cup of coffee.
The couple running the place were the daughter and son-in-law of the people who owned the general store here when I was growing up. I didn't really know the daughter (we went to different schools) but I knew her parents from going to the store with my dad. She joined me at the table and we talked about how the area had changed.
I asked her if she knew anything about my old house, and told her what I had heard. She confirmed that a young man had bought it shortly after my dad left. He’d been left a large inheritance and he bought the house and all the furnishings. He did, in fact, build a bird sanctuary and breed rare birds for sale.
After a wonderful breakfast and listening to all the information, I was ready to go. I wanted to see my old house.
I got in the car and set off. My old home wasn't far away. As I went up the last hill of the country road I spotted the house. I pulled over and got out of the car. I stood there, remembering all the beautiful things about this place that I did not really appreciate as a child. My parents, my brothers, all the fun times we had, came flooding back.
Such a lot of good memories. I walked across the street and ran my hand along the fence. I chuckled, remembering running my snowmobile into the fence to stop myself. My dad, in the background, yelling, “Stop, Tammy, stop.“
Walking down the long circular driveway, I noticed beautiful birds everywhere. At the door I knocked. Waited. And knocked again. No answer. So I walked around to the back yard and down to the steam where I used to ice skate.
And there was the tree on which Corky and I had carved: Corky and Tammy forever. I smiled. After all these years, it’s still here, I thought, feeling the carving under my fingers.
I heard a voice from behind me.
“Can I help you?”
I knew that voice, maybe a bit deeper, but I knew that voice. I slowly began to turn.
“Tammy?”
“Corky? What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?”
“Tammy, I live here. I bought this place after your dad left. I couldn't bear the thought of someone else living here. It’s full of memories, our memories.”
As he spoke, he walked closer to me. He had not changed at all. Still the same baby face, same puppy dog eyes that used to look at me with so much love in them.
As he got close, we gazed at one another in silence and, like magic, time seemed to rewind. I fell into his arms. We embraced for a long time. He held me so tight, so close. The protection I always felt from him was still there. Tears of joy were streaming down my face. I couldn't believe Corky now owned my old house. All those beautiful memories.
He let go, but left his hands on my arms, and asked if I would like to see the inside of the house. I nodded and smiled. When I walked in, it seemed nothing had been changed, Everything was still the same as I remembered it. He had not changed anything.
“Go ahead Tammy, look around.”
I walked from room to room. Everything really was the same - except for my bedroom. That room had changed. Clearly, he had made it into his room. I walked over to the wall where my vanity use to be, where I would sit and comb my long hair. Corky now walked up behind me.
“Tammy, I still have all your furniture, all your stuffed animals, everything that was left behind in your room.”
He turned me around to look at him. “I couldn't bear the thought of all your things still being here without you being here. So I packed them all safely away.”
The look in his eyes was so tender and loving. Time was standing still, all those emotions of our childhood came rushing back.
I turned and walked into my parents’ room. Nothing had changed. The tears began to fall. I walked over to the bed they had shared so many years ago. Corky stood by the door, letting me have the time I needed.
“How Corky? How did you do it? How were you able to get the house and keep everything?”
“When I heard your dad was leaving I contacted the owners. They remembered me from being here with you. I explained to him I would love to buy the house and be able to keep it as it was. Mr Bracy agreed to sell it to me.”
Corky walked into the room and we sat on the bed. “Well, Mr Bracy told me all the old furnishings were still in the house and asked if I wanted him to remove them. I said to please leave it as it is.
”That following weekend, I bought the house and moved in the next month. I cleaned the place up, got things back in working order and set up the bird sanctuary. I remembered one of the things that we both loved so much around here was listening to the birds sing.”
He gave me a small smile and continued, “I’ve prayed that one day you would come back to see the old place and be surprised it was being taking care of and loved as your father and mother loved it.”
All I could do at that moment was cry, there was no words for what Corky had done. What an act of love.
I sniffed, wiped tears away with the back of a hand and asked, “But why Corky? Why did you do this?”
“Tammy, I never got over you. I loved you all those years back and I still love you. My love has never stopped nor wavered. I know you have a life now in the big city. But, for me, living in this house is like having part of you and your family, still in my life.”
“I don't know what to say Corky.”
“Don't say anything Tammy. You’ve told me you’re on vacation for a week, so please spend it here with me. We will talk and share what and where our lives have taken us. You can have my room - sorry, your room. I will stay downstairs. You will have privacy. Please Tammy, think about it.”
We walked to the kitchen and started to fix dinner. We didn't talk a lot. My mind was going a mile a minute. How could all this be happening? I cut up the salad and set the table. How different and yet familiar it all was. Instead of my momma putting dinner on the table, Corky was. We were together at the same old table.
We ate and chatted about all he had done to the house and the bird sanctuary. I suddenly became very tired. It had been a very emotional day and I needed to head back to my lodgings. I told Corky I would try to see him again. I was going to visit my father’s grave tomorrow.
“Please, don't go,” he pleaded. “Please stay. I have dreamed of this moment from the day I bought the place; you being back here.”
“I don't know, Corky,” I said. But I could never refuse those puppy dog eyes.
“I will get your things in the morning,” he persisted.
I wavered. “Well, I need something to sleep in.”
He took my hand and led me to my old bedroom. He walked to the dresser and pulled out one of his large T-shirts, and handed it to me. “That should do for tonight. I’ll be downstairs if you need me, Tammy.”
With that he walked out and closed the door. I was alone with all my memories of him, of the house and of the love we once shared.
I undressed and put on his T shirt. It smelled just like him. I crawled into his big bed. I lay there with my eyes wide open. I could not sleep. I tossed and turned for the longest time. Finally, sitting up, I let the memories of the day go through my head again. Corky still loves me; he has never married, nor have I. He has done all this in the hopes that I would come back one day. To have a life together.
I grabbed the other pillow on the bed and held it in my arms, smelling his aroma, remembering how much we loved each other. Losing my virginity in this very place. Not this bed. But this very room. I finally fell asleep thinking about how different and wonderful our lives might have been.
Waking to the smell of fresh coffee, and bacon cooking, I stretched and grabbed his robe and went to the kitchen.
“Good morning beautiful, sleep well?”
“I did, thank you.”
He poured us both a cup of coffee, putting them on the table.
“Corky, you know I’m going to my dad’s grave today… would you like to ride along?”
He grinned. “Yes Tammy, I was hoping you would ask me. I didn't know when he passed away or about the funeral. Had I known, I would’ve been there.”
“I know Corky, you loved my dad and he loved you. He always thought we would be married one day. But he also knew at the time when we asked him, we were way too young.”
“Yes,” said Corky, nodding.
“And then we ran away to Canada, thinking we could get married there. Instead, border patrol pulled us into the office and they called my parents.”
We laughed. “What memories we have, Tammy.”
After breakfast, we showered and dressed ready for a four-hour drive. Of course, Corky wanted to drive, you know how men are! We stopped to buy fresh flowers and then we talked all the way, never running out of things to say: the funny things we did as kids and other more serious topics. We discussed life and what we have done and I told him about my new promotion. A sad look came over his face when I told him. I guessed he was hoping I would stay.
“Corky, why the sad face? I thought you’d be happy for me.”
“I am Tammy, I am very happy for you. I guess, deep down, I was hoping you would stay here, in the house with me. Build a life with me.”
“Oh Corky, that’s a bit sudden after all these years. My life is in Va. Beach, Virginia, you know that. Not that I don't care about you; of course I do, I always will. But I don't think I could be happy here in the country. You know how much I hated not being able to go anywhere and how I enjoy city life.”
We finally pulled up at where my father was buried. We walked to his grave and talked some about dad, remembering the good times. We cleaned around the plot, making it known that he had family that loved him. We placed the flowers in a vase and Corky returned to the car, giving me a few minutes alone. I said my goodbyes, telling my dad I loved him and how much I missed him.
We were a little quieter on the way back, more reflective and thoughtful. But we stopped at the bed and breakfast and picked up my things. I agreed to spend the rest of my vacation with Corky in my old home. We had so much to talk about.
He told me about his mother passing away, related what some of our mutual friends had done and how one of them had died from an overdose of drugs. We talked for hours, every day. He told me about his dad dying and the large inheritance which made it possible for him to buy the house and land.
We kept everything on a friendly basis. At times, I wanted to be in his arms, for him to make love to me again. But it wouldn’t be fair to him, as I was still planning on leaving and going back to Virginia. I kept that in my mind. As strong as my feelings were for him, I knew I would not be happy in the country. And I did not want to give up my new job. Corky kept his word and gave me space and privacy.
I didn't go to Canada. We just hung around the house. I enjoyed walking in the woods where I use to walk; watching him taking care of the birds, listening to them sing. It was beautiful, crisp weather. A wonderful time.
~~~~~~~~
My vacation week was almost over and I began to think about heading home. How hard would it be to leave? Could our lives really be like this? Could I enjoy it all the time? So many thoughts but, for now, I knew I had to return to Virginia.
On the final night, I stood in the doorway to say “goodnight.” Looking at him, my tall beautiful man, I wondered if I really would I be able to leave him again tomorrow? Would I be able to say goodbye? I went up to my room, slowly closed the door and climbed into bed. I sighed.