Dear Diary,
I had a dream about him.
A most shocking and painful dream. In it, we were so close to one another. I was coming to visit him, to see him and the excitement I had felt in this dream matched the excitement I once felt before. The love, the laughter and all the happiness and hope he brought me all tangled into one blissful feeling as I dreamt of riding in a cab to reach him. Of course, in the end, I was unable to find him once I reached my destination. He had not presented me with his presence as promised and even after we had come so far. We were so close to the happy ending but everything between us came to a grinding halt because he did not want me and the panic of this truth is what jolted me back to reality.
I could not breathe when I awoke. I felt the dreadful pain in my chest and arms, piercing straight into my heart just as it did before. My tears could not be stopped from rolling down my cheeks as the realization hit me once again that I am unwanted by the man I love.
I know exactly what the dream means, for the message in it is abundantly clear.
There can be no more.
No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family.