The letter part 3
I checked my email everyday for three days and on the third day is when I got a response.
It was happy to see you sent me a response back. In such detail as well. What do you mean I wouldn't be able to find you? Are you doubting my ability to have found you? You found me didn't you? Alright then! Getting back on track here. What do you mean you joined the carnival? I didn't think you were that type of girl. How long were you with them? What do you mean you let yourself go? No need to explain why you didn't want to be in contact with your family from all you have told me. not surprising in the least. But to join the carnival?
Why wouldn't I remember your email address? we used it often, it was also your user name for yahoo messenger. so that helped with remembering. You act like I have alztimers and can't remember anything. *grin* I'm just joking, don't get upset now. I am very sarcastic, or did you forget? lol.
I often wondered myself what would have been if you wouldn't have ended things. It did indeed hurt when I read you were sure and that was it. But what was I suppose to do? As you said, you were 17. I couldn't just drive up to your parents place and claim you as mine, that would not have ended well. But the thought was there. I was mad for a while, but got over it. As to your comment of things happen for a reason. How do you figure? Do you think it was a good thing we broke things off? please enlighten me.
I should have known your mind couldn't stay away *grin* We did have alot of good times together. I do remember our walks on the beach, trips to the store, walks in the woods. Lots of action to choose from, hehe. But you still haven't quite been as specific as I had wanted. Explain what you think about and what types of scenes you make up. I'm curious to know. I know you did mention the age play with special clothes, which yes I was disappointed you never got to use them as well. They would have suited you well. That last night we were suppose to be together, it as unfortunate we never found each other. I had alot planned for us. But that doesn't matter now.
I never did ask you why you married into the vanilla lifestyle? Did you get sick of bdsm or just really not enjoy it that much anymore? Its a shame, you had alot of potential. You were young and trainable and were so willing. You had something about you no other has had, or at least none that I have seen. You were opinionated yes, and quite stubborn, but I was working on that. You were a natural and that is rare to find. Enough of that now. It was nice to hear from you. looking forward to your next email to me.
I click reply and try to answer his questions as best as I can.
To start off, I wasn't doubting your ability to find me. I was just saying I wasn't in one place for more than a week and didn't have a stable address. What is so wrong with being a carny anyways? I got to travel the United States and meet a lot of people. I was even in Mississippi for hurricane Katrina, that was amazing. I still have a picture of the night before she came in. I was traveling with them for a year, it was the most interesting year of my life to say the least. By letting myself go I meant, I lived. I didn't care what other people thought. I didn't care what I did and didn't fear anything. I went wild so to say. Not slutty if thats what your thinking!
I didn't say you couldn't remember anything. What I meant to say was I was happy you remembered my email address, not that I was surprised you did *grin* you believe me right?! lol. You sarcastic? nahh. Thats like saying a dog barks and has fur. lol, DUH! ahem, clears throat, moving on now.. You actually thought about driving to my parents place and getting me? I am so glad you didn't. I am not sure how well my dad would have taken that one! But that would have been wild if you did, in a way romantic if you think about it. I can only imagine.
Things happen for a reason, it doesn't mean I think its good that we never stayed together. But, if I would not have ended things and moved in I would not have my husband. I would not have my little boy, I would not trade him for the world. I can't really explain it any differently than that. I love my life, but at the same time wonder what would have been. Curiosity is good and bad, but without it life would be boring.
Specific eh? hmm, lets see.. I think about you having control over me, complete control, but what other way would it be. I think about the day you introduced breath control. I was not expecting it. I think about when you told me take you in my mouth as far as I could, but when I come up to get air you don't let me. That sends a swirl in my stomach thinking about that. I think about the first time we played in public, well it wasn't public but inside the car on a busy highway is public enough! lol. The thought of me showing all for others to see on your command was exhillerating.
As for the scenes I make up in my head, it is mainly scenes from when we played. I would mix up a few different scenes into one and let it fly. You can get the picture without me having to explain it to you. Hey, here is an idea. I have stories posted on Lush, look for the screen name of nillabymarriage and read them. It will give you all the info you need to know. They are about you ya know *blushes*
Why did I get married into the vanilla life? lets see. sometimes you can't help but fall in love. It doesn't have to always make sense. I fell in love with my husband, I tried to let go of the lifestyle and forget about it. No I didn't get sick of it. I am flattered you think I was a natural and that I had potential. I never knew you thought that way. It never really felt like "training" since you were so patient and went slow with me. I guess that is why it came out as natural. I'm sure its not that rare to find if you look in the right places.
It was nice to get your email, look forward to your next email as well.
I reread and make sure there are no mistakes and hit send. I once again wait for a reply back..
**Part 4, possibly the final chapter is to come soon! Thank you for reading so far, please let me know what you think.